Mixin6 Posted March 24, 2012 Posted March 24, 2012 So I started seeing someone new at work ( I knooooow. Don't date people from work) Anyway, ex works there also. We've kept it quiet but it seems the ex has seen us talking in the hallway and leaving work together. Both times the ex was "shaken" or "rattled". I could tell. So what did the ex do? She called my best friend a day later. Not at home, not on his cell phone but on one of the company phones, while he was on the floor working! She had him on the phone for a good 20 minutes asking if I was indeed dating the new girl and if he'd seen us kiss, etc. Meanwhile he's trying to perform his duties! She told him about everything when her and I dated and made me look like the bad guy (or her like the innocent one) She then said she wanted me to be happy, wished me the best with the new girl, that she really cared for me and that's why she wanted it to work out with the new girl. Ex also told him that I don't care about ex's feelings. Huh? What? I'm the bad guy but she cares for me and wants the best for me? The following day, the ex sees me and wishes me the best and is really cheery towards me. Hmmm. I couldn't figure it out. A complete 180 from the day before. It seemed like she was upset, maybe even jealous, the day before to completely being "over it" the next day. Is that possible? What can I expect from here on out? Should I try and talk to the ex and let her know I've moved on? How should I carry myself around her? I did not tell new girl about this because I feel it would only bring about problems.
TaraMaiden Posted March 24, 2012 Posted March 24, 2012 ..She called my best friend a day later. Not at home, not on his cell phone but on one of the company phones, while he was on the floor working! She had him on the phone for a good 20 minutes He should have cut her off by saying - "I'm working right now... this is personal stuff. call me later if you really think it's necessary, to talk about it another time, right now, I'm kinda busy...." She told him about everything when her and I dated and made me look like the bad guy well if he's your best friend, he knows different, right? The following day, the ex sees me and wishes me the best and is really cheery towards me. Hmmm. I couldn't figure it out. A complete 180 from the day before. It seemed like she was upset, maybe even jealous, the day before to completely being "over it" the next day. It's called 'putting on an act to disarm you'..... Is that possible? What can I expect from here on out? Should I try and talk to the ex and let her know I've moved on? How should I carry myself around her? (I sound like a stuck record) if you read the Caliguy no Contact guide in my sig., it will tell you all you ever need to know. Caliguy actually worked almost alongside his ex - who cheated on him during a particularly difficult phase of his life -but when he implemented the guide, 100%, and did it 100% of the time - she was the one who caught the short end..... It absolutely completely works - but you absolutely completely have to do it. I did not tell new girl about this because I feel it would only bring about problems. You should. You should tell her everything and make everything completely transparent to her. about the past, the present and anything that might occur in the future. Tell her, and tell her first. That way, if anyone spitefully tries to surprise her, she can say - "Yeah, i know all about that - what's your point?"
Author Mixin6 Posted March 24, 2012 Author Posted March 24, 2012 He should have cut her off by saying - "I'm working right now... this is personal stuff. call me later if you really think it's necessary, to talk about it another time, right now, I'm kinda busy...." well if he's your best friend, he knows different, right? It's called 'putting on an act to disarm you'..... (I sound like a stuck record) if you read the Caliguy no Contact guide in my sig., it will tell you all you ever need to know. Caliguy actually worked almost alongside his ex - who cheated on him during a particularly difficult phase of his life -but when he implemented the guide, 100%, and did it 100% of the time - she was the one who caught the short end..... It absolutely completely works - but you absolutely completely have to do it. You should. You should tell her everything and make everything completely transparent to her. about the past, the present and anything that might occur in the future. Tell her, and tell her first. That way, if anyone spitefully tries to surprise her, she can say - "Yeah, i know all about that - what's your point?" I agree with everything you said. I don't hate my ex though. I'm over the past. I just don't understand what you mean when you said she's trying to disarm me. Please explain. Thanks.
TaraMaiden Posted March 24, 2012 Posted March 24, 2012 she's acting one way with one person, but being charming to you. Does she know you know, she spoke to your best friend? If she doesn't know, she's putting on a front.... but you know her best. Don't ever try to second-guess anyone, it's not worrth it, and it doesn't work. your best bet is just to get on with your own life and let her do what she wants. And if she ends up making a completer whelk of herself - that's her problem. not yours.
Author Mixin6 Posted March 24, 2012 Author Posted March 24, 2012 He called me later on that night to tell me that she called him at work. She doesn't know for sure that he told me about the phone call but she knows he tells me EVERYTHING so she's gotta know we had some sort of conversation about it. I'm guessing she realized what a complete ass she made of herself when she called him and thought it would be a good idea to "save face" and wish me the best. It's the only way for her to act at this point in order for us to "forget" about her irrational behavior (phone call to work)
TaraMaiden Posted March 24, 2012 Posted March 24, 2012 Well then you might well be right. I would still go with keeping your GF in the loop. If this blind-sides her one day, she will be cross you didn't tell her anything about it. I'm a woman, and I'm telling you, I'd prefer to know.... As far as women are concerned, they like to know 'their enemy'.....
EgoJoe Posted March 24, 2012 Posted March 24, 2012 Well then you might well be right. I would still go with keeping your GF in the loop. If this blind-sides her one day, she will be cross you didn't tell her anything about it. I'm a woman, and I'm telling you, I'd prefer to know.... As far as women are concerned, they like to know 'their enemy'..... Try this when your Ex bothers you, "Yo ho, leave me alone." Then walk away. She is playing games and acting like she owns you even though she dumped you.
TaraMaiden Posted March 24, 2012 Posted March 24, 2012 Try this when your Ex bothers you, "Yo ho, leave me alone." Then walk away. She is playing games and acting like she owns you even though she dumped you. they work together, and have to be in the same building. That's hardly constructive, or adult - is it? And calling a woman a 'ho' is inappropriate if you had a relationship with them.. what does that say about you?
EgoJoe Posted March 25, 2012 Posted March 25, 2012 they work together, and have to be in the same building. That's hardly constructive, or adult - is it? And calling a woman a 'ho' is inappropriate if you had a relationship with them.. what does that say about you? It says that I don't have respect for Women (or Men) who play games like this nor will I adhere to some chivalrous code invented to cuckold and friendzone the nice guy. They might as well be a hooker in my mind. So he has to work with her, change the ho word, but, he needs to get her to leave him alone. Send a strong message of GTFO my face and that there is no need/want/desire for further contact. I figured that part was implied but I guess I did write the message in haste.
TaraMaiden Posted March 25, 2012 Posted March 25, 2012 OK, fair enough... but i tend to believe that the abrasive approach is better as a last resort than a first one..... bit hostile.....
EgoJoe Posted March 25, 2012 Posted March 25, 2012 OK, fair enough... but i tend to believe that the abrasive approach is better as a last resort than a first one..... bit hostile..... This past year has taught me many things. One of which is that abrasive or not a powerful message that conveys emotion will "get through" to a Woman as much as possible. Expressing that much disdain will send anybody with a sliver of self-respect packing. Whatever cognitive dissonance they perform after-the-fact doesn't matter to me only the result. That sounds cold but there is no lying or manipulation there. That is merely manuevering. It's not like saying, "Confused blah blah blah need space blah blah blah." It's, "I don't respect you, leave me alone."
Author Mixin6 Posted March 26, 2012 Author Posted March 26, 2012 Well then you might well be right. I would still go with keeping your GF in the loop. If this blind-sides her one day, she will be cross you didn't tell her anything about it. I'm a woman, and I'm telling you, I'd prefer to know.... As far as women are concerned, they like to know 'their enemy'..... I'm just dating her so I wouldn't consider it a relationship just yet but I agree with filling her in just in case we get a little more serious. The last thing I need is the ex getting drunk at some party and start spewing some ridiculous stuff about either one of us and it makes it back to the girl I'm dating now. We all work together and even though my ex and I talk and she said she wishes me well, I don't fully buy it. However, I have to take her on her word and hope she doesn't do anything crazy. She told my friend on the phone the other day that, "He doesn't care about my feelings." What feelings!??! She dumped me. That's OK. And now she's gotta be thinking that I'm throwing the new girl in her face.
EgoJoe Posted March 26, 2012 Posted March 26, 2012 She told my friend on the phone the other day that, "He doesn't care about my feelings." What feelings!??! She dumped me. That's OK. And now she's gotta be thinking that I'm throwing the new girl in her face. Because she is selfish and thinks she still owns you while she gets to do what/whomever she wants.
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