CopingGal Posted March 23, 2012 Posted March 23, 2012 You know you just get to a point where you get tired of the anger, tired of the tears, and tired of just missing someone who is living in up with someone else. I just can't do it anymore. I'm sorry he is so dysfunctional and that he has no conscience, but I can't change that. Yes, he tricked me. He got over on me and he damaged me severely. He got away with it and seemed to think it was funny. He held me tight and told me he love me while he did so many terrible things to me behind my back. No matter how much I cry or how long I feel bad, he will always feel that he was entitled to treat me like garbage. His explanation for why he treated me like garbage was "I don't know." As time goes on I pity him more and more. I had a setback breaking NC, but I think I'm turning the corner now. One day I will accept what he did to me. I will accept that he did it with a smile and I will accept that he never loved me. I hope that day can come soon, but I have to let it naturally let it happen instead of trying to rush it.
Exit Posted March 23, 2012 Posted March 23, 2012 Slowly reaching some of the same conclusions for myself. Not necessarily closure or understanding, but just getting tired of the daily hurting. Starting to realize my ex never loved me, maybe not intentionally or maliciously, moreso just an immature person who doesn't understand what love is. She was really good at pretending and I fell for it. Add in the fact that she's already dating someone else *again* as she did last time when we split up for a bit, it makes her love and the entire relationship feel even cheaper. The last few days I've been thinking it's worse than being a whore, at least those types of people know that they are just about physical relationships and don't pretend that they want anything else, but to be someone who chains together what they claim to be "real, committed relationships" is just an oxymoron. You can't possibly have true, loving feelings for one person after another after another after another with hardly any rest in between. She always said "I don't just date, I have serious relationships with people I can see a future with". Well wowwww, she has sure come across a lot of potential lifetime partners then. Oh well, I'm rambling about this. I'm starting to accept what a piece of trash the entire relationship was. I fell for an act. Partially blame myself, there were red flags EVERYWHERE but I chose to ignore them.
smudge21 Posted March 23, 2012 Posted March 23, 2012 Got tired of it all a while back. I still have those annoying feelings and so am doing NC best I can, but just so sick and tired of feeling this way - having that little tiny voice that feeds that hope in the back of my mind. I regret so much the time I've wasted thinking about her, but I can't change that, I just have to accept it.
TaraMaiden Posted March 23, 2012 Posted March 23, 2012 this is not feeling all washed up, feeble and drained.... This - THIS - my friends - is turning a corner. You've hit rock bottom, sure. But - guess what? the only way is up, now...... even though it may not feel like this, right now, this means that something has lifted. Something is over.And if something is over - something new has to come in and fill its place.... Now, i'm not talking about somebody necessarily - but you've created a space in your lives to accommodate something new, more exciting and unknown. Brilliant! 1
stillafool Posted March 23, 2012 Posted March 23, 2012 If you can, start by forgiving him for what he's done. Wish him well and really mean it. Soon after you reach that stage there will be light at the end of the tunnel I promise you. Stay well. 1
Author CopingGal Posted March 23, 2012 Author Posted March 23, 2012 If you can, start by forgiving him for what he's done. Wish him well and really mean it. Soon after you reach that stage there will be light at the end of the tunnel I promise you. Stay well. That's sounds good, but I just can't...at least not now. However, a substantial part of my anger is turning to pity. At guess, that's a start. I wonder...what is it like to hold someone tight and tell them you love them, while running around with other partners behind that person's back? What is it like to do so much damage to someone and your explanation is: "I don't know. Maybe the therapist will help me figure it out." And you say it in a way that has no sensitivity. What is it like to hurt somone so much, and then throw the person you cheated with in their face while you stalk them.? It's all so bizarre. Sometimes I feel that he is lucky because he ripped me apart and felt that it was acceptable to do so and was glad he did it...because it suited his needs. Sometimtes I feel that he is lucky to be able to be something so disgusting and not feel any guilt...because I experience guilt for some things I have done and guilt is not a pleasant feeling. But then I think....no. Thank goodness I feel guilt. Having a conscience keeps people from doing terrible things. It's a meter on a range of right to wrong. Once the meter starts to go to far over to the wrong side, you can tell yourself "Wait, this is not right." A conscience is a moral check. When one doesn't have it, it is disastrous. So I am happy I am not like him. I am happy I have a conscience.
Author CopingGal Posted March 23, 2012 Author Posted March 23, 2012 It's true people treat us the way we let them. But it is also hard because I did not know how bad he was treating me. So many things were covered up with lies. When I found out he cheated on me, I threw him out of my life. First, I left him. We were going to be friends. Then he started confessing all the horrible things he did not me behind my back. I threw him out of my life.
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