SilverBlueAndGold Posted March 25, 2012 Posted March 25, 2012 We broke up about a week ago, it was our third breakup in over a year. It was not pretty and there was a lot of anger. Her last goodbye really stung me and I managed to avoid contact until I couldn't take it anymore and I broke the deal with a "Miss you so much" text. Yea bad move, especially considering there is no hope of us ever overcoming our obstacles. She did reply tho, we were both out drinking so it was mostly gibberish. I wanted to have a more friendly goodbye (at least that is what I told myself and her) and we talked in the morning, she agreed to come over. BIG MISTAKE It was awkward, painful, we both had resentment and anger. I don't know what I expected but it was not pleasant. She left and we both had tears in our eyes knowing it has to be this way. Then she texts me how she wishes I never would have contacted her again. In a way, I do too. This is so hard, I feel like I played with her heart and honestly did not mean to. I didn't mean to give her false hope but I fear that is what she had...now I am pissed at myself for not being more considerate and managed to hurt her all over again. Grrr...is my best bet to just go NC again? I thought about asking her if she would agree to it as well, like "I know its hard, I am sorry. Should we agree to not contact each other anymore?" I am half afraid that will anger her but am not sure how it will be taken...don't want to get into some big argument about all this and that could easily happen.
cflowers32 Posted March 25, 2012 Posted March 25, 2012 How about just NOT saying you're not going to call, but don't do it. Just come here, tell us that you are having a "craving" to call her or text her. Fight the urge!! It's why I'm here. I miss him, he says he loves me, misses me, but he needs his 42 year old self to "see what else is out there...", and being friends isn't going to work for me. So here I am, and I am NOT calling and I am NOT texting him. This site is going to save my @ss from doing the right thing. Good luck!!
Author SilverBlueAndGold Posted March 25, 2012 Author Posted March 25, 2012 How about just NOT saying you're not going to call, but don't do it. Just come here, tell us that you are having a "craving" to call her or text her. Fight the urge!! I know, but I wasn't sure if I should tell/ask her first otherwise she will hound me with "why are you ignoring me"
jennisfora Posted March 25, 2012 Posted March 25, 2012 if you ever get that text, why are you ignoring me, just tell her that you are not going to be contacting her so you can heal and that you would like it if she respected your wishes and to not contact you. then, don't answer. only say this if she asks why you are ignoring her. i never got a why are you ignoring me because i know that i am the one that cares more. he knows i need to heal. i'm sure it would be best for both of you and im sure she will know that.
Author SilverBlueAndGold Posted March 25, 2012 Author Posted March 25, 2012 if you ever get that text, why are you ignoring me, just tell her that you are not going to be contacting her so you can heal and that you would like it if she respected your wishes and to not contact you. then, don't answer. only say this if she asks why you are ignoring her. . Thank you, it helps having another perspective on this. This is so hard...when we talked I found myself wondering why we couldn't be together and realizing exactly why not in the same breath. We would go from crying to practically arguing in seconds. Just so stressful. We both struggle with "It hurts so much when we are apart so we MUST be meant to be together" but the evidence in how we have (not) gotten along has proved that to be just emotion. I wish I could have explained that to her in some way because I still feel she is angry with me for what appeared to be a last chance at another go 'round.
cflowers32 Posted March 25, 2012 Posted March 25, 2012 I know, but I wasn't sure if I should tell/ask her first otherwise she will hound me with "why are you ignoring me" Just tell her that you do hope you can be friends some day (I end up usually being friends with my X's, especially if for the most part we did really like each other, but it didn't work out), and you may. I know I will end up being friends with my X, he's a good person. Of course I still wish I had him, but for right now, I need to heal, I need to stay away. Just tell her that you can't do it, then turn your phone off. Hopefully she'll do what you're doing right now and find support for herself. Keep hanging in there, I know this is so hard for all of us. *hug*
M2155 Posted March 25, 2012 Posted March 25, 2012 What you feel is normal. It's hard to grasp cutting of all commumnication from someone you have such a range of feelings for right now. Delete her number from everything and don't contact her for a long long time. Think about how awkward it was last time. There is no need to explain right now, maybe 6 months down the line when feelings aren't so strong, it will be a more productive conversation. Right now, what would you get out of talking? It's broken, you need to heal as individuals. You both know that, that's all the explination needed. If she asks why you are ignoring her do as one of the above posters said, you need space to heal. You really do. It will be hard and painful because it is new for you. But you will come out ok on the otherside guaranteed.
Author SilverBlueAndGold Posted March 25, 2012 Author Posted March 25, 2012 Oh boy, things got really ugly. I didn't say anything like advised and then I got an email; it was all over the place, somehow managing to tell me how much she misses me and blames me for things at the same time. I considered not responding but i did anyway, tried to gently suggest we stop contacting each other. I had to, it was full of "what ifs" and "..." and I had to put a stop to it. Got a couple of all out tirades after that, including cursing my name and everything I stand for and how she is going to go back to promiscuity because I have proved to her she is good for nothing but sex. Yegads. Before I was hurt and missing her, now I am a little afraid. For both of us.
lalalandman Posted March 25, 2012 Posted March 25, 2012 (edited) Well considering this is your third breakup, there's no doubt in my mind that you 2 fools might get back together again. It just depends on the chemistry. But considering your mention of bitterness and resentment, then this might be THE breakup. And then my advice to you is, get it out of your system. If you really want to call, then go for it. Experience that rejection, and that pain. Eventually, it will just create more resentment, and reality will start to hit you. You will start to realize it's over. Do what feels right for you. Edited March 25, 2012 by lalalandman
M2155 Posted March 25, 2012 Posted March 25, 2012 That's not so surprising. You are what she knows. She doesn't sound (just from that little bit, I could be waaayyy off) too confident about herself/her decisions right now if she is trying to put it all on you. It takes two to tango and she is probably struggling with this just as much as you are. But to threaten promiscuity, as if it's your responsiblity, is guilt-tripping. She is hurting. You are hurting. Neither of you will get better just hurting together. She is emotional right now, not logical, try to leave it be. 1
jennisfora Posted March 25, 2012 Posted March 25, 2012 definitely NC all the way. She isn't rational, still has feelings which is showing as anger, but in no position to be with anyone. I wouldn't take anything she said seriously. I would definitely let her cool her jets. don't contact. would be more drama. some people are addicted to drama. she might be one of those. if she is, i hate to say it, but you may be better off walking away from it. *hugs*
Author SilverBlueAndGold Posted March 26, 2012 Author Posted March 26, 2012 definitely NC all the way. She isn't rational, still has feelings which is showing as anger, but in no position to be with anyone. I wouldn't take anything she said seriously. I would definitely let her cool her jets. don't contact. would be more drama. some people are addicted to drama. she might be one of those. if she is, i hate to say it, but you may be better off walking away from it. *hugs* You are probably right, it's not like her to be THIS hostile and upset. It would be so much easier if i just didn't care about her.
Author SilverBlueAndGold Posted March 26, 2012 Author Posted March 26, 2012 This is really bothering me, I thought our talk might have helped us both to put the past behind us but not only did that not happen she seems to wish I was dead now. I keep trying to think of a way to apologize for upsetting her but it's probably better to just leave her alone now? Grrr....seems the harder I try to fix things the worse it gets. Story of our relationship, actually.
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