Girlie5141 Posted March 23, 2012 Posted March 23, 2012 Going to make this is brief: My ex (he dumped me) and I were friends for 4 yrs prior to dating. He was the pursuer and when I gave in, I was so glad I did. He hasn't been in a serious relationship in 10 yrs, so he is a little behind when it comes to that. He is 31 and Im 30. We had WAY more good times than bad, but due to his lack of experience, I feel like he is blowing our arguments out of proportion. We went on a "break" for 2 weeks, which led to the breakup. His choice. Two days before the breakup we talked on the phone and I asked if he thought we could work it out. He said he thought so and that he loved me and missed me. 2 nights later, he changed his mind. Said that this is what he "needs right now". Told me he loved me and left. I asked him via text about a week later if he thought there was a chance for us in the future and he replied, "I hold hope for a future with you and that is something we can talk about in the near future". I wait a week and can't take it anymore send him an email asking for clarification and said that I can't wait for him forever. He responds back and is so nice with, got your txt and email and I will respond with my thoughts later. Hope you Have a great day. He emails and says this: Hey sorry I am just writing you back.* It has been a crazy day here in the office.* Hope work has continued to go well for you. I was exhausted yesterday and was sleep when you texted.* Not my style to ignore you so please don’t think I was.* * I attached a letter I wrote for you a couple of weeks ago but never sent.* Don’t know why I did not send it but I know I need to so I here it is.* Tonight is a bad night for me to talk because by friend Grant from kindergarten that I have told you about is moving to Colorado and this I the only night I get to see him so we are going out for dinner and drinks.* I am open on Tuesday and Thursday of this week if you would still like to chat we can.* My Thoughts… * * I would like to begin this letter to you by letting you know it was not my love for you that faded in this relationship. *It was my ability to believe that we could stand the test of time. *We have been dating for over a year and we were at the point where we were looking well beyond tomorrow. *We were looking at the long term and I felt we both wanted this to be a long term lasting Love, but we could not have it. *Instead of celebrating our differences we were pointing them out and requesting that they be changed in to what we both wanted to see. *You should never try to change the one you are with you should celebrate it and love the good and the bad. Last week you kept trying to make our break up over one fight and that was not the case at all. *Yes we got in to a fight in Vegas but it was just one of many. *I can recall three occasions in our relationship where you tried to end it because you stated I was not ready, I did not show my feelings, I was selfish and the list goes on and I fought to save that relationship every time. *There comes a point in any persons mind when a light bulb goes off. *Why keep trying for something that someone keeps trying to end, so as sad as this might seem you finally convinced me that we may be better off apart and that I could no longer make you happy. Our happy days were few and far between over the last few months. *I tried to involve you in every facet of my life through my friends and my family. *I know my friends are not perfect and have their problems but they love me and would do anything for me as I would them and because you were my girlfriend they in turn would do anything for you but more times than not you where highly critical of them. * There were times I tried to go above and beyond to make you feel overly special like your Birthday in Napa and San Fran and Valentine’s day. *Two events that I tried to make completely about you I was criticized, yelled at and you made me feel like nothing I could do would satisfy you. * I am not selfish, I am not cold. *I have a big heart and would have done anything for you. *I am not an overly affection person but I showed that I loved you in so many ways. *I was there for you no matter how small or how big the crisis was. *I was there for you when you wanted to celebrate all of the amazing accomplishments in your life. *I supported you as a partner should in a relationship. * I know you are a very affectionate person and very emotional. *You wear your heart on your sleeve and that is both admirable and dangerous. *You get hurt easy and I felt there were times you had not reason to be upset. *We would get in to a huge fight and then the next day you would be mad at me because I was not over the fight and still carrying a grudge. *That is because you would blow up at me for nothing, cry, threaten to leave and then the next morning you wanted it to all go away with a kiss and you would tell me it was not that big a deal. *The very thing I tried to tell you when you would get upset over something but you still chose to be upset and angry. * * I felt that you had a glass that could never be filled. *You are the most beautiful woman that has ever stood by my side but you could never see that in yourself. *You were highly critical of yourself. *I told you how beautiful you are and how sexy you are and my words held no weight with you. *When your insecurities would get the best of you I could not comfort you. *I could not make you smile, I could not dry your eyes. *I felt useless. *I could not understand how someone I found so beautiful could not see that in herself from time to time. * You have a laundry list of unbelievable qualities that are second to none. *You are beautiful, smart caring, driven, successful, generous and the list goes on. *I feel like you need to use this time to find yourself again, get the confidence back that you use to have a ton of. *If somehow I took that away from you I sincerely apologize. *I don’t know how I could have done that but if I did then that is not fair to you. *I always tried to make you feel wanted and loved. * I want you to know that one of the best times I ever had with you was in Mexico for Cobb’s wedding. *We danced, we laughed we had alone time we had friend time we had everything we needed in on that trip. *We never fought on that trip our passion was incredible. *I could not wait for you to get there and I never wanted to leave. *I wish everyday was Mexico… I know you are hurting and make no mistake about it am hurting too. *I feel like we need to be soul searching and find our inner happiness before we can make each other happy and fulfilled. *I still feel like we can do that one day but I think I need to be on my own for a while. *I am not telling you to stop your life for me and wait I am just saying be open to the idea when it comes back around. * * Love You I asked to get together to ask questions about his idea of the future, he said sure and that he was looking forward to it, but decided to call it off. I told him that I appreciated the letter, agreed whole heartedly, but there was no point in us meeting. He then said thank you for understanding and that he meant every kind word and that if I still wanted to meet, he would. Once again I declined and said I take full responsibily for the things I did an have learned a lesson. I said that there was nothing left to do or say but move on. I was scared I would cry and beg....which wouldn't help. Through this, I have apologized, but never has he taken any blame for his shortcomings, which I choose not to harp on. I even started going to thrapy, which i suggested we do together right before the break up, I miss him dearly and want this to work. Going NC, but is there hope here??? Help!
robertmathis1026 Posted March 23, 2012 Posted March 23, 2012 Use your heart, if you still love your ex, and your ex still love you then there is a chance. There's nothing wrong with getting back with ex. But what I see here is that you expect too much and you are needy. Wanting your ex back is normal, nothing wrong with it, but EXPECTING TOO MUCH to back with ex and being a needy is very bad Are you SUFFERING THE PAIN, because your ex DUMP you? Can You imagine, if you can make your ex BEGGING TO BACK WITH YOU? click here to make it HAPPEN!!
Author Girlie5141 Posted March 23, 2012 Author Posted March 23, 2012 I let him go... Trying to not be needy, but I do love him and he loves me. Not sure if he's just leading me on or if there is real hope.
Author Girlie5141 Posted March 23, 2012 Author Posted March 23, 2012 Anyone else out there that can help other than this spam guy? I'm so sad and miss my love.
Meg717 Posted March 26, 2012 Posted March 26, 2012 Idk if there is a chance for you and your ex to get back together, only time will tell that. I can tell you that my ex and I went through something similar at around the 3 year mark and he came back and I was excited! Here's the problem though, last month after an incident of my insecurity he decided he couldn't do it anymore, that we should have stayed broken up 2yrs ago. We planned on getting married this year. So this came to a big surprise, I really thought he'd be willing to try therapy or whatever it took, but I guess it got exhausting for him and I don't blame him. My suggestion to you is this...give him his space now. It hurts so bad! Trust me, I know, I'm going through it right now. I am not talking to the man I've turned to for EVERYTHING over the past 5+ years. However, as each day passes it gets a little easier and I know that if we find our way back to each other the space and 0 communication will HELP our "recovery." And if we end up going our separate ways and just being friends, we'll both be in better places for someone else. In either situation there is a positive outcome. He ended it with you for a reason. He needed space and you need to give it to him, men run from clingy and you might end up pushing him away. Plenty of people end up back together, but if you hold onto that hope, if it ends up not happening, you will go through this pain all over again (I need to take my own advice with that line lol - bc I have a little bit of hope in the back of my mind). I suggest reading: It's called a breakup because its broken: the smart girls breakup buddy by Greg Bernhardt Stay strong!
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