Black Jack Posted March 23, 2012 Posted March 23, 2012 But it seems many think the BS is always a poor innocent victim that has been a great bf/gf. Nobody said they were perfect but that does not mean cheating solves the problem. I think once it happens to you in the future you'll see that you're not impervious to betrayal. Again if you thought he was that bad then you should've simply left, not hook up with another man and then ride the waves saying you're so better than him when in reality it is the total opposite. He was the worst bf ever.I'm sure he feels the same way about you now that he knows the real reason why the relationship fell apart.
2sunny Posted March 23, 2012 Posted March 23, 2012 (edited) But it seems many think the BS is always a poor innocent victim that has been a great bf/gf. He was the worst bf ever. Yet you continued to date him. YOU could have broken up BEFORE you cheated - but you didn't! You need to look at your character and moral compass - all those hings you accused him of are actually things that YOU did! You still aren't even REALLY willing to own this as solely YOUR actions!youre still trying to pin it on him. Sheez, some people just don't want to be blamed for their OWN actions. HE didn't MAKE you CHEAT! IF you hated it so much YOU should have ended it before screwing another man! Seems everything you typed in post #22 should be directed at yourself... Yep, actually seems like you are talking about your own traits. And your family hates it when someone makes you cry? Sheez, you are a big girl - why are you going crying to your family. Grow up! Edited March 23, 2012 by 2sunny 1
Author MelissaS Posted March 23, 2012 Author Posted March 23, 2012 Yet you continued to date him. YOU could have broken up BEFORE you cheated - but you didn't!I really thought it would be better but the more deeper the relationship proceeded, the more depressing it was. Just to make it clear, I didn't cried in front of my parents. They could see it through my expression how unhappy I was. Ex: One time on Christmas I decorated my parents' house (I was living with them at the time) and bought him an expensive perfume. He treated Christmas like a normal day and even was a bit moody in front of my mother. I had to remind it was Christmas and you know what he said ''Oh ok Merry Christmas'' and on top of that criticize the my gift. Another incidence: My mother once tried cooking him something and he said something like ''Oh no thanks, no one in my family eats that''.
Author MelissaS Posted March 23, 2012 Author Posted March 23, 2012 He would also cancel dates sometimes and would prefer going clubbing than hanging out with me. I made a mistake in continuing dating him and putting up with it. I think I wasn't strong enough to leave him at the time and thought it would get better. It really got to the point that I felt he wasn't treating me like a gf but more like a casual buddy.
Black Jack Posted March 23, 2012 Posted March 23, 2012 I really thought it would be better but the more deeper the relationship proceeded, the more depressing it was. Just to make it clear, I didn't cried in front of my parents. They could see it through my expression how unhappy I was. Ex: One time on Christmas I decorated my parents' house (I was living with them at the time) and bought him an expensive perfume. He treated Christmas like a normal day and even was a bit moody in front of my mother. I had to remind it was Christmas and you know what he said ''Oh ok Merry Christmas'' and on top of that criticize the my gift. Another incidence: My mother once tried cooking him something and he said something like ''Oh no thanks, no one in my family eats that''. And what were your flaws? All I see here is another attempt to justify the unjustifiable. Yea that in my book is pretty rude but you still decided to stay with him. You should've left after that.
Black Jack Posted March 23, 2012 Posted March 23, 2012 He would also cancel dates sometimes and would prefer going clubbing than hanging out with me. I made a mistake in continuing dating him and putting up with it. I think I wasn't strong enough to leave him at the time and thought it would get better. It really got to the point that I felt he wasn't treating me like a gf but more like a casual buddy. You weren't strong enough to leave him, but you were strong enough after some other dude "swept you off your feet," right? That's just wrong.
Author MelissaS Posted March 23, 2012 Author Posted March 23, 2012 And why was he talking bad about her? I know she's your mother but lets be truthful here for once in your life: Was she being overtly and overly disrespectful to him? And please don't lie or try to take up for her.My mother is the only person that told him straight forward what she thinks of him and how much of a loser he is/was. I have to say that my mother is hardly ever wrong when it comes to figuring out who are losers, aweful friends or people with no ambition. Like I said, you had no business trying to involve your family in something that you should have dealt with between only you and him, and you should've dealt with it maturely.I was still living in their house at the time and they noticed when I've been crying. Again what were your faults other than your cheating in the relationship? Even if he was causing most of the trouble it still doesn't justify you being the bigger woman in the situation.Probably I was afraid of being alone (way before meeting the OM) and maybe had self-esteem issues in the first place to put up with that. If that was the case then why were you with him? For some other ulterior agenda? If he wasn't a quality man at all then you should've never got involved with him in the first place.Again, probably self-esteem issues.
Author MelissaS Posted March 23, 2012 Author Posted March 23, 2012 You weren't strong enough to leave him, but you were strong enough after some other dude "swept you off your feet," right? That's just wrong.I know. It's just that at that moment with he OM, I felt validated for the first time ever by a lover. Sure I get validation from my family and friends but never felt it from a bf. Finally, someone that wouldn't criticize neither me nor my mother, remember special occasions, treat me as a woman not a buddy, respect for my family, etc (except for knowing I was taken, he totally opposite from my ex).
Black Jack Posted March 23, 2012 Posted March 23, 2012 My mother is the only person that told him straight forward what she thinks of him and how much of a loser he is/was. I have to say that my mother is hardly ever wrong when it comes to figuring out who are losers, aweful friends or people with no ambition. I was still living in their house at the time and they noticed when I've been crying. Probably I was afraid of being alone (way before meeting the OM) and maybe had self-esteem issues in the first place to put up with that. Again, probably self-esteem issues. While that is sad to hear, it doesn't come close to what your ex is feeling now, even if you can care less.
Black Jack Posted March 23, 2012 Posted March 23, 2012 I know. It's just that at that moment with he OM, I felt validated for the first time ever by a lover. Sure I get validation from my family and friends but never felt it from a bf. Finally, someone that wouldn't criticize neither me nor my mother, remember special occasions, treat me as a woman not a buddy, respect for my family, etc (except for knowing I was taken, he totally opposite from my ex). Of course it felt good to you. It was behind his back. It had nothing to do with your family or the problems you had with him. You did it because you wanted to.
2sunny Posted March 23, 2012 Posted March 23, 2012 Stop making yourself look worse. Look, when you do bad behavior - own it! Apologize for it - and repair the damage YOU caused! Making excuses or pointing the finger at how bad he was still never - ever - justifies what YOU did! You cheated! That mark is now on you forever... The cheat. You know it - he knows it - and others know it. You aren't trustworthy. All by your actions. You can't blame ANYONE else for that. When YOU don't like it - YOU should leave! Proper order is key! You never start a new R without ending the old one FIRST! And don't make excuses - that makes YOU look even worse than you are by defending your bad behavior! Ok ok - I'm finished feeling like the bad Mom now... Rant over. 2
2sunny Posted March 23, 2012 Posted March 23, 2012 I know. It's just that at that moment with he OM, I felt validated for the first time ever by a lover. Sure I get validation from my family and friends but never felt it from a bf. Finally, someone that wouldn't criticize neither me nor my mother, remember special occasions, treat me as a woman not a buddy, respect for my family, etc (except for knowing I was taken, he totally opposite from my ex). It's all about you... It always is that way with the cheater. Sheez, try thinking of someone besides yourself - would ya? Selfish! It will come back to you ten fold, watch your back honey. 1
Sugarkane Posted March 23, 2012 Posted March 23, 2012 Having unfortunately been lied and cheated on before I know how your ex feels. Would yo be angry if it was you? I really hope he proved you wrong and became really successful. Maybe after you cheated and dumped him, maybe he also thought he could do better than you too. Did you ever think of that?
Author MelissaS Posted March 23, 2012 Author Posted March 23, 2012 Look, when you do bad behavior - own it! Apologize for it - and repair the damage YOU caused!I just did that when forwarding my message. Like someone suggested before, I erased the pity part. Was thinking of blocking him before but it's better to see what else he has to say. When YOU don't like it - YOU should leave! Proper order is key! You never start a new R without ending the old one FIRST!I've been reinforcing this within me ever since the cheating. I know better now when a relationship isn't working now (should have left him instead cheating and then breaking up the following day). Ok ok - I'm finished feeling like the bad Mom now... Rant over.Na, it makes sense. Regarding how would I feel if I got cheated on. It would really depend on the man and how strong the relationship was. If my ex had cheated, I might be a bit upset but nothing more. If it were the OM who afterward become my bf for a long while then yes I would be hurt. It's similar to what I would feel if I were betrayed by my closest friend or cousin versus if an acquaintance goes behind my back. The first would be more devastating than the later.
Author MelissaS Posted March 23, 2012 Author Posted March 23, 2012 (edited) Having unfortunately been lied and cheated on before I know how your ex feels. Would yo be angry if it was you? I really hope he proved you wrong and became really successful. Maybe after you cheated and dumped him, maybe he also thought he could do better than you too. Did you ever think of that?If he eventually became a productive man and is doing better in life then good for him. Like mentioned on the previous post, if he was the one who lied and cheated it would be kind of upsetting (as in: well that was crappy of you) but I wouldn't really feel devastated. Edited March 23, 2012 by MelissaS
2sunny Posted March 23, 2012 Posted March 23, 2012 If someone cheated on you - YOU would feel like everything was a farce! The lies of cheating permeate and affect every relationship that follows. It affects the betrayed one in the most profound way and it's all negative! That is what YOU did to him by cheating. It's up to YOU to allow HIM to understand it wasn't HIS fault - ONLY YOUR FAULT based on YOU deciding to cheat.
Black Jack Posted March 23, 2012 Posted March 23, 2012 If he eventually became a productive man and is doing better in life then good for him. That is irrelevant to your situation. Like mentioned on the previous post, if he was the one who lied and cheated it would be kind of upsetting (as in: well that was crappy of you) but I wouldn't really feel devastated. No surprise you feel that way, since you're the only one who ended up cheating. When it happens to you, you'll lose the insensitive attitude you have now towards your ex.
2sunny Posted March 23, 2012 Posted March 23, 2012 It really seems like you don't have a conscience about the wrong that you did.
Chi townD Posted March 23, 2012 Posted March 23, 2012 REALLY?!?!? Let me see if I got this straight. He was a selfish, inconsiderate, pompous loser. No ambition in life, no goals, condesending bastard. A disrespectful, uncaring spiteful douche rocket. A lazy, emotionally abusive jerk that DESERVED to be cheated on? And your going to send him a message saying that your sorry you cheated on him at the time because you PITIED him? Gotcha. Do him a favor, don't send anything.
Author MelissaS Posted March 23, 2012 Author Posted March 23, 2012 Wow you guys are fast. I'm just average at typing skills. It really seems like you don't have a conscience about the wrong that you did.Actually I've been trying to be a better person since (not cheating ever again on anyone else). But yeah maybe I don't know what exactly is being cheated on. I think it's hard to feel it when you're not on the other side of the fence. Part of the reason I surprised when seeing his message because he didn't seemed like the type of person that would care and was actually someone that moved on very fast (when I broke it off all he said was ok whatever and in about 2 weeks, he's already dating someone else... then never heard from him again till now). I'm seeing another message now. Think I'm really starting to feel crappy now. I didn't realized he had any type of deep emotions for me during the whole relationship.
Author MelissaS Posted March 23, 2012 Author Posted March 23, 2012 REALLY?!?!? Let me see if I got this straight. He was a selfish, inconsiderate, pompous loser. No ambition in life, no goals, condesending bastard. A disrespectful, uncaring spiteful douche rocket..Correct, those were the exact wordS my parents, relatives and friends described him as too. But what I'm learning now is maybe 2 wrongs don't make a right at all. I should have been the better person and dump him long ago, then proceed towards my new relationship. I don't even know if he actually loved me at all (he never said it ever nor show any signs of it).
2sunny Posted March 23, 2012 Posted March 23, 2012 And when you can stop making it all about how it affect YOU - that is when you will see what damage YOU caused.
Author MelissaS Posted March 23, 2012 Author Posted March 23, 2012 Ya? What does his message say?He is pissed off indeed but like suspected he just admitted to never loving me: MelissaS, You are a total BITCH. I could really careless if a woman dumps me. At least I end a relationship and don't cheat like you. You don't know order do you? But it's all good. It's not like I had any future plans with you. You were never serious relationship material.
2sunny Posted March 23, 2012 Posted March 23, 2012 It seems he is right. Own it - admit to him that he has helped you by pointing out things you've been made aware of - and thank him for helping you grow to be a better person to others.
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