jhig712419 Posted March 23, 2012 Posted March 23, 2012 Wow, my life has been turned upside down by my ex wife, We were the perfect couple when we were married people never would of thought we would seperate but we did, the story went that my wife left me for somebody she worked with, This guy was also married and he was having a tough time, if i am being honest he was looking for a shoulder to cry on and he tried it on with a few women i know but they gave him a wide berth, but my wife didnt she was there to listen and talk and one thing lead to another, No i was by no means the perfect husband but i never cheated and was never violent, i could of been a much better husband to her i know that and She left me and left me deverstated, and within a week she was engaged to her new bloke, my emails went unanswered, she wanted no contact i kept hoping she would come back to me but she never did, I was left absolutely deverstated and broken, but i dusted myself off, and came back from this fighting. Then out of the blue about 3 months ago i found out that my wife and this bloke had seperated, i thought nothing of it and carried on my life as normal. then me and my ex wife met, we still had the smiles for eachother, and we began texting eachother. She started to test the water, with her text messages saying she had made the biggest mistake in her life, and to be fair i have gave her no sympathy, she says she still loves me and always has loved me and she wants to make the marriage work more than anything, i have tried testing the water and she seems to be giving all the right answers, I have asked her why it has taken her so long, and her reply was she failed our relationship she wanted this one to work but at the end of the day she kicked him out and that was that. She seperated with him 3 months ago and i told her she was lonely and just wanted anybody and her reply to that was if that was the case she would of got back with him, She tells me you never realise what you had until you lose it and all the rest of it, Do i want to believe her yes i do, Do i believe her yes i do, is this strange of me to want to take my ex wife back after everything she has done, i know my friends and family would be mortified as they saw what she put me through, but i can address and deal with that at a later date, just want to know if anybody has been through anything like this and can it really really be saved
worldgonewrong Posted March 23, 2012 Posted March 23, 2012 I've never been through this. I'm going through a divorce right now. A year ago, I would have absolutely ENVIED your situation. But now? Not so much. It's a potential minefield, and the trick is now making the same mistakes again or being lured into the old patterns if you choose to go back with her. I'll be curious as to the other replies here, as this is completely foreign to me.
Eddie Edirol Posted March 23, 2012 Posted March 23, 2012 It can be saved if she told you exactly what you did wrong in your marriage, and what she did wrong. if she isnt forthcoming with all of this, then she probably is just lonely, and you shouldnt talk to her at all. its only 3 months since she left that guy, are you sure she still isnt raw with emotion for him? Are you sure she isnt rebounding with you? Three months isnt long enough to get over someone you were with for 3 years, unless she was planning to leave him for the last year.... 3
JasonRules Posted March 23, 2012 Posted March 23, 2012 You can do whatever you want, but me personally I would never take her back no matter if she got on her knees begging and imploring. To me the "string is cut" if the woman I am with leaves me for another guy. The way I look at it is this; you left me for another guy you thought was better than me in every way. You didn't decide this overnight. You sat and carefully thought about it for days, weeks, months, and sometimes years. Yet you still left. And now you're back. So what does this tell me about you? That you do not have the brains to carefully evaluate a situation. You lack the maturity for introspection. Lastly, why is the onus upon me to have to compete with every male my wife comes into contact with and be "better" so she doesn't leave me? Marriage is about commitment. Does a mother abandon her children for other children? No, she doesn't. Why? Because she LOVES her children unconditionally. A woman who loves her husband does not leave them for another man. If you were unfit as a husband for her than she should have left you just for you, not because she met another man. The bottom line is this. No matter how hard your wife tries to "wash and iron" your marriage the stain will never be removed from your "shirt". The marriage is tainted. If you are ok with wearing a tainted shirt, then by all means do it. However, who's to say if she did this once she won't do it again? Can you look at me in the face and tell me honestly that she will never do this again with another guy? Or that she will be faithful? You can't... In life you can forgive people, but you can never forget. Insanity is doing the same thing expecting different results. No matter what she does today, the result will always be the same tomorrow. 3
leoc1973 Posted March 23, 2012 Posted March 23, 2012 I think Jason said it perfectly. I can deal with a woman leaving me because we aren't working out. then maybe we both work on issues and give it another try but if she was engaged to him a week after then how long was she sleeping with him and coming home to you for? And to me sleeping with another guy isn't even the worst part. The long talks on how do I get rid of my husband are even worse. Like you are some kind of garbage that has to be dealt with so that her and her new guy can find eternal happiness. Well guess what she got exactly what she wanted and that was to get away from you. Its so funny how it works. If you take her back you are showing her that she can do the worst most unspeakable things to you and its ok but if you don't then you don't have her(and I am sure you love and want her) Of course there is always the possibility that you were a horrible husband to her and left her feeling empty, unwanted and like she had no one else to turn to and no other choice. In this case.. have you changed? 1
wilsonx Posted March 23, 2012 Posted March 23, 2012 Anyone that posts or reads this second chance forum would take their ex back at any time. You are just bitter assclowns because they dont want you back right this second. 1
worldgonewrong Posted March 23, 2012 Posted March 23, 2012 Anyone that posts or reads this second chance forum would take their ex back at any time. You are just bitter assclowns because they dont want you back right this second. Wilsonx- Are you married? If so, how long have you been married? How long were you together before you got married? Also, have you ever had any children with your spouse? I ask just to see what separates the "assclowns" from guys like you.
marqueemoon4 Posted March 23, 2012 Posted March 23, 2012 Wilsonx- Are you married? If so, how long have you been married? How long were you together before you got married? Also, have you ever had any children with your spouse? I ask just to see what separates the "assclowns" from guys like you. noooooooooo man.... GIGS IS REAL! You can set your watch to the various stages of it! My exW is experiencing GIGS and by my calculations she'll be kicking my door down on December 11th at 6:51pm. yea i appreciate your input wilson but namecalling isn't necessary.
JasonRules Posted March 23, 2012 Posted March 23, 2012 Anyone that posts or reads this second chance forum would take their ex back at any time. You are just bitter assclowns because they dont want you back right this second. Yea, I give up. Wilson is right. I am bitter and would take my ex back in a second. This is why I will change my initial position and tell the OP to take back the cheating wife who left him for another man and 2 years later comes crying back. The OP should do everything in his power to take her back, reignite the love, and completely ignore what she did. And while they are at it, they can fly to Vegas and get married for a 2nd time. PS. Did I mention I was bitter?
EgoJoe Posted March 24, 2012 Posted March 24, 2012 (edited) Wow, my life has been turned upside down by my ex wife, We were the perfect couple when we were married people never would of thought we would seperate but we did, the story went that my wife left me for somebody she worked with, This guy was also married and he was having a tough time, if i am being honest he was looking for a shoulder to cry on and he tried it on with a few women i know but they gave him a wide berth, but my wife didnt she was there to listen and talk and one thing lead to another, No i was by no means the perfect husband but i never cheated and was never violent, i could of been a much better husband to her i know that and She left me and left me deverstated, and within a week she was engaged to her new bloke, my emails went unanswered, she wanted no contact i kept hoping she would come back to me but she never did, I was left absolutely deverstated and broken, but i dusted myself off, and came back from this fighting. Then out of the blue about 3 months ago i found out that my wife and this bloke had seperated, i thought nothing of it and carried on my life as normal. then me and my ex wife met, we still had the smiles for eachother, and we began texting eachother. She started to test the water, with her text messages saying she had made the biggest mistake in her life, and to be fair i have gave her no sympathy, she says she still loves me and always has loved me and she wants to make the marriage work more than anything, i have tried testing the water and she seems to be giving all the right answers, I have asked her why it has taken her so long, and her reply was she failed our relationship she wanted this one to work but at the end of the day she kicked him out and that was that. She seperated with him 3 months ago and i told her she was lonely and just wanted anybody and her reply to that was if that was the case she would of got back with him, She tells me you never realise what you had until you lose it and all the rest of it, Do i want to believe her yes i do, Do i believe her yes i do, is this strange of me to want to take my ex wife back after everything she has done, i know my friends and family would be mortified as they saw what she put me through, but i can address and deal with that at a later date, just want to know if anybody has been through anything like this and can it really really be saved Tell her point blank, "Not right now, maybe not ever. We can be friendLY (note how I don't say friends) for now." After saying this, don't initiate anything at all for a year. Pump and dump (if you're so inclined) a few times as well. This will ascertain her seriousness and give you time to think. Though I am inclined to align my personal opinion with Jason. It will eat at you unless the taint is "washed" away. Afterthought: How old are you and your Ex-wife, how long together, married etc.? Edited March 24, 2012 by EgoJoe
Fitz Posted March 27, 2012 Posted March 27, 2012 On the one hand, people make mistakes. But on the other hand, we have to accept responsibility for our mistakes. On paper, I would say do NOT go back to her. I suspect she is feeling a little lonely and is only looking for comfort. It would be different if she had decided to break off her 2nd marriage in order to get back with you, but it seems she is only knocking on your door after her 2nd marriage failed. She's designated you as the fallback guy. But in reality, I'm sure it would be nice to drink the sweet Kool-aid of validation (as she jumps through hoops to get back with you). There is no right answer. But be careful...
cflowers32 Posted March 27, 2012 Posted March 27, 2012 I see you only have one post on this site, but I am responding anyway, for myself. I think that's a long time to be separated and I totally see why you are questioning everything. It is a shame that things could not have been worked on before, made sure the relationship was stronger, coulda, woulda, shoulda, blah, blah, blah... I am in the process of parting with my boyfriend. We have issues, but for the most part I know that we both love each other. We are in our forties and he now wants to see what else is out there... Why, well I moved out a couple of months ago and he felt that was a step backward, however, we both have so much to finish in our life after previous relationships/marriage, we're both still growing, and I still want to move forward and grow with him, he wants the greener grass. I'll have to let him do it. In the meantime I have put it out there to him, while we are still emotionally close, still have love for each other, that IF HE GOES OUT THERE, there may be no coming back and I really, really, really don't want him to be back in a year or whatever saying "I made a mistake." I know we've got things to work on, but the position you are in is not the one I want us to be in. Every relationship is different so I don't know what you should do, hell, I don't know what I'm doing other than pleading my case so I know that I put myself out there before I know the door is shut completely. I don't want him to be your wife, and I don't want to be you, I know this has got to be hard. I guess on that note, I want to say that I wish you the best. We people are fickle when it comes to love, we all have our best intentions and in the end, the middle, the beginning, we don't know, really, how it is all going to unfold. My very best to you.
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