vtgirl Posted March 25, 2012 Posted March 25, 2012 I've gone on about 10+ dates with this guy that I really like. We've spent the weekend together, etc. He seems pretty interested. About 6 months ago, he got out of a 10 yr relationship. He says hes never going back with her, but there are some things they are taking care of (car in his name that she drives, money, etc). We seem to have a connection, and he says he really likes me. This AM in bed, I asked him if he thinks I'm someone he would want to have a relationship with. He said I ask the wrong questions at the wrong time. He didn't say it in a bad way, or mean way. I don't want to keep going on dates with him, etc if he doesn't want a relationship. I'm not sure what to do right now..He doesn't like to be pestered with questions.
FitChick Posted March 25, 2012 Posted March 25, 2012 Someone coming out of a long marriage or relationship isn't ready to commit to anyone for at least a year or two.
Author vtgirl Posted March 25, 2012 Author Posted March 25, 2012 So stop talking to him completely or give him a reason?
hotloader Posted March 25, 2012 Posted March 25, 2012 Every single comment you make is off the mark. Nah man. As much of a feminist box as I think "FitChick" (what a self-indulgent screen name, huh?) is, I've gotta agree with her sociopathic ass on this one. I just got out of a 2-year relationship, and there's no way in hell I'm ready to even start thinking about dating anyone. $hit, I've just recently been getting boners again and it's been several months. I was one depressed, miserable dude there for a while. I'm starting to come out of it now, but a girlfriend? No thanks. I don't need that in my life right now. Throwing yourself into another relationship is the last thing that anyone should do after a breakup. Especially a guy, because they take them harder since men have souls and women don't.
Author vtgirl Posted March 25, 2012 Author Posted March 25, 2012 Anyone else besides Fit Girl have any advice on this situation? Should I leave and stop hanging out with him?
Sivok Posted March 25, 2012 Posted March 25, 2012 you're going to have to have a hard convo with him. Make it clear what you want. If he doesn't take you seriously, leave him.
just-me12 Posted March 26, 2012 Posted March 26, 2012 IMO...it would depend how old you are and what you want exactly. For me I am in a similar situation I am dating a guy have been for 2 months or so, and it has been rough at times, not knowing where I stand, but I enjoy whatever it is. I am scared to ask him the questions of what am I to you so I keep quite as I am afraid it will scare him off. With you, you have taken that step and he has obviously avoided disappointing you it seems. My brother I know after a 5 year relationship went into a relationship about 8 months after, though you may run now and find out he really is just afraid to make mistakes again. I would say give it another two-three weeks, and ask again, but maybe when going for a walk somewhere or something, not in bed. If he avoids it again and you want a relationship then leave. If you are young/early 20's I would say just go with the flow but if you are looking for more marriage material then maybe dig more into the serious side of things.
Million.to.1 Posted March 26, 2012 Posted March 26, 2012 I think you got the answer you need from his "you ask the wrong questions at the wrong time" comment. If you want a relationship then you best stop "dating him". I think he needs time alone after such a big relationship. If you like him, maybe keep a friendship connection... Maybe down the road things might change again... ... but for now, get out before you get too attached.
Ninjainpajamas Posted March 26, 2012 Posted March 26, 2012 What kind of an emotional state do you think a guy is in 6 months out of a 10 year relationship? Think about it for a second...where do you think his feelings and attachments are? some girl he just met or someone he's been with 10 years of life together with? It's going to take him a long time to get himself together to invest in emotionally, once you heard about his past (which you should always ask)you should already expected that this would not go farther than being his affection buddy who gives him something that he's used to and missing from the past, and Is nice to have sex with. Nothing you do or say is going to impact him enough to shed 10 years of emotions and time, you're not going to just come in and knock her out of the way and be the new pinnacle of his emotions...it doesn't work that way and the more you think it through the more you'll realize it because even IF this guy was willing to foolishly jump into a relationship with you he'd still be having a relationship with his ex more than he was with you, he hasn't even had time to deprogram himself...you're just a nice filler for his lonely and needy times, for human, opposite sex contact. Also the "I'm never going back to her", I suspect that If he said it with any anger he's still not over her...I mean it's obvious regardless of that because it's only been six months and he's even tied to her through cars, and money, etc.. Not sure why you'd want to be apart of this, but you definitely won't be the first or last...just don't be too surprised when he drops the bomb on you after stringing you along and just "having a good time"...you'll probably figure you're not in a hurry anyway for him to commit so you'll want to stick around thinking that he'll get over her then onto you like It's his emotions are like a title to a car...just sign them on over! but really you'd be a fool to believe that because in the end you're just a transition girl, that's why he's dating you...not because he wants something serious all over again. No matter what he says I wouldn't be convinced because emotionally he can't even trust himself. 1
jerbear Posted March 26, 2012 Posted March 26, 2012 I have to add to Ninjainpajamas. I went on a few dates with someone who got out of a 2 year relationship, he dumped her, and before that a 9 year relationship, he dumped her. Nine years is a long time for someone to get over someone overnight and sometimes never. What do you expect for someone who got out of a 10 year relationship. They have not adjusted themselves to being single and dating.
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