Leigh 87 Posted March 22, 2012 Posted March 22, 2012 Mannnnn Open relationships, and poly..whatever it is... makes me sick. I simply get SO close to my boyfriends. I do not have relationships, unless it is with a guy I am EXTREMELY close to. He is " my Andrew" and his little characteristics about him, I feel are MINE , if ya get me:) You know, little cute things about them, I WOULD NOT DREAM of sharing that feeling, of a persons little finny quirks, being yours. AND someone elses.... I have watched my boyfriend have sex with two hookers. He wanted me to be present. I did not care one iota. It was just sex. When it comes to emotional sex, no away. Logically, like a lot of theories, it makes sense; you love two people for who they are, why only limit yourself to one love in a life time? Here is what I think: - There is more than one person out there, who u can fall in love, and be happy with. - more often than not, you will favour and feel truly close to one person over the other, because love comes in different degrees. You can be happy with many people out there, yes, but your love for them will be different, and of slightly different intensities. -You cannot love two people 100% equally, in my opinion. You can love a person fully, and then meet a new person who can meet your needs and fall in love with, who you think " is it" compared to the other people you have genuinely loved. Basically: you love your partner. A lot. Truth is, it is common to genuinely be IN LOVE with a person, only to then go on to love a person MORE. To think " they are the one", because you just love them slightly more. If you dated two people at once, it is VERY likely you wil eventually find a person to bring into your relationship, who you dsicover is " the one" for you, more so than the others. If me and my boyfriend broke up, I am sure we would go on to find people who we DID feel " was the real deal" compared to each other. But, for the time being, we are extremely close, and we do it for each other. Bringing other people in is asking for trouble. If your happy with a person, and can stay that way, great:) exploring new people will end up in you picking one person over the other, because If you move on, one person after the other, u always find u love people differently, with more depth or passion then the last person. Date two people at once, you will find someone to leave the other person for. I could happily stay with my boyfriend for years or longer. If we meet each others needs are are incredibly happy and do not want something extra, great:) If we went out and looked, I am sure we could find someone we were more madly in love with. 1
Dust Posted March 22, 2012 Posted March 22, 2012 Leigh I think the hookers was a mistake. It would be better to swap partners with a couple you guys are friends with in my mind. I mean hookers just seem so dirty and cold. As for the rest of what you wrote heres my take on it. Personaly I would enjoy being able to have multiple serious gf's but I know that I wouldn't want a gf with multiple serious bf's so its no shock to me the girls I date wouldn't be cool with me doing that same thing. In a magic world I would have infinite gfs that were just mine haha. I'm very happy though finding one special girl to spend my time with.
Leigh 87 Posted March 22, 2012 Posted March 22, 2012 Could you expand on this please. When I met him, I thought we were young and at a stage in our loves where neither of us had ever experiences a propper lasting relationship. Moreover, we both want to travel, are keen partyers, and plan on going to the craziest clubs in the world. I thought that it was unreasonable and not desirable, to only experience one person throughout your live, in terms of a strong, passionate, loving relationship. I thought it would be better to get very close and experience a tru love, but to then move on and get to experience it more than once. After all, there is more than ONE person out there for you, who will make you vry happy, so why limit yourself to one person? WHat was then. Now, I have fallen in love, and I would be happy to see how long we could go. I enjoy the notion of building a relationship that deapens and becomes closer and closer. However, the sexual element is another story. Personally, I cannot hook up with guys, unless I am either in love with them, or am in an exclusive relationship or almost there. Sex is definately only for love. I guess I would fool around with a guy IF I really liked him. My boyfriend is a fun loving, party animal, and guy who wants to travl the world. He loves beautiful women, loves the varity of women, and I think he would much prefer to not only have ONE women to have sex with for years to come. For that reason, we talked about him being able to have more variety than me, for several years. I told him he could do it, but he was not able to. He went on a trip and was around the most gorgeous women in the world, but could not do it to me. He did say he would think and lie the freedom of being able to have sex for variety, like the way most men are programmed to do, very occasionally. He said he can 100% divide between emotions and sex. HOweverm, because he would not let ME also hook up with guys ( not that i wanted to), I decided against it. It is not fair if he can do it when I can't. To me, it is about being young or relativly young, mid 20's, and not wanting to have to be sexually with the one person for ten years or more. If you can divide between emotions and sex, why not meet your sexual desires? Yes, people have desires for more than one person in ten years. Sex is just sex, though. That new feeling you get with a person when you first touch them, is great, but the deapness of love in a meainingful long term relationship trumps it, and you are happy to go without that new feeling of first hooking up with a person. To me, the love you and companionship you get from a relationship that lasts, is a better deal than cheapening it by bringing another party into it. I just feel it cheapens the love between you. It is better to experience other people alone. I used to believe in poly/ open relationships, and they do work for some, but just not for me. I would say a very small minorioty would do well in such relationship, but it does happen:) I have a friend who is in an open relationship, but they do not have meaninful relationships with others, they just play around. Poly and open relationships are different. Open relationships are when you may have sex out of the relationship. You keep emotionally bound to one person. Poly, on the other hand, is when u have a full on relationship.
Leigh 87 Posted March 22, 2012 Posted March 22, 2012 Leigh I think the hookers was a mistake. It would be better to swap partners with a couple you guys are friends with in my mind. I mean hookers just seem so dirty and cold. As for the rest of what you wrote heres my take on it. Personaly I would enjoy being able to have multiple serious gf's but I know that I wouldn't want a gf with multiple serious bf's so its no shock to me the girls I date wouldn't be cool with me doing that same thing. In a magic world I would have infinite gfs that were just mine haha. I'm very happy though finding one special girl to spend my time with. You think that, but if you found a girl your truly got close to, you would not want other girls. Rarely, some men do, they can love someone truly, as much as they can love a girl, and still want more. MOst guys who love a girl to the extent that that can, do not feel the need for more emotional closness. Guys are generally less needy of emotional bonding, in the way a close relaitonship brings. The hookers brought us closer, because he appreciated it so much. He thought the fact we are very close, meant the end of his sexual encounters with other girls for a long time. It is just how I roll. It works for us so far. They use protection, and the fact it WAS cold, devoid of an emotional connection, worked the best for me.
Leigh 87 Posted March 22, 2012 Posted March 22, 2012 WATCH: Big Love:) I am sure you already have, but... if you havn't, it is a great series on poly.....
Jane2011 Posted March 22, 2012 Posted March 22, 2012 Wow, really? I think it would be very different if you already HAD a meaningful relationship with a man, who told you he wanted to fall in love with another women. You would not be okay with that. It was easy for you to accept the situation from where YOU were standing, but imagine if a guy YOU love wanted to love another women? Easy for you to step in and BE the other women, but in principal, once you deaply love a man, you would NOT share him. Do you see where I am coming from? You were not in love to begin with with this man, so the idea seamed logical enough in theory; but u had not yet fallen in love with the guy. Imagine you were fully in love with a guy, who wanted to love another women! I have considered an open relationship, but we both decided against it, strongly. I myself, and open to alternative relationship styles. Yes, that's exactly what the deal was. When I got involved with him, I was just in the process of becoming attracted to him, liking him, etc. When that was the case, I wasn't feeling "in love" just yet, so him having another woman didn't really even hit me that much for a while. As soon as it did, though, I didn't like it. I didn't want to share. I do feel like if you're really in love with someone, you don't want to share them and you don't want them to want to (or be willing to) share you. But if you say this to someone who is truly polyamorous, they disagree; they believe you can really love someone even if you want to love someone else, too, and are okay with them loving someone else, too. And I can't exactly say that's not true because perhaps people have different love natures. When I say "you can't love a person if you're okay with them loving someone else and when you desire to love someone else," I guess I'm project my way of thinking/feeling onto them. I do think my way of thinking applies to most people, but some people would just say "that's not me, though. That's not how I am" (and insist that their form of love is as valid, as meaningful, and as "true love" as anybody else's)
Leigh 87 Posted March 22, 2012 Posted March 22, 2012 Jane - I agree, that most women and men would not want to share the person they were in love with. HOwever, there are exceptions. Some people, for whatever reason ( physiologically and/or a product of their environment), truly are wired and/OR ( again hehe many variables) truly capable of loving two people. Some people even put it upon themselves, and seam to PREFER it. I have a middle stance on all of this, and like you, I do not think anyone has a right to tell me that my boyfriend does not truly love me, because he appreciates the fact I let him have hookers occasionally. He is happy to go without them, but I know him, and he is the sort of guy who would really appreciate having other women every now and again, rather than comitting severl years to the one women. A lot of people think if your partner does XY and Z< they mustn't love you. Some posters, one in particular, had the nerve to tell me that my boyfriend does not truly love me, because if he DID, he would not bve able to or WANT to have sex with other women, if I let him. I found this to be so presumtuous.
Leigh 87 Posted March 22, 2012 Posted March 22, 2012 Also, I could do the poly thing in the initial stages, too. Easy. Your dating, seeing if you like them, and having fun. At what stage, did you realize you did not want to share? How many months in? It would potentially be a strange feeling: I could imagine myself from going to now caring, to getting feelings and thinking " why do you need some other girl when we have this connection?" It would not feel natural. On the other hand, SEX is a mroe natural insinct. The emotional need for more than one mate, not so natural, in my oponion. I find it quiet odd. I could not really imagine growing to like someone under those conditions. I grew to like my boyfriend ALONE lol... somehow, it would have felt LESS on one level, if he had another girlfriend:lmao: Do you understand, when I say that I strongly suspect I would have felt LESS from him, if he already had someone? I would not have felt.. the same.My feelings would have developed differently, because of the fact I would not have been his only priority.....it would make me feel differently, than to how I felt knowing it was just us two.
Emilia Posted March 22, 2012 Posted March 22, 2012 Yes, that's exactly what the deal was. When I got involved with him, I was just in the process of becoming attracted to him, liking him, etc. When that was the case, I wasn't feeling "in love" just yet, so him having another woman didn't really even hit me that much for a while. As soon as it did, though, I didn't like it. I didn't want to share. I do feel like if you're really in love with someone, you don't want to share them and you don't want them to want to (or be willing to) share you. But if you say this to someone who is truly polyamorous, they disagree; they believe you can really love someone even if you want to love someone else, too, and are okay with them loving someone else, too. And I can't exactly say that's not true because perhaps people have different love natures. When I say "you can't love a person if you're okay with them loving someone else and when you desire to love someone else," I guess I'm project my way of thinking/feeling onto them. I do think my way of thinking applies to most people, but some people would just say "that's not me, though. That's not how I am" (and insist that their form of love is as valid, as meaningful, and as "true love" as anybody else's) Sooooo what's the difference between this guy and a married man who has long term mistresses on the side and the wife knows about it? I thought there was nothing recent about this type of arrangement?
John Bigboote Posted March 22, 2012 Posted March 22, 2012 Good morning, Jane, or whatever the time might be in wherever you are, I have a wife A and a steady girlfriend B; wife A has a secondary boyfriend C, whose primary relationship is with steady girlfriend D. I'm close friends with my metamour C; wife A is close friends with my girlfriend B. It sounds more complicated than it is when it's laid out that way; we don't think of it in those defined terms most of the time; to ourselves, we're just a group of friends and lovers. I think you asked how it works. *shrug* it works because we love each other, and we have fun together, pretty much like any relationship. We go out and do things together, we sleep together, we solve problems by talking them out together. This weekend, I, A, and B took a little romantic getaway to the country and a nice little B&B; we went and watched a movie together; we went dancing together. We did the things that people in love do with each other. I also had dinner with D, not because we're dating, but because C is out of town, and she's lonely and needs a friend. That's my network. You talk of jealousy; most mono people do, as if jealousy was this unconquerable juggernaut of raw evil. It's not. Most of it is socially conditioned--- we're told that it's how you're supposed to feel when you're in love, and we're rewarded in society for expressing it (it's confused with love so much). And while there's a natural fear of losing something you "have," if you're in a subculture where their loving another is no threat to their relationship with you, then there's no rational basis for it. It's not that we don't feel jealousy sometimes, but we understand that it can be managed, the way anyone would be expected to manage other negative emotions like anger. At this point (I'm old ) I've pretty much trained my jealousy away, and in return I have two amazing lovers and two best friends. I've got four times the relationship a mono person will ever have. I don't feel resentful towards A when she's out alone with C; why should I? it just gives me alone time with myself, or with B. And he makes her happy; if I'm truly in love with her, that should make me happy too. You didn't ask for my advice, but it seems pretty clear to me that you're mulling over your situation and trying to figure it out, so here's my perspective on what you've said about it. It sounds to me like you've pretty much got the idea of the mechanics of poly; I don't know if there's much I can add, except to say that if you approach it from a monogamous perspective, then no, it's not likely to work out. "Don't ask, don't tell" is not going to work in poly because it's a temporary band-aid that lets you pretend that while you're with him, it's monogamous. Maybe in sexually open relationships that could work, but not when love is involved. Poly only works when everyone is open and honest with each other, including the metamours. You weren't wiling to even meet with yours. I think you're probably misinterpreting why she was getting anxious and upset, because from your description it sounds like the two of them were doing what poly people tend to do, which is to date, and then to introduce you to the rest of the family and spend time all together. In which case, she would be getting upset that you didn't even want to know her. I think that maybe if you had met and gotten to know each other, and if you had liked her as a friend, then your own jealousy juggernaut would have been at least partly defeated, because she would have become a real person to you instead of this poltergeist in the background. When I read your story, I see you saying the love-glass was half empty because he had another love, but I see the glass doubly-full, because if you had been willing to meet her, you might have had both a lover and a best girlfriend. But, you know, I wasn't there. So from my perspective, it looks to me like you passed up what could have been a double-good thing, and probably hurt both of them (mostly him) and yourself in the process. That's OK and all; all's fair in love, and you get to decide what it is that you want. But that's why I never seriously date mono people any more, or people who are merely exploring: even though you loved him, you broke up anyway. My wife, alas, is a bit more naive and tends to believe that if she approaches any new relationship with love, all the other person will see is the love, which can conquer anything, when what they actually see, if they're mono, is a lot of danger and resentment... and frequently, because she is nonmonogamous and happens to have a vagina, a slut to be used. I have to comfort her every time someone tells her she's a slut, or alternatively, how amazing and desirable she is (because she is!) but they have to break up because they can't stand not to have her all to themselves. I could point out some differences in how healthy poly people and healthy mono people approach relationships, but I suspect you've already heard most of that from him. But basically, the skills to maintain one are the skills to maintain the other: honesty, openness, integrity, empathy. Despite this huge rant, and despite the fact that this thread has been really civil so far, I'm not entirely comfortable discussing all this on this board, but feel free to PM me.
Jane2011 Posted March 22, 2012 Posted March 22, 2012 John, thanks so much for replying. I'm not in a place where I can reply at length ( at work and just in "check" mode right now), but I have lots to say later. I do hear you about what I may be missing out on. I've thought about that a lot because this man was wonderful, one of the most wonderful I've ever come across. I'm still pining for him. And his girlfriend is someone I know; in fact, we were semi-friends before I even met him. And she and I are peers and even likely friends in lots of way. We're in the same profession and just have the same background. I think that's why there was initial jealousy (even on her part, apparently). Because we're actually competition for each other. She's pretty, I'm pretty. She's smart, I'm smart. But yes, I do think about how I could have had a unique and challenging but possibly fulfilling situation. She truly wanted to be friends with me. I have more to say to Leigh and Emilia too.
Jane2011 Posted March 22, 2012 Posted March 22, 2012 (edited) John, I think your situation sounds good if you all are happy with it. I do see how it could be very nice. As I said above, it is not lost on me that I might have really enjoyed it, eventually. Maybe social conditioning got the best of me, but I don't beat myself up too much for that. If it did, it did. I know that they wanted it to be more communal style because that's the only way it truly works. I read about that after the fact. He, I'm sure, was in a very difficult position because he had a girlfriend, on the one hand, pushing for private, and another girlfriend, on the other hand, pushing for communal. And I'm sure she explained to him why she wanted more involvement. But it wasn't explained to me. I just thought "No, that's crazy." A lot of the failure had to do with lack of communication, really. Even though there was some, there wasn't enough. And that's one challenge of the early stages of polyamory, I guess. It requires so much maintenance and communication, arguably more than 'regular' relationships. I was, however, willing to meet with her. During the course of my time with him, she and I went out for coffee one time. I also called her on the phone one time. I didn't mind having some contact with her. I just didn't want to hang out with them together. I didn't think I could handle it if I saw him be romantically attentive to her. But I guess what you're saying is that I should have at least tried to baby-step my way toward being comfortable with being around both of them. I do think it would be nice to conquer jealousy or not to feel jealousy too much. That's easier said than done, though. And not to suggest that one can't do that (conquer jealousy) no matter what the circumstances, but I hope you or anyone else would at least concede that it's much easier when you have a secondary person just as your partner does. You say you're okay with your wife/gf (?) seeing a guy because that means you have time to see your other girl. It'd probably be different (at least a little) if you had no one else to see. In my situation, we were in the early stages, and I just didn't have anybody else. So I was a newbie to polyamory and jealousy-conquering who also didn't have a secondary...it was just a lot to ask from me. Also, I know she and I would have liked each other. I think that would have made it even harder on me, because I would be able to see, easily, what he sees in her. And probably the same for her. But yes, I know what you're saying about getting over it and finding a way to not be jealous. Especially by being friends. I know I hurt him. He was way into me. He asked me a couple times not to leave him (in the most vulnerable way). I know I hurt him a lot. I guess monogamous people do hurt polyamorous people if said monogamous person don't know what she's doing. I still can't say for sure if it would have been right for me, even if I met up with her and him and established a more open thing. But I see what you're saying about how I didn't give it a chance. He always told me that I seemed one foot in and one foot out, and that "wasn't giving us a chance." I suppose not. Edited March 22, 2012 by Jane2011
Jane2011 Posted March 22, 2012 Posted March 22, 2012 Jane - I agree, that most women and men would not want to share the person they were in love with. HOwever, there are exceptions. Some people, for whatever reason ( physiologically and/or a product of their environment), truly are wired and/OR ( again hehe many variables) truly capable of loving two people. Some people even put it upon themselves, and seam to PREFER it. I have a middle stance on all of this, and like you, I do not think anyone has a right to tell me that my boyfriend does not truly love me, because he appreciates the fact I let him have hookers occasionally. He is happy to go without them, but I know him, and he is the sort of guy who would really appreciate having other women every now and again, rather than comitting severl years to the one women. A lot of people think if your partner does XY and Z< they mustn't love you. Some posters, one in particular, had the nerve to tell me that my boyfriend does not truly love me, because if he DID, he would not bve able to or WANT to have sex with other women, if I let him. I found this to be so presumtuous. Leigh, I remember that thread. And I remember thinking that someone can still love you even if they have sex with someone else. It's just all complicated because people have different beliefs. I have a female friend who desires an open relationship who is with a guy who doesn't. She tells him all the time that he is free to sleep with other women. But he is just not wired that way. He will not sleep with another woman even with permission from his girlfriend. But who knows if that's love or if he just has a principle/code of conduct that he dogmatically adheres to. I believe you can definitely have sex with someone (and enjoy it) even if you love someone else. What I'm still questioning is whether you can love two people at once (polyamory). According to many, you can. This is difficult for me to deal with, though.
Jane2011 Posted March 22, 2012 Posted March 22, 2012 My wife, alas, is a bit more naive and tends to believe that if she approaches any new relationship with love, all the other person will see is the love, which can conquer anything, when what they actually see, if they're mono, is a lot of danger and resentment... and frequently, because she is nonmonogamous and happens to have a vagina, a slut to be used. I have to comfort her every time someone tells her she's a slut, or alternatively, how amazing and desirable she is (because she is!) but they have to break up because they can't stand not to have her all to themselves. Sorry to hear that about your wife. I don't think she's a slut, or wrong, for wanting polyamory. I just think you guys are avant-garde. So were the people in my situation. In retrospect, I sort of wish I could have done things differently. They were classy people, honestly. And he was so good to me. (Ugh...relationships are so confusing).
Black Jack Posted March 22, 2012 Posted March 22, 2012 New to this forum, just wondering. No I'm not and despite the off-topic posts, I would never associate myself with people who use their "relationships" as a platform to perform their sexual fantasies.
John Bigboote Posted March 22, 2012 Posted March 22, 2012 A lot of the failure had to do with lack of communication, really. Even though there was some, there wasn't enough. And that's one challenge of the early stages of polyamory, I guess. It requires so much maintenance and communication, arguably more than 'regular' relationships. Yep, communication is of paramount importance. I think it's probably of absolutely critical importance in every relationship, even monogamous ones (although I've admittedly never really been in any of those). It's true that a "regular" relationship can survive without it for a time, because it has a well-accepted structure of expectations that underlies it, but that's probably not really survival if you're not communicating. More like a vegetative state kept alive on a respirator. But I guess what you're saying is that I should have at least tried to baby-step my way toward being comfortable with being around both of them. Hard to say what you "should" have done. You should have done the thing that would bring you and yours most happiness. It's up to you to determine what that is. But yes, the road less travelled is absolutely travelled in baby steps. And not to suggest that one can't do that (conquer jealousy) no matter what the circumstances, but I hope you or anyone else would at least concede that it's much easier when you have a secondary person just as your partner does. You say you're okay with your wife/gf (?) seeing a guy because that means you have time to see your other girl. It'd probably be different (at least a little) if you had no one else to see. Maybe a little. But I'm pretty good on my own; I need a lot of alone time anyway. Certainly poly 4-somes are more stable than poly 3-somes in general, largely for this reason. Also, I know she and I would have liked each other. Then I'm especially sad it didn't work out for you, but glad that you have the self-knowledge to know what you want and need. You've got your **** together; you're sure to find someone who matches those needs. 1
Jane2011 Posted March 22, 2012 Posted March 22, 2012 At what stage, did you realize you did not want to share? How many months in? It would potentially be a strange feeling: I could imagine myself from going to now caring, to getting feelings and thinking " why do you need some other girl when we have this connection?" It would not feel natural. I started feeling like I didn't want to share after three weeks, but it didn't intensify fully until after six weeks. On the other hand, SEX is a mroe natural insinct. The emotional need for more than one mate, not so natural, in my oponion. I agree. I don't necessarily want an open relationship that allows for outside sexual ventures (in fact, I don't), but if I were going to allow any type of open relationship at all, that would be the kind (extracurricular emotionless sex - if the 'emotionless' could possibly be achieved, that is). I find it quiet odd. I could not really imagine growing to like someone under those conditions. I grew to like my boyfriend ALONE lol... somehow, it would have felt LESS on one level, if he had another girlfriend:lmao: Do you understand, when I say that I strongly suspect I would have felt LESS from him, if he already had someone? I would not have felt.. the same.My feelings would have developed differently, because of the fact I would not have been his only priority.....it would make me feel differently, than to how I felt knowing it was just us two. Yeah, I understand. I feel more special if I'm the only one.
chrissylee Posted March 23, 2012 Posted March 23, 2012 Jane - I agree, that most women and men would not want to share the person they were in love with. HOwever, there are exceptions. Some people, for whatever reason ( physiologically and/or a product of their environment), truly are wired and/OR ( again hehe many variables) truly capable of loving two people. Some people even put it upon themselves, and seam to PREFER it. I have a middle stance on all of this, and like you, I do not think anyone has a right to tell me that my boyfriend does not truly love me, because he appreciates the fact I let him have hookers occasionally. He is happy to go without them, but I know him, and he is the sort of guy who would really appreciate having other women every now and again, rather than comitting severl years to the one women. A lot of people think if your partner does XY and Z< they mustn't love you. Some posters, one in particular, had the nerve to tell me that my boyfriend does not truly love me, because if he DID, he would not bve able to or WANT to have sex with other women, if I let him. I found this to be so presumtuous. I am honeslty curious about this..... How can you think that your bf loves you when he wants to sleep with hookers. Even if he uses protection it isn't 100% so he is putting you at risks for STD's by being with these people. I really want to understand how you can think he still loves you when he wants other women and (to me) shows a clear sign of no respect for you or your relationship. I'm not trying to disrespect you. I am honestly curious why you think like you do.
Author mostlyclueless Posted March 23, 2012 Author Posted March 23, 2012 chrissylee, do you think a friend would find your friendship less meaningful if you had more than 1 friend? Then why does that have to be the case for romantic relationships?
RedRobin Posted March 23, 2012 Posted March 23, 2012 Every married man who has ever hit on me, I ask him to call the wife on the spot and see what she says about it. Never had one take me up on it yet. Although, the wife of a married friend of mine recently suggested he take me to his awards ceremony when she had to visit family out of country. We get together fairly often and she knows me. I don't think that would count as polyamory though. I've been in a relationship where he suggested having an open relationship, and I did some research in it.. It wasn't for me.
Black Jack Posted March 23, 2012 Posted March 23, 2012 I am honeslty curious about this..... How can you think that your bf loves you when he wants to sleep with hookers. Even if he uses protection it isn't 100% so he is putting you at risks for STD's by being with these people. I really want to understand how you can think he still loves you when he wants other women and (to me) shows a clear sign of no respect for you or your relationship. I'm not trying to disrespect you. I am honestly curious why you think like you do. "Polyamorous" is just another name for cheating out in the open. It has nothing to do with love.
RedRobin Posted March 23, 2012 Posted March 23, 2012 "Polyamorous" is just another name for cheating out in the open. It has nothing to do with love. I dunno. I've met some people who were able to pull it off. But not for long. It was something they kind of moved in and out of. It wasn't a constant thing. My observation is that there were some distinct differences in libido or physical characteristics that made their sex lives less than fulfilling and they didn't want to throw the baby out with the bathwater. It does beat cheating... I still couldn't do it. I'd rather split and just stay friends.
Black Jack Posted March 23, 2012 Posted March 23, 2012 I dunno. I've met some people who were able to pull it off. But not for long. It was something they kind of moved in and out of. It wasn't a constant thing. My observation is that there were some distinct differences in libido or physical characteristics that made their sex lives less than fulfilling and they didn't want to throw the baby out with the bathwater. It does beat cheating... I still couldn't do it. I'd rather split and just stay friends. Not for me. I won't be a knowingly, willing cuckold so my woman can cake eat with every attractive man she wants to screw on a whim. Polyamory is one big ass orgy. It's just cheating except everyone knows about it and gets off on it. How sick.
Author mostlyclueless Posted March 23, 2012 Author Posted March 23, 2012 Black Jack, for some people, the problem with cheating is deception. If the deception is gone, intimacy with other people is no longer problematic.
chrissylee Posted March 23, 2012 Posted March 23, 2012 chrissylee, do you think a friend would find your friendship less meaningful if you had more than 1 friend? Then why does that have to be the case for romantic relationships? Because romantic relationships should be between two people. A friendship is different from a romantic relationship because you aren't "sharing your life" with your friend in the same way you should be with a romantic partner. When you invite other people into what should be between two people it causes problems.
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