shaddo Posted March 23, 2012 Posted March 23, 2012 so i feal compelled to share my experience i know this has probably happened before but here goes....me and my ex have been together for about 3 yrs and we knew each other for like 6yrs so we go back ALONG time but anyway on the 5th of this month she got off work and seemed upset or pissed to be exact i asked her if anything was wrong she said just a rough day at work but deep down i knew better about 2 hours later her and her girlfriend went to the store she came back and started to cry i asked again whats wrong?? she said you smother me i need some space....my reply was ummm....ok? im lost girl what have i done exactly?? she said i hold her back there is so many things she wants to do but im always holding her back she needs some space and i guess all of the above but just needed a week to herself and everything would be fine by friday....well ii finally agreed to come back to my parents house and visit for awhile. i called her the next day she seemed differant on the phone like happy and such so i asked her what was up?? she said just chillin at the house i asked her if anyone was over she informed me her old friend from high school but not to worry...well knowing what ALWAYS happens when a girl says not to worry so i worried lol but i didnt say anything but played it cool and said its ok i will see you friday cant wait.....that night she was supposed to call me around 930-10 well 1030 came by so i called her she seemed VERY distant i asked is anything wrong?? she said nope everything is fine....i asked if her friend was there she said yeah so i jokingly said you guys do it? she paused after like 10 seconds she said yes....at that moment i felt my heart sink to the pit of my stomache and this nauseas fealing hit my knees got week and i fell to the ground....i couldnt believe it.....my fisrt instinct was to go up their with my mixed emotions....now i wish i wouldnt have i never saw her for 2 days after anyway she booked it with him that night it was probably for the best cause i would have probably killed him lol but anyway i called till she answered i begged her and pleaded with her no help got online the next day and found out that was not the way to handle it....so i completely changed my game plan that friday she came to get some of her stuff i told her that im going to give her space but if she changes her mind things WOULD NOT go back to normal but we could work on it and start with a fresh clean slate like date number 1 again....she said she was moving on i said ok and smiled but could see in her eyes it killed her...she only took her clothes with her came back 2 days later to get her jewlery and other things but left her photo albums and lingerie....funny story she grabbed her lingerie and said she was going to wear it for him tonight i replied with a smile and said i hope he likes it as much as i did she gave a me quirky look and put it in a pile with her clothes she was taking but "forgot" them and took her clothes...?? didnt make since to me....but i wished her and her new boy friend best of luck and im glad she found happiness (mind you during the breakup she told me she hasnt been happy the WHOLE time we were together but told me later the 1st time she came to get her stuff she is finally happy) now this past monday the 19th she posted on her facebook "finally after years of looking i finally found happiness" as i was checking out my friends she asked me how i was doing on the instant messanger i said good i finally got a job (been looking for 3 months) and told her of my plans of sky diving this summer and was getting rdy to go for a country hike she had to go shortly after that then this morning i found out she just deleted me off her facebook lol?? she doesnt make any since i really wish i could read minds i would LOVE to know what in the heck is going through that head of hers....oh yeah she quit her job about 1 week ago also....she was about to become manager but just gave it up...?? now i dont think there is any chance of us getting back together i dont believe i could ever trust her after this one but 1 week ago i would have takin her back quickly when my mind was all jumbled.....this rebound relationship she is in i give it about 2-4 more weeks....myself i am moving on pretty good i have ALOT going for me now and im just looking on the brightside of things as for her any insite on whats going on with her?? also i still have her cat.....lol?? im guessing she wants to come back and see me one day but just isnt sure.....but if she came back sincere and admits she made a mistake and is honestly sorry i probably would give her a shot again as long as im not with someone else by then...any ideas guys??
Cmac Posted March 23, 2012 Posted March 23, 2012 She sounds like a bitch. 'I'm gonna wear these tonight for him'? Screw that, she isn't worth it. 1
Chi townD Posted March 23, 2012 Posted March 23, 2012 She sounds like a bitch. 'I'm gonna wear these tonight for him'? Screw that, she isn't worth it. Totally agree with this. She was trying to get you into a fight, so she could justify what she did to you because you're an ass. That she could ease her guilt by think "all we do is fight" (nevermind that she said one of the cruelest things possible to GET that fight). It's a good thing you are no longer friends on FB. That's the way it should be. COMPLETE NC! No phonecalls, no texts and no e-mails. If she sends any (and she will) ingore them! Post here instead. I think that it's awesome that you're going out and doing things. .i.e. skydiving and hiking. Don't stop! Travel and see the world. Do different things! Keep busy. P.S. In the future, use paragraphs. You post was kinda hard to read.
Author shaddo Posted March 23, 2012 Author Posted March 23, 2012 Yeah I talked to her about 1 hr ago she called from a number that i didn't reconize i thought maybe it was a job calling that I put an app in for. she wanted her social security card and birth certificate that she had left. I do know that she has them i watched her grab them up when she left. On the phone she sounded upset, not herself. I think she is realizing this guy isn't what she thought he would be and she made a mistake. She said for me to mail them to her she was going to facebook me the address, but she didn't want to meet anywhere if I did happen to find them. Don't get me wrong I do still care about her and her voice was that of VERY upset. I could tell she was holding back tears. Maybe he is beating her?? If so this could be a way for her to reach out and give me her location "indirectly" for help later on?? I do also know he was right beside her listening in I could hear his voice telling her things to say and putting me down saying "He is trying to F you over and he will never give them back." "This is a waste of time." and just random things. I really hate it that she is in this situation but I do know if she does ask me for help I will be their for her, because noone deserves to go through abuse if that is what is happening, or maybe i'm just over reacting? Oh yeah I did ask her why she deleted me off facebook and she said "I don't know." lol?? I also kept the conversation to like 2-3min told her I was busy and had to go. I think she was crying when I was about to get off the phone...I could be wrong but like I said she didn't sound like "her" at all like something was up.... Sorry about my 1st post. I was in a hurry this morning was running late for my farm job I have.
Author shaddo Posted March 24, 2012 Author Posted March 24, 2012 odd....she never sent me the address on facebook.....and just like I said her social security card and birth certificate isn't here at all. Very odd.....
Exit Posted March 24, 2012 Posted March 24, 2012 You need to work on getting angry at her. Here you are saying you're set and ready to go rescue her if the opportunity arises. Why? She banged someone else in your home the first night you were gone! I highly doubt this guy is beating her or all this other stuff you're imagining. The last thing you saw on FB was her saying she finally found happiness. I would go through your place with a fine tooth comb so that way the next time she claims she forgot something you can say "no I cleaned up the entire place and it looks like you should have everything already". Or in the event that you do find anything of hers, put it outside and let her know she can pick it up. You are rapidly approaching "human doormat" territory that you will never be able to recover from. Don't get me wrong, it's a very good thing that you were able to pump the brakes on the panicking and the pleading that was your initial reaction, but you've kinda swerved off in a weird direction, being super nice to her, already let her know "yeah you can come back to me if you want but it won't be the same", saying you're ready to go rescue her if you find out something bad is happening with this guy. Why? You make it sound like if I walked up to you on the street and punched you in the face you'd pay me $20. Stop being nice to people who treat you like dirt. She crapped all over your relationship and ran off with someone else, how on earth would you feel safe taking her back after this? Besides you're just imagining it all anyway, all she has done is call to ask about a few of her things, you're finding too many reasons to be hopeful. The truth of the matter is she broke up with you, ran off with someone else, and deleted you off of Facebook. You need to get angry, it's part of healing. It'll come when the denial passes. 1
Author shaddo Posted March 24, 2012 Author Posted March 24, 2012 Yeah you are right in all aspects. I keep telling myself she is going to come back, and I keep hanging onto that hope. But also I don't want her back because I could never trust her again. I guess i'm just confused. 3 years of being with someone it's kind of hard to just "give up" or "let go" all at once but ultimately I know I have to. The busier I stay the easier it is not to think about her. The problem is today my fishing trip has been canceled due to it pouring down the rain. I need to find something else to get into today. Maybe take her dresser out back and blow holes in it?? lol I guess its time to let everything roll off of me. Stop worrying. She made her decision. But that's easier said than done. Why do females have this effect on us??
leoc1973 Posted March 24, 2012 Posted March 24, 2012 yeah you are imagining that he is beating her. I went through all of my ex's tears. I read all that stuff online on how to act but every time my ex started crying I would cave and tell her to come back and she never did. She is looking for a reason to contact you and then turning on the tears so that you share your real feelings with her. Whats going on in her head is right now she is freaking out because this didn't go the way she planned at all. She expected you to beg and cry and tell her you will always be there so that she can come back if things don't work out with her new guy. Right now she is asking herself," oh my god did he ever even care about me?" "how can he get over me so quick" She is rediculous. That is as low as you can be to bang someone in your house and then tell you that she will wear that for him. I am all about second chances and people making up but not this one!! NO WAY! Yuck!
Author shaddo Posted March 25, 2012 Author Posted March 25, 2012 leoc1973 you are right and I just realized something today also.....I haven't thought about her since the last time I posted on here. I have been getting myself into shape, and found a new "prospect" out on a farm I have been working on. This girl can cook, clean, and has her priorities straight. She knows what she wants. My gosh can she COOK! lol She is also 4 times prettier inside and out than my ex. (weight doesn't matter to me but this new girl is about 70lbs lighter than my ex, also she stays in shape) Right now looking back I can't believe I was so heart broke over this "hoe" and that is a term I hardly ever use, but I believe that the shoe fits for this one. She completely did me wrong. Right now I feal as if she used me for a place to stay, and play with until something more "appealing" came along for her. Only problem is this new guy makes me look like a swimsuit model.... On another note. She never messaged me on facebook her address so that does tell me that she only used that as an excuse to call me to hear my voice. That would also explain the unusual phone number so I would answer. Right now I do know that she knows she messed up big time. Only problem is she is definitely to late to make up I have realized WAY to much now. Their ARE better girls out there. I personally wish I didn't live in denial for so long.
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