surfgurl Posted June 13, 2004 Posted June 13, 2004 ANY HELP WOULD BE GREATLY APPRECIATED!!! It's been almost (7) months since I spoke with my ex. Our breakup wasn't formal in that it wasn't verbalised that we didn't want to date eachother but rather, due to my attempt to get back some money that I loaned him. We had been dating one another for roughly (5) months before he got into a financial peril and asked (as a last resort) if he could borrow almost a grand from me to help him get into a new living arrangement. Although I was quite surprised to have been asked, and although I didn't have the money, I loaned it to him. His promise to pay me back within a week and a half when he got paid again was sincere and heartfelt. This guy was seemingly embarrassed to have to ask me for the money. A week and a half went by and he told me that he was sorry but he didn't have the money but he was working on it. Our relationship seemed to flourish as we finally expressed our love to one another. Everything was making sense in my life. I was so excited when we would talk about getting married and I looked forward to our lives together. It just felt right. Everything that I had been told about knowing when you meet Mr. Right was correct in that it felt complete and I knew he was "the one." Prior to me dating this Mr. Right I had dated other guys one of whom was still my friend. Mr. Right was concerned that the guy who I had previously dated and I were going to get back together even though I assured him that it wasn't so. So when I had a formal event coming up in which I invited everyone I knew (including the guy friend) Mr. Right said that there was no way he was going to attend. I didn't understand the seriousness in his anger and so I brushed it off with an "oh well." The "oh well" approach may have been misinterpreted for me not caring about Mr. Right. I assume that he interpreted it this way and subsequently he started calling me less and less (this is over a period of 2 weeks). I became worried because he hadn't been calling me and he had yet to pay me back. So I put in a call and mentioned it over his voicemail explaing that I need to get my money back, why weren't "you" calling anymore, etc. I tried to be friendly but I felt like something was terribly wrong. Needless to say he never returned my calls so I ended up taking my guy friend over to Mr. Right's house in an attempt to get the money back and confront him as to why he wasn't talk to me anymore. Mr. Right went ballistic. He couldn't believe the events that were transpiring. Everyone got into a shouting match and I ended up leaving the premises with my friend, crying and with no repayment. The subsequent phone calls that night by Mr. Right were not to me but to my brother in which Mr. Right told my brother to send me the message that he never ever wanted to hear from me again. You should know as a sidenote that this guy has serious issues with trust when it comes to girls on account of things that happened in his past. So seven months has passed and we've done the 'No Contact' thing. I've tried to go on with my life, and I have albiet the fact that I am deeply saddened to not have him in my life. I've dated other people, I have a new job, I have a new hairstyle/colour, I've rummaged through all of my things and trahsed 98% of it - - in short, I have tried to change but the constant is the overwhelming love I still have for him. A few nights ago a young friend of mine and I were talking about this and he (the friend) ended up calling up Mr. Right. He got Mr. Right's phone number from my cell phone. Mr. Right answered the phone (the friend alleges) and he ended up telling mr. Right that I was still in love with him and obsessed with him. I was mortified when I heard this because it couldn't be farther from the truth (the obsession thing) and I feel like it destroyed my credibility and potentiality for another chance. I want to call Mr. Right and apologize for the phone call made by my young, very immature friend, but I can't. I don't know what to do. My head fears his wrath but my heart tells me he is the one. seven months of no contact makes one hopeful but more importantly, fearful of what the other person thinks. I've regretted my attempt to get the money back and really its not about the money. what do you reccomend?
firehazardguy Posted June 13, 2004 Posted June 13, 2004 I am not sure how good of advice this is going to be, but all that I can give you is what I feel in my heart and what I think. First, I want to say that I am truly sorry that you are going through this rough time. If you ever need anyone to talk to I can be here for you. Just post here and perhaps later on we can email each other -- sort of like a support group deal? I could use support-- words of wisdom etc. myself -- (please see my post in this message board -- same catagory). I used to be a person who just sat back and excepted things that happened in my life. If something angered me or hurt me, I just went "eh no big deal I can get over things." I felt that I was being the better person by just moving on and not fighting for what I truly believed in. I can understand that "the one" feelings because I am at that point now. I know that the person who is breaking up with me now is "the one". But this post is not about me, it's about you. So I won't got into anymore details. My advice for you is to follow your heart. If you still have his number and you have no doubt in your mind that he is the one then go for it. If you sit back, worrying about this or that (though they are good things to worry about), you're not being true to yourself. There is nothing more important than being true to yourself, your feelings! Talk with him -- let him know your feelings. You may end up getting hurt and I am sorry for that if that happens, but you'll hurt more by not talking with him and just wondering and worrying everyday. I hope that my advice has helped you and I wish you the best of luck with everything!
sid3 Posted June 14, 2004 Posted June 14, 2004 i am in the same position, only 5 months. I wouldn't call. I just broke the N/C and I regret it. I am starting over at day one. If he knows you love him, wait for him to call you. My mistake and disappointment won't have been in vain if it keeps someone else from getting hurt as well. I believe one knows in there heart when they have found the one they truly love, I share your pain. Hope things turn out well for you.
Author surfgurl Posted June 14, 2004 Author Posted June 14, 2004 My heart tells me that I love him and I know that he loves me. This guy has so much built up anger towards people abandoning him that I feel like he thinks I did the same. Did I? After reading the above story, do you think it was me who abandoned the relationship? After all, he was the one who called my brother and said he never wanted to hear from me again. My fear is that if I follow my heart and call him, he won't give me the time of day because he probably is so shut up emotionally that he won't want to listen. He truly opened his heart to me (as I did him) but the events surrounding our breakup probably made him extremely regretful for doing such. I WANT TO CALL HIM. I've looked through my journal that I write in every night and I realized this guy is a recurring subject in almost every entry. I really honestly love this guy. I really need someone's confidence to tell me that I can do it.
Lonelystar Posted June 14, 2004 Posted June 14, 2004 Sorry about you having to go through this. I think you should call you ex and say sorry for the phone call. Don't let him think that you are obessing over him. If he doesn't want to talk to you still ignore him as well. You can't make someone...trust me...i tried . Second of all did you ever get your money back from this guy? Personally I think you should call him to ask about it...even though you aren't together you still deserve the cash you lent him.
Recommended Posts