Mitsubichi Posted March 24, 2012 Posted March 24, 2012 Hi, i'm new to this forum and my english isn't perfect so don't shoot me if something is incorrect ! My girlfriend (19) and me (22) are together for almost 4 months. We have had a pretty good relationship and yes we also had our downs! I've always been showering her with love and affection and she used to come over practically everyday after school. Now lately she felt very bad and she was kind of cranky so we went to the doctor. There we found out she was pregnant. She is too far for the abortionpill so we are about to do an abortion (There is no way we can keep it. (Please leave comments to urself if u are about to discuss this)). Her parents cannot know about our relationship because they just wouldn't approve. (I don't think so, i know!) So now she's in a stage where her hormones are going crazy. Now, i barely get to see her ( If i see her it's for a doctors appointment ), and if i send her texts she answers in a short, cold manner. I asked her if she still really loved me and she replied in a very irritated way; What kind of answer is this?? Ur ******* baby is in my ******* belly. I was shocked.. Now it's the next morning. What should i do? Should i keep sending her just to show her i'm there for her? Or should i leave her space and wait for her to send me again? I don't feel wanted anymore, i'm scared of losing her because i love her. But it's impossible to go on like this!
TaraMaiden Posted March 24, 2012 Posted March 24, 2012 big emotional time for her.... did you use birth control/condoms/pill/any kind of protection? Having an abortion is a very big thing for a woman, and it's definitely going to mess with her emotions. Send a message: Tell her you love her and that you respect her space but you are always there for her whatever happens. Then tell her you will leave her alone until she contacts you, but please don't cut you out.
make me believe Posted March 24, 2012 Posted March 24, 2012 It sounds like she's going through a hard time processing the emotions of having an abortion. Plus the hormones from being pregnant may be affecting her. Don't pressure her into spending time with you, but let her know that you love her and want to be there for her when she's ready for you. Take her to her appointment and be supportive, but give her space and time alone if that's what she needs.
Ninjainpajamas Posted March 24, 2012 Posted March 24, 2012 Yeah this is a huge deal. It's not in your body so it's not the same thing for you or a rational thing like It can be for some men, plus she's having to go through all the uncomfortable motions of getting this done, that's got to make an impact even If you both agree and realize that It's the best thing to do for your lives, It's not you seeing the doctors and have people stick things in you or what not, and just feel completely out of place at 19 years old, so this is no walk in the park and everything just goes on like normal especially at your age. This is something that she'll remember and live with for the rest of her life. So just be supportive of what she is going through, be there for her when she needs you, check in but don't necessarily strike up a conversation or the general "niceties" as If nothing is going on and you just want to get back on track to normalcy. I know you think that's being a good bf right now just continuing on and trying to smother her, but you're really not focusing on the fact that now she's going through a lot emotionally and she's not focused on the "love" of the relationship. Reassure her that you're there for her, If she snaps at you don't get upset or start a fight...just tell her how you just want to be there for her, and be supportive, you know she's going through a lot and just want to know how she's doing and feeling and that she's not alone in this and you're always thinking of her and just hope you can get through this together. Be sincere and genuine man, If you really love this girl then be strong enough to to stick with it when you have to give her what she needs and put your emotions to the side for now...you have to a right to your emotions as well, but don't react insecurely to this situation, be a man about it and be someone who gives her strength and support. Keep yourself in the loop, don't just disappear and become resentful, let her get through it and just remind her that you're there for her.
Author Mitsubichi Posted March 25, 2012 Author Posted March 25, 2012 I try to do my best but it feels like she doesn't even care!
TaraMaiden Posted March 25, 2012 Posted March 25, 2012 Try to get this through your head: This - Isn't - About - you. Right now, unfortunately for you - you are the least of her concerns. in fact, she probably resents the fact you made her pregnant, but she has to be the one, to take the drastic action of having an abortion and keeping it from her family. right now, this is a dreadful ordeal for her, and she must be feeling very angry, afraid and guilty. Leave her laone. Let her know she is there for everything she needs form you - but do not be surprised if you two go your separate ways - either for a short while, or for good. This is the kind of experience that changes a young girl's life for ever. If you cannot understand that, then perhaps you need to take a bit of time to try to appreciate the seriousness of what is hapepning.
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