hotloader Posted March 23, 2012 Posted March 23, 2012 Most if not all human females...use Men for money. They all do bro. Every last one of them. 1
Author rj2010 Posted March 23, 2012 Author Posted March 23, 2012 TM....thanks. My reply: re: Zumba, I agree, if you really enjoy it, you should make sure you hit the classes, trying to see what the optimal amount would be without overworking yourself. You'll find a sweet spot with trial and error. After all, how can I NOT adore a fit, sexy, and a happy woman?
Star Gazer Posted March 23, 2012 Posted March 23, 2012 This reminds me of a guy I dated briefly. Key word: briefly. I'm a jogger and like to go for a run after work. It's my way to unwind, destress and it makes me feel GREAT about myself. He would insist on calling and texting when he knew I was out for a run. He would be whiny that I wasn't giving him attention for those 45 minutes, 5 days a week. And we were in constant contact most of the rest of the time during the day. So I adjusted my run schedule and started running in the mornings more often so I could hang out with him longer in the evenings. Running in the mornings meant I had to get up at 5 so I would try to get to bed by 11 at the latest. So he started this thing where he would call me at 11, 11:30 even 12 sometimes to say goodnight. And they werent quick calls. He would try and keep me on the phone. Finally I ended up telling him "Look, since I've been with you I find myself being less active and more tired. And it's kinda making me feel like a miserable sack of crap. Can you PLEASE give me an hour every weekday to do my thing. You can even come with me if you'd like, I just want to be able to do what makes me happy." He had a problem with that because apparently spending time with HIM should have been what made me happy. And we were only dating like a month at that point! He was 30ish. In 10 years I see him in the same situation as OP. I think we dated the same guy.
hotloader Posted March 23, 2012 Posted March 23, 2012 Thanks....we were both working....I am newly unemployed (3 weeks) Just caught this part. You've got nothing to worry about then, except for the broken heart you'll probably have in about another three weeks. That is unless of course you find a new job that paid higher than the last one. Come back here in a few weeks if (when) she dumps you. It's comin' round the bend like a locomotive, and I'll be more than willing (as will the many other stand-up guys on this forum) to chat with you and help you through the process of emotional hell that's about to befall you. In the meantime, keep your head up and don't do anything that you'll regret later. 1
Feelsgoodman Posted March 23, 2012 Posted March 23, 2012 Bit of a tool eh? Yeah god forbid a woman wants to do anything for herself. How dare she ever leave his side. Yeah god forbid you'd actually read the original post before adding your worthless 2 cents The OP said that they only have a 'few hours' of together time per week. If his wife starts taking "Zumba" classes twice a week, that will effectively reduce this together time to zero. And what exactly is the point of such a relationship?? Marriage is about compromise...mutual compromise, that is. Not man compromising and woman doing whatever the hell she likes but BOTH of them compromising. Get it??
Star Gazer Posted March 23, 2012 Posted March 23, 2012 Insisting that she sacrifice her life to fill the space in his is not love. That's full on twisted selfishness. So, so true. 1
LovJoy Posted March 23, 2012 Posted March 23, 2012 Human females don't get it, because they are driven by the selfish ego. They care ONLY for them selves and always will. If it was not for the vagina..I would put all females on and island and nuke them from orbit...just to make sure the parasites are dead...
ditzchic Posted March 23, 2012 Posted March 23, 2012 If it was not for the vagina..I would put all females on and island and nuke them from orbit...just to make sure the parasites are dead... Ahhhh. But we are the carriers of the vagina. And that's exactly what drives men. So we win. Every. F*cking. Time. You can always go gay if it gets too frustrating for you...
Star Gazer Posted March 23, 2012 Posted March 23, 2012 Yeah god forbid you'd actually read the original post before adding your worthless 2 cents The OP said that they only have a 'few hours' of together time per week. If his wife starts taking "Zumba" classes twice a week, that will effectively reduce this together time to zero. And what exactly is the point of such a relationship?? Marriage is about compromise...mutual compromise, that is. Not man compromising and woman doing whatever the hell she likes but BOTH of them compromising. Get it?? God forbid YOU actually read the OP: They are NOT MARRIED. They have been dating one year, and he admits he's clingy.
sid3 Posted March 23, 2012 Posted March 23, 2012 Yeah god forbid you'd actually read the original post before adding your worthless 2 cents The OP said that they only have a 'few hours' of together time per week. If his wife starts taking "Zumba" classes twice a week, that will effectively reduce this together time to zero. And what exactly is the point of such a relationship?? Marriage is about compromise...mutual compromise, that is. Not man compromising and woman doing whatever the hell she likes but BOTH of them compromising. Get it?? I was right, definitely a tool. Looks like you didn't read the original post, she's not his wife. And even if she was, pouting over her attending zumba classes is still lame. Got it:rolleyes:
TaraMaiden Posted March 23, 2012 Posted March 23, 2012 rj2010 just a heads-up.... LovJoy and hotloader are both trolls... we're mostly waiting for them to be kicked out - and it will happen - but I and many others will advise you to ignore them.... you'll see by the response this post gets, as to what I mean....
LovJoy Posted March 23, 2012 Posted March 23, 2012 rj2010 just a heads-up.... LovJoy and hotloader are both trolls... we're mostly waiting for them to be kicked out - and it will happen - but I and many others will advise you to ignore them.... you'll see by the response this post gets, as to what I mean.... I have no idea what you are referring to kind lady. I just joined as per my post count and ready to be a productive member of this most unique and fine community. Thank you.
TaraMaiden Posted March 23, 2012 Posted March 23, 2012 I was right, definitely a tool. Looks like you didn't read the original post, she's not his wife. And even if she was, pouting over her attending zumba classes is still lame. Got it:rolleyes: Living under one roof, combined families, good commitment for a year - they're as good as married. now you're just being picky.
sid3 Posted March 23, 2012 Posted March 23, 2012 [QUOTE=TaraMaiden;3891179]Living under one roof, combined families, good commitment for a year - they're as good as married. now you're just being picky. Touche. But only for five months, they're more like newly weds. Geez. Back off old lady:lmao: I WAS NOT TROLLING!!!
Feelsgoodman Posted March 23, 2012 Posted March 23, 2012 God forbid YOU actually read the OP: They are NOT MARRIED. They have been dating one year, and he admits he's clingy. Around here, it would considered a common law marriage. In any event, what the hell does it matter? When you have no point to make, grasp at straws, huh?
sid3 Posted March 23, 2012 Posted March 23, 2012 When you have no point to make, grasp at straws, huh? Apparently
Star Gazer Posted March 23, 2012 Posted March 23, 2012 Around here, it would considered a common law marriage. In any event, what the hell does it matter? When you have no point to make, grasp at straws, huh? Where do you live that living together for a mere five months amounts to common law marriage??? 2
TaraMaiden Posted March 23, 2012 Posted March 23, 2012 I have no idea what you are referring to kind lady. I just joined as per my post count and ready to be a productive member of this most unique and fine community. Thank you. Post content speaks more volumes than post count. you've only got to look at your post to see what you are. Now why don't you just sit in your high-chair - and I'll plug it in....
Eddie Edirol Posted March 23, 2012 Posted March 23, 2012 Eddie.... most LOGICAL and BEST advice I have received. "You are naturally urged to try to pull her closer to you while she is pulling away. So what you need to do is pull away further" "Best thing you can do is pull away, give her space and room, stop trying. You have to let her miss you, and that will never happen while you are nagging her for alone time. " The ONLY issue is we live together....so giving her space is hard...literally.....small place here! Thats OK. Because now you wont have an "aura" (for lack of a better word) of wanting to pull at her, now that you know. She will pick up on it. You wont be looking for pointless chatter that she doesnt want to engage in. Now that you know, you will do your own thing. She will feel the slight distance, and begin to get curious. She will see you getting happiness with your friends, or other activities, and that is attractive. Just like she is doing to you. She goes to zumba, doesnt invite you, makes you wonder. So you do the same.
curlygirl40 Posted March 23, 2012 Posted March 23, 2012 A therapist once told me and my now X that if there's something that someone really wants to do, and being in a relationship is restricting them from doing it, they will get out of the relationship to be able to do it. Maybe not right away, but eventually. If someone feels smothered it's not good for anyone. The situation you are in is stressful. Blending families, different parenting styles, different visitation schedules, etc. It would be good for both of you to take some time away from it when you can. Zumba it is for her, and you should find something separate for you. Not to get back at her for doing her thing, but because it's good to have your own separate interests. I'm reading into this a little and unlike some other posters, maybe, I'm assuming that because you live together, you have a lot of time together it's just that because of the kids you have very little 'alone' time together and this is the issue?? How about a sitter on a Saturday night? Or just enjoy the fleeting times that you do get alone time. The FB stuff is BS. So childish. Let it go. You are going to push her away, then when you do you'll be thinking 'see, I was right she was on her way out'. What we fear we create. Don't do that to yourself. Be grateful, everyday, that she's in your life. Put your energy towards employment instead of this petty stuff. While you are home during the day, when you're not looking for a job, make sure you're doing your share around the house so when she gets home she doesn't feel overwhelmed with things that need to be done. Even if it goes outside the 'roles' that you might have had in place while you were both working. Support her in her interests. If you care about her, you'll be happy for her that she has found something that she loves. Be supportive of it and watch her be grateful for you and tell all of her girlfriends what a great guy you are. It could bring you closer, instead of the way you're acting driving you apart. My guess also is that since you're laid off, you're a little lonely during the day without her so you want her time at night. You should be partners here, it's not her job to entertain you. If it starts to feel like an obligation instead of the fun that a newish relationship is, that's NO GOOD. Relax! 1
Author rj2010 Posted March 23, 2012 Author Posted March 23, 2012 CG - that was a hell of a helpful post, especially: "Support her in her interests. If you care about her, you'll be happy for her that she has found something that she loves. Be supportive of it and watch her be grateful for you and tell all of her girlfriends what a great guy you are. It could bring you closer, instead of the way you're acting driving you apart. " Thanks !!!!
Author rj2010 Posted March 23, 2012 Author Posted March 23, 2012 CG: Part 2... Now that I have done the "instead of the way you're acting driving you apart"....apart from actions, what can I do to start the mending process, and show her my shift as sincere? Thanks!!
hotloader Posted March 24, 2012 Posted March 24, 2012 Ahhhh. But we are the carriers of the vagina. And that's exactly what drives men. So we win. Every. F*cking. You don't win with me anymore. I prefer self respect and beating off into a tube sock. I've got a new-found answer to my girl problems right at the end of my left arm, baby. No get out there and get yourself an STD! Be the ball! It's Friday night! Party time! Woooooo!
Author rj2010 Posted March 25, 2012 Author Posted March 25, 2012 Few days after this.....after I started the Nice Guy stuff (a book/book on tape....dont wanna get in trouble here...in addition to the book, I also ordered the tape. The difference is like Night and Day! Love listening to it and doing the exercises. Also, been staying off Facebook and off viewing her Profile Page (viewing.....NOT hacked....lol) NOW....here is where I am: I was being clingy/needy and telling her that since we have limited alone time each week, it was not right to go to her Zumba classes or pop by her girlfriends house. SO...I am starting Karate class next week, and am doing the tape and it brings tears to my eyes how DEEPLY it describes every mechanism I have and I ALWAYS THOUGHT NOBODY ELSE IN THE WORLD was like this !! I was wrong... NOW..as I said...due to my crappy ways, my girlfriend and I were on a major downward spiral. So, last night, I told her about how telling her to stay home and not try to better herself or have leisure time JUST SO I can get attention and seek approval was WRONG, and the battles we have had for months over me doing this was my fault, I took ownership for it, and that I was working on bettering myself for me, and not for anyone but me, to improve my life all around (family, business, etc). So, I know her girlfriends were getting together for a girl Candle party (like those Tupperware parties from way back!), and she mentioned it, and I told her to go. She said, "Really, are you sure?". We went back and forth a few times, and she looked shocked. However, from our talk, I sensed that she might be a little leary about my motives, and she mentioned that if she goes out, she doesn't want it thrown back in her face during another agreement. I assured her, however...we have had major battles over these things where I even packed up my stuff!!! Now, how am I feeling? 1. It felt right to me, since she works hard and does deserve time 2. I won't lie, however, it was not easy. I don't feel afraid, nervous, or jealous, but, I do feel that between her late week of work and only one night the whole week (not including tonight) for us to enjoy alone time, I feel "insulted" that she chose to go, knowing that (if "insulted" is the right word?) On a tangent, I thought that perhaps she was "testing" me, and watching my reaction and body language to see if it was sincere. She kissed me, said should be no more than 2 hours...asked me again if I was sure, and I told her that it's totally fine, to have fun, and to say hello to her friends. Tough for me. You have all been there.....tough due to the limited time and the CHOICE she made over me. I remind myself that nothing OUTSIDE of my own skin can be controlled..... Look, from those of you that have been on this post since I started it days ago...I feel like I've already made some leaps forward. It's hard, but nothing worth doing in life is easy. I'd be interested in feedback. Sincerely.
sid3 Posted March 25, 2012 Posted March 25, 2012 Few days after this.....after I started the Nice Guy stuff (a book/book on tape....dont wanna get in trouble here...in addition to the book, I also ordered the tape. The difference is like Night and Day! Love listening to it and doing the exercises. Also, been staying off Facebook and off viewing her Profile Page (viewing.....NOT hacked....lol) NOW....here is where I am: I was being clingy/needy and telling her that since we have limited alone time each week, it was not right to go to her Zumba classes or pop by her girlfriends house. SO...I am starting Karate class next week, and am doing the tape and it brings tears to my eyes how DEEPLY it describes every mechanism I have and I ALWAYS THOUGHT NOBODY ELSE IN THE WORLD was like this !! I was wrong... NOW..as I said...due to my crappy ways, my girlfriend and I were on a major downward spiral. So, last night, I told her about how telling her to stay home and not try to better herself or have leisure time JUST SO I can get attention and seek approval was WRONG, and the battles we have had for months over me doing this was my fault, I took ownership for it, and that I was working on bettering myself for me, and not for anyone but me, to improve my life all around (family, business, etc). So, I know her girlfriends were getting together for a girl Candle party (like those Tupperware parties from way back!), and she mentioned it, and I told her to go. She said, "Really, are you sure?". We went back and forth a few times, and she looked shocked. However, from our talk, I sensed that she might be a little leary about my motives, and she mentioned that if she goes out, she doesn't want it thrown back in her face during another agreement. I assured her, however...we have had major battles over these things where I even packed up my stuff!!! Now, how am I feeling? 1. It felt right to me, since she works hard and does deserve time 2. I won't lie, however, it was not easy. I don't feel afraid, nervous, or jealous, but, I do feel that between her late week of work and only one night the whole week (not including tonight) for us to enjoy alone time, I feel "insulted" that she chose to go, knowing that (if "insulted" is the right word?) On a tangent, I thought that perhaps she was "testing" me, and watching my reaction and body language to see if it was sincere. She kissed me, said should be no more than 2 hours...asked me again if I was sure, and I told her that it's totally fine, to have fun, and to say hello to her friends. Tough for me. You have all been there.....tough due to the limited time and the CHOICE she made over me. I remind myself that nothing OUTSIDE of my own skin can be controlled..... Look, from those of you that have been on this post since I started it days ago...I feel like I've already made some leaps forward. It's hard, but nothing worth doing in life is easy. I'd be interested in feedback. Sincerely. Now that's more like it. Night and day from your first post.
Recommended Posts