Itsonlya Posted March 23, 2012 Posted March 23, 2012 (edited) About a week ago my boyfriend dumped me saying that he didn't want to hurt me. We were a couple for almost two years. He told me that he loves me and even cried. I asked him if there was someone else and he said no. Then I saw him later that week to pick up some stuff and we end up talking. He kissed me, said that he loves me and has missed me. I told him that he has to figure out what he wants. I'm not sad but I don't really know how I feel. I'm really confused. And I miss him like crazy. Any advice would really help, Thanks for reading guys. Edited March 23, 2012 by Itsonlya
1971 Posted March 23, 2012 Posted March 23, 2012 Find a man who appreciates you. I find men who do this very confusing. I'm a guy. I've always been the one who was dumped. As a guy, AFTER TWO YEARS, you should NOT be confused anymore. I'm not sure that helps at all. All I can say is don't let them walk all over you. I've let girls do it to me, and it hurts, and it's not necessary. 3
BewitchedandBothered Posted March 23, 2012 Posted March 23, 2012 He's being sweet because he feels guilty, but when they are 'confused' there is usually someone else they are scoping. 1
Kamila Posted March 23, 2012 Posted March 23, 2012 After 2 years, he should know what he wants. If he doesn't, then that's very sad for the both of you. Why be with someone that doesn't know for sure they want to be with you ? It's like having one foot out of the relationship and looking for other potential partners. It's degrading and unrespectful. And he dumped you ! Don't forget that, he let you go ... If he doesn't want to be with you, he should leave you and most importantly, leave you alone. It's clear that he's not respecting you and you should cut the chord between you two. It's the only way to stop the confusion. Another thing: you're only at the one week post break-up. And you are still in contact with your ex and having physical contact with him. If you ask me, the break-up hasn't even begun. A break-up is just that, breaking the ties with your former lover. So that you can move on, heal, feel the pain, and yes, what you're already experiencing: missing the other and the void that they left. If you want to meet someone else that hasn't doubts or dumps you, you know what you need to do... Stop the confusion and cut the ties. Or the confusion will just go on and on and on ... 3
BewitchedandBothered Posted March 23, 2012 Posted March 23, 2012 After 2 years, he should know what he wants. If he doesn't, then that's very sad for the both of you. Why be with someone that doesn't know for sure they want to be with you ? It's like having one foot out of the relationship and looking for other potential partners. It's degrading and unrespectful. And he dumped you ! Don't forget that, he let you go ... If he doesn't want to be with you, he should leave you and most importantly, leave you alone. It's clear that he's not respecting you and you should cut the chord between you two. It's the only way to stop the confusion. Another thing: you're only at the one week post break-up. And you are still in contact with your ex and having physical contact with him. If you ask me, the break-up hasn't even begun. A break-up is just that, breaking the ties with your former lover. So that you can move on, heal, feel the pain, and yes, what you're already experiencing: missing the other and the void that they left. If you want to meet someone else that hasn't doubts or dumps you, you know what you need to do... Stop the confusion and cut the ties. Or the confusion will just go on and on and on ... Wow, Kamila! You've just described how my ex did it. One foot out of the relationship, put all his dating site profiles back up===I had no clue, found out by accident via the ex wife. It was awful. He blamed it on me saying he needed more. But right before I found out, he said I was his soulmate...yet his profiles said 'looking for my soulmate'. I cut ties completely==he was extremely verbally abusive===moreso when I found out. Stopped taking his calls. What would I have to say to him after that? The OP has to think of it that way. What could we possibly have to discuss if you just dumped me? The style with which you were dumped? Should we have judges with score cards? the arrogance of some of these dumpers. My ex had the nerve to text me after he felt the dust settled==this was August. I did not respond. There are things he did that I am not sure I can forgive; talking to him would not help matters. Especially since he has a new g/f already. and to the OP, you do NOT want to deal with that. You need to free yourself of this fellow and do your best to heal. It's lilke learning to crawl before walking and then holding yourself steady again. It takes time. Those guys already healed while being with us; we have to go through the cycle. He used you. Don't allow that again. Ever. And if he texts you, it's for his ego fulfillment. What dumper doesn't wan't to check up on the dumped to ensure they are still pining away? food for thought. and Vent, vent, vent all you need to; we are here to help you through this. Lord knows everyone has been wonderful pulling me out of the funk I have been in. 1
mike588 Posted March 23, 2012 Posted March 23, 2012 About a week ago my boyfriend dumped me saying that he didn't want to hurt me. We were a couple for almost two years. He told me that he loves me and even cried. I asked him if there was someone else and he said no. Then I saw him later that week to pick up some stuff and we end up talking. He kissed me, said that he loves me and has missed me. I told him that he has to figure out what he wants. I'm not sad but I don't really know how I feel. I'm really confused. And I miss him like crazy. Any advice would really help, Thanks for reading guys. I'm sure he does love you but most likely is not in love with you anymore and is trying to let you down easy saying those things. When someone is "In Love" with you they don't want to leave you....there is probably someone else. 1
Kamila Posted March 24, 2012 Posted March 24, 2012 Wow, Kamila! You've just described how my ex did it. One foot out of the relationship, put all his dating site profiles back up===I had no clue, found out by accident via the ex wife. It was awful. He blamed it on me saying he needed more. But right before I found out, he said I was his soulmate...yet his profiles said 'looking for my soulmate'. I cut ties completely==he was extremely verbally abusive===moreso when I found out. Stopped taking his calls. What would I have to say to him after that? The OP has to think of it that way. What could we possibly have to discuss if you just dumped me? The style with which you were dumped? Should we have judges with score cards? the arrogance of some of these dumpers. My ex had the nerve to text me after he felt the dust settled==this was August. I did not respond. There are things he did that I am not sure I can forgive; talking to him would not help matters. Especially since he has a new g/f already. and to the OP, you do NOT want to deal with that. You need to free yourself of this fellow and do your best to heal. It's lilke learning to crawl before walking and then holding yourself steady again. It takes time. Those guys already healed while being with us; we have to go through the cycle. He used you. Don't allow that again. Ever. And if he texts you, it's for his ego fulfillment. What dumper doesn't wan't to check up on the dumped to ensure they are still pining away? food for thought. and Vent, vent, vent all you need to; we are here to help you through this. Lord knows everyone has been wonderful pulling me out of the funk I have been in. I didn't know we were officially over until my ex-bf told me he had doubts about us for over a year... mmm... Well he amusingly told me he went on a date after we had our so-called break-up fight. It was a girl he meet through FB and that he was keeping on a leash, sort of a back-up plan in case I went away. And I thought we were gonna make-up. Meh. So it's like you said, one foot out of the relationship. It's someone not 100 % committed to you. Always looking for something better to come along. To the OP: try to be stronger than your ex, he's using you. 2
BewitchedandBothered Posted March 24, 2012 Posted March 24, 2012 I didn't know we were officially over until my ex-bf told me he had doubts about us for over a year... mmm... Well he amusingly told me he went on a date after we had our so-called break-up fight. It was a girl he meet through FB and that he was keeping on a leash, sort of a back-up plan in case I went away. And I thought we were gonna make-up. Meh. So it's like you said, one foot out of the relationship. It's someone not 100 % committed to you. Always looking for something better to come along. To the OP: try to be stronger than your ex, he's using you. I think fellows who keep searching for 'better' keep searching. They know how to get someone, but don't know how to keep her. 1
christine393 Posted March 25, 2012 Posted March 25, 2012 Sigh! That's the very worst. When a man leaves you yet tells you he loves you. I feel as if men should always be honest and not give false hope to a girl. The very best thing you can do is to MOVE ON. I'm working on that at the moment. Focus only on yourself. Start going to the gym. Play a sport. Take some classes. Do whatever you can to keep yourself occupied 24/7. If that means you have to wake up at 4AM and clean the whole house, so be it! What ever you do.. DO NOT text him. Trust me on this. After ignoring my ex, he has contacted me multiple times. If you text him, it will show him that you are still available to him and will be on the backburner. IF you ignore him, there's a chance he might contact you again after he's figured things out. But don't count on anything happening. Focus on you. If you text him all the time, or even sneak a peek at his facebook page, Now is the time to prove that you are a strong person who can move past this. Give yourself some mourning time but set a date to tell yourself that you are over it. Stop talking about him, thinking about him, or even looking at his facebook page. Don't even let friends bring it up. Cut him out. Replace every negative thought with a positive one. Force yourself to think about something else every time you think about him. The biggest reason you should move on? If he can do this now... Two years into a relationship? He can do this again.. Ten years and two kids into the relationship. If he leaves you once, he can leave you again. 3
Kamila Posted March 25, 2012 Posted March 25, 2012 I think fellows who keep searching for 'better' keep searching. They know how to get someone, but don't know how to keep her. Yes, for them it's the chase and once the chase is over... the adrenaline lowers... reality sinks in. It's bu-bye ! Nice meeting you ! I've changed my mind mid-way. 1
cflowers32 Posted March 25, 2012 Posted March 25, 2012 About a week ago my boyfriend dumped me saying that he didn't want to hurt me. We were a couple for almost two years. He told me that he loves me and even cried. I asked him if there was someone else and he said no. Then I saw him later that week to pick up some stuff and we end up talking. He kissed me, said that he loves me and has missed me. I told him that he has to figure out what he wants. I'm not sad but I don't really know how I feel. I'm really confused. And I miss him like crazy. Any advice would really help, Thanks for reading guys. Love, you are in the same boat as me!!!! I joined here last night because I have to just stay away from him period. He told me the same thing. We used to live together and I moved out, and he said that it felt like we were moving backwards and it was too hard for him. I still love him very much too. Hang in there. This site has been great in just the 24 (less than that even) hours that I've been here, and it is helping me stay away from him, so no contact, calling, texting, etc., and at the same time I can support others who are hurting too. We're all fighting the same fight!!! Welcome, and good luck. I know it sucks right now. 1
BewitchedandBothered Posted March 25, 2012 Posted March 25, 2012 (edited) Yes, for them it's the chase and once the chase is over... the adrenaline lowers... reality sinks in. It's bu-bye ! Nice meeting you ! I've changed my mind mid-way. After my ex's divorce, I found he had a history of doing that with me as the final person==said he would always love me and would never find the chemistry we had with another...A few months later, boom. someone falls for his bs profile and he is in love already; they are together since january and have already traveled together. A dear friend told me to watch it unravel and fizzle out. But, this guy seems proud of this woman, posted pics of them on a hike all on his wall. he NEVER did that for me; always told me how he hated when people posted pics of them and their significant other. He never really healed from his ex wife==he was still hurting from that divorce when he was with me. Could he have healed from her so miraculously? My friend says his profiles will all be back up in a matter of time because this new girl will see his true colors. Edited March 25, 2012 by BewitchedandBothered 1
Author Itsonlya Posted March 26, 2012 Author Posted March 26, 2012 After my ex's divorce, I found he had a history of doing that with me as the final person==said he would always love me and would never find the chemistry we had with another... But, this guy seems proud of this woman, posted pics of them on a hike all on his wall. he NEVER did that for me; always told me how he hated when people posted pics of them and their significant other. That sounds a lot like him. We used to take a lot of pictures together but as the last couple of months passed he stopped all PDA he wouldn't eve hold my hand in public.
Kamila Posted March 27, 2012 Posted March 27, 2012 Oh yes, the PDA's also vanished with me. I remember a whole day we had planned out at the countryside. The weather was magnificent, we were at a lake. Unfortunately, not one single time did he approach me. Not one kiss, not one hug. Maybe he was in a bad mood who knows ... In retrospect, all signs were there. Hehe, Bewitched, we could write a book about 'What are the signs that shows that your guy is not into you...anymore'. At least, when we were together he put on his FB profile that we were 'in a relationship'. But no pictures were put of us together. In the end he even put his FB profile down. He put it back up with the excuse that he had to show a picture to someone... owkay... Then last november a close up picture of him kissing a girl. I'm ranting here... Let's end with: if they confuse you, walk away...
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