HollyAnn Posted March 22, 2012 Posted March 22, 2012 After reading about narcissists, I am growing more and more convinced that the guy who just broke my heart must be one. We met one weekend and from there started a very intense love affair. It moved VERY quickly even though we were separated by long distance. We talked and texted every single day, sometimes for hours, for about 4 months. There were so many red flags but he literally said everything I wanted and needed to hear and made me feel more loved than ever before. He told me he loved me and would love me forever after just a couple of weeks (huge red flag, I know!). We talked about having babies together, in fact, we would send extremely sexy texts to each other and often in the middle of these conversations, he would say he wanted me to have his baby. He said he didn't know why but just knew we would be together for real one day and that I was the love he was looking for. It was so intense. I should have ran far away. He is about 12 years older than me, already has kids, and is separated (not divorced). Said there was no love with his ex-wife and that was why they weren't together anymore, but they lived together still sort of (her in main house, him in carriage house). I caught him in little lies along the way but I ignored them because he always had a way of making me feel amazing. He has a lot of money (I struggle for money and he knew this) and always talked about all the people and friends he had that are super successful and rich. He also boasted and exaggerated his own successes frequently but was super generous with everyone and I witnessed this on many occasions. I see now that it was just a way of him showing power. So, he ended up flying me across the country so we could spend the weekend together. I had actually booked my own flights and then at the last minute he said he wanted me there sooner so he bought me a new earlier flight for way more money. He booked us a hotel room together, paid for a car to pick me up at the airport, everything. We talked about everything we were going to do and how amazing it was going to be to be together again. I was so excited. I arrived and we went to our hotel room. He said when I first got there that things seemed just like we had seen each other yesterday. I thought things were going well. We kissed and took a shower together and had sex and then we were going out for dinner with two of his girl friends. Well we get to dinner and are having a good time I thought but then he is on his phone texting a lot and then gets up saying he needs to make a business call. He had some big deal happening that he was freaking out about. Well, he is gone for a long time and finally we realize that he isn't coming back. He texts me saying that he can't handle it, it's too intense, too much going on all at once, and that he just needs to chill out and that I should just stay with his friends for now. He had already paid our dinner bill before he left. Crazy, right? So, I stay with his friends for awhile, thencall him and he says he will come out again in a couple hours, but of course he never does. I made my way back to the hotel eventually and my room key wouldn't work. I knock on the door for ages and try calling him but no answer at all. At this point, I was devastated and balling my eyes out because I knew it was all over, he never had loved me after all and I was an idiot for believing him. My heart literally broke. I finally managed to get a new key from the front desk at about 3 or 4am where I find out that he switched the room into just my name. He had gone back to the hotel while I was still with his friends and packed up all of his stuff and left. It was one of the worst nights of my life. I texted him and called him and finally at about 6:30am after I had fallen asleep, he texted me back saying that he slept in his car (which I don't believe for a second) and he would come back to the hotel at 9am so we could talk. Well he did come back but didn't seem to have much to say to explain himself. He took me out for breakfast and to a few places in the city but acted as if he didn't even care how much he hurt me even though he knew how upset I was. In fact, the whole time we were hanging out, he was texting on his phone with someone else who I am pretty sure was this girl he had told me about when I first met him,calling her his stalker, saying she was obsessed with him but he supposedly didn't want her, she was about 20 years younger than him. The worst thing was that I had to stay there until my return flight days later completely alone (he took off after that first day) not knowing a single person. He paid for my room, gave me cash before saying goodbye, and that was it. He text me at one point asking if I was ok to which I responded and then didn't get any response from him. The next night I text him to call me and he did try but I somehow missed the call and he didn't leave a message. And that is the last I heard from him. I'm just coming to figure out that he doesn't deserve my tears but I still don't understand what happened so suddenly. Most bizarre and awful thing I've ever felt or experienced. Do you think narcissism is his problem? Or he just decided he didn't like me anymore after having sex again? Or what?
Me...IamMe Posted March 22, 2012 Posted March 22, 2012 He will try and contact again. Do not respond, I repeat do not respond. He is going to mess your damn mind up and it will take years to get over. He is a NARCISSIST. You filled his vial having sex, then he went on to the next. When he wants to fill his vial again, don't let him. He is the worst of humans. Remember the Devil comes as an Angel of Light. 1
flitzanu Posted March 22, 2012 Posted March 22, 2012 just because he flew you out and had sex with you makes him a narcissist? you slept with a guy you didn't even know, the first night you met him, and you're calling him a narcissist because he ditched you after sex?
gotye Posted March 22, 2012 Posted March 22, 2012 just because he flew you out and had sex with you makes him a narcissist? you slept with a guy you didn't even know, the first night you met him, and you're calling him a narcissist because he ditched you after sex? tbh, it sounds like this guy really manipulated her... I personally would say no, as I know even kissing on the first meeting might make me feel dirty... but he did really really manipulate her take this as a learning experience, don't let a guy smooth talk you like this and jump immediately in his pants... i would say at least a month into a relationship you are serious about... though it depends on the person. I have made those mistakes before, had one night stands, felt bad the next day... and have resolved to just keep it in my pants
cincinnatikid Posted March 22, 2012 Posted March 22, 2012 If he is a narcissist then there is only one thing you can do: NOTHING. I wise person once told me that you cannot change a narcissist. It is truly an effort in futility. Two words...WALK AWAY.
mike588 Posted March 22, 2012 Posted March 22, 2012 I just don't understand how people think they they are in love with someone during a Long Distance Relationship especically if they have never met or barely know that person. Real relationships involve seeing....being with that person...getting to know that person..in person not over the phone..emails..etc. I'm not "ragging" on you or trying to belittle you. Learn from this and try to move on the best you can...I'm sorry your hurting. Best Wishes.
flitzanu Posted March 22, 2012 Posted March 22, 2012 tbh, it sounds like this guy really manipulated her... I personally would say no, as I know even kissing on the first meeting might make me feel dirty... but he did really really manipulate her take this as a learning experience, don't let a guy smooth talk you like this and jump immediately in his pants... i would say at least a month into a relationship you are serious about... though it depends on the person. I have made those mistakes before, had one night stands, felt bad the next day... and have resolved to just keep it in my pants i can agree to that. but manipulation isn't narcissism. preying on self-esteem kinda makes you a dick, but not a narcissist. either way it sucks for her, but yeah hopefully she learned this lesson.
Me...IamMe Posted March 22, 2012 Posted March 22, 2012 I would ask anyone hear to check out personality disorders. Take the test and see if your ex or you yourself have some issues. If you use people just to get off and it is not a mutual get off, you have some issues. If you allow someone to just get off on you and you really want it to be more, you have issues. We all have something to deal with. And the only way to become a responsible adult is to look inside yourself and get help if needed. We only have around 75 years to get it right and not die an *******. Hopefully we can get it right a lot sooner.
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