budley12 Posted March 24, 2012 Posted March 24, 2012 I know most people say in this forum to "move on" and "focus on yourself" but what are some ways of increasing the odds of getting back? i was with my ex for just under 3 years. He dumped me 4 months ago, a month into he wanted to get back but then changed his mind. He wanted to stay friends but then he started seeing someone else and I said it was too painful. I started strict NC 6weeks ago but I still love him. I run into him on campus a few times a week and i pretend to not see him and i ignore him. I also see him with his new toy at lunch and it hurts so much. So my question is... is there anything I can do to increase odds of getting back? We are both studying abroad next semester so we will be away from here for almost 5months. I am hoping that during this time he may end things with his new relationship and may start to miss me. Should I try and contact him during this time or just wait until we both get back and maybe meet up to "talk about our travels". I am hoping that being apart and not talking for .5-1 year may give enough time to let any negative feelings pass and maybe start again. We were each others firsts and I know I should let these hopes go, but I still love him.
shaddo Posted March 24, 2012 Posted March 24, 2012 I'm not a "love guru" or anything but from what I read online is this: 1: DO NOT contact the dumpee at all. Let them come back to you. If they do contact you keep the convo. to 3-4 min max. Best not to answer for awhile tho. 2: DO NOT expect them to come back. Move on and heal. (life is to short to be caught up on just one person that may NOT want anything to do with you again) 3: Pick up a hobby,keep your mind occupied. Go to the gym and get in shape. (also its a great stress releaver) 4: Show your ex you can do just fine without them. (its not attractive to have someone who is dependent upon you or "needy") 5: People want what they can't have. 6: Don't "act" happy BE happy. Do things that make you happy and when you get around or talk to your ex again he/she will be like "what?" throw them in a mind loop sort of speak. Now if you fake it they will see right through it and it will not work. Also say "Hi." to the new toy with a smile and introduce yourself. I myself just got dumped. I thought last week that I wanted her back but the more I think about it I don't think I do because I could never trust her the same again. Once a cheater always a cheater. The above may or may not work but only if they truly "loved" you will it work. Don't get me wrong I was in a relationship for 3 years and I wake up every morning wishing she was beside me and I was holding her again. It kills me to think some other guy is pleasuring her. So you know how I deal with it? I keep my mind occupied. Keep my eyes open for the "special" someone. I realized this week that I may die tomarrow, and do I want to die heartbroken? Heck NO! So i'm doing things that make ME happy. Like tomarrow I have plans to go fishing with my friends and kick it like old times. I know its driving her nuts knowing I am happy and having fun. She called me today on a phone number I didn't reconize (sneaky on her part lol) she sounded MISERABLE!! That doesn't make me happy at all but she made that decision herself. I also realized you CAN NOT dwell on the past it will kill you mentally. Now let me ask you something. This guy is moving on and you are caught up on him. YOU are on the back burner and he knows it. He can get you back in a heartbeat. He would not even have to try. If his relationship he is in now fails you will be the rebound to ease the pain. Then when you least expect it he may do it again to you, back burner you go. You really want to be that "rebound" ?? Now with that said MOVE ON and find someone who deserves you!! It WILL come. If you really want to give it a 2nd shot then again MOVE ON because if he really wants you he may get scared of you moving on without him and want to try again. But either case when you move on and start living again you may realize what I did LIFE IS TO SHORT!! Be happy!! If the time comes he wants to try again then and only after you have moved on you may see him in a different light. You may realize you are only hooked on the fact you are afraid of being alone and not actually "in love" But only after you move on will you realize that. hope it makes since 2
mike588 Posted March 24, 2012 Posted March 24, 2012 I know most people say in this forum to "move on" and "focus on yourself" but what are some ways of increasing the odds of getting back? i was with my ex for just under 3 years. He dumped me 4 months ago, a month into he wanted to get back but then changed his mind. He wanted to stay friends but then he started seeing someone else and I said it was too painful. I started strict NC 6weeks ago but I still love him. I run into him on campus a few times a week and i pretend to not see him and i ignore him. I also see him with his new toy at lunch and it hurts so much. So my question is... is there anything I can do to increase odds of getting back? We are both studying abroad next semester so we will be away from here for almost 5months. I am hoping that during this time he may end things with his new relationship and may start to miss me. Should I try and contact him during this time or just wait until we both get back and maybe meet up to "talk about our travels". I am hoping that being apart and not talking for .5-1 year may give enough time to let any negative feelings pass and maybe start again. We were each others firsts and I know I should let these hopes go, but I still love him. Go No Contact...Stay N.C. You two will be apart for 5 months? Move on and use that 5 months to heal. I understand this is your 1st love...it's tough I know but you will get over this and be ok...
Author budley12 Posted March 24, 2012 Author Posted March 24, 2012 I'm not a "love guru" or anything but from what I read online is this: 1: DO NOT contact the dumpee at all. Let them come back to you. If they do contact you keep the convo. to 3-4 min max. Best not to answer for awhile tho. 2: DO NOT expect them to come back. Move on and heal. (life is to short to be caught up on just one person that may NOT want anything to do with you again) 3: Pick up a hobby,keep your mind occupied. Go to the gym and get in shape. (also its a great stress releaver) 4: Show your ex you can do just fine without them. (its not attractive to have someone who is dependent upon you or "needy") 5: People want what they can't have. 6: Don't "act" happy BE happy. Do things that make you happy and when you get around or talk to your ex again he/she will be like "what?" throw them in a mind loop sort of speak. Now if you fake it they will see right through it and it will not work. Also say "Hi." to the new toy with a smile and introduce yourself. So say after we get back from studying abroad and he still hasnt contacted me, should i contact him? Also, his birthday is coming up in a month and a half, would it be alright if i sent him a happy birthday text
BewitchedandBothered Posted March 24, 2012 Posted March 24, 2012 no, no and NO. text him happy birthday ONLY if he was initializing contact and you are okay to talk. other than that, NO.
immitable Posted March 24, 2012 Posted March 24, 2012 Please no birthday cards etc, he wanted you out of his life anyway, you are no longer responsible for his happiness anymore. Take good care of yourself and give yourself a break You should stick now to the strict NC plan, to heal first of all - and to show that you are strong, I am telling you this from guys perspective. 1
Whisky1981 Posted March 24, 2012 Posted March 24, 2012 Hmmm....just move on. Dont expect to get back with him. Even if you do get back together at one point it will fall apart again. I never go back to previous relationships. Once its over, its over. Even if you get back together the old problems will still be there and new ones will arise. So the best thing to do is move on. Find someone new. When you will, he will come back running. This happens almost always. But when it will happen dont get back with him stay with your new bf. I think this is the best you can do. 1
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