sarang_hae_yo Posted March 25, 2012 Posted March 25, 2012 (edited) There's this friend I'm taking to my high school Senior prom. I knew her since Sophomore year, but apparently I had a class with her Freshman year. This past month we've been talking a lot via texting and a bit more in classes ever since I asked her to prom in a somewhat special way. We'd have like the deepest conversations I'd only tell my closest friends. She calls me "bestfriend" and we have both confessed to each other that we liked each other a couple of weeks ago. A few days ago she seemed to act a bit differently around me, like she didn't want to talk to me, and she didn't reply to my few texts. She finally initiated the text and I brought up and asked why she was acting different and such. She tells me she has family problems and stuff and that she's been shutting out basically everyone from her life (this is obviously a lie, because she acts normal around everyone else). She also told me that she feels like she "leads" me on when she jokes about us being together and stuff. She said she stopped texting me because she feels that we shouldn't be close with each other if we're just gonna be friends, and that she feels the best solution is to avoid me so she doesn't start something. I ask her what is it that she truly wants, and does she want to be more than friends. She says she doesn't know what she wants anymore and that I'm a good person but she just doesn't see us together. I ask her why and she just tells me it's complicated stuff that she cannot explain and it ends like that. But we're going to have to confront each other sooner or later because we're dates for prom. What should I do? And what could this possibly mean? Edited March 25, 2012 by sarang_hae_yo
mixwell Posted March 25, 2012 Posted March 25, 2012 She said she stopped texting me because she feels that we shouldn't be close with each other if we're just gonna be friends, and that she feels the best solution is to avoid me so she doesn't start something. I ask her what is it that she truly wants, and does she want to be more than friends. She says she doesn't know what she wants anymore and that I'm a good person but she just doesn't see us together. So she's basically contradicting herself.. It sound's like in plain English she is saying "I want you to think I am interested in you but I don't want a relationship until I am sure there is no other guys interested in me" She sounds like she is basically keeping you hanging on as a backup plan to be honest. She doesn't want to talk if you're just going to be friends but she doesn't "see you two together" yah that makes perfect sense to me. She sounds very immature and unsure of what she wants and if you like her I think that's messed up how she is sending you mixed signals. You should straight out ask her if she wants to keep your relationship as friends or persue something more and if she cannot give you a straight answer don't even waste your time with her.
mixwell Posted March 25, 2012 Posted March 25, 2012 She says she doesn't know what she wants anymore and that I'm a good person but she just doesn't see us together. I ask her why and she just tells me it's complicated stuff that she cannot explain and it ends like that. Sorry, I missed this part on my last post but if shes admitting she doesn't know what she wants the best thing is to just hangout with her as a friend and nothing more. I'd say just have fun but with what you said I wouldn't keep pursuing her with the idea that you two will be a couple. The only thing you can do is just treat her as a friend since she obviously doesn't know what she wants but you shouldn't over-extend yourself to her or go out of your way for this chick since you are after all only friends..
Author sarang_hae_yo Posted March 25, 2012 Author Posted March 25, 2012 Yes, I really do like her. And I definitely, definitely do see the mixed signals. Do you mean I should ask her straight up in person if she wants to stay friends or not? Worst comes to worst, she'll just be a picture date for prom. edit: nvm about the question, saw earlier post.
Author sarang_hae_yo Posted March 25, 2012 Author Posted March 25, 2012 Thank you for your response mixwell. But it's difficult to even be friends if she's still going to avoid me anyhow.
mixwell Posted March 25, 2012 Posted March 25, 2012 Yes, I really do like her. And I definitely, definitely do see the mixed signals. Do you mean I should ask her straight up in person if she wants to stay friends or not? Worst comes to worst, she'll just be a picture date for prom. Well until I reread your post on her admitting she doesn't know I would ask but not anymore. I would just enjoy the prom and not let little signals blur your vision. As of right now you two are only going as friends and nothing more so don't read too much into it. If anything you might want to just back off to the tone of "okay ya we're just friends, nothing more" and she may even sense that she could lose you. I'm not saying play games with her but if you act more casual it might even attract her to you more but that isn't the main reason to act that way, the main reason is because that's what it is. I don't know how you act around her but I am sure you probably show her that you're interested in more than friends and she knows that so maybe just back off and treat her just as a friend. Don't act too desperate because chicks pick up on things like that like a shark smelling blood in the water, game over haha. I know it's stupid that people cannot just say what they mean/want but it is what it is and there is a lot more coming in the future for you my friend so get your game face on
mixwell Posted March 25, 2012 Posted March 25, 2012 Thank you for your response mixwell. But it's difficult to even be friends if she's still going to avoid me anyhow. Well if she is going to avoid you then just leave it at that.. If you take away ONE thing from me it's this.. Actions speak louder than words.. She can BS you and tell you whatever the hell she wants but her actions are most likely how she REALLY feels. I've learned that lesson the hard way after a break up.. Ex would say positive things but yet act totally opposite in her actions when it came to like asking her to hang out etc..
Author sarang_hae_yo Posted March 25, 2012 Author Posted March 25, 2012 Well the day before she told me everything that had happened we kinda joked around for a little bit I gave her my lunch because I wasn't hungry. So it isn't all downhill I suppose...
mixwell Posted March 25, 2012 Posted March 25, 2012 Well the day before she told me everything that had happened we kinda joked around for a little bit I gave her my lunch because I wasn't hungry. So it isn't all downhill I suppose... Not sure what you're trying to convey here ? She still mentioned that she doesn't want to persue a relationship so you're still in the same boat. I'm just trying to tell you to not invest all of your emotions into this girl because she already is expressing and showing that she doesn't have the same feels that you do and you don't want to get hurt. It's a sort of safety net for you by treating her as just a friend and if things change then cool but for now you can't really do much else without coming off as too desperate or clingy since she's made it known she doesn't want a relationship.
Author sarang_hae_yo Posted March 25, 2012 Author Posted March 25, 2012 You said that actions speak louder than words... And the way she joked, even if it was just for a little moment, it seemed like her usual self. Sooo her texts aren't really the opposite of how she is in person at that moment? But again, thanks for the advice, I'll definitely keep it in mind.
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