princess75 Posted June 12, 2004 Posted June 12, 2004 Hello, I had posted several threads like 5-6 months ago. I had been devastated by my breakup and by his post breakups confusions. (lying, he with another girl, coming back to me while with another girl) After that he wanted to come back to me, I didnt accept him at first but then he really showed me he wanted to change, we were working things out. Now we did work a lot of things though But he is still unwilling to commit, and it breaks my heart so much. I just cant handle him telling me that after all we have gone through: "he still doesnt know if I am THE ONE to settle down with" That he believes I am not, but that "maybe" after 2 years things can change. Now I am 28, and I dont feel I can surive a breakup at age 30 to be alone again. So I broke up with him. Dont get me wrong, I am not desperate; but it is just I am already for 2 years and a half and I feel if he doesnt know by now, he will never know. What do you guys out there suggest? What do you think? It has been 2 days since this breakup. I also decided to do so, cause I feel lack of trust still, and by him saying these things gives me signs I should not be with him. I woud love for it to work out, but realities can't be changed. Can they? Well, just wondering what is the opinion out there. Thanks
Miss_Prolixity Posted June 12, 2004 Posted June 12, 2004 Hi Princess, Any time a love relationship ends, even if it was an un-healthy one, it still hurts. You're at the beginning stages of the loss and there's a lot of feelings you are going to encounter after a breakup, such as: "did I do the right thing," what if," "should' of," etc. After two years of being together and he still doesn't know if "you're the one," doesn't make any sense. IMO, he is stringing you along and has commitment problems. Sometimes people will date others without ever reaching a level of full commitment because they feel someone is always better and just lurking around the corner. It's kindof like the, "grass is greener" effect. Also, since he lies to you, he has thrown out one of the most key components to any healthy functioning relationship. Trust is something earned, it's not a given. It's going to take some time to heal, but you deserve to be treated with love, respect, honor, loyalty and trust. Sometimes going through an un-healthy relationship helps us define what we want out of the next one. We start to set boundaries and assert ourselves what we will or will not tolerate. Lastly, people can and do change, but it speaks volumes by their actions and not mere words.
Author princess75 Posted June 12, 2004 Author Posted June 12, 2004 Thank You very much, yes I do feel he is always looking for better pastures. And having me like a backup plan, a buddy to hang out with, someone who cares for him and helps him in problems. But that is not enough. Regarding TRUST, yes it is true he broke it but also I give him some credit that he tried hard to gain it. But trust is very difficult to rebuild. It helps me a lot to write here, so I know my decision is the correct one. I don't want to keep on going back to him, when I know I can be better off alone. Thanks
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