ThatDudeXO Posted March 24, 2012 Posted March 24, 2012 Just hit 1 month NC. I'm improving steadily, just had a nightmare that we broke up and got back together (lol) and just now I have realised how fake my ex is to her friends and on facebook. We have a lot of mutual friends on facebook and she used to complain and talk about how crappy her friends are behind their backs but on FB she pretends to be "amazing besties" which gets on my nerves. I've seen what she is like normally but the way she acts now is really fake and annoying. I feel like breaking NC just to rant about it because a part of me feels like I need to say this. She's become a really fake person and has chose her 'crappy' friends over me. So i'm wondering...is it worth breaking NC to get it off my chest? What do you guys do when you feel this need to rant to an ex? How do you let this urge pass? It's an urge that comes up every few days.
BewitchedandBothered Posted March 24, 2012 Posted March 24, 2012 Just hit 1 month NC. I'm improving steadily, just had a nightmare that we broke up and got back together (lol) and just now I have realised how fake my ex is to her friends and on facebook. We have a lot of mutual friends on facebook and she used to complain and talk about how crappy her friends are behind their backs but on FB she pretends to be "amazing besties" which gets on my nerves. I've seen what she is like normally but the way she acts now is really fake and annoying. I feel like breaking NC just to rant about it because a part of me feels like I need to say this. She's become a really fake person and has chose her 'crappy' friends over me. So i'm wondering...is it worth breaking NC to get it off my chest? What do you guys do when you feel this need to rant to an ex? How do you let this urge pass? It's an urge that comes up every few days. Don't do it, friend. No good will come of it. Let her do what she does; much as it bugs you; stay where you are and do not send her anything. Post here, you are among friends. 4
leannesagoodman Posted March 24, 2012 Posted March 24, 2012 I agree - don't do it. It's so tempting to say something, but more often than not the fact that they know they've got your attention is only an ego boost to them rather than a nice thing that they're grateful for. And it's unlikely to stop her from posting in that way to them anyway, which is sad but true. Facebook and other social networking stuff can make things more difficult at a time like this. If you find it really bugs you, either stave off facebook all together for a bit, or unsubscribe from the mutual friends you have. Unless facebook's essential to your life (like for messages and things like that) then it's not a good idea. Well done on the one month no contact though! Keep it up. You're doing good, and like you say, it is improving. You've just got to hang in there and stick with it. And for anything you want to say to her but can't, BewitchedandBothered is right - post it here on LS. Many people find it helps a lot to get their frustration out somewhere that isn't their ex's inbox. 1
Author ThatDudeXO Posted March 25, 2012 Author Posted March 25, 2012 Thank you Leanne and Bewitched. Many thanks to Bewitched for always helping me with my problems I'm sorry I post so many topics, sometimes I feel as if I'm over her then suddenly she's all I think about, whether it's loving thoughts or frustrated thoughts. I let the urge pass and felt fine but I imagine it will probably come again. It's just annoying she came to terms with breaking up with me well before we actually broke up, she didn't even try to work it out. So frustrating. Reading your posts did help a lot and helped me get through a difficult day of NC. Thank you again. 1
BewitchedandBothered Posted March 25, 2012 Posted March 25, 2012 Thank you Leanne and Bewitched. Many thanks to Bewitched for always helping me with my problems I'm sorry I post so many topics, sometimes I feel as if I'm over her then suddenly she's all I think about, whether it's loving thoughts or frustrated thoughts. I let the urge pass and felt fine but I imagine it will probably come again. It's just annoying she came to terms with breaking up with me well before we actually broke up, she didn't even try to work it out. So frustrating. Reading your posts did help a lot and helped me get through a difficult day of NC. Thank you again. Any ol' time:) And whenever you feel the urge to call, come here instead, you keep your dignity and pride in tact. Your ex took enough from you; don't give more. And post as much as you want!!! Lord knows I have rambled and rambled about my ex, analyzing the heck out of the situation==but it helps to get it out. It's a good release to come here. I play in my head what it would be like if I called/texted my ex. He would probably say 'who's this' thought he knows it's me, he would pry into my personal life----he used certain things to hurt me, so he won't even know what my favorite color of the day is, LOL----and then he would brag about the new love he found. don't need it. He was never a true friend, so he has no place in my life. Think of what would happen if you made that call, how crappy you would feel, because after all, your ex could contact you. Every day you are getting stronger, it may not feel like it, but trust me, you are. and one day you will be like 'what was I thinking????":) Anytime you want to talk, I am certainly here. 1
leannesagoodman Posted March 27, 2012 Posted March 27, 2012 (Sorry because I was going to post this last night and my internet got cut!) I'm sorry I post so many topics, sometimes I feel as if I'm over her then suddenly she's all I think about, whether it's loving thoughts or frustrated thoughts. I let the urge pass and felt fine but I imagine it will probably come again. It's just annoying she came to terms with breaking up with me well before we actually broke up, she didn't even try to work it out. So frustrating. Don't worry; this is all I'm about lately! I keep feeling like this too, although it's happening less frequently, which is a good sign. Eventually these urges will hopefully subside for us both. I know how you feel with the coming to terms with breaking up before the actual break up itself. My ex was over me long before she called it a day, and that's not her fault really; I blame myself for it. But it is irritating because it means they can move on straight away and it feels like you meant nothing to them. But that's not true. We meant something once, even if things aren't the same now. And it's frustrating that we're still picking up the pieces long after they picked up theirs, but hopefully one day we'll be as happy as they are. I mean I genuinely do hope that my ex is happy, because the person I loved deserved to be. I'd just like to be that happy too. Eventually it will be possible. 2
sweetheart5381 Posted March 28, 2012 Posted March 28, 2012 Don't do it, it will serve no good to anyone. A relationship is a 2 way street and ranting on them will not serve any meaningful purpose. If the relationship means anything at all to you then don't react to your ex angrily, it will only hurt you both more down the road. If their friendship really matters, don't burn the bridge. Take time. They are hurt too, but may have a hard time expressing it. It's a 2 way street. You started as 2 individuals, you leave as 2 individuals.... hopefully you gain more understanding of human nature.
jerbear Posted March 28, 2012 Posted March 28, 2012 No breaking NC just to rant is not worth it. It makes you look desperate and trite. 1
sweetheart5381 Posted March 28, 2012 Posted March 28, 2012 No breaking NC just to rant is not worth it. It makes you look desperate and trite. Yes, it is self-serving... if you are going to serve yourself, do it alone. Not a bad thing, but dont drag the ex into it. Anger is anger - feel it, then let it go in such a way that no one feels pain from it.
leannesagoodman Posted March 28, 2012 Posted March 28, 2012 Anger is anger - feel it, then let it go in such a way that no one feels pain from it. That's a good way to put it. Let the feelings flow for yourself, get them out if they're bad, but do it for yourself, by yourself. But everyone's here as you go through that process.
Author ThatDudeXO Posted March 29, 2012 Author Posted March 29, 2012 Thank you for the responses guys. The feeling did eventually pass and I'm kinda glad I didn't rant on. It's just a shame, we had such a beautiful thing going but even though I know it should be over, I'm just finding it hard to accept it. I still think the world of her. I have depressive phases every now and then but I get through them. I just want to be able to accept it in my heart that it's over, that she's gone. I have so many questions in my head about our love that it hurts my head to think about it. If you're wondering why I'm going on about acceptance, it's because my inability to accept the BU and let go of the emotional connection is making me question everythimg and makes me angry at the same time. Thus giving me an urge to rant..Grrr... 1
jennisfora Posted March 29, 2012 Posted March 29, 2012 i did this, contacted and rant, and all it did was make me feel worse, and make him defensive, as he was all ready feeling guilty. i wish i hadnt done it. don't do this, have it end on a good note, be the bigger person, and know that you didnt give in to the temptation. you dont want to look back on your relationship or for her to look back and think you were a prick. i know we shouldnt care what they think, but i want him to look back and go, i wish i hadnt let her go, she was so sweet kind, and loving, not, wow, im glad i dumped her, she was an unhinged psycho ex. we cant control what they think, but we can control our own actions. i also dont want to see myself as a vengeful spiteful bitter person. trying to journal the feelings out, its hard. *hugs*
Sugarkane Posted March 29, 2012 Posted March 29, 2012 I'm not sure on this one. I've always taken the high road. Yet still never been contacted and zero chance of an apology. I wondered what was the point on doing the right thing ?
robkris8079 Posted March 29, 2012 Posted March 29, 2012 I broke contact the other day. She was looking for something she thought left at my house. No small talk or anything I just answered her question. Then again later there was another thing she thought she left. Again I just answered her question. She sent about 7 texts throughout this and I just sent 2. 2 replies to her actual questions. I don't feel bad about the contact nor that I set myself back. But if this was contact just to rant or have interactions with her it would have crushed me. Me not contacting in this situation would make me feel like I was being immature and petty. I'm moving on as is she. Just tying up loose ends.
Silent thoughts Posted March 30, 2012 Posted March 30, 2012 I found a ticket stub from a movie we had watched in our first two months of going out from a 6 year relationship... Should I break NC to give it to her or just put it away and continue trying to move on?
Author ThatDudeXO Posted March 30, 2012 Author Posted March 30, 2012 I found a ticket stub from a movie we had watched in our first two months of going out from a 6 year relationship... Should I break NC to give it to her or just put it away and continue trying to move on? I would probably just put it away out of sight. A few weeks later you maybe able to look at it and not cry or feel pain. My favourite watch is what my ex bought me in my 1st birthday of our LTR. It broke my heart to see it for about a month....I took it out the drawer, put it on and smiled. Just to appreciate that someone could give me such good memories and gifts. So yeah, just put it away and don't give her the satisfaction of knowing you're still pining over her.
Silent thoughts Posted March 30, 2012 Posted March 30, 2012 I would probably just put it away out of sight. A few weeks later you maybe able to look at it and not cry or feel pain. My favourite watch is what my ex bought me in my 1st birthday of our LTR. It broke my heart to see it for about a month....I took it out the drawer, put it on and smiled. Just to appreciate that someone could give me such good memories and gifts. So yeah, just put it away and don't give her the satisfaction of knowing you're still pining over her. Thanks your right I'll just put it away... Is it weird to be seeing my ex wearing jewelry that I had given her as anniversary gifts, ect... Idk if it's just me but I find that strange since it was a gift out of love... And she's been wearing these things around the brainwashed who broke us up....
Author ThatDudeXO Posted March 30, 2012 Author Posted March 30, 2012 It's not wierd at all really. I still wear my exes watch she gave me. It's nice and she spent a lot of money. Gifts are really nice gestures so it would be rude just to trash it. I bought my ex a ring and do hope she still wears it, it was a really nice ring. If she still wears your gifts, then they are probaly really good gifts!
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