ptp Posted March 22, 2012 Posted March 22, 2012 Men: Would you not marry a woman who had no plans to take your last name? I don't know if I would go as far as saying I wouldn't marry a woman, but it would be tough. It is a very important issue for me, I feel strongly that my wife to should take my last name.
kaylan Posted March 22, 2012 Posted March 22, 2012 (edited) Men here really have nothing to worry about. Its such a small, small percentage of women who wont take their husbands name or who choose to hyphenate their last names. Id like to amend my previous post of the first page. Id like at least one of us to take the others last name when/if get married. It shows a huge sense of commitment in my view. No one is thinking about all that property nonsense from the past where the guy took care of the woman as if she was a child. Today it stands for commitment. Id slightly prefer her to take my name because itd make me feel all manly and junk because id feel like my woman was very commited to me. Also, I know my dad has certain expectations of how family life should be so I do take that into a bit of consideration. Itd be odd to him for the kids to carry my name and not my wife. On the other hand, I still think it would be super cool to take her last name. I like being unorthodox...and id be showing how much I love my wife and how much Im commited to her if I could overlook gender roles. Its a fun idea...and more guys are doing it nowadays, though not in mass numbers. Like I said...Jack White of the White Stripes did it when he married Meg White...awesome band btw. Again, its a fun idea but at the end of the day my wife will probably take my name. Lastly, in either case the kids must take my last name and carry on my family legacy. I feel I have a responsbility in that regard. Ever since my older cousin died several years ago, my brother and I are the only male grandchildren left to carry on my grandparents name. Edited March 22, 2012 by kaylan 1
make me believe Posted March 22, 2012 Posted March 22, 2012 Men here really have nothing to worry about. Its such a small, small percentage of women who wont take their husbands name or who choose to hyphenate their last names. This is true. The vast majority of women are willing, and usually even excited, to change their name when they get married. (And hyphenating... UGH! That is the worst! I would be so pissed if my parents had saddled me with a hyphenated last name because my mom didn't want to be "owned" by my dad or whatever.) Also.... I gotta say, in my experience sometimes the women who are the loudest about not changing their last names are ones who aren't engaged or married yet. I honestly think some of these ladies will change their mind when they meet the man they are going to marry and become a family with. Id like at least one of us to take the others last name when/if get married. It shows a huge sense of commitment in my view. No one is thinking about all that property nonsense from the past where the guy took care of the woman as if she was a child. Today it stands for commitment. I could not agree MORE! Do the ladies who oppose taking a man's last name because she's "not his property" think I am my husband's property because I took his last name?? I would be shocked if anybody actually had that opinion. Of course it shouldn't be REQUIRED to take your husband's last name, but to cite a reason like "he doesn't own me" just doesn't make sense. No one thinks a guy owns his wife just because she changed her last name. Id slightly prefer her to take my name because itd make me feel all manly and junk because id feel like my woman was very commited to me. Yeah, I think most men feel this way. My husband says he wouldn't have minded if I didn't take his last name, but I know it makes him feel really good that I was happy to do so. When you get married your spouse is your new primary family, and I think you should have a common last name to reflect that. His, hers, or a brand new made up one, I don't care. But IMO it should be the same. 1
Titania22 Posted March 22, 2012 Posted March 22, 2012 I have a friend, who when he had married, both him and his wife chose a name together and they both took it. Even though the marriage didn't last, they both kept the name. 1
setsenia Posted March 22, 2012 Posted March 22, 2012 Men here really have nothing to worry about. Its such a small, small percentage of women who wont take their husbands name or who choose to hyphenate their last names. Id like to amend my previous post of the first page. Id like at least one of us to take the others last name when/if get married. It shows a huge sense of commitment in my view. No one is thinking about all that property nonsense from the past where the guy took care of the woman as if she was a child. Today it stands for commitment. Id slightly prefer her to take my name because itd make me feel all manly and junk because id feel like my woman was very commited to me. Also, I know my dad has certain expectations of how family life should be so I do take that into a bit of consideration. Itd be odd to him for the kids to carry my name and not my wife. On the other hand, I still think it would be super cool to take her last name. I like being unorthodox...and id be showing how much I love my wife and how much Im commited to her if I could overlook gender roles. Its a fun idea...and more guys are doing it nowadays, though not in mass numbers. Like I said...Jack White of the White Stripes did it when he married Meg White...awesome band btw. Again, its a fun idea but at the end of the day my wife will probably take my name. Lastly, in either case the kids must take my last name and carry on my family legacy. I feel I have a responsbility in that regard. Ever since my older cousin died several years ago, my brother and I are the only male grandchildren left to carry on my grandparents name. Why must you change your name to show commitment? 1
Feelsgoodman Posted March 22, 2012 Posted March 22, 2012 Years ago I would have taken his name, now I wouldn't. I wouldn't want to marry a man either who thought my being called Mrs X was essential for his well being. Witness feminist brainwashing in action. Personally, I would rethink marrying a woman for even raising this question. Only a feminist would think this way and feminists are incapable of true love and commitment. Even such a symbolic 'sacrifice' as taking your husband's name is too much for them.
Negative Nancy Posted March 22, 2012 Posted March 22, 2012 (edited) I never liked my last name. It wasn't MY name. It was my father's name, and I don't even have a very strong relationship with my father. For the exact same reason I probably WOULD keep my last name. All my cousins on my father's side of the family are girls/women, so if we all took a potential husband's last name, my last name would be non-existant anymore. Plus, I have a good and strong relationship with my father and I feel like keeping his name is keeping the connection alive - literally (when he passes away). I'm an only child on my father's side, so I would want to keep my name in order to honor him and to carry on the legacy, so to speak. I also like my last name, I identify with it. This is all talk, though - it could be that I change my mind when marriage really is an option one day. As of right now, though, I'd say I keep mine and men with their old traditionalist bull***** can go to hell, after all you don't hear them singing the traditionalist tune anymore when it comes to other "traditions" such as paying for dates, wooing the woman, holding doors open or being the sole breadwinner etc. a nice example for men's double standards once again Edited March 22, 2012 by Negative Nancy
Onlyjonley Posted March 22, 2012 Posted March 22, 2012 I'll feel honored to take my future husband's last name. Out of all the women in the word, he chose me and that's special. 2
Anela Posted March 22, 2012 Posted March 22, 2012 I like my name, so I probably would keep it. I joked on a dating site about this, in response to this type of question: that I didn't see why they couldn't take my name, and be accepted into *my* family, but now that I think about it, I really don't see why they can't. I might hyphenate, too. I'm not sure I'll ever get married, though.
phineas Posted March 22, 2012 Posted March 22, 2012 wouldn't HAVE married. Sorry, this is one of my pet hates, terrible grammar and yet so common in American English. It doesn't even make sense. Like I said. I WOULDN'T OF married her if she didn't take my name & I certainly WOULDN'T OF married her if she was anal retentive either. 1
Feelsgoodman Posted March 22, 2012 Posted March 22, 2012 wouldn't HAVE married. Sorry, this is one of my pet hates, terrible grammar and yet so common in American English. It doesn't even make sense. Americans may have bad grammer but at least you can understand what they say, most of the time. The British, on the other hand, can't even speak their own language property. Why is it that every Briton who does not live in the West End of London seems to be afflicted by a severe form of dislexia?
mostlyclueless Posted March 22, 2012 Posted March 22, 2012 I would just go with whoever's name is easier to pronounce/spell over the phone. For the kids's sake it's easier to all share a name. Doesn't matter which one.
Feelsgoodman Posted March 22, 2012 Posted March 22, 2012 I would not care if she wanted to take my last name or not. I did not adopt her nor is she my dependent. I would marry the whole person that includes her name. I wouldn't want her to change her name just for tradition. She can change her name is she wants. Posts like this really make me angry. They show that men are largely the authors of their own misfortune in this crazy anti-male age we live in. How do you think your grand father - you know, the guy who played WWII with real guns and not with the Xbox controller - would have responded if his bride told him that she did not want to adopt his name? Chances are, he would have told her to stop talking nonsense and go fix him a sandwich. No sane man in those days would have accepted such blatant disrespect from a woman.
Ursa Posted March 22, 2012 Posted March 22, 2012 Regardless of gender, if person A, when entering a marriage, feels strongly that a name is just a name and that changing a name is no big deal, and the other person (B) entering that marriage feels that their name is important to them, and believes that a family should be united under one name, then person A should probably change their name to that of person B. If both people feel strongly that their names are important to them, or disagree that it is imperative that the family have only one name, I don't see any reason why the person who ends up sacrificing something important to them should by default be the person with ovaries. I have never understood the argument that a woman's name is "just" her father's name, though it's a popular argument so clearly it makes sense to some people. An adult woman has grown up using that name to sign her homework with, to sign legal documents, etc. It's the name on her birth certificate, driver's license, graduation certificates, job history. If she wants to change it, that's fine, but I have a hard time imagining how a name could be any more hers than that. I personally could not care less what other people do about their names or their marriages--although I do find it interesting how many people think THEIR choice is the only right one, and seem to enjoy making judgments about other people's marriages based on the name issue. Those judgments usually reflect more on the judges than on the marriages in question, in my opinion.
mesmerized Posted March 22, 2012 Posted March 22, 2012 Posts like this really make me angry. They show that men are largely the authors of their own misfortune in this crazy anti-male age we live in. How do you think your grand father - you know, the guy who played WWII with real guns and not with the Xbox controller - would have responded if his bride told him that she did not want to adopt his name? Chances are, he would have told her to stop talking nonsense and go fix him a sandwich. No sane man in those days would have accepted such blatant disrespect from a woman. How old are you? 200? Can't imagine a young man being this insecure and dumb. Believe it or not, men this day and age have other things to attach their masculinity to than their wife taking their name. I wouldn't take another person's name. It's not in my culture and I find it rather odd. Honestly I think it can get pretty humiliating for women who do it..what if they divorce and get married again? Are they gonna take another man's name again? lol I wouldn't marry a conservative backwards man anyway so it will never be an issue. 4
mesmerized Posted March 22, 2012 Posted March 22, 2012 Men here really have nothing to worry about. Its such a small, small percentage of women who wont take their husbands name or who choose to hyphenate their last names. Id like to amend my previous post of the first page. Id like at least one of us to take the others last name when/if get married. It shows a huge sense of commitment in my view. No one is thinking about all that property nonsense from the past where the guy took care of the woman as if she was a child. Today it stands for commitment. Id slightly prefer her to take my name because itd make me feel all manly and junk because id feel like my woman was very commited to me. Also, I know my dad has certain expectations of how family life should be so I do take that into a bit of consideration. Itd be odd to him for the kids to carry my name and not my wife. On the other hand, I still think it would be super cool to take her last name. I like being unorthodox...and id be showing how much I love my wife and how much Im commited to her if I could overlook gender roles. Its a fun idea...and more guys are doing it nowadays, though not in mass numbers. Like I said...Jack White of the White Stripes did it when he married Meg White...awesome band btw. Again, its a fun idea but at the end of the day my wife will probably take my name. Lastly, in either case the kids must take my last name and carry on my family legacy. I feel I have a responsbility in that regard. Ever since my older cousin died several years ago, my brother and I are the only male grandchildren left to carry on my grandparents name. I'm falling in love with you. Your wife will be one lucky woman! 1
Feelsgoodman Posted March 22, 2012 Posted March 22, 2012 How old are you? 200? Can't imagine a young man being this insecure and dumb. Believe it or not, men this day and age have other things to attach their masculinity to than their wife taking their name. I wouldn't take another person's name. It's not in my culture and I find it rather odd. Honestly I think it can get pretty humiliating for women who do it..what if they divorce and get married again? Are they gonna take another man's name again? lol I wouldn't marry a conservative backwards man anyway so it will never be an issue. And what culture is that, if you don't mind me asking?
El Brujo Posted March 23, 2012 Posted March 23, 2012 Conversely I wouldnt mind being unorthodox and taking her name...just like Jack White of the White Stripes did when him and Meg White first got married. I can only speak for myself here, but yeah... I'd take my ol' lady's last name if it didn't sound too dorky to me. I happen to hate my first AND last name, and I have plans to legally change it when I can afford it. But this opens another can of worms... a couple of years ago, Mr. Womack married Miss Ryan here in CA and wanted to take her last name because for whatever reason, he didn't like Womack. But, as happens all too often these days when someone wants to do their own thing, some law said he couldn't, because he was the wrong gender. So, the couple hired a lawyer, and wouldn't you know it, they got a new state law as a honeymoon present. The new law said not only could the groom legally become Mr. Ryan, but---and this is where it gets weird---the new law says the couple can use at least 2 consecutive letters of their last names to construct a new last name for themselves. In plain English, this means Mr. Donnelly can marry Miss Dominguez and they can legally call themselves a couple of Dodos. Q: what does a Polish girl get on her wedding night that's long and hard? A: a new last name.
kaylan Posted March 23, 2012 Posted March 23, 2012 Why must you change your name to show commitment? You are a family unit. Hence you should show that by taking on similar names. If anything I think itd be cool to do it the way Spanish people do. Where you dont hyphenate...you just have both parents names and then maybe and then add the place you hail from haha. Example....Kelly Johnson marries Michael Warner Then become Kelly Johnson Warner. and Michael Johnson Warner....de la Nueve York haha. But to more directly answer your question...why do anything to show commitment? Why move in together? Why get married in the first place? Why get her gifts on her birthday? Certain things are done to show love and commitment. And thats that really.
mesmerized Posted March 23, 2012 Posted March 23, 2012 And what culture is that, if you don't mind me asking? Persian, we don't do any name changing. I even asked my dad once how he would feel if I changed my last name for a guy and he said he'd understand but get upset. I love my parents to death. I think it makes more sense to be associated to your father who raised you and was (and will be) there for you any time you needed him than some guy that has just entered your life for a few years. (I guess for women/men with ****ty parents its a different story!) In any case, my name is my name now, have had it all my life and it's part of my identity. Won't be changing it for a needy insecure man!
Author Jane2011 Posted March 23, 2012 Author Posted March 23, 2012 I feel like I'd be more willing to take a guy's last name the less insistent he was that I take it. It really doesn't matter to me much, though, and I'm in no danger of getting married, so....
mesmerized Posted March 23, 2012 Posted March 23, 2012 Persian, we don't do any name changing. I even asked my dad once how he would feel if I changed my last name for a guy and he said he'd understand but get upset. I love my parents to death. I think it makes more sense to be associated to your father who raised you and was (and will be) there for you any time you needed him than some guy that has just entered your life for a few years. (I guess for women/men with ****ty parents its a different story!) In any case, my name is my name now, have had it all my life and it's part of my identity. Won't be changing it for a needy insecure man! I want to add that if a guy really really needs me changing my name for him, He better prove he is as loving and caring for me as my father. And that won't happen right after marriage. Maybe if I'm with a guy for 10 years and he proves how amazing of a person he is, I would do it for him. But just because he is marrying me he doesn't deserve me changing a big part of my identity for him! Men don't even carry the financial burden in families anymore. Why exactly should one follow traditions when nothing else is traditional??
Feelsgoodman Posted March 23, 2012 Posted March 23, 2012 Persian, we don't do any name changing. I even asked my dad once how he would feel if I changed my last name for a guy and he said he'd understand but get upset. So let me get this straight. In your culture, you stone women to death for engaging in premarital sex but at least you don't force them to change their names, right? Sounds very progressive!
tigressA Posted March 23, 2012 Posted March 23, 2012 When I was with one person in particular and I still thought that I might want to get married, we talked about this issue. And we had decided to create a new name, likely from a hybrid of our last names, and just use that. I favor that idea. That way, BOTH parties can express their commitment and love by sacrificing their name, instead of just one. 2
mesmerized Posted March 23, 2012 Posted March 23, 2012 So let me get this straight. In your culture, you stone women to death for engaging in premarital sex but at least you don't force them to change their names, right? Sounds very progressive! I never said my culture is "progressive", nor did I say I follow my culture wholeheartedly. I just said we do not do this. Also, stoning women to death is NOT supported by the culture or people. It's something that the dictator government imposes on people. Of course ignorant people like you would never know that.
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