scaredgirl21 Posted June 13, 2004 Posted June 13, 2004 my bf and I just broke up because I have a problem getting over my past. He said that he really wants us to be together but I make him feel like I don't trust him. I have had a hurtful past and it is hard to forget. I guess I think that my what happened in my past will keep happening. What can I do to get over what happened to me in the past and move on with the future and be happy with the person I love?
StartingAgain Posted June 13, 2004 Posted June 13, 2004 Your BF is right. Why should he have to pay for what someone else did to you? Why should he be mistrusted when he's done nothing to warrant your mistrust? You must get beyond the hurts of the past before you try to have a relationship with someone new. Never carry old baggage into a new relationship. If you do the relationship will fail. Here's how to get over your past hurts: forgive whoever it was who hurt you. Fogiveness is the key and it starts by saying to yourself "I forgive ______ for what he did. Then try to put yourself in ______'s shoes. Ask yourself "did he start out to hurt me or did he just make a mistake that hurt me?" If you are honest, you will find that the latter is almost invariably the case. We all make mistakes. You just made one. You hurt your BF. Did you mean to do this? Of course you didn't. Forgiveness is the key to trust. Never forget that. If you find that you can't forgive and put your past hurts away, you should get some counceling to help you with this. Your handle is scaredgirl21, so I assume that you are 21 years old. That's very young, so you can't have had too many hurtful relationsips at your age. If you have, there's an old saying "fix your picker."
Author scaredgirl21 Posted June 13, 2004 Author Posted June 13, 2004 I understand everthing that you told me but how I deal with it if the bf is the one that hurt me in the past? How do I approach that situation?
dudesomewhere Posted June 13, 2004 Posted June 13, 2004 eh? wait a minute, this current bf is the one who hurt you in the past and not some other person? wth, you should keep on feeling the way you feel, that's his problem and besides, wth again, why you with this guy, hehe
Author scaredgirl21 Posted June 13, 2004 Author Posted June 13, 2004 It happened 4 years ago. We both wanted second chances for 2 reasons (1) We love each other and (2) we have a child together. Why would he tell me he wants us to be together if he didn't. I forgave him for what happened then I just haven't forgotten it. We still talk as friends but we both know that there is a potential for more.
dudesomewhere Posted June 13, 2004 Posted June 13, 2004 but... "I forgave him for what happened then I just haven't forgotten it." that's how it's supposed to work...you're not supposed to forget, forgiving is ok and understandable. But something happened and should not be forgotten, doing so would be senseless and demanding someone do so is asinine. Just as history goes, once it's happened it's happened...you cannot change history and you can only learn from it to try and avoid problems in the future. That's why they teach us history in school. Tell your bf that and that I'll kick his ass. hehe I'm goofy, and when I am so in excess that means I need sleep and refuse to sleep so pardon me
StartingAgain Posted June 13, 2004 Posted June 13, 2004 No, you can never forget, but with time and a lot of effort on his part (and yours too) you can trust him. I'm guessing he fooled around of you. that can be tough for a woman to get over. The most important thing you have said so far is reson #2 you are together: you have a child with this man. OK, guess what? He isn't your boyfriend anymore. He's your husband. You may not have stood and front of a preacher or rabbi an said "I do," but the minute you bore his child, you became his wife in every meaningful way. The child is far mor important that your or your boyfriends hurt feelings or distrust. The two of you MUST get past this for the sake of your child. I'm not one of those you believes that children aren't harmed by their parents splitting up. You and I am supposing your boyfriend too, are too young to be raising a child, but there you are aned you have to do your best. It's time to grow up and do so fast. Please make an appointment with a couples therapist and get some help working this problem out. It's the only thing to do. Then you and you man do your absolute best to be good parents to that child. Dedicate yourselves to doing it together.
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