jobaba Posted March 22, 2012 Posted March 22, 2012 (edited) I'd like to get Loveshack's opinion on this because I know LS has a lot of members who enjoy dating and seem to be quite successful at it. I think it's indisputable that certain people are just more successful in having more potential people to date and thus more potential relationships, whether it's between men and women or good looking people, rich people, charismatic people, what have you... But I was wondering if people feel that successful/good looking people experience as much heartbreak and pain as those who are not as successful as landing dates or less attractive. Pain doesn't have to be from rejection only. Some people never get rejected. It could be from heartbreak, being cheated on, divorces, mental or even physical abuse, etc. Any kind of pain you can imagine that spawns from a crush or relationship or breakup. Do you think good looking/successful people usually do the dumping and rejecting and inflict the abuse and therefore are subject to less pain and heartbreak in dating or do you think it evens out across the board eventually? Would you go as far as to say the less attractive/successful you are at dating, the more pain you will face in your life? Opinions? Edited March 22, 2012 by jobaba
RedRobin Posted March 22, 2012 Posted March 22, 2012 No. I think it is all relative. It is easy to believe that if one is attractive (or even super attractive), then life must be easier for them. I used to believe this too. I've come to the understanding that those who are outside the bell-curve in any area of life (looks, intelligence, money) are going to suffer more than the 'average'. Yea, I said it... Average people are probably the happiest. Average looks, brains, money. I've known some people or come in contact with people on both ends of the spectrum on most of the areas I mentioned above. Noone would be surprised that those on the low-end of the spectrum would have troubles. You'd be surprised at the troubles that those on the upper end of the spectrum have. It's different... but it is definately there. Being an oulier is no fun.
Ninjainpajamas Posted March 23, 2012 Posted March 23, 2012 Yep...It's completely relative. Do you think somebody in a third world country would give a damn whether he's driving a honda or a mercedes when they both do the same exact thing and he has to walk they have to walk everywhere, not to mention just trying to survive day to day? No...do you look through at the world through that persons eyes or yours? does it make you feel better that you don't have to go through what that person would? yes, but there's nothing you can relate to because you've never been in that persons shoes. Therefore it doesn't change the things you'll whine and cry about, everything in your life is EQUALLY as dramatic because that's your reality. And I think human beings are wired in a way that no matter what they have, perks, luxuries, "advantages", they're always going to see the world based on their own experiences. And while you may think someone better looking has it much better than you, they have their own set of challenges...do they have to deal with your challenges? not necessarily but for them it's equally detrimental...look at celebrities...money, looks, fame, things just about everyone aspires to achieve and yet suicides, drug addictions, how many of them go out this way? So while you people are spending their time making comparisons, It's in the end non-productive and a way of putting a glass ceiling over your head. You've got to do the best with what you've got, in any situation, and that's really the only true way to be successful, when you stop looking at the obstacles and instead seeing the possibilities. 2
Kamille Posted March 23, 2012 Posted March 23, 2012 I would rephrase the question entirely. The rephrased question would be: Does attracting a lot of people increase one's enjoyment of dating? Basically, I dispute the idea that to enjoy dating, you need to have lots of potential people to date. (Really, you only need one once in awhile, preferably one who's willing to stick around for awhile too.)
Tybalt Posted March 23, 2012 Posted March 23, 2012 I have come to the conclusion that, as other posters state, pain and struggle is relative, through the context of your own experiences and the lens of your own eye. For myself, I've decided that my success or failure in my relationships or really, any aspect of my life is going to come down to me, and not my external circumstances. In other words, I refuse to blame "the world," the "system," or other individuals for what has not gone right for me in the past. I haven't always seen it this way, but I honestly believe the only person standing in my way is myself. Whether it is by the perspectives I embrace or refuse to see, the way I might "set myself up" for failure or success, or the way I behave when I feel pain as well as joy, I control all my own reactions as responses to my circumstances. My life is no one's responsibility or fault but my own. I forgive to be free and take control by knowing I can make things better for myself. The pain has taught me something I might never have learned otherwise. And I believe there is someone out there who will love me, and each of us, for all of it.
pteromom Posted March 23, 2012 Posted March 23, 2012 I think it is HIGHLY individual. Whether someone is good looking or not, they can be highly sensitive and emotional, or cold and callous, or anywhere in-between. Whether someone is good-looking or not, they could be enjoying dating and playing the field, or desperately looking for "the one" and crying him/herself to sleep at night, or anywhere in-between. Whether someone is good looking or not, they could prioritize dating to the point where love-interests are all they focus on, or they could enjoy their hobbies to the point where they never think about dating, or anywhere in-between. I don't think reactions to break-ups, abuse, or cheating have anything to do with someone's looks or success. There are a whole bunch of personality and experience factors that go into such reactions.
somedude81 Posted March 23, 2012 Posted March 23, 2012 (edited) Generally speaking, it seems the men of LS are hurting more than the women. Most of the threads I've seen by women expressing trouble are of the, "He just wants sex, what do I do" type. Where either the woman knows or doesn't know that the guy just wants sex. The usual answer is, drop him. Almost forgot all the, "he's cheating on me with porn", threads. Edited March 23, 2012 by somedude81
Author jobaba Posted March 23, 2012 Author Posted March 23, 2012 And I think human beings are wired in a way that no matter what they have, perks, luxuries, "advantages", they're always going to see the world based on their own experiences. And while you may think someone better looking has it much better than you, they have their own set of challenges...do they have to deal with your challenges? not necessarily but for them it's equally detrimental...look at celebrities...money, looks, fame, things just about everyone aspires to achieve and yet suicides, drug addictions, how many of them go out this way? So while you people are spending their time making comparisons, It's in the end non-productive and a way of putting a glass ceiling over your head. You've got to do the best with what you've got, in any situation, and that's really the only true way to be successful, when you stop looking at the obstacles and instead seeing the possibilities. Well said and well put. That's really what I was getting at. I guess love is tough for everybody and everybody goes through pain.
Author jobaba Posted March 23, 2012 Author Posted March 23, 2012 I don't think reactions to break-ups, abuse, or cheating have anything to do with someone's looks or success. There are a whole bunch of personality and experience factors that go into such reactions. God I really wish I could be one of those people who doesn't agonize over rejection and the ups and downs of relationships. I have a few buddies like that. Who knows? Maybe inside their all torn up about stuff but just don't share.
threebyfate Posted March 23, 2012 Posted March 23, 2012 The more you relax while dating having fewer expectations, the easier dating gets. I really think people place too much emphasis on "getting" someone. Instead, put more emphasis on whether the two of you have compatible values and goals. Ego also appears to raise its ugly head far too often. Shelve the ego.
somedude81 Posted March 23, 2012 Posted March 23, 2012 LOL, my mistake in not reading the actual OP and making it into a gender thing which the thread isn't about. But I was wondering if people feel that successful/good looking people experience as much heartbreak and pain as those who are not as successful as landing dates or less attractive. Would you go as far as to say the less attractive/successful you are at dating, the more pain you will face in your life? Opinions? Yeah, I'll agree that the pretty people have it easier. It almost seems completely obvious.
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