Spartannation Posted March 21, 2012 Posted March 21, 2012 We have been dating for a year and a half. She stopped talking to me. For 7 days nothing. I wrote a five Page letter saying how I feel about her and ect. I texted her to check these fake mailboxes where I put it. The next day I get this text saying my letter is amazing, I love, miss you. She said her ex husband threatened to hurt me (he's a cheater/controlling and really nasty) so she backed off. Her younger kid is really sick( he has rsv and gets sick a lot). Then her sister (high school) said on One of the days she was raped by the neighbor. Her dad had a heart attack following. I've never met her family, just her younger kid. I was planning to meet the older daughter and family soon. She was ready before and I held back a little. Our relationship was secret on both sides. Her ex-husband knew though. I comforted her that night. Just texts. I offered to be there. She went silent for two days. Texted me one. Silent one. Texted. Silent two. Texted. Silent one. Texted. I walked around Walmart with her that day for my lunch. We hugged. Texted the next. Silent one day. I sent a text about seeing her on st. Patty's day. Then silent all day till around 6pm and I got this "Sorry I've got too much gng on right now. Yr cute tho. Smile face. Ill try to text u tmrw. Bk at hospital and I can't be on my phone sorry. Have a good night". Then she hasn't texted since. The days when she texted we texted back and forth for about 2 hrs each time. She went into grave details about her sisters investigation, how her parents are doing, ect. She told me she love me. Misses me. I have usually only been texting a have a good day and have a good night message with some jokes, reasons why I love her, comforting things, ect everyday. I was worried maybe she might want me to not text but she texted your texts make me smile and I love them in response. She even had a rant about the guy that messed with her sister. Doesn't anyone respect relationships anymore( he was married). She know s I'm different. You should see the messages and poems I send and write her just to let her know I'm there, ect. It's like I'm the perfect boyfriend lol! I would go to apartment but she hasn't been there basically the whole time. She has been at her parents(idk where it is). She was at her apt yesterday. It's right by my house. She wasn't there at 10pm when I came home. It was there to my shock at 7:20 am when I went to work. Then I drove by on my way to a job at 11:30am. It was still there. But when I came home for lunch 1pm she was gone. I thought maybe she moved out before that. I've said if you don't want to be with me or if you want me to stop texting I will and it will be over. I said that when she first went silent. I told her i won't leave her and I'll be here when she's ready when she started text again. Anyway it's been 5 days of silence since that last text. Should I continue to do the have a good day/ goodnight encouraging texts? I don't want her think I gave up on her in her time of need. Idk what do you guys think I should do? I just want advice. She knows it bugs me when she doesn't text at all, but I guarantee you she is super depressed. Help!
rAFC Posted March 22, 2012 Posted March 22, 2012 There really isn't much you can do. Her life is a mess right now and unfortunately, you can't save her from it. There is no way she is capable of having a healthy relationship with you at the moment. I would step back from the situation and at most just be there to listen when she contacts you. You might also want to rethink your involvement with her as you have been threatened with violence.
CC12 Posted March 22, 2012 Posted March 22, 2012 I've said if you don't want to be with me or if you want me to stop texting I will and it will be over. You forgot to mention what she said when you told her this. What was her response? From her actions, it seems like she doesn't want to be with you anymore. I know she has a lot going on right now, but it's just not right to go silent on your boyfriend of 1.5 years for days at a time. And she's been consistently doing that. It's really not a good sign. Honestly, this situation is really weird and I'm having trouble wrapping my mind around it. She's behaving as if you're not together anymore or that you're on a break from the relationship or something. Did she break up with you? Why are you so accepting of her ignoring you for long stretches of time? Is there something you've left out of this story?
Author Spartannation Posted March 22, 2012 Author Posted March 22, 2012 (edited) When I said if your done or want me to stop texting, just tell me. It was during the first 7 days of silence. She never answered. She never broke up with me or anything. We had a little fight 3 weeks prior but patched it up and were fine. This is what makes this really hard. Whenever she get stressed out bad she gets quiet. Her mom had a stroke a while back and her grandpa got really sick one time in our over 1.5 year relationship. Her ex- did the whole try to get more custody of the kids to hurt her also. She got quiet for a couple of days or so. Her ex-husbands threats don't bother me at all. I'm being so accepting of the silence because of what she's going through. I feel I need to wait to talk to her about that at a better time. I care for her so much. I'm just wondering if I should keep doing my cheerful, I'm here good day, good night texts? Go no contact? Idk? Edited March 22, 2012 by Spartannation Update
robertmathis1026 Posted March 22, 2012 Posted March 22, 2012 Stop texting ( Yes, you overtext your girl) and meet her up Are you SUFFERING THE PAIN, because your ex DUMP you? Can You imagine, if you can make your ex BEGGING TO BACK WITH YOU? click here to make it HAPPEN!!
CC12 Posted March 23, 2012 Posted March 23, 2012 (edited) I'm just wondering if I should keep doing my cheerful, I'm here good day, good night texts? No, I don't think you should. Relationships are give and take. You're only giving, and not seeing much in return. She's not treating you like you're her boyfriend. You're putting in what seems like a monumental amount of effort, while she puts in almost none. You asked about going NC. NC is something you do after breaking up, or at least after having some sort of discussion about it. It's not a tool to use while in a relationship to get your partner to pay more attention to you. I think you should go no contact after your break up with her. Like I said, I know she has a lot of stuff going on, and I commend you for being so patient and understanding about it, but enough is enough, right? Your partner needs to value you and respect you. She doesn't. Her actions prove this. And you don't need to settle for that. I asked you before if you were leaving something out of your story because your relationship just doesn't seem to make sense. From my perspective, it seems like a non-relationship. Your relationship of 1.5 years is a secret, you've never met her family, and you even suspected she may have moved without even telling you! This just does not compute. Have you ever wondered about this? Does it seem strange to you? Also, I'm just going to throw this out there and you can ignore it if you want, but in my experience, people who have catastrophic s*** happening in their lives on a regular basis are usually...how can I put this delicately? Well, they like to be dramatic and make up stories. Here is some of what has happened in 1.5 years of your girlfriend's life: -Her mother had a stroke. -Her grandfather got seriously ill. -Her child has an illness. -Her sister was raped. -Her father had a heart attack. -Her cheating, controlling ex-husband is attempting to get custody of their kids and is also threatening to beat you up. Now, look, I'm not saying that all of this bad stuff *can't* happen in 1.5 years of someone's life, but...it's really unlikely. I've had the misfortune of knowing several people like this (what does that say about me, huh?) who have stories like hers, all these horrible things happening all the time, and it turned out that it was all completely false. They were all liars. Maybe I'm projecting. But at least consider it, okay? Edited March 23, 2012 by CC12
Author Spartannation Posted March 23, 2012 Author Posted March 23, 2012 It does seem strange. As far as the not meeting the parents/older kid she pushed it after about 8 months or less. I held back at first. Then she held back. She pushed it again. Then i was ready, we talked about doing it and now this happend a couple months later. She hasnt met my friends(familly is in another state). im a christian and most of my friends are against my relationship with her. She hasnt moved out of her apt, but she was never really home. I saw her car there a couple days ago. She said she's at her parents. She said she's taking care of her parents. Making them healthy dinners, cleaning the house etc. She gave me a warning about drama in the beginning and that she has 2 kids that come first. I understand. The drama was the ex husband stuff. I know its not right how she is going silent. But I love her and think we can work that out. I just want to be bright spot in her life right now. I'm willing to wait for her right now. If she is lying the truth will eventually come out. She also has vented/confided in me and gave a lot of details about all the crazy stuff going on. Idk. I waited a day texted basically I'm here if she needs someone to talk to. I also said If you don't want me and want me to stop texting just say your done and i'll stop. Nothing yet. Its only been a day. So I shouldn't go no contact? Obviously if she texts I will answer. *Maybe a message every 3 days or so? All I know I'm a really good guy, yes i have my faults and if she doesnt want me it's her loss and I honestly know she won't find anyone better. I don't lie, cheat. I run and weight lift. I put other people above myself. Not all the time of course. I broke it*Off before thinking of her over me. *I was amazing with*Her younger kid. I love kids. I read books played non-stop, ect. *Idk. But I totally understand people just don't like other people. She uses babe, baby, your cute, love you, miss you in Her texts. Idk when she Pulled back in the Past I noticed she didn't say those words and I picked up on it. She was open about it. When *any bad stuff happens she likes to go in a cave and not really talk about it much. She has said she has big trust issues. She has opened up a lot about this stuff right now. But she obviously is going silent a lot. Idk
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