amadeus Posted March 22, 2012 Posted March 22, 2012 We've been together for 8 months and, in that time, have become a HUGE part of each other's lives. But as we now eventually approach an entire year together, it's suddenly putting a different spin on things --as in, where do we go from here? (actually SHE'S the one posing this) If it was up to me, I'd keep things going the way they've been going, but she needs way more from me than I'm able --or want-- to give. By this, I mean --her being divorced with kids-- she wants to marry again and have that guy embrace her family. I'm just looking for a partner (not necessarily a wife) to share my life with --not a family. And yeah, surely we knew this when we started, but I guess neither one of us thought it would become anything more than casual --and one day, here we are suddenly. With that said, I think we're sadly both aware we can't continue --problem is, how do you go about ending something when both people still love each other immensely? Thanks for your input!
KathyM Posted March 22, 2012 Posted March 22, 2012 If you love her so much, maybe you should consider staying with her. Might be worth considering. Women with children need to be considered a package deal. And if you were only interested in a casual relationship, I hope you were upfront with her from the start. It would be pretty unfair to lead a woman on with hopes of an actual relationship if that was never what you wanted or intended.
Author amadeus Posted March 22, 2012 Author Posted March 22, 2012 We were BOTH only interested in a casual relationship --I'm sorry if I didn't make that clear.
jerbear Posted March 22, 2012 Posted March 22, 2012 I've been in something similar. One option is to take a short break from each other. The casual relationship is really a relationship of convenience. The other is to keep it casual and basically a FWB. In the short term, it seems like the FWB will be good but overtime, it makes you overlook other opportunities.
KathyM Posted March 22, 2012 Posted March 22, 2012 We were BOTH only interested in a casual relationship --I'm sorry if I didn't make that clear. Sorry, but I guess the game plan has been changed. Most women who have children are looking for a relationship that is more substantial. Apparently, she realized she wanted that too. If children are a dealbreaker for you, I suggest you stay away from relationships, even casual ones, with women who have children. 1
TaraMaiden Posted March 22, 2012 Posted March 22, 2012 you need to sit her down and talk with her - not to her, not at her - with her. women have weird priorities which are sometimes driven by hormones. But let's try to find some logic in this; she has children already. so her maternal instincts may already be completely fulfilled. If she doesn't want any more children, that's fine. If she feels she wants more children - then it seems it's you she's considering having them with.... But she's laying subtle ultimatums. "where do we go from here?" actually translates into "How committed are you actually, to me?" so what you need to establish firstly, is whether she feels she wants more children. I suspect the answer will be 'no'.... So what she's seeking is a commitment to her and all that entails.... And you have to be frank with her, lay your cards on the table, and be honest in the way you view that. If she's laying subtle ultimatums, and trying to move the goalposts, then you need to put the ball in her court. What she sees - is what she gets. You've always been of that opinion, you've never changed. If she wants more, then she has to be clear, and explain why. Because she's changed - you haven't. Clear, frank and respectful communication is needed here. And you need to address this while it's still just a floating question.... Otherwise it's going to become a huge elephant in the room, and it will end in tears.....
robertmathis1026 Posted March 22, 2012 Posted March 22, 2012 If you love her just tell her, talk with her, and remember since you love each other so there will be no word such as "me" and "you", there's will be only "US". "It's not about you, it's not about me, it's about us" Are you SUFFERING THE PAIN, because your ex DUMP you? Can You imagine, if you can make your ex BEGGING TO BACK WITH YOU? click here to make it HAPPEN!!
Author amadeus Posted March 23, 2012 Author Posted March 23, 2012 Some really great input here --thanks everyone! We talked tonight, which required me to (finally) grow a pair and stand up to her and her ultimatums as well as her irrational accusations --to which I think she may have been taken aback, and made her stop and think about things much more rationally. It just comes down to her moving WAY faster than me, not just in relationships, but in all aspects of her life --so with that in mind, she's already thinking about her/our future. Me --I like to take things slow --the one-day-at-a-time kinda guy We're obviously both very different in that obviously very important respect and with that in mind, it just isn't fair to either one of us to continue. TaraMaiden, I would like to know more about your background and your "location" --would it be ok if I PM'd you?
TaraMaiden Posted March 23, 2012 Posted March 23, 2012 I'm quite happy for you to do that - but you have to go over 100 posts in order to gain PM ability... i can't PM you, or vice-versa. It's a security measure implemented to prevent spammers (like robertmathis1026, above, who's spamming in public) flooding every pm box with crap the instant they register.... and to prevent 'stalkers' from finding people they know, and hounding them. They figure that if you're dedicated enough to post regularly, then you must be serious about being here...... Chin up - so far, only 86 more to go! (it goes quicker than you think!)
lastresort Posted March 23, 2012 Posted March 23, 2012 Women are very protective of their children, which you can't blame. My girlfriend has a son and I have 2 sons. We are amazing together but the kids are the only thing that creates problems. You need to be honest with her. Your not just dating her but her children too. Has she introduced you to the kids yet? If so that makes it harder on everyone. You must respect this women and what she is looking for. Her children will always come first if she is a good women. If she puts you before her kids it is not a good place to be anyways. I told my girlfriend from the beginning I don't want to replace her sons father. I love her and her son. Try being the kids friend and see how it goes. You may actually end up liking kids!! Good luck
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