FearfulFuture Posted March 24, 2012 Posted March 24, 2012 This site has been such an inspiration since i joined 6 weeks ago after my relationship of 4.5 years simply disappeared, there have been bad days and slightly better ones but visiting this site from time to time is keeping me inspired and strong. Well today has been a tough one for me and i am finding myself here reaching out for any sort of help or advice. I find the weekends the hardest especially as today (Saturday) was such a glorious and sunny day and i desperately wanted to venture out and enjoy it but i felt so alone. The person who i would spend my every moment and day out with is no longer around and that really hit me today. She was the one i wanted to go out and enjoy all the beautiful moments in life with, she left me and all that behind. Anyone else feel like this? Its now Saturday night and i am at home whilst she is no doubt out partying and not thinking of me at all. I have been out for the last 5 Saturday nights with various friends and people which has been great but this weekend i find myself alone as lots of my friends are in r/ships or away for one reason or another, also all this partying is not doing my bank balance too good. So i was thinking what do others in this particular situation do to entertain themselves? Or what suggestions could be given so that i don't feel such a great weekend has been wasted because i don't have the strength to face the day without her? God i don't want another weekend like this. Thanks if you read this far, i hope some kind people out there could offer some inspiration, not just for me but others in this position also. We're in this together!
fdsaf Posted March 24, 2012 Posted March 24, 2012 I'm in a similar situation. Not exactly the same since it hasn't been six weeks since my ex and I broke up - it's been nine days. The best advice I can give you is to forgive yourself for being upset. Breaking up sucks. I passed up on an opportunity to go out last night because I knew I would be bad company and I didn't want to feel bad about being bad company. It would have made me feel that much worse. My friends have been understanding so far, but at some point it has to come from you. Instead of going out and spending money (since that seems to be a concern of yours), how about having friends over for a movie/game night? Maybe pick up a fun, active, and inexpensive hobby? Go to a nearby park and find pickup games of frisbee or basketball. Something like that. Push yourself, but also be forgiving. It's tough. I'm right there with you. Don't fret it too much if you miss an opportunity. Just push yourself with the understanding that things get better over time. Best of luck.
Whisky1981 Posted March 24, 2012 Posted March 24, 2012 I am in the same position as you. I have been in a 9 year relationship and she left me for another guy. This happened 3,5 months ago. Today was in fact a glourious spring day perfectly suitable for walks in the park. Guess what I too have nobody to go on this walks with. I was also partying for the last couple of weeks although it didnt really feel right. I am a little too old for bars and nightclubs which are mostly filled with girls from 18-25 years of age. I am 30yrs old and find it really hard to approach girls much younger than me, also I dont want to approach them because I am not looking for one night stands but for serious relationship material. It is really hard when you have no one to go out with. Just a couple of hours ago I wanted do go out for a beer by myself but then I realized that this is pathetic. Sitting at a bar alone like a dog. My bank accout has been depleated in the last months. Partying became really expensive especcialy for us guys... Also at the beginning of this week my heart was broken but yet another girl that I thought something can happen between us. She was the most beautiful thing I have seen in the last 10 years but she rejected me and went back to her old bf. That really threw me in a deep depression with which I am coping now. Have a bottle of Johnny Walker in the fridge, maybe for now I will take him as my best friend although this is even more pathetic than sitting in a bar alone. I just want the pain to go away and I really dont know how to do it. I hope better times will come because this situation is really sad.
Sophie99 Posted March 24, 2012 Posted March 24, 2012 I am in a similar situation too x It was a beautiful spring day today, perfect for romantic walks in the park, only for me to find out that my ex (in a relationship for 2 years, broken up for 2 months) spent the day in our favourite park with another girl. It sucks, but you just HAVE to pick yourself up, there's just no option x Get a great new hobby! Think about it like this, when the next wonderful person comes along (and they will, no matter how much you think they won't right now!), and they ask what you're into, you want to be able to tell them about all the amazing things you do, and not reply with "my ex"! Good Luck, keep strong! X
rhymes Posted March 25, 2012 Posted March 25, 2012 Definitely in a similar situation - same length of relationship also, 4.5 years. I find myself struggling to find fun things to do also. Went out for beers with a good friend last night, had fun, but then today - just no motivation to get out. Wasn't feeling great, it's a beautiful day and everything you're used to doing isn't any option anymore. You essentially lose your partner in crime. We are creatures of habit, and enjoy doing familiar things. When someone takes them away, or the pattern changes, it's a tough to fill the void. If you have a good family unit, I always find it comforting to call home and just chat with my mom or parents for an hour. I'll be watching NCAA basketball, and will probably lay low tonight, even though there's things I'd rather be doing, I'd love to invite her over, even jut to watch a movie and hang. Don't really have an answer unfortunately, other than to say you're not alone - and hopefully for everyone on here, it will get better.
cflowers32 Posted March 25, 2012 Posted March 25, 2012 I just got to this site and I did it because I am hoping for the same support that you are looking for. Tonight is Saturday night, maybe some SNL??? I may watch a movie from the "on demand channel" with my cable company. I have turned my phone off, and of course, you could always read my thread I just posted and give me some ideas too!!! I totally feel for you because I know that we are all heart broken, but I think that this site will be the best thing for me in regards to letting my love go do what he needs to do... *sniff, sniff* I'm guessing your a guy, and listen, I don't think we care here, but if you're alone and need to let it out, what sometimes helps me is watching some stupid romantic movie that's going to make me cry, but it helps get some of that hurt out. Otherwise, maybe some take out food, delivered??? Couple of beers and a movie? Find some cool games to play on your phone or computer? Make a night of total play time for you and enjoy it!! I hope you do!!! Caitlin
CaliBabe Posted March 25, 2012 Posted March 25, 2012 I am 9 months out of my relationship. Things have gotten MUCH better since I've had alot of time to heal, I am hoping this will help encourage you guys and possibly give you guys some ideas. I am still very much heartbroken but it does not consume me anymore. I try to keep my schedule so tight that I rarely have any free time. I'm lucky to live in California where there is alot to do. I am not much of the clubbing type so I am currently visiting all of Californias top lounges and restaurants. I spend alot of time with my sister and girlfriends and family. It has been VERY expensive going out for me as well therefore I plan days that are less expensive to balance that out. Some of the less expensive things I do is catch a movie at the theatre with a pal, a hike, a walk on the beach, window shopping at the mall, reading a book, or watching a redbox or netflix movie with friends or alone. There are sites such as groupon or living social that offer discounts on restaurants, acitivites and places, which are really cool. I have tried to take up new hobbies and have met new people through those routes. Since I have done so much healing I have come to a point where I am okay being alone. I enjoy my alone time. Ladies, just a suggestion, one of my favorite things to do on a Saturday night believe it or not is a spa day all to myself. I pamper myself with a deep conditioner in my hair, paint my nails, put on a mud mask, and give myslef a facial. I try to pamper myself once a month at a spa with a massage or facial (groupon has great spa deals). I just learned that no one else is responsible for making me happy. No one else is responsible for making me feel like a million bucks, only I can do that. I was broken, REALLY broken when my ex left me after being together for 7 years. After climbing out of that dark place in my life I have learned to value myself so highly. I treat myself like a queen, screw waiting on someone else to do it. 2
goldengirl11 Posted March 25, 2012 Posted March 25, 2012 (edited) Just came across this thread. Is just what I need! I'm 33, live on my own and it doesn't feel like I've got many friends to go out with (really only one and the other lives with her boyfriend who doesn't like her going out that much). Also those who are similar to me and in my situation. I'm also jobhunting at the moment which is pretty tough, but think would be much happier if I had a better social life. Some good ideas though re hobbies! Re Whisky1981 who said they thought were a bit old at 30 to be going to bars/nightclubs - I don't think so! I still consider us to be young to still be able to do those things Edited March 25, 2012 by goldengirl11
mike588 Posted March 25, 2012 Posted March 25, 2012 My ex. dumped me for her ex. 7 months ago and I know how you feel. The 1st few months were hell...I analyzed the b/u over and over and over and wondered/thought about her and what they were doing thinking I should be there with her...not HIM!!! I'll admit I drank myself silly many nights just to sleep and to ease the pain and went to some bars but just wasn't into it...no other girl mattered. It's been 7 months now and I'm 99% healed...it just takes time..it's a matter of re-adjusting your life without your ex. 1
Whisky1981 Posted March 25, 2012 Posted March 25, 2012 Just came across this thread. Is just what I need! I'm 33, live on my own and it doesn't feel like I've got many friends to go out with (really only one and the other lives with her boyfriend who doesn't like her going out that much). Also those who are similar to me and in my situation. I'm also jobhunting at the moment which is pretty tough, but think would be much happier if I had a better social life. Some good ideas though re hobbies! Re Whisky1981 who said they thought were a bit old at 30 to be going to bars/nightclubs - I don't think so! I still consider us to be young to still be able to do those things Thanks that brings up my moral a bit . Though I am going out almost regulary, lets say every 2 weeks or so. Its just that I find hard approaching girls at nightclubs. They all seem to be busy with friends and keeping for themselvs. Also I am a pretty average guy that usually nobody notices. So if you are not a 10 guy or a really outgoing person out there it is hard to score something.
Author FearfulFuture Posted March 25, 2012 Author Posted March 25, 2012 Oh wow, that's a lot of posts since i started the thread, i guess im not alone in feeling this way. I feel for you all that, like me, you are finding it difficult with this issue but in some twisted way it helps me to know im not the only one struggling, not that i want others to suffer obviously. I guess we can take comfort in each other and some of the advice offered has been very useful, thanks to all who have helped. I wish i could write to you all individually and maybe i will help out on your threads but it will take a while, so for now as time is limited i will post here. Like many others here i am feeling slightly too old for the party scene, male, 28, UK (to answer previous questions) but im not convinced that it is in fact too old for all that, just difficult because its hard to find potential marriage material when most are out to get drunk or just fool around. I don't know, just how i see it. Im not even convinced im looking for that yet, just lost in limbo, existing as opposed to living! Anyway, thanks again this is an awesome thread and i hope others will jump in with suggestions and techniques to beat those lonely times.
SilverBlueAndGold Posted March 25, 2012 Posted March 25, 2012 She was the one i wanted to go out and enjoy all the beautiful moments in life with, she left me and all that behind. Anyone else feel like this? Good Lord, yes!!! That is the hardest shock to the system for me, seeing all of the things that we will not be doing together. Reaching for the phone to tell her something I just saw or heard and stopping in mid air, waking up and for a second feeling happy until I remember we are no longer together, getting ready to go out and realizing it's not dressing up for her anymore (that one really got to me for some reason). Having friends around helps although I have found myself sort of irritable around them because they are not the (one) person that I want to be talking with/go out with/laugh with.
cflowers32 Posted March 25, 2012 Posted March 25, 2012 Fear, I just joined this site last night and it's helping me. Others that are going through the same are supporting me and I get to support them. We're all fighting the same fight. We just broke up this week, I still love him, but gotta let him go. Sooooooo sad. I'll get there.
BewitchedandBothered Posted March 25, 2012 Posted March 25, 2012 It's always good to change up your routine. We are used to doing something nice with our ex's on a lovely day and they are more than likely trying to make new memories with new people using our old haunts, LOL. Last night I watched a bunch of old movies. They were happy, fun, feel good movies from back in the day and for the first time in a long time, I felt carefree. I was always a homebody anyway, so going out isn't something I would do, but...if you are used to going out, grab some friends/organize a get together; try a new place each week if you can afford it. Do things that you haven't gotten the chance to do.
ThatDudeXO Posted March 25, 2012 Posted March 25, 2012 Appreciate your friends a lot more. Text them more, catch up and meet them a lot more. chances are your partner took up a lot of your time and you neglected your friends, so it's best to bring your friendships as your social priority. Having friends around us keeps us from feeling alone and also a good friend can talk to you and make you feel better about your break up. That was the best remedy for me. I just got to a point where I had nothing more to say about my ex to my friends and when we did fun stuff, I completely forgot about her! But when you're on your own, get addicted to a TV show or watch films or whatever. I'm not the type to constantly go out so I got the "Lost" boxset and got addicted to it. Now I spend more time fantasizing about the hot girls they have on that show than my ex haha! 4
BewitchedandBothered Posted March 25, 2012 Posted March 25, 2012 Appreciate your friends a lot more. Text them more, catch up and meet them a lot more. chances are your partner took up a lot of your time and you neglected your friends, so it's best to bring your friendships as your social priority. Having friends around us keeps us from feeling alone and also a good friend can talk to you and make you feel better about your break up. That was the best remedy for me. I just got to a point where I had nothing more to say about my ex to my friends and when we did fun stuff, I completely forgot about her! But when you're on your own, get addicted to a TV show or watch films or whatever. I'm not the type to constantly go out so I got the "Lost" boxset and got addicted to it. Now I spend more time fantasizing about the hot girls they have on that show than my ex haha! There are still shows I love to watch on PBS that the ex loved, but I enjoyed these shows before him and will enjoy them again. I have one friend in particular who went through an identical situation the same time as I went through mine====we met in a very odd situation===she was one of his fb friends. He told me they went wayyyy back and were very close and I was under no circumstances allowed to friend/get involved with his friends. There was some drama involving a friend of mine and this off=limits gal, so I took it upon myself to inbox her and clear it up. She friended me and i wrote 'thanks for the add' on her wall. He saw it and wrote "good friends I see:)"==she wrote "new friends:)"==he blocked me instantly. Instantly=he blocked me all the freaking time and knew it bothered me, I was like nothing to him. I can't just block a person, you know? she and I exchanged numbers and were on the phone for hours talking about our situations and we bonded. We have been close ever since then. When I asked if they went 'waaaaay back', she nearly choked on her coffee. they met on fb by accident=she thought he was someone else, but it turned out they did have a similar story regarding marriage/divorce at the time, so they stayed fb pals. He called her and started to complain about me all of a sudden and she got to see what a jerk he really was. He lied and said he didn't tell me he loved me---but he did, every day and always said it first. I felt so small, how he could hold me in such ill regard to keep his fb reputation as he called it. He said and I quote "I will do anything to protect my fb reputation, even if it means hurting you". He spread lies about my brother whom he has never met and rubbed salt in my wounds for being estranged from my sister. I confided that I miss what I never had; a sister to love and trust in. He said it was all my fault that she didn't want to be around me. I had to endure stuff like that. It was awful. This friend has been my rock through it all and it angered him to no end, especially since she blocked him after he inboxed her begging to be fb friends again. "I won't even mention her to you, we could just be friends". She told him to leave her the hell alone or she will call the police. At that time it was a relief that someone else saw the way he is and glad it was her. She and I talk and it's never a big deal if we repeat the stuff over and over again; it's good to have a friend like that.
SilverBlueAndGold Posted March 25, 2012 Posted March 25, 2012 He said and I quote "I will do anything to protect my fb reputation, even if it means hurting you". . That is a very scary frame of mind. Is this person still on the streets?
BewitchedandBothered Posted March 25, 2012 Posted March 25, 2012 That is a very scary frame of mind. Is this person still on the streets? Sadly yes. He is big on verbal abuse. I wonder how long it will be before the new girl gets a taste of it, if he even shows this side of himself.
ThatDudeXO Posted March 25, 2012 Posted March 25, 2012 Sadly yes. He is big on verbal abuse. I wonder how long it will be before the new girl gets a taste of it, if he even shows this side of himself. BB, I'm sorry you have to deal with such a disgusting human being, I hope you are able to be happy every day despite having to deal with this man. But yes, not only improve your friendships but create new ones! Those people will always stick around and understand you, whilst make you smile all the time - something your ex committed to doing and failed. 1
BewitchedandBothered Posted March 25, 2012 Posted March 25, 2012 BB, I'm sorry you have to deal with such a disgusting human being, I hope you are able to be happy every day despite having to deal with this man. But yes, not only improve your friendships but create new ones! Those people will always stick around and understand you, whilst make you smile all the time - something your ex committed to doing and failed. I think of what he looked like naked and that gives me a good laugh, LOL:) 2
windmask Posted March 25, 2012 Posted March 25, 2012 just read the title of this forum and i was like hmmm thats a question i have how to deal with the feeling of being all alone like after a break up. for me its been 1 year and 2 months i went a year with NC then ran into her kinda led to a small argument because she accused me of being a bad boyfriend. but in return i said well i wasnt going around with other people one by one and telling them i was single while i was with you. and i didnt leave u because i thought u were less educated and didnt work since u were at school. she argued well ur accusing me of cheating and i think u were the worst bf. i was like well u left me because u said u were more wanting someone highly educated and someone with lots of money shows the type of person you are. but i also said forget all u made all the decisions yet in ur eyes am the bad guy well fine am a terrible person but i wish you the world. i hope even ur littlest wishes are granted in life and thats all i walked away. not sure why she hates me even though she decided everything and was so rude to me when breaking up. i do feel bad at times i feel really alone because she was my best friend before we got together. it really makes me wonder though is money really that important to people. oh btw am 25 now this happened last year when i just turned 24 and was in college. i dont think any money could make me happier then being in love i know most people say that and dont believe it. lifes odd and we see the true side of people when we grow up ive always been more of the independent type always doing things on my own. so i was never good at sharing my emotions never really had parents to show me right or wrong so i thought myself everything. fell in love for the first time with my best friend thought it was magical never thought it was possible. however to her having a higher education was greater and having lots more money even more important. i guess most people know money is prolly more important then love or with money u can get love...but not with me i think love is just love no money involved prolly stupid for thinking that but i have very simple beliefs and very simple wishes. perhaps in this time thats a lot ot ask in people.
SilverBlueAndGold Posted March 26, 2012 Posted March 26, 2012 The hard times for me is the sudden silence. When you have a large part of your life invested in one person, when they are the one you hear from morning noon and night, they are the one you look forward to seeing, planning things with and sharing life with... Even if it was a good move to end that relationship the change is so brutal and sudden that it's hard to deal with. I think that is why I relapsed in the past and ended up going back to something I knew was not healthy. It's like an alcoholic trying to dry out but sneaking a sip now and then. No healing or moving on can ever take place as long as the addiction is being fed. Sigh. I miss her so much and realize that only time will make these feelings fade.
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