Alexia1 Posted March 24, 2012 Posted March 24, 2012 About two years ago, my fiance and I graduated from college and got jobs. We have been living in a really crappy apartment so we could save almost all of our money to have our wedding and buy a nice house. We finally saved enough money to buy a house, and my fiance's parents are getting divorced. His father, who is, for lack of better words, crazy, wants to move in with us because he has no job and nowhere to go. My fiance immediately offered him a room in our house, because he is just a good guy. My fiance's father has done really crazy things in the past and hasn't had a job because he is lazy. My boyfriends mom, who I love, has worked 70 hours a week as a nurse to be able to support her family. When my fiance was still living with his parents in high school and college, his father did the following things to him, his brother, and his mom more than once: -stole money from his wallet -stole his identity to get a phone plan or something of the sort (they have the same first and last name) -slashed his tires -tried to burn the house down -drained the oil from his car -stole his cell phone and sold it -met up with my parents and tried to break us up -went months without talking to him ... and many other things. So, I do NOT want his father living with us. My fiance is such a forgiving, nice person that he didn't take any of these horrible things into consideration, we worked SO hard to buy this house. Who says that his father won't try to burn it down, steal from our wallets, slash our tires, ect? I explained this to my fiance, and he said I was right, but he got upset. Am I being crazy/insensitive? How should I convince my fiance that his father not living with us would be the best?
setsenia Posted March 24, 2012 Posted March 24, 2012 Let your fiance know that you are just NOT comfortable with the situation for the above listed reasons. If he is not willing to understand, I'd reconsider the marriage. It sounds like not only would it be unsafe to have him there, but detrimental to the marriage before it's even started. Your fiance should consider your feelings before making such a decision.
RiverRunning Posted March 26, 2012 Posted March 26, 2012 This marriage is going to blow up before it even begins with this kind of stress involved. It's enough stress having a grown adult, especially one who won't work, move in with a couple that's been settled for years, let alone a couple not yet even married. This guy is dangerous and unstable. He belongs in a hospital's psychiatric wing, not siphoning off of his son and future daughter-in-law. You might find credit cards missing while he's treated himself to a shopping spree. ANYTHING could happen, and he has demonstrated that. Nice or not, your fiancee has to learn that standing up to his parents, and standing up for himself and his future wife, are very important lessons to be learned. If he can't do this, your marriage will likely have some very unnecessary rocky parts. If it even survives that long after this. If you haven't yet signed your name for a house or anything, it's time to lay down the law. If you can, get your money out of any joint account you share with your boyfriend. Make sure that you are as separated as possible before you confront him about this. Let him know that you will not be purchasing a house together if his father is going to be living with the two of you indefinitely. This could be more understandable if dad was just out of work and were searching for a new job...and if he were stable. But he's not. You may end up supporting this old bum for the rest of his life, meanwhile you grow more miserable and unhappy. What if you two have children together? What kind of influence will he be on the kids? Let your fiancee know that you understand he loves his father and wants to do right by him, but you can't in good faith allow the start of your lives together go down that way. If he is willing to work with you (maybe you each agree, say, to give ol' dad a certain amount of money every month for a certain period of time, at which point he is just on his own), great! If not...definitely reconsider this marriage. 1
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