Thoughts??

[redrose123]

I find that I'm still completely consumed with thoughts about my ex even though it has been almost 5 weeks since we've broken up. When I think about it logically I know this is for the best because he really didn't treat me well and there were a lot of red flags throughout our relationship that he wasn't right for me. I honestly should have left a long time ago and I don't understand why I didn't/ When I think about these things I feel strong for a few hours but then I let my emotions get the best of me and sink right back down feeling lonely and sad. I wonder if I'm actually missing him or just miss having someone in my life? I keep thinking that he will find a new girl and change and treat her differently. I tell myself not to think about that and try not to worry about what he's doing but it's been so hard. I do preoccupy myself and have started going to the gym more. Everyone says to give it time but how long? Is it weird to still be sad and to constantly be thinking about him still after this long?

 

Thank you for any replies!

[Chs]

My last relationship, first real one too too, lasted around 8 months. The first 2 months after the break up even if it was mutual i was so depressed i managed to get 30% absence at my school this year and i couldn't do anything, didnt clean for months and so on. I felt like you, "why do i still feel this way? I don't even want to think about it but i can't stop" wondering if it ever ends.

Occupying yourself works, until you find yourself alone at home again. Same with posting here, it makes you feel better for a second and then it will come back again, nothing you can really do to stop this. But really no matter what, people are right when they tell you it's gonna be better in time.

For me it took 4 months, 2 of them having to deal with her new relationship too, but after that time i finally started enjoying life again for real.

 

My best advice is not to avoid your emotions. Face that you are alone, don't dodge by listening to music or keeping the tv on, watching social medias and all those kind of things. They work for keeping your mood up, but then the sadness hits even harder when it finally comes.

Hope you will feel better soon, and im sure that if you realise it was for the best then it won't take too long!

[leannesagoodman]

I'm in/have been in a similar situation to this. My ex broke up with me once officially, not so officially a couple of other times because as she said, we were never really 'back together' again, even though we were still talking and doing the stuff we used to. The last time was just over a month ago now, which means I'm starting to know what works.

 

Like Chs, I'd say that not avoiding your emotions is a good idea. While ultimately you don't want to be sad forever, if you let it build up, it will just eat away at your for longer. If you feel sad one day, you're allowed to be sad, so long as you know it has to be temporary. If you feel okay one day, you're allowed to feel okay. If you feel angry one day, let it out because it's good. I've learned that avoiding feelings definitely doesn't help at all, and it's good to get them out when they happen rather then having to deal with a build up of them.

 

That said, you have to know that feeling upset must be a temporary thing. It has to be, eventually, however long it takes. I mean, it's not a good idea to not let what I called the grieving process run its full course - that leads to you not actually being ready to completely move on. But as horrible and lonely and agonising as it feels now, and as much as you may not be able to believe me when I say this, it does get better. It will get better. It's something that happens over time. There's this awful hollow to get through first, but eventually everything will be good again.

 

I have to admit, a month ago if I had read things saying that it's going to get better, I wouldn't have believed them. I didn't believe them. I felt completely hopeless and didn't know how to go on because she was my whole life and she'd gone. But somehow, it has improved. I mean I'm not completely happy at all - in fact I often have thoughts about her; missing her, or about some of the bad moments - but these aren't half as painful as how they were last month. Time really does heal things, and I know now that while I still have bad patches where my emotions do get the better of me, these are only temporary, and it's only a short matter of time until I can feel more content again.

 

Preoccupying yourself can be difficult, but you sound like you know it's a good idea, so that's good! Going to the gym is an especially good idea - any sort of exercise helps to release any sort of pent up frustration, and if you don't have any of that then you're only improving your fitness and appearance anyway

 

All in all though I'd say it's definitely not weird to be thinking about it for this long. Everyone's different and has their own recovery period, so to speak, but I don't think this is unusual at all.

 

Eventually you will feel better - and you might only be able to believe that when you do actually start to feel it, but I promise that you will. You've got through this far, which means you're over the worst. Now it's a case of healing completely and then feeling the freedom. It will happen.

 

I hope for you that it's soon, but us LS users are all here for you in the meantime

[redrose123]

Thank you all for the advice and kind words! It really does help:) I had already lost 20 pounds while my ex and I were together.. I have about ten or fifteen more to go to reach my goal weight and I guess the good thing about the break up is that it's given me that extra motivation. I'm going to try and channel negative emotions into positive things. I've broken no contact three times since weve broken up but am determined on strict NC now! I know I will heal and move on from this!!

 

"Anyone who views you or your relationship as disposable is not worth your time or your tears."