Caveman Posted June 13, 2004 Posted June 13, 2004 She breaks up with me...and says, "I lay awake at night wondering if i'm making the biggest mistake of my life. I'm worried I will want to be with you in 6 months and you will be in love with another and you'll be out of my life forever". Anyone ever heard/used that one before???? Nothing like trying to sound happy on-air when you are completely vacant inside.
DerangedAngel Posted June 13, 2004 Posted June 13, 2004 Anyone ever heard/used that one before???? Yes/no. It was fair for him to think that, and even tell me, but that didn't mean that I waited around for him to change his mind. -Deranged
DerangedAngel Posted June 13, 2004 Posted June 13, 2004 And what happened if anything? One year (and 5 girlfriends for him) later, he called me up begging for another chance. And I do mean begging. I was already with a wonderful guy, and the ex had totally pissed me off after we broke up, so I cut all ties with him and haven't talked to him since. He still asks about me, and emails, but I couldn't care less. -Deranged
dudesomewhere Posted June 13, 2004 Posted June 13, 2004 people always say things like that viewing you as nothing more than the substitutes...temporary fix to what they really want. They'll say that just in case whoever it is they dumped you for dump them...lol meanwhile of course, we wonder if we made the biggest mistake of our lives giving our hearts to these people who don't value love huh? We're the suckers!
amerikajin Posted June 13, 2004 Posted June 13, 2004 Cave, Your first step toward getting your life back is to distance yourself from this woman. I know it's tough to sever the cord, but that's your best bet. Otherwise, I think you run the risk of being strung along by the queen of false hope - and it gets worse each time you get shocked. The anger, the resentment that builds each time will eventually become more and more difficult to control. That's why it's important to take an active role in getting control of your life. I know it's not easy, but you've got no choice. There are two things a dumper always keeps in the back of her mind when she's doing the deed: 1) She feels horrible about hurting you and wants to clear her conscience as much as she can; and, two, she realizes that the grass may not be greener elsewhere, and that she may need you as a backup later. Is that what you want from this relationship? Sympathy? Do you want to be a spare tire? Go out with your friends. Stay close to your family. Don't throw yourself away on her, man.
Author Caveman Posted June 13, 2004 Author Posted June 13, 2004 Wish I was stronger...but I'm hollow at this point.
amerikajin Posted June 13, 2004 Posted June 13, 2004 <cracking open a beer and pulling up a barstool> Dude, I know how you feel. I've been there - we've all been there. First thing you have to understand is that it's okay to have these emotions. What you can't do is to allow it to control what you do from day to day. You just can't let that happen. At the end of the day, you have to keep going on with your life. Understand that this is a battle you're going to wage day in and day out for the next 6 to 12 months, and to a lesser extent even longer than that. Some days you'll be okay, while other days will be complete hell. The first 90 days will be the toughest, but after that, if you start rebuilding other areas of your life (i.e. your good friendships and family relationships, career etc.), you'll get better slowly. Start doing things for yourself. Catch a movie. Read a book. Go hiking or join the local gym or fitness center. Go with your buds to a local music gig. Anything to take your mind off your misery will be beneficial. Once in a while, it's okay to have time to yourself to grieve, and in fact, I think you need some time to work those emotions out. But don't do it all the time. It's just my opinion, but I think the best way to ensure you get through this whole thing is to sever all contact with her - completely and indefinitely. You can't let her just walk in and out of your life when she feels like it. If you do that, she'll take advantage of you, and it sounds like she's been doing that, and, it sounds like she's even hoping you'll leave the door open so she can do it again in the future. Close that door! Don't be mean about it, but protect yourself - always! Keep coming back here if you need to vent, though don't mistake us for qualified mental health counselors. I think you should still see if you can find someone who might have a better bedside manner, and as well, try to listen to what he's/she's saying - don't just react. While your previous counselor seemed like a poor physician, I think he did have a point in saying that only you can initiate the process of healing. Only you can decide whether or not you're ready to fight this battle. Other people can help you once you've made your decision. I know you feel like you're pullin a heavy load on a lonely deserted highway in the middle of the night, but keep truckin' on, brother. Best of luck to ya.
Wolvesbaned Posted June 13, 2004 Posted June 13, 2004 Caveman, Your girl doesn't know what she wants, there's a lot of people wandering around and not really knowing what they want. Problem is they attach themselves to people like you and me and like an alien parasite, they inflict their harm. But it's OK. What they got won't kill you, it'll just keep you incapacitated for a few months. Seriously though, you don't need that. No one does. It's hurts like hell - but that's one thing to be proud of later because it means you're mature enough to "give". Just learn from your mistakes. It'll be OK.
Author Caveman Posted June 13, 2004 Author Posted June 13, 2004 The scariest thing was last Friday when she got all pissed at me because she thought I was banging someone cuz I slept out....(I was housesitting)...I said, what would you care anyway, you don't want to be w/me...she said that doesn't matter, people can be jealous anyway... Sadly, I know she is already w/someone else...and I still want her back...
midori Posted June 13, 2004 Posted June 13, 2004 Letting you know that she's jealous is absolutely unfair. People hide behind rationalizations like, "it's better to be honest, I'm just telling you how I feel," but that is utter nonsense. When you're in a relationship with someone, yes, honesty in most cases is very important, open communication, etc. When you're NOT in a relationship with someone whom you know would like to be in a relationship with you, suggesting that you might on some level still be interested in them is just plain cruel. It's thoughtless and selfish. She's stringing you along, maybe because she's stupid and doesn't fully realize what she's doing (or wish to acknowledge it). Maybe because she's calculating and manipulative. Who knows? At any rate, it doesn't speak well of her. Those who suggest cutting off all contact with her know what they're talking about. I've been there too, and I can tell you that I wasted waaaaay more time and energy than was necessary, because of an ex who made it clear that he couldn't handle the thought of me being with someone else, whose interactions with me subsequent to breaking up with me were 100% selfish and self-centered. Cutting off contact won't make you feel better right away, but it will terminate her ability to interfere with your process of moving on.
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