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Karma? Does anyone have any good stories about ex's who got what the deserve?

rawr2

By rawr2
in Breaks and Breaking Up

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marqueemoon4 Established Member

marqueemoon4

Posted
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I haven't seen any ex of mine get any type of karma for stepping all over my heart and feelings. If anything, usually things work out great for them.

 

I don't know if karma exists, but I got selfish and arrogant in my marriage and took my ex wife for granted. Now she is happy with a daughter on the way, lives in a better house, is engaged, and claims to be happy. I'm getting destroyed by life.

  • 3 weeks later...
lady_jadie Member

lady_jadie

Posted
Posted

Not sure if this is karma, or just the way life is...

 

I was with a guy for 3 years. started out great, and we always got on really well... we both smoked a lot of weed and by the third year never went out, still had a social life, lots of friends who came over and smoked with us (not just weed friends, just that was part of all our lives). I got to age 23 and started to itch... we never had good sex anymore (just lazy, whatever, too stoned etc) and he started being really distant and uncaring. I got pregnant (accident) and when i told him, the first thing he said was "at least we know we can get rid of it". I knew I wasn't ready for a baby but the bluntness hurt, as well as the fact that my body dealt with the pregnancy really badly and I ended up in hospital three times on a drip before I had a termination. he visited me once. and when I was at home so sick I couldn't eat, I'd be in bed in the next room, vomiting up bile and in so much pain, and he'd be in the lounge smoking weed and playing videogames and not even check up on me. the relationship chugged on for another 8 months, in which i started partying a lot more and ended up meeting a guy who literally chased me, gave me so much attention, made me feel so good, so i left my ex for this guy, totally breaking his (andmine) heart in the process. I moved in with the newguy almost immediately. However my head was still a mess, and after a year of total honeymoon bliss my demons started showing their ugly faces. I got jealous and insecure and basically obliterated this relationship to the point where we both broke our hearts and had to end it. In the space of this two years my first ex, knocked for six by our break up, stopped smoking pot, lost 3stone, got a better job, and when he heard how bad i was doing in the final months of the second relationship, got back in touch with me because people had noticed i looked so ill, had cut my throat, lost so much weight they thought I was on heroin. anyway the second relationship ended, I asked the first BF if he wanted to go to a festival with me (had loads of music we'd both loved) and he's been my best friend ever since.

 

The karma part? The first guy, if he'd been how he is now, would have been a wonderful guy that I would have spent the rest of my life with. But, he wouldn't have gotten that way if I hadn't left him for the second guy. The second guy? ended up making me miserable, because he got depressed about his job and money etc and ended up sitting in, smoking pot all the time and playing videogames. Yet, I'm still totally hung up and in love with him, and it's all so typical and crap. My exex is now my best friend but still in love with me and would be so much better for me, but I JUST CAN'T FEEL THAT WAY ABOUT HIM ANY MORE!!! i so wish i could. and the second ex, I just don't know how he feels about me, but he's not exactly breaking my door down to get me back, and I obsess about him day in day out.

 

It's awful because I cry to my best friend about it, knowing he knows exactly how it feels because I did it to him, and it kills him to not only see me so upset over this guy, but because he wishes it was him I loved.

 

Karma? or life's a b*tch?!

 

:( who knows

TaraMaiden Established Member

TaraMaiden

Posted
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I do.

Life's a b*tch.

 

Karma isn't consequence.

Karma is action.

 

Karma is everything you voluntarily do.

karma brings about a result.

 

 

so really, what you need to do is to observe what is going on around you - and consider what your action to that, is going to be.

geegirl Established Member

geegirl

Posted
Posted (edited)

No karma for my ex. I don't wish ill on him either. He's successful in everything he does and accomplished. Saw him Xmas with his new girlfriend, seemed happy when we talked. Saw him last week with his other girlfriend and we spoke and he's happy. It took me a year and some to find a good guy but he seems to be able to find these quality women so easily. Met both and while I felt bad for them as he's a cheater, it was not my place. He met the guy I'm seeing now and wished me well. All in all, things will always work itself out, karma or not.

Edited by geegirl
TaraMaiden Established Member

TaraMaiden

Posted
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People aren't listening....

 

what do you mean by "No karma for my ex."

no come-uppance?

No revenge?

No retribution?

 

Not surprised, because that's not what karma is - or does.

I just can't get over the fact that people can't get their heads round this...

 

what results - isn't Karma.

Karma is what happens to instigate an event, it's not the resultant outcome....

geegirl Established Member

geegirl

Posted
Posted

Then I plead ignorance and will need to redefine my views on what karma actually means based on your explanation, a few posts above.

TaraMaiden Established Member

TaraMaiden

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See. I don't mind people complaining that the damnable ex, who hurt them seems to be living a wonderful life, when this damnable ex caused them so much pain...and bemoaning the fact that even though the ex treated them cruelly, they've not seemed to suffer any ill-effects....

(I'm not referring to your ex- obviously....)

but to call retribution 'Karma' - is just not right.

 

Karma is an extremely complex process... it's not "what goes around, comes around".. it just doesn't work like that.

And I'm sure people find it nauseating when i kind of get a little uppity about it, and correct their misconception, but I'm merely trying to point out that they're making a gross error...

 

It's just part of what i practice, and have learnt and appreciated and come to understand, through the calling I've chosen, so it's just a little off-putting when people splat the word around without any true understanding of what it really, actually means.

 

I'm sorry...

I'll quit now.....:o

 

:)

anne1707 Established Member

anne1707

Posted
Posted

I'm sorry...

I'll quit now.....:o

 

:)

 

Whoa, did I just see a pig flying past ???? :rolleyes::D;)

 

As if you could stop Tara :love:

TaraMaiden Established Member

TaraMaiden

Posted
Posted

Cheeky mare....!!

 

 

....She said.......with love.......! :p

seibert253 Established Member

seibert253

Posted
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Met my HS sweetheart when I was 16. Dated, fell in love.

During my senior year, she ended up making out in the backseat of my bud's car with another dude. My bud awared me of this.

Broke my heart. She begged for another chance, after a couple days I couldn't take it any longer and gave in.

 

Went into the army and wasn't gone 1 month before she "needed to broaden" herself. Heart broke again, went NC.

 

Home on leave about 6 months later. Came home one night after partying, she was sitting in my driveway waiting for me. So sorry, totally messed up, will love me till the day she dies, blah, blah, blah. Fall hook, line, and sinker.

Go back to the army, do the long distance thing for about a year.

Buy her a ring and get engaged.

 

Get a call from my bro one day telling my my fiance' was hanging/seeing a dude from our church.

Done.

Bro goes to her house, tricks her into giving him the ring, bro beats feet. Gives the ring to my mom for safekeeping.

 

Stone cold NC. As far as I'm concerned, she was abducted by space aliens.

 

Anyway, later learn she got pregnated by a black dude, her dad was a stone cold racist. Disowned by pop.

She's been poped twice for credit card fraud and theft, can you say convicted felon. She married another loser who was an alcoholic and couldn't hold a job. Divorced, and she now lives with her mother.

 

Me; got out of the army, graduated from college, have a wonderful career that I love and provides well, married a great gal who's stumbled along the way, but got up, brushed herself off and drives on, and have a great son who's a repeat offender on his school's principal's list.

 

For me, life is good.

For her, oh well.

 

Peace,

  • Like 2
Tayla Established Member

Tayla

Posted
Posted

ohh dear, reckon I come from the scientific stance that for every action, there is an equal and opposite reaction, otherwise an energy force that "balances" out the universe. If that is justice served, or things brought into balance then so be it. So when in life an "injustice " has been served by one, another will eventually feel the justice served.

 

I get that "karma" is the process (energy force)/method. And that method can facilitate some negative results.....

  • Like 1
TaraMaiden Established Member

TaraMaiden

Posted
Posted

Karma isn't scientific.

Too many unseen, unknown parameters.

Science functions on turning theory into fact, but requires exposure of all factors possible, to turn theory into fact.

 

Karma isn't an 'energetic force'.

Karma is a process.

 

Newton's Third Law of Physics doesn't apply because the reaction isn't opposite. Or otherwise.

leoc1973 Established Member

leoc1973

Posted
Posted

Here is a question for the resident Buddhist.. Is Karma a rule/law. I guess what I am asking is does it cover everyone? Or does it pick and choose? Cause I know some pretty crappy people who have done pretty much every bad thing you can do to someone live extremely rewarding lives. Even on the one guy who I particularly have in mind on his death bed he was surrounded by his loving family and he went "peacefully".

 

This guy murdered a guy married his wife and has raped stolen has children everywhere by many women ect ect... Seems like Karma missed him. Just curious not looking for any kind of religious debate.

TaraMaiden Established Member

TaraMaiden

Posted
Posted (edited)

I was considering whether to PM you to not take the topic off-track, but actually, i don't think it would.

 

Kamma is not a purely and uniquely buddhist concept. it exists in Hinduism too, but Hindus look upon it as a fixed "Law" because of their stance on free will.

Karma is the law of moral causation. The theory of Karma is a fundamental doctrine in Buddhism. This belief was prevalent in India before the advent of the Buddha. Nevertheless, it was the Buddha who explained and formulated this doctrine in the complete form in which we have it today.

 

Karma is the result of our own past actions and our own present doings. We ourselves are responsible for our own happiness and misery. We create our own Heaven. We create our own Hell.

 

The big mistake you are making - and one many people make, is to believe that Karma is a form of value judgement, an appraisal, a payback or reward/retribution system. Tit-for-tat.

 

it's not.

Karma - just - IS.

 

The term Karma literally means action or doing. Any kind of intentional action whether mental, verbal, or physical, is regarded as Karma. It covers all that is included in the phrase "thought, word and deed". Generally speaking, all good and bad action constitutes Karma. In its ultimate sense Karma means all moral and immoral volition. Involuntary, unintentional or unconscious actions, though technically deeds, do not constitute Karma, because volition, the most important factor in determining Karma, is absent.

 

Karma does not necessarily mean past actions. It embraces both past and present deeds. Hence in one sense, we are the result of what we were; we will be the result of what we are. In another sense, it should be added, we are not totally the result of what we were; we will not absolutely be the result of what we are. The present is no doubt the offspring of the past and is the present of the future, but the present is not always a true index of either the past or the future; so complex is the working of Karma.

 

A Buddhist who is fully convinced of the law of Karma does not pray to another to be saved but confidently relies on him or herself for his or her own emancipation. Instead of resorting to self-surrender, or calling on any supernatural agency, they rely on their own will power, and work incessantly for the well-being and happiness of all. This belief in Karma validates their effort and kindles their enthusiasm, because it teaches individual responsibility.

 

The best way I've found to explain karma is that it is not a possession or something "you" have, but a vector or direction that the motion or activity that is called your "self" is on. If you are a boat, then karma is the heading. Your actions set the sail and move it along, and karma is the direction you're going. Your karma or direction might be taking you to dangerous waters, or deep clear ones. To change your karma, just change your actions. Seen this way, karma is not something you carry or wear or even "have". There is no accumulated karma, only a current direction. Past actions got you to where you are now, and past karma is just the route you took getting here. What matters is where you sail from here.

 

On a final note - because trust me - i could have gone on for pages - the Buddha recommended that we don't waste time trying to work out the precise, intricate details of Karma.

He called it "An Unconjecturable" and together with three other factors, he advised us that trying to figure it out, would " bring madness & vexation to anyone who conjectured about them."

 

for further interest, here are the four, for your perusal.

Edited by TaraMaiden
Reddice Established Member

Reddice

Posted
Posted
I haven't seen any ex of mine get any type of karma for stepping all over my heart and feelings. If anything, usually things work out great for them.

 

I don't know if karma exists, but I got selfish and arrogant in my marriage and took my ex wife for granted. Now she is happy with a daughter on the way, lives in a better house, is engaged, and claims to be happy. I'm getting destroyed by life.

 

Apart from the marriage and child thing, the rest of your description fits perfectly with my own situation. I too am getting destroyed by life. I might have taken my ex for granted to some extend, but I loved her with all my heart. I loved her unconditionally. In fact, I would have literally given my life for her if I had to. Just a few months ago, she dumped me for some other guy. I am still having a hard time picking up the pieces and I feel like I'm not moving in any particular direction. My ex, on the other hand, seems to be fine without me and I feel like she traded up. Sometimes I think that either God is messing up my life for some reason or that negative karma is just attracted to me.

TaraMaiden Established Member

TaraMaiden

Posted
Posted

No, you are creating negative karma...

Read my post above.

you guys have it in your head that karma is a separate force working in good or bad way.

 

you have to get out of this mindset, otherwise nothing changes....

Reddice Established Member

Reddice

Posted
Posted
No, you are creating negative karma...

Read my post above.

you guys have it in your head that karma is a separate force working in good or bad way.

 

you have to get out of this mindset, otherwise nothing changes....

 

So it's in a sense like the bible verse? Which states: "for whatever a man sows, that he will also reap". It does make me wonder though... Some people hardly invest in their relationship and end up living together till their deaths. I invested a lot in my relationship (though I started taking things for granted at a certain point). I bought her presents, took her to places and never ever did I treat her badly. I never insulted her, hit her or did anything to disrespect her. And I still haven't, even though she cheated on me and left for someone else. I loved her more than anything in the world. I have definately lost a part of myself. If karma exists, how come I got the worst possible outcome? What was it that screwed things up?Should I have invested more? If so, than how come some people don't have to invest that much? Why do some things go wrong despite your best efforts, while other people seem to live with no worries in life at all?

TaraMaiden Established Member

TaraMaiden

Posted
Posted
So it's in a sense like the bible verse? Which states: "for whatever a man sows, that he will also reap".

not exactly, no....

 

I have definately lost a part of myself. If karma exists, how come I got the worst possible outcome? What was it that screwed things up?Should I have invested more? If so, than how come some people don't have to invest that much? Why do some things go wrong despite your best efforts, while other people seem to live with no worries in life at all?

OK.

This is going to sound patronising, but please do not think that is my intention.

I too once was new to Buddhism, and needed the kind of explanations a 5-year old would be able to understand...

 

Karma exists.

Karma exists for everybody, regardless.

karma exists, for everybody, regardless, because karma means 'action'.

We all act.

And generally, the reason we 'act' is in response to a stimulus.

 

HOW we view that stimulus - how we appraise it, digest it, process it perceive it and accept it - can be the determining factor in how we 're-'act.

 

the stimulus, to a certain extent, is just a catalyst.

It's a catalyst for how we have learned the lesson... it precipitates a reaction from us - but depending on how much "Wisdom" we have absorbed, our reaction will be either be Skilful and Mindful, or Mind-less and UN-skilful.

 

to quote the buddha, almost verbatim:

 

1. Mind precedes all mental states. Mind is their chief; they are all mind-wrought. If with an impure mind a person speaks or acts suffering follows him like the wheel that follows the foot of the ox.

 

2. Mind precedes all mental states. Mind is their chief; they are all mind-wrought. If with a pure mind a person speaks or acts happiness follows him like his never-departing shadow.

 

from here.

Really, well worth reading....

 

It all begins in our mental state, with what we tell ourselves.

The perceptions we have, and the decisions we make, mentally have an impact on what we then further think, say and do.

 

A man may well sow, but he need not necessarily reap, immediately or even in his current lifetime. (If you ascribe to re-birth, which personally, i do).

even so, the results can be overt, or subtle.

 

If you feel you have lost part of yourself - don't worry.

Maybe the part of yourself you lost was worth losing due to vulnerability or unskillful actions... in any case, you can either retrieve it, or manufacture it again.

We never 'lose' any part of ourselves, you see.

It just becomes buried in so much mental anguish, in the machinations of over-thinking, of introspection and in - frankly - the sense of feeling sorry for ourselves. we modify it, suppress it, change it, and lose sight of it... but it's always there, just waiting to re-emerge in its new manifestation...

 

The question is often asked - "Why me?"

Comes the by now pat answer...."Why not?"

 

so you see, it's not the events, that count.

It's our response ans subsequent reaction - that counts.

 

And therein lies your choice.

  • Like 1
BewitchedandBothered Established Member

BewitchedandBothered

Posted
Posted

I personally feel that a person who intentionally hurts another and gets off on it should have a comeuppance, not be rewarded with wonderful times with someone new and getting to walk on unscathed, while people he hurt are left to heal.

TaraMaiden Established Member

TaraMaiden

Posted
Posted

Oh, me too.

but "Karma" isn't going to do it.

 

remember what they say:

The best revenge is to live well.

 

This actually gets to dumpers a lot more than people would imagine.....

  • Like 2
HollyBolly Established Member

HollyBolly

Posted
Posted
Oh, me too.

but "Karma" isn't going to do it.

 

remember what they say:

The best revenge is to live well.

 

This actually gets to dumpers a lot more than people would imagine.....

 

This is why, whenever I think she can see me, I have a ****-eating grin on my face, whether I feel like it or not. Makes others think I'm deranged but it serves my purpose. :D

leoc1973 Established Member

leoc1973

Posted
Posted

Tara, Thank you for taking the time to explain that to me. I am very non religious in any way. I have to see something to believe it. I guess I am probably the most skeptical person I know about pretty much everything.

 

However, I do really enjoy learning about others religions. I guess I just am very interested in everything I don't understand. So what I am getting out of it is most people put the word Karma on something that is simply not Karma. I guess the concept of what comes around goes around is something most of us threw the word Karma on to wrap it in a nice little package.

 

Oh by the way I did have to read your post about 5 times to get the Gist of what you were talking about. Thanks again!!

TaraMaiden Established Member

TaraMaiden

Posted
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Tara, Thank you for taking the time to explain that to me. I am very non religious in any way. I have to see something to believe it. I guess I am probably the most skeptical person I know about pretty much everything.

I know what you mean.

I guess that's why I "Switched boats mid-stream" and went from R.Catholicism to Buddhism.

Because Buddhism actually encourages questioning, scrutiny and examination.

The Buddha himself told us to take nothing at face value, even his teachings, but to test everything for its veracity and workability, ourselves. Bar the 4 Unconjecturables, that is...;)

 

.... So what I am getting out of it is most people put the word Karma on something that is simply not Karma. I guess the concept of what comes around goes around is something most of us threw the word Karma on to wrap it in a nice little package.

That's precisely it. I hate to keep banging on about it, but you can see now why it doesn't fit...

 

Oh by the way I did have to read your post about 5 times to get the Gist of what you were talking about. Thanks again!!

Only 5 times?

Damn, I knew I'd over-simplified!!

 

It's a tricky one, huh?

Thank you for asking, and persevering!

HollyBolly Established Member

HollyBolly

Posted
Posted

Breath...And it will be okay.

 

It actually works.

 

Make sure you are breathing from your belly. FEEL it. It works. :)

  • Like 1
TaraMaiden Established Member

TaraMaiden

Posted
Posted

You can live without food for 14 days or so.

You can live without water for 4 days or so.

You can live without air for between 4 - 6 minutes or so.

 

So breathing - by a mile - is the most important thing we can do.

 

When your stress levels rise, your breathing becomes shallow.

This is because your body goes into Freeze/flight/fight mode, and your organs begin to shut down in order to conserve energy and to send it where you need it most.

Your muscles tense (in preparation for flight or fight) and your breathing focuses on the upper part of the lungs to bring oxygen to the heart, in order to accelerate the beat and generate a faster circulation**.

 

When we panic in this way, or are in shock, we are told to relax, breathe, calm down...

And in fact, deep abdominal breathing does definitely release tension, and enable the body to descend to a level of non-panic, as if the stimulus prompting the freeze/flight/fight impulse, has passed.... so deep breathing is not only mentally beneficial, it also relaxes the body and brings it "back to its centre".

 

The Chinese believe that every human being is born with a pre-determined number of breaths. That number of breaths cannot be changed, and when you have exhausted that number of breaths, you die.

 

But they have a way of prolonging life.

 

They b-r-e-a-t-h-e m o r e s-l-o-w-l-y.......

 

That way, even though the number of breaths is not changed, you breathe for a longer period of time, and enjoy a longer life!

 

 

 

 

**(in some [thankfully rare!] extreme cases of fear, your bladder and large intestines release their contents to shed weight and make running faster, because you're lighter. This is true. That's why when we get scared we pee/poo our pants....But I digress.... :D)

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