cflowers32 Posted March 25, 2012 Posted March 25, 2012 I'm new to this site and I did post it in another thread, but I am feeling very desperate for some help. Very heart broken girl right now.... I am new here and I will do my best to explain in short and not too long... I have literally spent maybe 10 minutes on this site, and I am hoping that this can be my new retreat for a while until I am stronger to be left to my "own devices" if you will. I had been with my boyfriend for a year and a half and from the get go we were both looking for the same thing, a long term relationship with hopefully marriage. I am now 41, he's 42. He has never been married, but wanted to, I have been divorced, I have two great sons who are older now and I felt I was at a point where I would like to move on, I did not want to be alone for the rest of my life and my divorce was a huge learning lesson. I learned a lot about myself and wanted to find a great guy. I had dated a few, and met Wayne, he and I have a lot in common other than our relationship differences and after about 6 months, my lease was up and I decided we would try living together, and we agreed if it didn't work out... well, we'd go from there. Well, we did, and I have to share a few more things, I am not a dog person, he has a dog, and I can promise you all, I was more than nice to her, not to mention, she really is a great dog, but after being married and raising children, I'm just not much of a pet person, I have none of my own. I also work full time and am finishing college to get my degree. It got to a year where I just felt like I was overwhelmed with EVERYTHING and I felt that getting my own place would be the healthiest thing for me, for our relationship also. We talked, I told him that I DID NOT want to break up with him, but that by my moving, I would have more time to decompress and miss him, which, by the way was exactly what happened. I loved it!! I loved that us seeing each other was just like the beginning of dating, he said he liked it too... So, I have been stressed, and felt that maybe he should have better for himself, (yep, I opened that door for him, and I am GREAT at sabotaging, so congratulations Caitlin, you did it!!!) he took the open door. He says he still loves me, but he wants to get married, he wants someone who wants to live with him, who loves dogs, I get it. I tried talking to him about some of the things I wanted US TO WORK on when we were together, like getting a bigger place (with my working and school, I NEEDED a place for me) and I have to tell you, living with HIS X-GF's stuff was not fun, they also had a mortgage on his place together, and yes, that's right, GF, not wife. I wanted us to have OUR LIFE!! You know, I felt that with both of us being older and wanting that special "someone" that we would grow together, and have a new life that WE WOULD BUILD, and not be attached to his old stuff, move on, we were even wanting to get married at one point, about a year ago, and then things just went down hill, but the love was still there. He is "confused" right now, and doesn't know what he wants, he says he still loves me, but he wants to leave the door open for another opportunity, that kills me, obviously. I am so hurt. I love him, I did not want to lose him and I am absolutely CRUSHED!!!!! He's been such a genuinely sweet guy, always, and I understand what he's saying, but I think he's making a mistake... BTW, I KNOW THAT THIS IS NOT MY PLACE TO TELL HIM AND HE WILL DECIDE TO DO WHAT HE NEEDS TO, and I get that, I do... In the meantime though, I have to let him go and I am really struggling with it. This is a guy that I truly love, we have for the most part had a great loving, respectful relationship with also, a very healthy, great sex life. We have great things in common, and we share so many important values, goals and positive outlooks for out future, it seems like this "should" be a suitable match... Anyway, I think that is enough for now. I am HOPING that I get some responses. I am HOPING that I can come back here as much as I need to so I can let him go, LEAVE him alone, and let him do what he needs. I know he may never come back, and it won't kill me, it's not the end of the world, but I truly love him, and I do hope, I do... Anyway, I just needed to reach out to others for my own benefit because RIGHT NOW, I know I need to take very good care of me and my well being. Thanks for reading and hope to hear from you all... Caitlin
ItsJustTheWayItIs Posted March 25, 2012 Posted March 25, 2012 Cflower....I'm going thru the hurting stage too as a lot of the people on here are. I don't have any real advice for you at this time as its only been about 5 weeks for me, but I did want to acknowledge your pain and tell you that I am very sorry that you are hurting. I have written posts and seen posts written by hurting people that no one responded to, so I just want you to know that I hear you, feel your pain, and again I'm sorry you hurt.
Author cflowers32 Posted March 25, 2012 Author Posted March 25, 2012 Thank you, and I have to say, that coming over here is much better than the feelings I was just sitting there with. I found this place and said to myself "Caitlin, I think you just found your NEW HOME for a while." I need to let him go, and come here, and not pick up the phone to call him ANY MORE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
ItsJustTheWayItIs Posted March 25, 2012 Posted March 25, 2012 I won't lie to you....I still love my husband very much and miss him like crazy, but it just wasn't working. I could make contact and try to patch things up but that isn't going to change who he is, or who I have become. Our situation is different as he is an alcoholic and tho I was aware he drank, he claimed it was because he was bored/lonely and that when we were married he wouldn't care about it. That was a lie and I had uprooted my whole life, job etc to be with him. I just want to be happy and I wasn't. I will just struggle thru this pain and loneliness because I know one day it will go away. Work on feeling good about you and don't give up hope that maybe one day you two will be together again...just don't live your life around that hope (thats my famous words, or not so famous, lol). Big Hugs to you!!!!
Author cflowers32 Posted March 25, 2012 Author Posted March 25, 2012 hope (thats my famous words, or not so famous, lol). Big Hugs to you!!!! "Hope" has been a word that's been thrown around a lot lately. I do, and I thank you. I am glad that I flew over here on this site. I feel better already and sad to say "miserly loves company", but I do feel better being able to support others, we're all here, all pathetic, and broken hearted... ok, well I am!!!! I am going to let him go ItsJustTheWayItIs (that's a long @ss name), it's what I have to do to heal me, (read my post????) but I do hope that he decides in a timely manner that he would like for us to keep moving forward, and well, if not!!! I'm staying here for the long haul!!!!!
ItsJustTheWayItIs Posted March 25, 2012 Posted March 25, 2012 Lol...it is a long azz name, but at the time I was so broken hearted that was all I could come up with....now I would just call myself 'here' or 'there' s'thing short and sweet. And yes, misery does love company....and tho I'm not happy that anyone else is sad I'm glad that their sharing it, lol. Give him some time and try a little NC yourself...it may be the push he needs to see your worth to him....no guarantee.
Author cflowers32 Posted March 25, 2012 Author Posted March 25, 2012 Lol...it is a long azz name, but at the time I was so broken hearted that was all I could come up with....now I would just call myself 'here' or 'there' s'thing short and sweet. And yes, misery does love company....and tho I'm not happy that anyone else is sad I'm glad that their sharing it, lol. Give him some time and try a little NC yourself...it may be the push he needs to see your worth to him....no guarantee. NC??? No Contact? It that's what you mean, that's the plan. "there", this site is going to help save me from doing the wrong thing and HOPEFULLY so regarding him. Time will tell, and I'm going to stay strong on this on. Thanks for you help already!!
Author cflowers32 Posted March 25, 2012 Author Posted March 25, 2012 Well I figured out what NC is, and I KNOW my post is lengthy, but hoping any of you have comments. I have to say, since last night (and I know it's not that long) this site is saving my face.
mike588 Posted March 25, 2012 Posted March 25, 2012 Come back to this site as much as you need...were here for you. This site saved my ass many times. Please please don't break No Contact...I think you know by now it's not to get your ex. back...it's to help you heal and move on and believe me..it works. I followed N.C. to the tee...it was extremely difficult and I almost broke it a million times!! I was dumped 7 months ago and last month she starts contacting me. I wish she wouldn't of....it set me back a step.
Author cflowers32 Posted March 25, 2012 Author Posted March 25, 2012 Come back to this site as much as you need...were here for you. This site saved my ass many times. Please please don't break No Contact...I think you know by now it's not to get your ex. back...it's to help you heal and move on and believe me..it works. I followed N.C. to the tee...it was extremely difficult and I almost broke it a million times!! I was dumped 7 months ago and last month she starts contacting me. I wish she wouldn't of....it set me back a step. Yeah, the NC which is why I have also emailed myself the link so when I get to my office and should I feel the urge to text him or call him, I'm coming here and posting. That and just keep myself busy!!!
ItsJustTheWayItIs Posted March 25, 2012 Posted March 25, 2012 Hey CF....its 'there'...how are you this morning? Hanging in there?
Author cflowers32 Posted March 25, 2012 Author Posted March 25, 2012 Hi "there", yes I am, and as you see I also have fixed up my profile with a picture even. So I have made myself at home here and will remain so until I get to a place where I feel stronger. Hope you are doing ok... ???
jennisfora Posted March 25, 2012 Posted March 25, 2012 I'm struggling with letting go as well. hardest thing to do when you love someone. I just woke up from a sweet dream that we were back together and so happy, and now I am adjusting again to reality. but, i actually feel pretty good this morning. wasn't checking the phone obsessively,I left it turned off all night. But, the last two days I've been a mess, crying randomly, feeling hopeless and depressed. I guess what i am trying to say is I feel ya. And some days are easier than others, but you know what you have to do, and i know i will be following your story and will read your posts. *hugs* 1
ItsJustTheWayItIs Posted March 25, 2012 Posted March 25, 2012 CF...I am better this morning, thanks for asking. And, I'm not hurting today...today I just want to crush him like a grape. Today I hate his guts, lol. I like that feeling much better.... Jen...we all obssess I think. Good for you on turning your phone off!!
Author cflowers32 Posted March 25, 2012 Author Posted March 25, 2012 Thank you Jenn!! I had to turn my phone off last night too. I had been talking to him and texted him before I joined this site. I'm staying strong and being here is helping. There, I am so glad that you are feeling that way too. I would much rather hate him right now too. Who the heck wants to feel this way? *sigh*
Author cflowers32 Posted March 25, 2012 Author Posted March 25, 2012 I'm struggling with letting go as well. hardest thing to do when you love someone. I just woke up from a sweet dream that we were back together and so happy, and now I am adjusting again to reality. but, i actually feel pretty good this morning. wasn't checking the phone obsessively,I left it turned off all night. But, the last two days I've been a mess, crying randomly, feeling hopeless and depressed. I guess what i am trying to say is I feel ya. And some days are easier than others, but you know what you have to do, and i know i will be following your story and will read your posts. *hugs* OMG, ***HUGE HUGS*** girl. I hate those dreams. Some of them seem so sweet and then you wake up and BAM!!!! Hi reality. I'm glad that otherwise you're doing ok this morning. I'm getting there too. I'm so glad I found this place, it's going to save me.
SilverBlueAndGold Posted March 25, 2012 Posted March 25, 2012 I can't offer much since my breakup is fairly recent and I have a lot of the same questions. We really did love and care for each other (still do) but sometimes when something is broken no amount of trying to fix it will ever make it unbroken. It's a bittersweet thing actually That doesn't help you much but it sounds like you are getting some great advice here. Some of it is helping me too even though the wounds are still fresh. GL!
ItsJustTheWayItIs Posted March 25, 2012 Posted March 25, 2012 I know, right??? I don't want to hate anyone, but it sure is ebbing the feelings of pain. I'm already sick of missing, loving him....but in time I will be okay and so will you. Don't just sit around today...find something good to do for you!! I'm going to do laundry, lol....and grab some ice cream. Wow...I'm a real party animal! You can email me anytime CF...rasberryboo @ yahoo. If you just need to vent in a long way....I get it.
Author cflowers32 Posted March 25, 2012 Author Posted March 25, 2012 I can't offer much since my breakup is fairly recent and I have a lot of the same questions. We really did love and care for each other (still do) but sometimes when something is broken no amount of trying to fix it will ever make it unbroken. It's a bittersweet thing actually That doesn't help you much but it sounds like you are getting some great advice here. Some of it is helping me too even though the wounds are still fresh. GL! Yeah, we just broke up too, and we still love each other, but I HAVE to let him go. He's the one that wants "to see if there is someone more for him out there". You should read my first post, it explains the whole thing. So glad I'm here though.
BewitchedandBothered Posted March 25, 2012 Posted March 25, 2012 Is this a midlife crisis he is going through? NC is the best way, as is coming here. People really help put things into perspective. You are too attractive to be hiding your light under a bushel for some tool who can't make up his mind. Usually when they don't know what they want....they KNOW what they want, its' just not with us. You are among friends and will get through this!!!!
Author cflowers32 Posted March 25, 2012 Author Posted March 25, 2012 I know, right??? I don't want to hate anyone, but it sure is ebbing the feelings of pain. I'm already sick of missing, loving him....but in time I will be okay and so will you. Don't just sit around today...find something good to do for you!! I'm going to do laundry, lol....and grab some ice cream. Wow...I'm a real party animal! LMFAO!!! Yeah, I know!!! I just asked my son if he felt like doing anything right now, he's happy doing what he's doing, playing video games. I think we're gonna go grab some lunch actually. YOU GO PART ANIMAL!!! Thanks for the chuckle and the email, though I know where to find you....
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