emilyleigh Posted March 23, 2012 Posted March 23, 2012 I've been dating this guy and we are in love. I'm 18 and he's 34. I know the age difference is a bit to take in at first, but this is real. We met when I was 18, everything is legal. We've been through a lot in a short amount of time and he's proved to me he cares deeply and has helped me grow. At first, the relationship was kept secret..my parents are conservative people and I knew they would disagree. I hated the constant lying to go out and see my boyfriend so I told them about it. We had long talks and I calmly went through my relationship with them to try to dismiss any concerns. I haven't changed as a person since meeting him, it hasn't affect my school or scholarships, it hasn't done any harm. A big concern to them is that I would become pregnant or drop out and he would take me away. I told them he cares about my education, he actually tries to keep me motivated and wants to see me do well. I also told them we both agree I should not be thinking about kids for a while..at least until I'm done with college. I told them I know I'm young and I need/want guidance from you both, but I'm mature enough to make some decisions. I wanted my parents to meet him and I know it wouldn't be an easy process, but at least try to get to know, meet him once. They did not agree. So after that we decided to break up but we couldn't do that. We ended up seeing each other again and my parents found out. They were furious. They are convinced that the relationship is based just off sex and that he doesn't care for me at all. They are convinced I will become pregnant. They told me if I ever do, or come home with bad grades then I will be kicked out and that I can only go to school and back and nowhere else. They went as so far to say that they would love any child I have but if I ever have a child with him that child would not have grandparents. That really hurt..how can they hate someone so much when they don't know a thing about the person? I know it gives a bad impression that we had to sneak around, but we tried to make things better and open and they still refuse. This along with other stresses such as my aunt finding out she has breast cancer, losing my friends, gaining weight has made me do so poorly this semester. It's not HIM that made me do poorly, but the stress of choosing between the people I love the most in this world. The college I go to now doesn't offer a nursing program which is what I want. Initially I came in thinking I would major in English or Psych and this school would be good for that, but I've changed my mind and am certain about nursing. There's a school close to where my boyfriend lives that offers a good nursing program and he said if I'm ever kicked out, if I can't live at home, if anything happens I am always welcome to live with him. If I go to that school I can't live at home because it's over a 1hr+ drive to there and another hour back. If I move in with him then I'm scared my relationship with my parents will be over and I don't want that. I don't want them to feel hurt and I don't want to leave my younger brother alone and thinking that the family is broken apart. They are all hurt. My parents and my boyfriend. I hate it. I feel like I can only make one or the other happy. I've never been loose with the word love and I know he is the love of my life. We click on so many levels and I always feel happy and safe with him. But then of course family is so important to me and I'd never want to lose them either. I don't know what to do and feel on the verge of a break down.
wow04 Posted March 23, 2012 Posted March 23, 2012 I guess my question is how long have you been dating? You are so young and have your whole life ahead of you. What happens if you choose him and then you two split up? Where will you be then? I am not going to say he is too old for you, as my boyfriend is 11 years older than me. I am 30 and he is 41. Is it an option to split up until college is over then get back together? If it is meant to be it will be. I never believed that until now. My bf and I were together 9 years ago, we split up and went our seperate ways. We found each other again and are happier than ever. Get your education then worry about love.
setsenia Posted March 23, 2012 Posted March 23, 2012 Wow, that is quite an age difference for being only 18. My dad still gives me a hard time about my H being 6 years older. I'm 22, he's 28. 16 and 22 when we met. We were celibate until I turned 18 for obvious reasons. Even after 6 years, my dad still makes comments about our age difference. But 16 years is quite a big deal when you're only 18. I also understand the parental and partner conflict. Until this day, my dad has never really favored my H. Same with my brother's gf. But he's never satisfied with anything really and gives stupid reasons such as the person's looks and whether or not they have a college degree etc. Although he isn't really in favor, he's accepted the fact that I am with this person and if I ever got divorced, it will be my own decision, not because he wanted me to. I can somewhat understand where your parents are coming from, considering the age difference and you're still so young. But it's also wrong to not provide any child with grandparents because they don't agree. It's not the child's fault. I guess you have to really think about which is more important to you right now. Having your family or a relationship. For me it was the fact that my dad had grown emotionally abusive by the time I was 18 and I could no longer stand to live with him. And his reasons for not liking my relationship weren't really very good. My H was very good to me and still is, he took me to school and helped me financially when my dad didn't, even though he was just my bf. You might think differently when you're only 24 and he's 40. I guess you can never really predict your future feelings, but I think staying focused on school is the best thing until you've matured and really know what you want, because most 18 year olds don't. I look back 5 years and think of plenty of things I could have done differently.
symba4twinkletoes Posted April 9, 2012 Posted April 9, 2012 Honestly, I think you should stay with him, I dont think it is the better choice initially but if you and him break up, your parents will always love you no matter what, I am just home from my third time in a row running away and im still aloud to stay here which shocks me, I only came back to get my clothes that I forgot and they said I can stay the night and just stay if I want. They have realised because I have made big decisions I have matured and maby that is all your parents need to see, yoi going against them to proove maturity.
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