harleynight Posted March 24, 2012 Posted March 24, 2012 I met this guy on match.comand he's really nice. We went out for supper last night and back to his place for a hot tub. We've been talking for about a week now. Yesterday he told me to add him on facebook which I did, but found out that he's only been seperated from his previous girlfriend of 14 years for a month now. Should I run? I'm scared to be a rebound and that he's not ready to be in a relationship so soon. What would you do? So confused right now?
bikinibeach Posted March 24, 2012 Posted March 24, 2012 Oh no... have to admit.. that does NOT look good. Smart of you to recognize this! Hate to say it but... move on.
Author harleynight Posted March 24, 2012 Author Posted March 24, 2012 that's what I'm thinking. He asked me if he scared me off and I was honest and told him that the fact that he's only been single a month after 14 years really scared me. And I also told him that I don't think he's over her or the fact that she left him. He wants me to call him after the kids are in bed to talk. But my gutt is saying RUN!!!!!!!
veggirl Posted March 24, 2012 Posted March 24, 2012 wow a girlfriend for 14 yrs and and he is already looking for "dates" after a month?! hell yeah you should run as fast as your feet will carry you. Don't bother calling him, just tell him "I'm not comfortable with this, I'm sorry". If you call he will probably sweet talk you into sticking around. Don't be his rebound. 2
ashleydavis Posted March 24, 2012 Posted March 24, 2012 the man has a stiff heart. being in relationship that long is not rare, but he suggest he HAS TOO MUCH RESOURCES. he may have ran out or somebody else out competed him. he will pass his baggage onto you and you will not be able to boss him around' SOLUTION DATE SOMEONE who OPPRESSEDnate
blueskyday Posted March 24, 2012 Posted March 24, 2012 If your gut says "Run!," run you must.... I've always regretted not listening to my gut when it screamed at me. Maybe there could be something down the road for you two...who knows, but not now. He needs to go through some stuff first..
Author harleynight Posted March 24, 2012 Author Posted March 24, 2012 yes I'm gonna be running, I don't want to take the chance and if maybe in 6 months if he's figured things out we can talk at that point. But I'm done 1
phineas Posted March 24, 2012 Posted March 24, 2012 I met this guy on match.comand he's really nice. We went out for supper last night and back to his place for a hot tub. 1
Nextlane Posted March 24, 2012 Posted March 24, 2012 Run!! Also give it some time as well as are the rebound as of this moment.
Mantis Toboggan Posted March 24, 2012 Posted March 24, 2012 Should you run? Depends on what your goals are. If your goal is to enjoy this person's company and see where things take you, then stick around and see what happens. If your goal is to date him with the ulterior motive of immediately evaluating him as a life-long partner, then run. Because if you're seeking an INSTANT relationship, then it's best not to give your heart to someone so fresh out of a 14-year thing.
veggirl Posted March 24, 2012 Posted March 24, 2012 Should you run? Depends on what your goals are. If your goal is to enjoy this person's company and see where things take you, then stick around and see what happens. If your goal is to date him with the ulterior motive of immediately evaluating him as a life-long partner, then run. Because if you're seeking an INSTANT relationship, then it's best not to give your heart to someone so fresh out of a 14-year thing. Wanting a life-long relationship is not an "ulterior motive". This guy is one month out of a 14 yr relationship. There is no POINT in worrying about if would be a good partner or not because he CAN'T be one right now. The point of dating is to evaluate if you are compatible long-term with someone. This dude needs to heal and move on from his old relationship before any woman should be putting herself at risk of getting attached to him. Why do you paint wanting a longterm relationship so with such a negative brush?
Mantis Toboggan Posted March 24, 2012 Posted March 24, 2012 Wanting a life-long relationship is not an "ulterior motive". This guy is one month out of a 14 yr relationship. There is no POINT in worrying about if would be a good partner or not because he CAN'T be one right now. The point of dating is to evaluate if you are compatible long-term with someone. This dude needs to heal and move on from his old relationship before any woman should be putting herself at risk of getting attached to him. Why do you paint wanting a longterm relationship so with such a negative brush? Don't worry. It was intentional. I just notice the ongoing theme of this board of people seeking long term relationships the same way people seek one night stands. They meet someone, and within the first encounter they try to gather whether or not they can get what they want from the person. Long term relationships are grown. Not demanded. You can't just go around with a checklist and stamp "LTR material" on a person based on a small amount of knowledge. Would I form a long term relationship with someone 1-month out of a 14-year relationship? Hell no. But I'd date them. And if I liked them, I would date the person longer. And maybe through that'd we'd see if there was a future of if there wasn't. I don't know about you, but my purpose in dating is to enjoy the person's company. If anything long term comes out of that, it stems from the fact that we enjoy each other, and love is growing. Not that we're both "seeking something serious".
veggirl Posted March 24, 2012 Posted March 24, 2012 Don't worry. It was intentional. I just notice the ongoing theme of this board of people seeking long term relationships the same way people seek one night stands. They meet someone, and within the first encounter they try to gather whether or not they can get what they want from the person. Long term relationships are grown. Not demanded. You can't just go around with a checklist and stamp "LTR material" on a person based on a small amount of knowledge. Would I form a long term relationship with someone 1-month out of a 14-year relationship? Hell no. But I'd date them. And if I liked them, I would date the person longer. And maybe through that'd we'd see if there was a future of if there wasn't. I don't know about you, but my purpose in dating is to enjoy the person's company. If anything long term comes out of that, it stems from the fact that we enjoy each other, and love is growing. Not that we're both "seeking something serious". Thank you for clarifying I wouldn't date someone who had recently gotten out of an LTR (I also would prob not date someone who dated but didn't marry someone of 14 yrs...suppose there could be extentuating circumstances, though!). And I completely agree with you that a lot of people want to jump into an LTR off the bat, which is ridiculous. So, I think we are on the same page, basically!
Author harleynight Posted March 25, 2012 Author Posted March 25, 2012 I'm not expecting a LTR right off the bat, but the fact that he's only been out for a month, makes me think that he's not over her and not over the fact that she left him. So he needs to sort out his life and do what he needs to do for himself before he gets into another relationship.
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