angienw Posted March 24, 2012 Posted March 24, 2012 My husband of 18 years left my 5 weeks ago, after I discovered there was another woman. We have three children and my health is pretty ****. He told me he didn.t love me and that he wanted a divorce although refuses to admit adultary. He has sent my girls 2 emails, saying he loves them in 5 weeks. He has refused to speak to me only via email as he didn't want to give me 'false hope'. This week, after one of my daughters has been referred for counselling I decided we had to talk about the girls, whereupon he informs me he hasn't loved my for years, but that I am a nice person. I had no idea there was a problem with my marriage, we were sleeping together the week he left, and now I discover my life has been a lie, all those memories are lies. Its hard enough to support my girls through this, whilst trying to run the house, and fine a way to pay for everything, now I am beyond hurt and upset I am finding it hard to keep going. What do you do when you find out your life has been a lie, I just want it all to be over
CaliBabe Posted March 24, 2012 Posted March 24, 2012 Oh my goodness Angie, reading this hurts my heart. I can't imagine your pain. I too am 9 months out of my painful breakup but we did not have children invovled and were not married. Your pain must be worse. I want to start by saying I am sorry you are going through this pain. You really must stay strong for your girls. I would advise getting some professional help like therapy as it can really help. Although it might not seem like this now, but you can and will get through this. You have your girls! Life will get better, as soon as you take the necessary steps to make yourself a better person and heal from this breakup. Once you are ready again, you can find love. There is more than one person for us! This is a great forum and we will always be here, post whenver you feel like venting.
rAFC Posted March 24, 2012 Posted March 24, 2012 I agree with CaliBabe, I think it would be a good idea to talk with a therapist or psychiatrist, they can really help you work through the emotions you must be going through right now. A psychiatrist could even prescribe antidepressant and/or anti-anxiety medication which might help you to get through the toughest part. I am sorry about what has happened to you, I can only imagine how difficult it must be. You have 3 kids to wake up for every morning, please be strong and look after yourself for them. Also, this is a great place to come to vent your feelings whenever you need to. 1
Million.to.1 Posted March 24, 2012 Posted March 24, 2012 This is awful. What a sad and spineless man your husband is. Is there anyway you can prove the adultery without him admitting to it? I don't think your life was a lie. Your husbands life was. He is trying to break you down to justify to himself his terrible behavior. Your girls don't deserve to be ignored. He is being unbelievably selfish and you should prepare to protect yourself, your girls and your future.This sounds like it might get ugly. He broke the contract of your marriage and is trying to undermine you by saying hurtful things so you feel weak. BE STRONG! fight! I know you are hurting, but try and be strong. Get your family and friends around you now for help and support. Talk to a lawyer and don't allow him walk all over you. Demand the respect you deserve. 2
jennisfora Posted March 24, 2012 Posted March 24, 2012 I'm so sorry. I agree with Million to 1. His life was a lie, your only crime was trusting and believing him all those years, being a faithful and devoted wife. You have nothing to be ashamed of, he is the loser. You thought you had a good marriage because he wasn;t being honest with you. You are the better person. I can only imagine the pain that you and your children are going through. I hope there is a special place in hell reserved for him and those like him. *hugs*
sweetheart5381 Posted March 24, 2012 Posted March 24, 2012 I am so sorry to read this... so brutal. One step at a time, one day at a time, walk away. Get help, find resources... I didn't and paid the price, am still fighting for my daughter 3 yrs later. To trust one with the bond of marriage for so many years and have it broke in such a way is utterly disgusting. I agree, get a lawyer, right away. I didn't get a lawyer and my daughter's father has had me in court for the last 2 yrs with false allegations, motions, etc. He lives on welfare and a free lawyer, I work 50 hrs a week and still can't afford a lawyer. Cut his friggin balls off when you have the chance, cuz the prick will try to blame you into feeling that you treated him badly and do his best to settle with the least cost possible. Don't believe his crap. Get a lawyer, ASAP. These guys definitely deserve a place, though I'm not sure if h_ll would want them. Disgusting. Take care and if you ever need to voice or just someone to listen, come here!
jennisfora Posted March 24, 2012 Posted March 24, 2012 you're right, sweetheart, i was being far too kind...
sweetheart5381 Posted March 24, 2012 Posted March 24, 2012 you're right, sweetheart, i was being far too kind... I was too kind and I have paid the price. Am bankrupt while this man lives off of his own mother. He has no responsibilities. He used me in every possible way, then abused my daughter and his last 2 gfs after me... he is once again on more domestic charges and yet still gets to have my daughter 50% of the time EVEN after these women have come forward to me to tell me that he abuses my lil lady... disgusting. He has a court order that says he gets our daughter 50% of the time because I trusted him way more than I should have. Don't trust them once they have burned you. Give them hell. They deserve it.
Author angienw Posted March 24, 2012 Author Posted March 24, 2012 Thankyou everyone for your kind words, it really means alot knowing there is someone out there to talk to. He had my youngest girl for the day today, and thanked me for the phone call last night as if we were the best of friends, after telling me that my lifes been one big lie it astounds me how he can just treat me this way. I spent the night sobbing my eyes out, at the very lowest I've ever been, and he thanks me. I really hope that karma exists, because he is due his. 2
Author angienw Posted March 24, 2012 Author Posted March 24, 2012 Thankyou for your kinds words, am so sorry you too have had to suffer the hurt a relatiionship ending. x
BewitchedandBothered Posted March 24, 2012 Posted March 24, 2012 My husband of 18 years left my 5 weeks ago, after I discovered there was another woman. We have three children and my health is pretty ****. He told me he didn.t love me and that he wanted a divorce although refuses to admit adultary. He has sent my girls 2 emails, saying he loves them in 5 weeks. He has refused to speak to me only via email as he didn't want to give me 'false hope'. This week, after one of my daughters has been referred for counselling I decided we had to talk about the girls, whereupon he informs me he hasn't loved my for years, but that I am a nice person. I had no idea there was a problem with my marriage, we were sleeping together the week he left, and now I discover my life has been a lie, all those memories are lies. Its hard enough to support my girls through this, whilst trying to run the house, and fine a way to pay for everything, now I am beyond hurt and upset I am finding it hard to keep going. What do you do when you find out your life has been a lie, I just want it all to be over Angie, my heart is aching for you:( The fact that children are involved and your health is bad really makes things a challenge for you:( were there any red flags during all these years spent with him? Do you know this other woman? Make sure you and the kids get the counseling you all need and make sure he is taking care of the kids at least financially---he owes you that, he owes them that.
wandering nomad Posted March 24, 2012 Posted March 24, 2012 angienw, I have lurking on LS for many months but this is my first post. To you. I was you a few years back after 18 years of marriage I was abandoned, left with barely any will to live. Devestated beyond belief. Please reach out to family and friends. Seek medical treatment if necessary. How are you doing with taking care of the children? A little of my story...My ex left me (and daughter) in a foreign country. All of the promises he made were null and void. All the sacrificies I made meant nothing. Recovery will take a long time but recovery from this betrayal is possible. I am living proof. It took a couple years but everyone is amazed at my transformation and karma seems to be doing its job just fine. My ex tried to turn the tables and blame all our problems on me to rationalize leaving me for another woman. I was in such a bad state that I bought all his crap. My daughter also had to go to therapy due to the sudden breakdown of the family. She was sent to Hawaii for treatment at which time my ex brought his new girlfriend over for a nice vacation during a time of suffering. I know this is SO hard. Even if your husband came back to you, the damage he has done cannot be erased. Please try to move forward. Get a lawyer, if you have any money, secure it now. Seek treatment or medication if thats what it takes to get through this. Its highly doubtful that your ex has not committed adultery. He's ashamed of his behavior and will only communicate through email. There is life after this pain I assure you. I'm sorry I know this message is quite sporadic I hope you can sense that you are not alone and you are cared about. 1
Author angienw Posted March 26, 2012 Author Posted March 26, 2012 Thankyou for your kind words, very sorry to hear what you have been through. I feel that I just can't let him ruin my life anymore, todays a good day and I just pray they continue as I don't think I could take anymore knocks. It is great to know there are people out there as when you are leaving this you do feel very alone.
Recommended Posts