TennesseeMan Posted March 24, 2012 Posted March 24, 2012 Hi all. I really just wanted to get some takes on this issue I have gone thru. Get an idea from impartial people. SO I appreciate the feedback. Here we go... Two years ago, I met this girl named Jean (not real name for this story). Jean was this awesome girl who was into all the same stuff I was into. The only thing was she was 4 month pregnant. But that did not bother me, cause I really wanted a family of my own someday. She had 2 other kids from her prevous marriage, and this child was not planned. But again, not an issue for me Things were great til about February (one month til her child was due). Shortly before Valentines, she told me she had decided to get fixed and not have any more kids. This really hurt me, but I really had no right to tell her what to do. I asked her not to and to think about it, but she told me her decision was set. Right after Valentine's, she dumped me. She told me to go out and find someone who could give me what I wanted and deserved. She said we could still go out and do stuff, but there would not be a relationship again. For 4 weeks, I tried to talk her into going back with me. But she held strong. The week before her baby was due, she asked if I wanted to go see a movie the Saturday before she went in. I agreed and we set the date. Later that night, an ex-girlfriend of mine emailed me to catch up on things. We talked and things got intense. We ended up having chat sex and sending pictures back and forth. It was nothing emotional, just two people who had been together before using each other for something. And that was the only night it happened. I went on my "date" with Jean that weekend. After the movie and dinner, she kissed me and said she might be convinced to go back with me. It was the happiest I have been in a long time. One of those kisses that makes your heart skip a beat. However, my cloud 9 was about to be crushed. The next day, Jean called me very upset. It seems the ex-girlfriend had sent Jean the emails and pictures. The ex-girlfriend thought that mean and Jean where a couple cause we had gone out and that Jean was my #1 person on Myspace. Jean confronted me by asking "Have you been talking to anyone lately?". I told her no (bold faced lie). She then showed me the emails and pictures. At that point, she told me I had crushed her and cheated on her. I pointed out that we were not together, but she would not listen to that. She told me to get out of her life. She told me she had decided to not get fixed and that she had wanted to ask me to adopt her kids and be with her forever. But that was not going to happen cause I cheated on her, she said. All this hurt a ton. I felt like I had done nothing wrong except the lie I told cause I felt like it was not her business who I had talked to. I tried and tried to get her to listen to no avail. The night her girl was born, she told me I could come see her at the hospital. I held April (not her name again) and thought she was the most beautiful baby ever. Jean was quick to tell me "too bad she will never be your step-daughter". Hit like a ton of bricks. but at this point...I was feeling like I deserved it. I help Jean for a month after April was born. But as she got more capable of doing stuff, she started taking a more negative approach to me. One day she told me if I came back over again, she would have me arrested. And with that, we stopped talking for 5 months. After 5 months, I was still hurting over what happened and beating myself up. I had not dated anyone or even tried. I wanted to fix things with Jean, but was powerless to do so. One day, she called me out of the blue andn asked me to meet her for lunch. I did and she told me she was pregnant again with a new guys child. She was scared and we talked and I told her I would be by her side if she needed anything. However, 1 month later, she miscarried. She was devastated. And I did everything i could to be there for her. But within 3 months, she told me to get lost again. I started dating a new girl a few months later named Hilary. Hilary moved in with me after few months with her two boys. Jean started calling me again and we decided to just be friends. Jean started dating one of my best mates and being that I hve a pretty close knit friend circle, Jean and Hilary soon met. After the first meeting, Jean called me and told me how much she did not like Hilary and how she had a bad feeling about her. Jean had started seeing this new guy at this time too. 5 months later, Hilary and I had a very messy break up. I caught her cheating on me with her ex-husband. I had her move out. She took a bunch of stuff that was mine (including my recently deceased fathers heirlooms). Jean tracked her down and confronted her. They got into a word fight and luckily backed away from each other before anything came of it. Jean told me she just could not stand to see me done like that. It restarted the kindle in my heart for her. Recently, Jean became single right after her grandmother died. I have done a lot for her. I helped pay for the funeral and her trip too. I also paid for her a trip to be able to get away for a little time (all my ideas, not hers). I felt she needed to recharge a little after all this. She asked me last week to keep a night open so we could go see a movie and get dinner. And my kindle ignited again into a roaring flame. So Thursday came around this week, and I had not heard from her about going out. She and I talked, but I did not want to push it. I would make comments about new movies and restaurants, trying to hint at it, but got nothing. Finally, I just asked when we were going out. She said she couldn't thins week cause she had no sitter. I told her i was disappointed, but understood. She asked if I thought it was a date, and when I said maybe, she went off on me, saying "Have you not got it in your head that we will never be in a relationship again cause you cheated on me??". That flame in my heart got a strong wind hitting it. Tonight, we had a fight. Today is the 2 year birthday of April. I told her I remember the night she was born and how I had fallen in love with her little girl the moment I got to hold her. Jean told me she remember the night too...that she had to go to the hospital alone cause I what I had done behind her back and that she was depressed cause she has no one to share April's life with. I told her I would be there for her and wanted to be in her life. She told me it will never happen cause i betrayed her. That made me so mad that I fired back, telling her exactly how I felt about her and how I felt about being called a cheat. I yelled at her, saying it was her own doing that she had dumped me and then got mad cause I did something with another person. I told her I did not cheat on her...that I still loved her and wanted to be with her, but she kicked me out of her life. How I had no say in the situation cause she wanted to be in control. And I told her she had no right to called me a betrayer and cheater cause of what I had done...I was single and free to do what I wanted with who I wanted. What I did was not a declaration of "I don't love you anymore Jean". It was a lonely guy getting his jollys at the expense of someone else. Right or wrong that is it. I have not heard anything from her since. All of this fighting was done via email. I feel like I may have said something to hurt her, but I dont know how she can expect me to stay loyal after she had dumped me. Maybe I am wrong and just don't understand women. Can someone give me advice? I care about her and her kids a lot. I would do anything to make her happy. After the miscarriage, she got fixed. She cannot give me kids...the one thing in life I want more than anything....anything except her. I have decided I would be happy just being with her forever, regardless of what she can give me. Im in love with someone who loves me (she's told me this), but will not let her idea of what happened go. Should I back off? Move on? Let it go? Or is there something I can do to win her back? I feel like I have done everything I can do. Thanks for reading.
wilsonx Posted March 24, 2012 Posted March 24, 2012 (edited) What the hell is wrong with people these days? Seriously she has 2 kids and pregnant with a 3rd, she wants to get her tubes tied and you say no because you want your own kids? Then hillary? Are people really this desperate? Will you buy my captain save a hoe suit from me? I will sell it to you for 2 million dollars! Lets sacrifice all your wants and needs in life for low quality hoes Edited March 24, 2012 by wilsonx
veggirl Posted March 24, 2012 Posted March 24, 2012 Yeah I'm sorry but all I could think reading that was Cap'n Save-a-hoe Jean had 3 kids by at least 2 dads, then got preg with a 4th kid? Wow. Hillary moved in with you within MONTHS with her 2 children. She sounds like a stand up mom. CUT WOMEN LIKE THIS OUT. Stop chasing Jean!! Don't even SPEAK to her. She is no good for you, she USES you because you let her!! Paying for a funeral and shi.t?!?!?! After she treated you like shi.t?! You need to get in some counseling and repair your self-esteem. ASAP. 1
Million.to.1 Posted March 24, 2012 Posted March 24, 2012 what you said when you got mad at her was right. She is manipulating you with guilt. You have nothing to feel guilty about. She has caused you plenty of hurt. Time to move on and leave her in the past.
sweetheart5381 Posted March 24, 2012 Posted March 24, 2012 Holy crap! There is so much drama in this post I had to stop half-way and start reading it again to make sure I was understanding the story. Maybe I am too old or just too old-fashioned but this all just spells disaster. Honestly, just walk away from her. She knows you love her AND her kids. She is playing you, a lying cold whore... should have a skull and crossbones on her forehead...toxic. However I have to admit that I take serious exception to the fact that this person has been insulted and run down because she has children from multiple fathers. I have 2 sons from one father and a daughter from another. 12 yrs all told of being totally monogamous, no cheating for me, ever. Does not make me a bad person at all for having different fathers of my children. I left those men FOR my children's sake, to make their lives better. Food for thought, don't be too quick to judge circumstances.
EgoJoe Posted March 24, 2012 Posted March 24, 2012 Hi all. I really just wanted to get some takes on this issue I have gone thru. Get an idea from impartial people. SO I appreciate the feedback. Here we go... Two years ago, I met this girl named Jean (not real name for this story). Jean was this awesome girl who was into all the same stuff I was into. The only thing was she was 4 month pregnant. But that did not bother me, cause I really wanted a family of my own someday. She had 2 other kids from her prevous marriage, and this child was not planned. But again, not an issue for me Things were great til about February (one month til her child was due). Shortly before Valentines, she told me she had decided to get fixed and not have any more kids. This really hurt me, but I really had no right to tell her what to do. I asked her not to and to think about it, but she told me her decision was set. Right after Valentine's, she dumped me. She told me to go out and find someone who could give me what I wanted and deserved. She said we could still go out and do stuff, but there would not be a relationship again. For 4 weeks, I tried to talk her into going back with me. But she held strong. The week before her baby was due, she asked if I wanted to go see a movie the Saturday before she went in. I agreed and we set the date. Later that night, an ex-girlfriend of mine emailed me to catch up on things. We talked and things got intense. We ended up having chat sex and sending pictures back and forth. It was nothing emotional, just two people who had been together before using each other for something. And that was the only night it happened. I went on my "date" with Jean that weekend. After the movie and dinner, she kissed me and said she might be convinced to go back with me. It was the happiest I have been in a long time. One of those kisses that makes your heart skip a beat. However, my cloud 9 was about to be crushed. The next day, Jean called me very upset. It seems the ex-girlfriend had sent Jean the emails and pictures. The ex-girlfriend thought that mean and Jean where a couple cause we had gone out and that Jean was my #1 person on Myspace. Jean confronted me by asking "Have you been talking to anyone lately?". I told her no (bold faced lie). She then showed me the emails and pictures. At that point, she told me I had crushed her and cheated on her. I pointed out that we were not together, but she would not listen to that. She told me to get out of her life. She told me she had decided to not get fixed and that she had wanted to ask me to adopt her kids and be with her forever. But that was not going to happen cause I cheated on her, she said. All this hurt a ton. I felt like I had done nothing wrong except the lie I told cause I felt like it was not her business who I had talked to. I tried and tried to get her to listen to no avail. The night her girl was born, she told me I could come see her at the hospital. I held April (not her name again) and thought she was the most beautiful baby ever. Jean was quick to tell me "too bad she will never be your step-daughter". Hit like a ton of bricks. but at this point...I was feeling like I deserved it. I help Jean for a month after April was born. But as she got more capable of doing stuff, she started taking a more negative approach to me. One day she told me if I came back over again, she would have me arrested. And with that, we stopped talking for 5 months. After 5 months, I was still hurting over what happened and beating myself up. I had not dated anyone or even tried. I wanted to fix things with Jean, but was powerless to do so. One day, she called me out of the blue andn asked me to meet her for lunch. I did and she told me she was pregnant again with a new guys child. She was scared and we talked and I told her I would be by her side if she needed anything. However, 1 month later, she miscarried. She was devastated. And I did everything i could to be there for her. But within 3 months, she told me to get lost again. I started dating a new girl a few months later named Hilary. Hilary moved in with me after few months with her two boys. Jean started calling me again and we decided to just be friends. Jean started dating one of my best mates and being that I hve a pretty close knit friend circle, Jean and Hilary soon met. After the first meeting, Jean called me and told me how much she did not like Hilary and how she had a bad feeling about her. Jean had started seeing this new guy at this time too. 5 months later, Hilary and I had a very messy break up. I caught her cheating on me with her ex-husband. I had her move out. She took a bunch of stuff that was mine (including my recently deceased fathers heirlooms). Jean tracked her down and confronted her. They got into a word fight and luckily backed away from each other before anything came of it. Jean told me she just could not stand to see me done like that. It restarted the kindle in my heart for her. Recently, Jean became single right after her grandmother died. I have done a lot for her. I helped pay for the funeral and her trip too. I also paid for her a trip to be able to get away for a little time (all my ideas, not hers). I felt she needed to recharge a little after all this. She asked me last week to keep a night open so we could go see a movie and get dinner. And my kindle ignited again into a roaring flame. So Thursday came around this week, and I had not heard from her about going out. She and I talked, but I did not want to push it. I would make comments about new movies and restaurants, trying to hint at it, but got nothing. Finally, I just asked when we were going out. She said she couldn't thins week cause she had no sitter. I told her i was disappointed, but understood. She asked if I thought it was a date, and when I said maybe, she went off on me, saying "Have you not got it in your head that we will never be in a relationship again cause you cheated on me??". That flame in my heart got a strong wind hitting it. Tonight, we had a fight. Today is the 2 year birthday of April. I told her I remember the night she was born and how I had fallen in love with her little girl the moment I got to hold her. Jean told me she remember the night too...that she had to go to the hospital alone cause I what I had done behind her back and that she was depressed cause she has no one to share April's life with. I told her I would be there for her and wanted to be in her life. She told me it will never happen cause i betrayed her. That made me so mad that I fired back, telling her exactly how I felt about her and how I felt about being called a cheat. I yelled at her, saying it was her own doing that she had dumped me and then got mad cause I did something with another person. I told her I did not cheat on her...that I still loved her and wanted to be with her, but she kicked me out of her life. How I had no say in the situation cause she wanted to be in control. And I told her she had no right to called me a betrayer and cheater cause of what I had done...I was single and free to do what I wanted with who I wanted. What I did was not a declaration of "I don't love you anymore Jean". It was a lonely guy getting his jollys at the expense of someone else. Right or wrong that is it. I have not heard anything from her since. All of this fighting was done via email. I feel like I may have said something to hurt her, but I dont know how she can expect me to stay loyal after she had dumped me. Maybe I am wrong and just don't understand women. Can someone give me advice? I care about her and her kids a lot. I would do anything to make her happy. After the miscarriage, she got fixed. She cannot give me kids...the one thing in life I want more than anything....anything except her. I have decided I would be happy just being with her forever, regardless of what she can give me. Im in love with someone who loves me (she's told me this), but will not let her idea of what happened go. Should I back off? Move on? Let it go? Or is there something I can do to win her back? I feel like I have done everything I can do. Thanks for reading.[/quote] LET IT GO THERE ARE WAYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY GREENER PASTURES!!!
jennisfora Posted March 24, 2012 Posted March 24, 2012 I feel bad for you, having known this girl a long time, and seeing April since she was born until now. It is hard to break ties. Sometimes though, you have to think of your own sanity, because if you don't look after you, no one else will. And, this isn't good for you. This woman sounds like alot of drama, and baggage. You can't save the world, and you can't help someone that doesn't want to be helped. If having children is a priority for you, then find a woman who can and wants to have kids. if you don't, and try to make Jean the "one" you may end up resenting her later down the line when you think about what you could have had. I really think you are trying to fit a square peg in a round hole here. sorry. *hugs* 1
sweetheart5381 Posted March 24, 2012 Posted March 24, 2012 Hi all. I really just wanted to get some takes on this issue I have gone thru. Get an idea from impartial people. SO I appreciate the feedback. Here we go... Two years ago, I met this girl named Jean (not real name for this story). Jean was this awesome girl who was into all the same stuff I was into. The only thing was she was 4 month pregnant. But that did not bother me, cause I really wanted a family of my own someday. She had 2 other kids from her prevous marriage, and this child was not planned. But again, not an issue for me Things were great til about February (one month til her child was due). Shortly before Valentines, she told me she had decided to get fixed and not have any more kids. This really hurt me, but I really had no right to tell her what to do. I asked her not to and to think about it, but she told me her decision was set. Right after Valentine's, she dumped me. She told me to go out and find someone who could give me what I wanted and deserved. She said we could still go out and do stuff, but there would not be a relationship again. For 4 weeks, I tried to talk her into going back with me. But she held strong. The week before her baby was due, she asked if I wanted to go see a movie the Saturday before she went in. I agreed and we set the date. Later that night, an ex-girlfriend of mine emailed me to catch up on things. We talked and things got intense. We ended up having chat sex and sending pictures back and forth. It was nothing emotional, just two people who had been together before using each other for something. And that was the only night it happened. I went on my "date" with Jean that weekend. After the movie and dinner, she kissed me and said she might be convinced to go back with me. It was the happiest I have been in a long time. One of those kisses that makes your heart skip a beat. However, my cloud 9 was about to be crushed. The next day, Jean called me very upset. It seems the ex-girlfriend had sent Jean the emails and pictures. The ex-girlfriend thought that mean and Jean where a couple cause we had gone out and that Jean was my #1 person on Myspace. Jean confronted me by asking "Have you been talking to anyone lately?". I told her no (bold faced lie). She then showed me the emails and pictures. At that point, she told me I had crushed her and cheated on her. I pointed out that we were not together, but she would not listen to that. She told me to get out of her life. She told me she had decided to not get fixed and that she had wanted to ask me to adopt her kids and be with her forever. But that was not going to happen cause I cheated on her, she said. All this hurt a ton. I felt like I had done nothing wrong except the lie I told cause I felt like it was not her business who I had talked to. I tried and tried to get her to listen to no avail. The night her girl was born, she told me I could come see her at the hospital. I held April (not her name again) and thought she was the most beautiful baby ever. Jean was quick to tell me "too bad she will never be your step-daughter". Hit like a ton of bricks. but at this point...I was feeling like I deserved it. I help Jean for a month after April was born. But as she got more capable of doing stuff, she started taking a more negative approach to me. One day she told me if I came back over again, she would have me arrested. And with that, we stopped talking for 5 months. After 5 months, I was still hurting over what happened and beating myself up. I had not dated anyone or even tried. I wanted to fix things with Jean, but was powerless to do so. One day, she called me out of the blue andn asked me to meet her for lunch. I did and she told me she was pregnant again with a new guys child. She was scared and we talked and I told her I would be by her side if she needed anything. However, 1 month later, she miscarried. She was devastated. And I did everything i could to be there for her. But within 3 months, she told me to get lost again. I started dating a new girl a few months later named Hilary. Hilary moved in with me after few months with her two boys. Jean started calling me again and we decided to just be friends. Jean started dating one of my best mates and being that I hve a pretty close knit friend circle, Jean and Hilary soon met. After the first meeting, Jean called me and told me how much she did not like Hilary and how she had a bad feeling about her. Jean had started seeing this new guy at this time too. 5 months later, Hilary and I had a very messy break up. I caught her cheating on me with her ex-husband. I had her move out. She took a bunch of stuff that was mine (including my recently deceased fathers heirlooms). Jean tracked her down and confronted her. They got into a word fight and luckily backed away from each other before anything came of it. Jean told me she just could not stand to see me done like that. It restarted the kindle in my heart for her. Recently, Jean became single right after her grandmother died. I have done a lot for her. I helped pay for the funeral and her trip too. I also paid for her a trip to be able to get away for a little time (all my ideas, not hers). I felt she needed to recharge a little after all this. She asked me last week to keep a night open so we could go see a movie and get dinner. And my kindle ignited again into a roaring flame. So Thursday came around this week, and I had not heard from her about going out. She and I talked, but I did not want to push it. I would make comments about new movies and restaurants, trying to hint at it, but got nothing. Finally, I just asked when we were going out. She said she couldn't thins week cause she had no sitter. I told her i was disappointed, but understood. She asked if I thought it was a date, and when I said maybe, she went off on me, saying "Have you not got it in your head that we will never be in a relationship again cause you cheated on me??". That flame in my heart got a strong wind hitting it. Tonight, we had a fight. Today is the 2 year birthday of April. I told her I remember the night she was born and how I had fallen in love with her little girl the moment I got to hold her. Jean told me she remember the night too...that she had to go to the hospital alone cause I what I had done behind her back and that she was depressed cause she has no one to share April's life with. I told her I would be there for her and wanted to be in her life. She told me it will never happen cause i betrayed her. That made me so mad that I fired back, telling her exactly how I felt about her and how I felt about being called a cheat. I yelled at her, saying it was her own doing that she had dumped me and then got mad cause I did something with another person. I told her I did not cheat on her...that I still loved her and wanted to be with her, but she kicked me out of her life. How I had no say in the situation cause she wanted to be in control. And I told her she had no right to called me a betrayer and cheater cause of what I had done...I was single and free to do what I wanted with who I wanted. What I did was not a declaration of "I don't love you anymore Jean". It was a lonely guy getting his jollys at the expense of someone else. Right or wrong that is it. I have not heard anything from her since. All of this fighting was done via email. I feel like I may have said something to hurt her, but I dont know how she can expect me to stay loyal after she had dumped me. Maybe I am wrong and just don't understand women. Can someone give me advice? I care about her and her kids a lot. I would do anything to make her happy. After the miscarriage, she got fixed. She cannot give me kids...the one thing in life I want more than anything....anything except her. I have decided I would be happy just being with her forever, regardless of what she can give me. Im in love with someone who loves me (she's told me this), but will not let her idea of what happened go. Should I back off? Move on? Let it go? Or is there something I can do to win her back? I feel like I have done everything I can do. Thanks for reading.[/quote] LET IT GO THERE ARE WAYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY GREENER PASTURES!!! Yes, this one is a train wreck... get your bearings and head North... cold is far better than this stuff.
betterdeal Posted March 24, 2012 Posted March 24, 2012 Gosh, that does sound complicated. My advice would be to accept you are no longer a couple and move on. Don't say anything by email, only in person or possibly on the phone. If you can't say it face to face or by phone, don't say it. Once you are split up, the other person has no say in what you do. What's she going to do if you do go out and date? Nothing. She can do nothing. She has already rejected you. Now's time for you to reject her back and start taking care of your self. 1
sweetheart5381 Posted March 24, 2012 Posted March 24, 2012 Gosh, that does sound complicated. My advice would be to accept you are no longer a couple and move on. Don't say anything by email, only in person or possibly on the phone. If you can't say it face to face or by phone, don't say it. Once you are split up, the other person has no say in what you do. What's she going to do if you do go out and date? Nothing. She can do nothing. She has already rejected you. Now's time for you to reject her back and start taking care of your self. Yes.. that's the very best advice in this case. Thank goodness for the "more experienced" folks on this forum. Heartbreak is a bitch. Let them go... rejection hurts like hell, but you live and learn from it. We are all served a bitter pill to swallow from time to time... gotta take it and learn from it.
Jessica w Posted March 30, 2012 Posted March 30, 2012 You sound like a really nice person. I know it will be hard, but you should cut her out of your life. Find a good woman who will treat you right, like you deserve.
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