bewildered Posted June 12, 2004 Posted June 12, 2004 hi all. just wondering what happens if you are trying to have no contact, but sometimes you slip up in little ways, like talking a bit to a friend who (as i realized later) is also close friends with my ex-gf's ex. and also by singing some soppy love song (in a band) and then having it recorded on an mp3 by someone else and sent out on a mass email list on which she is included. little things like these make me feel like i am slipping, like i am breaking the no contact principle and accidentally letting her know i am still hurting, and she'll be frightened by this show of ... need (she left cos she said she didn't love me the same way she once had, that she didn't know what i expected, and she'd mistaken a fear of disappointing me for loving me...). will this be the case? is this considered slipping up? i am not sure. everytime i think i'm getting my life back, becoming stronger, getting my walls back up, realizations like that hit me in the face. damn. i want to move on. but at the same time, i am hoping she'll come back. i guess she was right all along. she was always afraid i'll eventually hate her, though i tried to tell her i could never hate her. but now ... since she made me open up so much, and then left me when my defenses were all down ... it's like i love and hate her at the same time. and i hate myself for hating someone i love, and for loving someone i hate. anyway, can someone tell me if i'd slipped up in the above cases? thanks. bothered.
surfgurl Posted June 14, 2004 Posted June 14, 2004 I'm not sure I understand whether or not you are the performer/singer in the band that has this love song, but for the time, I'm going to assume you wrote this song to her and you are the singer/performer in the band that distributed the mass e-mail containing the song. Wow. You really have guts. I'm in nearly the same situation as you, but I didn't/don't have the nerve to give it to my ex. The funny thing is though, that everyone who heard my song knows who it is about (its also a love song) and my hope is that they will pass it to my ex. Nevertheless, I am all for that e-mail with the mp3. It's not as if you wrote some psycho song that talks about hurting the girl. Indeed, this was a love song and very few people are able to pull that off. I mean, really. If you reversed rolls and some girl wrote a love song and it was clearly about you, you KNOW you'd be blown away to know that someone put that much effort and time into creating something so beautiful in respose to knowning and loving you. I think that the distribution of the mp3 was the greatest thing you did. She'll know the song is about her. It's up to her now, but chances are the song may have made her feel intimidated to approach you. You should give her a call in a few weeks and casually ask whether she heard the mp3 or not. Good luck!!!! I'm so excited to hear what happens!!
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