OrangeSnack Posted March 22, 2012 Posted March 22, 2012 I have a friend who I am interested in dating. We hung out a couple of times but it was in groups. From the first moment I met her I knew instantly I needed to get to know her. As days and weeks have gone by my feelings towards her has grew even stronger. She's an extremely busy person. Working three jobs and is an aspiring actress. However, she always finds time to go out with her friends even though she is sick (I'm not jealous and I'm totally okay with that, I think sometimes girls do deserve their freedoms with their girlfriends). About 3 weeks ago I decided to man up and go to her work place to get her phone number and ask her out to lunch. That night was perhaps the highlight of my life, but from there on it felt like I was signaling "mayday mayday." It took us a few days for us to setup a mutual time. The first time, something came up for her so we had to reschedule. But eventually we found a time that worked out well for both of us. I picked her up on that date and went out to lunch. During lunch I got to know her even more. Keep in mind prior to this we have always hung out in groups, never 1 on 1. Typically for a lot of women lunch isn't a date, so afterwards I asked her when I can see her again and she said “well i'm extremely busy but we'll see!” Over the days she caught a cold. Her best friend who is also my best friend decided to send her a care package. I made her homemade chicken noodle soup. After a few days she thanked us individually, which was very nice of her to do. This week, I found out that she is still sick I decided to send her edibles with a customized hallmark card which I hand wrote. In the note I kept it short and sweet just wishing her to get well soon and I would love to take her to dinner. We previously spoke about her scheduling after our luncheon and I said I would call her on Wednesday just to check in on her and to go over her schedule. I called her on Wednesday. Left her a voicemail and basically said: "Hey I just wanted to check up on you to see how you're doing. Hope you're feeling better. I also wanted to find out your schedule for this week. I know we talked briefly about friday and if your free I would love for you to give me the opportunity to take you out for dinner. Call me back and let me know." An hour later, I get a text: "Sorry Ive been working on submissions this morning but i got my edible flowers you sent me yesterday. Thank you! Still trying to figure out my schedule but i dont think friday is going to work, i might actually have an audition that evening. And still training at my new job that day." My response: "Best of luck with your training and audition I know you'll do a fantastic job. How about the weekends and or Monday/Tuesday?" A day later, no response. Look, I know I might have gone a little overboard with the edibles but I needed to know whether or not she was interested. After getting that text instead of a phone call, it pretty much gave me the idea that she is somewhat interested, yet not interested. I don’t know should I call her again in a few days? Thanks
Mr. Slim Posted March 23, 2012 Posted March 23, 2012 Pretty tough to tell without the entire picture, but... from all the time you have known her (even from back to hanging in groups) have you ever felt she was into you? The reason I ask is back in the day I used to party in big groups and dated a few women that way... usually a friend of a friend, with it building up after several successive outings. But it would also be obvious that we were both into each other, almost to the point of "you two get a room". From your story at least, it sounds kind of one-sided. It may sound kind of backward, but maybe you should just chill and try to take it back to the group for awhile. It's not necessarily a bad place to be. You may still need to sell yourself a bit more.
dasein Posted March 23, 2012 Posted March 23, 2012 It doesn't sound promising, sorry to say. Would ask her out once more and if she's too busy and doesn't offer a definite alternate or raincheck plan, then move on. After that, she will know where to find you.
veggirl Posted March 23, 2012 Posted March 23, 2012 Do NOT ask her out again. She is avoiding you and you came on way too strong with homemade soup and edible arrangements after just ONE date. If she was interested she would have responded to your last text. Let this one go.
Star Gazer Posted March 23, 2012 Posted March 23, 2012 It's not over, it never even started. It's clear she's avoiding you. Your lunch probably wasn't a "date" in her eyes, and you went way overboard with the care package/soup (for a cold?!) and edibles and Hallmark card. You mentioning you were "jealous" about her spending time with her friends but being okay with it because she needs to have her freedom to spend time with girlfriends was also just...weird. Your behavior is rapidly approaching Stage 5 clinger, already. Save yourself the embarrassment, and don't contact her again. 1
sid3 Posted March 23, 2012 Posted March 23, 2012 Yeah I agree, definitely came on too strong. Persistence isn't nearly as attractive as patience IME.
Feelin Frisky Posted March 23, 2012 Posted March 23, 2012 I'd say you made a few errs. One is asking her "when" you can see her again on that lunch. I have two issues with that, one is that should have gone into it finding out "if" and not "when" she'll see you and the other is that I think a guy does well to have something appealing to ask a girl out for and not leave it up to her just buy into you because you're you. She said she was probably busy for what you asked. It might have sounded a little pushy to ask how 'bout the next day or the next? If she said she was busy you could have just asked if she mind if you asked her out again or even made a little joke about your persistent nature. She is obviously highly focused on a personal goal and I think you needed to give her more breathing room in your approach. You can still try one more time but steer away from saying what "you'd love", or "when if not now?" Think up a date idea and ask her (if she gives you the chance).
Mantis Toboggan Posted March 23, 2012 Posted March 23, 2012 This guy has a bad case of "nice guy syndrome." Homemade soup and edible flowers? She's a girl you like. Not your wife of 10 years. A simple phone call or text would have done the trick. "Give you the opportunity to take her out for dinner"?? Come on, man. You're equals. EQUALS. It's an opportunity to take her to dinner? You put this girl on a pedestal from Day 1. It's a mistake many men and women have made.
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