jobaba Posted March 23, 2012 Posted March 23, 2012 I took a lot out of a recent post from what I consider an unlikely poster. Do you think somebody in a third world country would give a damn whether he's driving a honda or a mercedes when they both do the same exact thing and he has to walk they have to walk everywhere, not to mention just trying to survive day to day? No...do you look through at the world through that persons eyes or yours? does it make you feel better that you don't have to go through what that person would? yes, but there's nothing you can relate to because you've never been in that persons shoes. Therefore it doesn't change the things you'll whine and cry about, everything in your life is EQUALLY as dramatic because that's your reality. And I think human beings are wired in a way that no matter what they have, perks, luxuries, "advantages", they're always going to see the world based on their own experiences. And while you may think someone better looking has it much better than you, they have their own set of challenges...do they have to deal with your challenges? not necessarily but for them it's equally detrimental...look at celebrities...money, looks, fame, things just about everyone aspires to achieve and yet suicides, drug addictions, how many of them go out this way? I think this post says a lot to me about dating, and life in general. I've seen a lot of bitterness on this forum and I have contributed from time to time and I think one of the major catalysts for that bitterness is, "The ones who rejected me and others don't deal with rejection. They don't feel the pain I'm feeling. They're happy and I'm miserable." In contrast, I do think most things are relative. I was rejected by a woman last year who probably had 20 guys over the course of the year who wanted to date her (really date her). I haven't had that many women in MY LIFE who have wanted to seriously date me. If I showed you her picture, I'm sure you'd agree she's cute but nothing special. But she was dumped by one of her boyfriends that year. And probably went through she same pain I did when she rejected me. When you start comparing yourself to others, that's where the anger and bitterness comes in. "I have it worse. Feel sorry for me." The truth is yes, in an absolute sense, you probably do have it worse. Perhaps much worse. But you have to live your life based on what you've been given. So, if you are a 30 year old virgin and a nice guy, or a woman who thinks she's hideous ... that's just the point you're at . No sense in comparing yourself with others or trying to keep up with others. They probably experience as much pain as you in one way or another. Experience your own unique joys and pains. You getting your first girlfriend at age 30 might bring you more joy than a guy who has slept with 30 women a year has ever felt. I think the same goes with the rest of life. Comparing yourself to your facebook friends and seeing what they've accomplished by your age? Forget it. Blaze your own path and worry about what you want to accomplish. The hell what society thinks of your goals and SOs. I know it's hard to stay out of the ratrace in dating and society but I think it's important to compartmentalize your own goals. Anyway, bit of a rant. I thought this was important to me. Important enough to get out of bed and write. Others might find it stupid, but I think this will help me a lot going forward. 10
TaraMaiden Posted March 23, 2012 Posted March 23, 2012 I've heard these 'must get out of bed and write this' instances described as *Ahaaaaah!* moments. good post.
manup Posted March 23, 2012 Posted March 23, 2012 Cultivate you bitterness into something productive.
somedude81 Posted March 23, 2012 Posted March 23, 2012 The truth is yes, in an absolute sense, you probably do have it worse. Perhaps much worse. But you have to live your life based on what you've been given. So, if you are a 30 year old virgin and a nice guy, or a woman who thinks she's hideous ... that's just the point you're at . No sense in comparing yourself with others or trying to keep up with others. They probably experience as much pain as you in one way or another. Experience your own unique joys and pains. Good, but commonly given advice. One of those things that makes sense though almost impossible to do in real life. 1
TaraMaiden Posted March 23, 2012 Posted March 23, 2012 with an emphasis on the 'almost'... if there's a glimmer of hope, you can work up to it....
Hear Posted March 23, 2012 Posted March 23, 2012 Like a glimmer of hope for old people who are in to Buddhism, that they will be reborn as young people one day.
hotloader Posted March 23, 2012 Posted March 23, 2012 The level of personal insecurity that exists in the western world is utterly staggering. Nobody can keep up with the ever-changing archetypes that the media dictates we all should aspire to be like, yet even though most people can recognize this....they're too shepple to apply the logic. Life is already tough enough. We've gotta make a living, pay bills, give 20-30% of what we make to this evil government, stay in shape and eat healthy so that we can live even longer in this awful world, etc, etc. Who needs all the other bull$hit on top of that? Look at yourself in the mirror and recognize that there's nobody else in this world who looks like you, talks like you, has your personality, etc. Don't let them take that uniqueness away from you by convincing you that you're not good enough just the way you are. 1
Author jobaba Posted March 23, 2012 Author Posted March 23, 2012 Good, but commonly given advice. One of those things that makes sense though almost impossible to do in real life. Ordinarily I wouldn't buy into it either. But the part that everybody thinks their life is as bad and experiences as much pain helps me. If you at least implant the thought in your head, it has a fighting chance. 1
Els Posted March 23, 2012 Posted March 23, 2012 Pretty great epiphany. There are many crappy things in my life, but many blessings as well. Realizing what you realized has helped me greatly in the past. I only have one life, and this is going to be it. I can either spend that life miserable over the hand that I've been dealt, or I can rejoice in the good things that I have and spend my life being happy instead. Happiness is a state of mind. 1
danny in van Posted March 23, 2012 Posted March 23, 2012 I took a lot out of a recent post from what I consider an unlikely poster. I think this post says a lot to me about dating, and life in general. I've seen a lot of bitterness on this forum and I have contributed from time to time and I think one of the major catalysts for that bitterness is, "The ones who rejected me and others don't deal with rejection. They don't feel the pain I'm feeling. They're happy and I'm miserable." In contrast, I do think most things are relative. I was rejected by a woman last year who probably had 20 guys over the course of the year who wanted to date her (really date her). I haven't had that many women in MY LIFE who have wanted to seriously date me. If I showed you her picture, I'm sure you'd agree she's cute but nothing special. But she was dumped by one of her boyfriends that year. And probably went through she same pain I did when she rejected me. When you start comparing yourself to others, that's where the anger and bitterness comes in. "I have it worse. Feel sorry for me." The truth is yes, in an absolute sense, you probably do have it worse. Perhaps much worse. But you have to live your life based on what you've been given. So, if you are a 30 year old virgin and a nice guy, or a woman who thinks she's hideous ... that's just the point you're at . No sense in comparing yourself with others or trying to keep up with others. They probably experience as much pain as you in one way or another. Experience your own unique joys and pains. You getting your first girlfriend at age 30 might bring you more joy than a guy who has slept with 30 women a year has ever felt. I think the same goes with the rest of life. Comparing yourself to your facebook friends and seeing what they've accomplished by your age? Forget it. Blaze your own path and worry about what you want to accomplish. The hell what society thinks of your goals and SOs. I know it's hard to stay out of the ratrace in dating and society but I think it's important to compartmentalize your own goals. Anyway, bit of a rant. I thought this was important to me. Important enough to get out of bed and write. Others might find it stupid, but I think this will help me a lot going forward. hey that's not a rant- that's a well meaning well thought out choice of words. Thanks for posting and tho not ez to do as one guy said, attempting to replant it in the brain and focusing on this at least is a fighting chance. I've travelled quite a bit and to countries that have it really hard- India and Cambodia first come to mind- and if all else fails, go there and if that doesn't reset your perspective then you have my blessing to jump off a bridge haha!
loveshots Posted March 23, 2012 Posted March 23, 2012 This thread just answer every piece of crap that i am experiencing right now. With every word that I read, i always say to myself "wow awesome realization" I really have myself connected with this thread Since I just wrote a new post about my addiction with insecurities it just answer my post automatically and now i have planned that whenever I get insecure again with that woman or with someone else, I would have to read this thread over and over again until i have finally moved on, and become better in any ways BUT if you don't mind.. I'm still open to replies and advises. Just read my new post addiction with insecurities thanks
TaraMaiden Posted March 23, 2012 Posted March 23, 2012 Like a glimmer of hope for old people who are in to Buddhism, that they will be reborn as young people one day. Really, it's best you say nothing... with every word you just prove more and more how pig-ignorant you actually are....
Tybalt Posted March 23, 2012 Posted March 23, 2012 I agree that attaining a wider perspective such as this is a huge in moving forward in life consciously, choosing happiness rather than lamenting the lack of it. It is difficult to maintain this perspective at times, and it is always helpful to remind oneself and attempt to keep reprogramming the mind to understand the relativity of it all, and the fact that we are all at choice as to what we focus upon. Rejection and pain exists for everyone. I feel sometimes that I have had a rather goodly share of it. But when I think of my grandmother, for example, growing up in Tibet and her siblings dying of cholera and the human suffering she witnessed? My portion of suffering is small by this yardstick - and my blessings enormous, and bourne on the backs of my ancestors both proximate and distant. Also, I am not surprised that this post by ninjainpajamas was resonant, he is a very insightful and philosophical person who is direct and honest. Along with a few others such as zengirl and carhill, I am always eager to read his posts.
Jeremy87 Posted March 24, 2012 Posted March 24, 2012 I agree that attaining a wider perspective such as this is a huge in moving forward in life consciously, choosing happiness rather than lamenting the lack of it. It is difficult to maintain this perspective at times, and it is always helpful to remind oneself and attempt to keep reprogramming the mind to understand the relativity of it all, and the fact that we are all at choice as to what we focus upon. Rejection and pain exists for everyone. I feel sometimes that I have had a rather goodly share of it. But when I think of my grandmother, for example, growing up in Tibet and her siblings dying of cholera and the human suffering she witnessed? My portion of suffering is small by this yardstick - and my blessings enormous, and bourne on the backs of my ancestors both proximate and distant. Also, I am not surprised that this post by ninjainpajamas was resonant, he is a very insightful and philosophical person who is direct and honest. Along with a few others such as zengirl and carhill, I am always eager to read his posts. my posts are the top
Thieves Posted March 24, 2012 Posted March 24, 2012 Great post, Jobaba! I think many of us have a similar type of epiphany throughout our lives, but it's so difficult to be reminded of it daily with the amazingly fast-paced society that we live in. Coming on these boards is a magnificent example of that, and while I often do sympathize with other posters and their complaints, at times I really wish I could just shake some realization into these people and tell them that constantly giving into negativity or wallowing in self-pity is not the best route to take if you wish to live a good life. Everyone deals with their own challenges -- and comparing those challenges is often useless, because when push comes to shove, we all get our fair share of pain and joy. Wanting to be understood is one thing, but feeling sorry for yourself and pushing for other people to feel sorry for you too accomplishes nothing. Because what does that achieve? What does it change, and what exactly are you trying to live up to? To make your self-worth so dependent on others (whether in dating or other aspects of life) by comparing yourself and your problems to them all of the time is a vicious never-ending cycle. It's way too easy to trap yourself into thinking, "Well this person's got this and that, and I only have this, so my life/pain/experience is that much worse." We can all blame our pain on someone else or because of other people, but at the end of the day, those same people who you blame have probably felt their share of pain/rejection too, no matter what perfect image they may paint of themselves. We're all human, we all have 'skeletons' in our closets. So I think the most beautiful thing I've personally seen in life is the people who have had hard times, but who try to come out of it in the end and treasure their life by still seeing the value in it.
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