Jango_Fett Posted March 23, 2012 Posted March 23, 2012 About 3 years ago (2009) I became Facebook friends with a women whom I went to middle school with. To be fair, back in middle school I had a slight crush on her and reconnecting with her brought back some memories but I soon brushed them off. We exchanged an occasional message or two until about two years ago when she invited me to see a movie, which I accepted as an invite between two friends. Fast forward to around September of last year. By this time we had seen quite a few movies together as we shared common interests in our movie tastes, and exchanged a number of FB messages to learn there were other interests we shared. Clearly our feelings for each other were growing stronger. I'm typically a shy and reserved person, especially around women I find attractive and she is a strong-willed person so I had waited for her to indicate when it was okay to give her that first real intimate hug and kiss between each other. My feelings for her grew stronger every day, but as they did I became more distant to her. Furthermore I messed up New Year's plans and Valentine's day. During the whole time I thought I could figure out what my problem was on my own, but I finally relented and sought professional help near the end of Feb. Unfortunately, by that time she had enough and broke up with me. During our last conversation 4 weeks ago she made it clear things were over, even when I asked if we were still friends. Before I hung up with her she told me not to unfriend her from Facebook and that she would always be there for me, which I thought was confusing. In the last 4 to 5 weeks I've made great progress with therapy and have managed to uncover reasons for why I became more distant to her as my feelings grew for her. The therapy has also made me realize just how much I did love her and I've been on a huge emotional roller coaster ride. Even so I've managed to find the person I was before my downhill spiral and I still have a journey ahead of me. I've practiced NC with her since our break up and now I'm struggling with what to do next. My heart says I should try to get her back, because I don't like to give up easy, and that some things are worth fighting for - in fact we both said that to each other. If that happens I don't pretend we will pick up where we left off. It will take time for trust to build back up. My heart also thinks she may understand any explanation I give her about my behavior because her past life hasn't been free and clear of problems either - which has given her a perspective on things most people wouldn't go through. Maybe I'm being hopeless. I'm certainly confused.
CC12 Posted March 23, 2012 Posted March 23, 2012 Ask your therapist what you should do next. If he or she feels that you're ready for a relationship, then you should give it a try. Your ex did kind of leave a door open for you, it seems. But like you said, you still have a journey ahead of you. Four weeks of therapy isn't really that much time to have completely worked through your issues to a point where you won't be subjecting her to the same thing again if she gives you another chance. That wouldn't be fair to her.
Author Jango_Fett Posted March 23, 2012 Author Posted March 23, 2012 Thank you for the response! I wonder if I should continue to follow the NC rule until I reach the point I am ready. If I broke the rule early I wouldn't say anything to try and get back together. Instead, I would be communicating and acting like the person I was before we really started getting close to each other. I suppose that could serve as a way to determine whether or not our friendship could even be restored, wouldn't it?
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