Not being your partner's physical type. Can you deal with that

[taintedlove]

Hello LS

 

My partner has a history of dating blonde hair, blue-eyed beach going girls. I am the opposite of that. He denied this when I asked him and he says he likes different types. All his ex's are the same type though.

 

Another thing is that I saw on his computer some porn files. Theyall had tanned blonde girls with large boobs in them. Maybe I am being ridiculous about what he looks at but it follows his pattern of liking and dating these type of girls.

 

When we go out, he is extra nice to girls that fit his physical type. A group of blonde girls at the restaurant were looking at the food we ordered and he started telling them what dishes were good and flirted with them. I have heard from his friends that he used to show these girls off and buy them gifts. He doesn't do that with me.

 

Should I stay with him? I really do love him but he seems to treat a particular type better. Should I accept it and move on?

[Mantis Toboggan]

He's dating YOU. So who cares what his "physical type" is?

 

My type is short brunettes. But if I start getting along with a tall blonde, do you think I'm going to go running for the hills?

 

Jesus...people invent reasons to worry.

[verhrzn]

How old are you guys, and how long have you been going out?

[reallyhotguy]

He's dating YOU. So who cares what his "physical type" is?

 

My type is short brunettes. But if I start getting along with a tall blonde, do you think I'm going to go running for the hills?

 

Jesus...people invent reasons to worry.

 

Yes, that is true.

 

Except that people don't invent the worry, just the reasons. It could be that the worry is irrelevant -- but it could be that there is something wrong, and that she just doesn't know what it is.

 

I agree that the type thing is probably bull****, but feeling like your date is flirting with other girls in front of you is not so good. OP, can you expand on that? Do you have reason to feel insecure in the relationship beside this connection you've identified to blondes?

[Ninjainpajamas]

It depends on how he treats you, above all else.

 

I've always found it strange/annoying that women always want to see your ex's to "size" themselves up to the competition, and then on top of then they hold it against you. As a man it's a real wtf kinda backstabbing moment because If we didn't want to be with you then we wouldn't have been with you in the first place...and what happens if they're prettier? then you're insecure, or If you're prettier, then you're fine...It's just a really ridiculous insecure move on a woman's part and It's like wtf do you expect me to do about it? there's nothing I could do about it because it's your insecurity.

 

Luckily I've dated blondes and brunettes, and of different ethnicity...so I'm not sure what women think, I think at that point they're comparing to the most desirable ex of my past? It's a weird process that some women go through that I feels has no end or satisfaction.

 

He may in general be more attracted to blondes but that doesn't mean he is NEVER attracted to brunettes It could very well just mean you are the one that he is attracted to that is the exception to his typical taste. Also guys can switch too on this, they date blondes so they may start dating brunettes and vice versa. I don't think it adds up to a whole lot in the end.

 

The biggest problem here is that you're insecure and that's going to be used against you in a relationship possibly by men who find you perfectly attractive yet you kick yourself down a few pegs and so they figure might as well kick her where she stands or you're just going to put stress on the relationship over something that may not even matter.

 

As far as him flirting with women in front of you is a more telling sign, guys who do that in front of you do more behind your back from my experience as a man. A guy is supposed to be on his best behavior when around his girlfriend and that can faaaaaaar differentiate from how he acts when you're not around.

 

Bottom line: Stop acting insecure over this, If he wants to be w a blonde then I'm sure he would have. Tell him not to flirt with other women in your presence.

 

As far as the relationship goes, it doesn't seem like a very strong one...and the guy sounds like a douche since he buys women gifts and shows them off like prizes...the catch of the day. Pretty pathetic in my eyes.

 

Therefore you're likely much better off moving on, however not because he dated blondes in the past and watches blondes in porn.

[make me believe]

I would be much more concerned about him flirting with girls in front of you than what his ex's looked like. And I have to agree with ninja, he sounds pretty douchey with the showing off girls like prizes thing. Not the kinda guy I'd want to be with....

[RedRobin]

You said you heard from his friends.

 

Doesn't sound like good friends of his if they are telling you about his exploits.. or those friends are trying to put a wedge in between you.

 

I tend to take second hand information with a grain of salt. Watch and observe. Ask him questions. Polite ones. Not accusatory or jealous, then watch his reactions. Watch how he interacts with other women. Is he only friendly with 'blondes'? How did he meet and attract you? If he's outgoing with everyone, maybe that is just his style.

 

You'll also have to elaborate on what you say is 'flirting'. I'm not there, but I do know the difference between being outgoing and nice and 'flirting'.

 

Regarding the other stuff though... to your point. I'm not a fan of porn, but unless it is done to excess, or you are seeing (routine) ties to things in his day-to-day life it is probably not anything to get wrapped around the axle about.

[Chicago_Guy]

Hello LS

 

My partner has a history of dating blonde hair, blue-eyed beach going girls. I am the opposite of that. He denied this when I asked him and he says he likes different types. All his ex's are the same type though.

 

Another thing is that I saw on his computer some porn files. Theyall had tanned blonde girls with large boobs in them. Maybe I am being ridiculous about what he looks at but it follows his pattern of liking and dating these type of girls.

 

When we go out, he is extra nice to girls that fit his physical type. A group of blonde girls at the restaurant were looking at the food we ordered and he started telling them what dishes were good and flirted with them. I have heard from his friends that he used to show these girls off and buy them gifts. He doesn't do that with me.

 

Should I stay with him? I really do love him but he seems to treat a particular type better. Should I accept it and move on?

 

I prefer women with dark hair, but it is a slight preference. If I see a good-looking woman with blonde or red hair, I wouldn't let her hair color prevent me from dating her. Most men wouldn't care if the woman is hot enough.

 

The physical type thing could be more of an issue. If a guy is fit himself and is used to dating fit women, I doubt that same guy would date an overweight woman unless it was just for sex.

[phineas]

I prefer dark haired women with a little meat on their bones & larger boobs but every woman i've ever dated seriously was always very slender with A or B cups.

 

Their not my "type". Just who I wound up liking & who liked me. I don't even think I have a type because I don't only go for certain women.

 

I go for all women that I find attractive and that spectrum is broad.

[mixwell]

Insecure much ?

 

Why do you give a crap what you think his type is, if he weren't into you he most likely wouldn't be with you. I don't know how old you are but you sound very immature and insecure.. Get over it and grow up..

[mixwell]

I prefer woman with breasts and vagina who are white,black,hispanic,arab,asian,pink, purple, blue,skinny,thick,short,tall.

 

I love all of the beautiful women in the world and variety of them

[tigressA]

I think OP is on to something with the way her BF flirts with other girls who are his 'type' and watches porn featuring girls that are his 'type'. She may be nothing but a placeholder. He's probably settling for her. Since she says he doesn't treat her as well as he does these other girls even though she's the one in a relationship with him, that's a clear sign she needs to move on.

 

I wasn't the 'type' for most experienced guys I dated. I always had a problem with them. They didn't take me seriously and the relationships were very short-lived. After we broke up, they always reverted back to their physical type. One guy was really into redheads--he dated one before he met me, he met another one after we broke up and started dating her. Another guy was into shorter, chubbier girl-next-door types--dated one before me, dated one after me.

 

There are some guys out there who will 'experiment' once in awhile, if you will, to see if they like any other flavor...but then they usually revert back to type. The OP's boyfriend seems like he could be one of those guys.

[mixwell]

I think OP is on to something with the way her BF flirts with other girls who are his 'type' and watches porn featuring girls that are his 'type'. She may be nothing but a placeholder. He's probably settling for her. Since she says he doesn't treat her as well as he does these other girls even though she's the one in a relationship with him, that's a clear sign she needs to move on.

 

I wasn't the 'type' for most experienced guys I dated. I always had a problem with them. They didn't take me seriously and the relationships were very short-lived. After we broke up, they always reverted back to their physical type. One guy was really into redheads--he dated one before he met me, he met another one after we broke up and started dating her. Another guy was into shorter, chubbier girl-next-door types--dated one before me, dated one after me.

 

There are some guys out there who will 'experiment' once in awhile, if you will, to see if they like any other flavor...but then they usually revert back to type. The OP's boyfriend seems like he could be one of those guys.

 

That could be true that he's just settling but SERIOUSLY how the hell can a guy have a type.. There are way too many beautiful women to confine yourself to a type.. Hell I will take the "non preferred" types

[threebyfate]

Be very careful with the flirty types, particularly if they encourage attention from other women.

 

As for not being a partner's type, if a partner treats you well, doubt this would even occur to most people. But if you have a pattern of being jealous of partners' exes, this you need to work on, if only for your own emotional health.

[mixwell]

But if you have a pattern of being jealous of partners' exes, this you need to work on, if only for your own emotional health.

 

This is actually a very valid point you've made, it could be something deeper than a "type" issue and more of an insecurity issue and/or comparing herself to his exes..

 

As a guy, the way I see it is that I don't even want to try to compare to an ex, because I feel my value exceeds that or at least the way I am/look is what attracts her to me. Comparing yourself to exes will just cause more concern and insecurity. I'd prefer to never see my chick's exes or hear about them, if she's with me that's all I want to know and nothing more.

[somedude81]

Wouldn't stop me.

 

As long as she treats me good and doesn't make me feel bad, I don't care if all her previous BF's were 6'5 A&F models.

[Disenchantedly Yours]

Despite the prostrations from some that the OP is being just "insecure", it appears that her boyfriend is insecure when he has to flirt with other women infront of her. Usually men that are that flirty, only do so because they need the personal validation and short term happy feel good feelings they feel from attention from pretty women. THIS is also actually insecurity.

 

Taintedlove, I wouldn't want to be with a guy that flirted with other women infront of me. I also don't want to be with a guy that stacks and hides porn on his computer.

 

Regardless of what he liked or who he dated before you, he doesn't really seem to be treating you too well. I would not just "accept it". But I would move on....from him.

[jerbear]

Be very careful with the flirty types, particularly if they encourage attention from other women.

agreed

 

As for not being a partner's type, if a partner treats you well, doubt this would even occur to most people. But if you have a pattern of being jealous of partners' exes, this you need to work on, if only for your own emotional health.

This too.

 

 

Regardless of what he liked or who he dated before you, he doesn't really seem to be treating you too well. I would not just "accept it". But I would move on....from him.

True.

 

A dating couple shouldn't be flirting in front of the other.

 

 

I used to be retroactively jealous of my ex's ex-BF's. What got me out of it was the here and now. She is with me and not him. Everyone has preferences that attract them and sometimes it could be mundane like hair color.

 

It is the flirting in front of you the OP, that concerns me.

 

BTW, I can deal with that. I dated blondes, petites, brunettes, tall blondes, highly educated women, brunettes, long legged, big breasted, BBW, etc... but I don't have a type. My type is child bearing aged woman whom I find attractive and want to frack her so I can make her into my MILF.

Edited March 25, 2012 by jerbear
added MILF for emphasis

[Beetleguise]

Ha i guess my preference is dark haired girls.. My gf is blonde, ocean colour eyes...

 

She is beautiful.

 

Nothing to worry about

[R1TE0N]

Do you feel deep-down that he's not your ideal and you're projecting? I'm curious if you have a certain type and he doesnt match that. I've done this sorta thing with guys in my past. But since i've branched out with multiple types of guys and realized I can fall for them just the same, I havent gotten hung up on my lovers' exes.

[taintedlove]

Do you feel deep-down that he's not your ideal and you're projecting? I'm curious if you have a certain type and he doesnt match that. I've done this sorta thing with guys in my past. But since i've branched out with multiple types of guys and realized I can fall for them just the same, I havent gotten hung up on my lovers' exes.

 

 

He's my ideal type but I'm not his. I feel like he is settling because he can't attract the girls he like. I guess a lot of women can fall for a guy even though they are not their type because we aren't as visual and we care more about an emotional bond.

[Chubbi]

He's my ideal type but I'm not his. I feel like he is settling because he can't attract the girls he like. I guess a lot of women can fall for a guy even though they are not their type because we aren't as visual and we care more about an emotional bond.

 

Are you young?

 

My Asian friend dated this European guy. She talked all day about he told her he prefers tall, model blondes and she ate it up, saying Oh, he would never love me because I'm not tall and blonde and I'm Asian. He kept hooking up with her though.

 

Next thing we know, we asked the guy who he thought was cute and the guy picked out the girl in the class he would date: a Hispanic girl, large brown eyes, medium-length dark hair. Then, now in fact, all he's dating is a short, larger white girl.

 

So much for "type". I told my friend I didn't think she knew men very well. She's 35 but I'm 22 and I was like if that chubby girl flirts with him the right way, he's going to hit it, regardless of his type: tall, blondes. She said, "No, no! I would never eff a fat guy!" The next night and the next and the next.

 

I mean, just look at who men have affairs with in comparison to their wives. It really is about ego and how someone makes them feel. He'll get over his type one day when he's married to it for 7 years plus (I'm cynical).

Now, she's cursing the girl out saying how could he ever like her:laugh:

Edited March 29, 2012 by Chubbi

[Leigh 87]

I am my boyfriend type, but there are traits in other girls he admires.

 

I am tall ish, blonde, slim but not skinny which he prefers, blue eyes, HUGE boobs and a bubble butt. I use light taning moisturizer. Tanned chicks appeal to him most.

 

 

That said, he also comments on girls he physically dinds appealing; he finds some petite girls to be attractive, because they are small and he feels masculine compared to them, and could throw them around. They are cute to him.

On the other hand, he also poins out skinny blonde tanned chicks - chics with a way SMALLER body type to my own.

Guys are attracted to a varity of girls, and they find their partner in life based on WHO THE GIRL IS. I am not 1% insecure, because he is with me FOR ME. I AM NOT perfect, and I seriously DO NOT WANT to be perfect.

 

The beauty of love, is that with the right person, they will love you for you, and not want you to change. Love is the most beautiful, when the guy loves you the most and wants you MORE than a skinny blonde tanned girl - because he loves you deaply, and it is you that completes him. Sure, sometimes loves blossoms with two people who are each others ideal physical type... but, REGARDLESS of your physical type, love is THE SAME in the end

 

The thing is: true love is the EXACT same for two people, regardless if your the guys ideal physical type. With true love, a guy will love a curvy brunnette girl just as much as he would love a tall blonde girl, which is his physical type. True love does not become deaper, if you are with your ideal physical type; because love foes much deaper than looks.

 

Your boyfriend sounds like a jerk. Yes, you are insecure sounding, but if he brought blonde big breasted girls gifts and showered them with presents and attention, when he DOES NOT do that for you.. if you are SURE he did those things for other girls, and fails to do it for you.. punch him:) Better still, dump him.

[Leigh 87]

Seriously, OP. My boyfriend prefers girls who are more tanned and who have flatter stomachs than me - there are thigns about ME, that he thinks are more attractive on other girls; a thinner waist, slimmer calves, cuter nose. 3 or 4 things about me, that I know are not the best.

He would not love a girl with those physical traits MORE than me, nor does he make me feel the least bit bad that I am not the physically perfect girl for him.

 

Are you 100% sure, do you know for a FACT, that your b/f has:

 

- had girlfriends for as long as he has had you, and brought them lots of gifts and treated them better just because they were his type

 

 

If he honestly treats his type better, and makes you feel that he would prefer it a lot if you were his type, it is not a healthy relationship. There are guys out there who will THRILLED to have you for YOU. Why settle for this guy? YOUR the one " settling", for a guy who treats you less than you deserve.

Why stay with him!! There are many guys who will treat you so well, and make u feel so beautiful for who you are.

[kiss_andmakeup]

OP, there are two different issues at hand here.

 

The more serious issue is your boyfriend's need to openly flirt with other women in front of you. It's disrespectful and rude, especially if he knows it hurts your feelings. This is a very valid concern on your part.

 

As for the whole "type" thing, it's a whole 'nother ballgame. The older I get, the more I realize that I don't really have a "type." Every guy I end up in a long term relationship with ends up being my "type" for the duration of our relationship...and that's been a wide range. My ex was 5'10, stocky, with hazel eyes, thick wavy blonde hair, and a baby face. At the time I considered that my "type" because I was attracted to and in love with him. My current boyfriend is 6'4, slim and muscular, with masculine facial features and slightly thinning brown hair. Guess what my type is now?

 

I've also found that most men are the same way. I've seen a few photos of my boyfriend's ex, and a few photos of my ex's ex. I look absolutely nothing like them...not necessarily for better or for worse, but different. But when I compare notes with my own history, the same is true for me. If my boyfriend saw a picture of my ex, he'd see that he looked completely different from the way my boyfriend does.

 

"Type" is an ever-changing, ever-evolving thing. Most people have some basic parameters (I.E. not overweight, within a reasonable age range, etc), but beyond that, their "type" is a very maleable thing.