loveydove Posted March 21, 2012 Posted March 21, 2012 I was with my boyfriend for almost 6 years before he started changing. Though noone is perfect, for those 6 years he was a really affectionate, attentive, thoughtful guy. the last 9 months before we broke up, he totally changed. He'd pick me up late, drank heavily, and just became a total screw up. I guess it's not that jerk that I am mourning the loss of, but of the great, kind man I knew and loved for so long. Has anyone else experienced this? I know noone really knows why...but WHYYY do wonderful people change so suddenly???
BewitchedandBothered Posted March 21, 2012 Posted March 21, 2012 I was with my boyfriend for almost 6 years before he started changing. Though noone is perfect, for those 6 years he was a really affectionate, attentive, thoughtful guy. the last 9 months before we broke up, he totally changed. He'd pick me up late, drank heavily, and just became a total screw up. I guess it's not that jerk that I am mourning the loss of, but of the great, kind man I knew and loved for so long. Has anyone else experienced this? I know noone really knows why...but WHYYY do wonderful people change so suddenly??? Yes, and I am still healing from it, Loveydove. My duration with my ex was not nearly as long as yours; 6 years is a long time. My ex started changing after 4 months of dating. He started out so sweet and charming, kind and caring, compassionate--seems he chameleonized himself into what he figured I wanted and it worked like a charm. I was not physically attracted to him at first, but his personality made him attractive to me. After that 4 months, it went downhill quicker than a wagon full of fat kids. He would go from sweet to abusive to sweet again in a matter of an hour. Verbally abuse me, apologize 5 minutes later in a text, then start up again, picking fights. I learned not to fight back---he fed off the drama. When I ignored him, he seemed to stop. During arguments or if he wanted to start a fight, he would blow up my phone and inbox with texts, but when he dumped me, I walked. Didn't look back. He texted me twice months after that, but I did not respond. He is with someone new right now---5 months after sending me those texts. It does hurt, because she gets to see that sweet, loving man that I fell for and loved. He still talks mean about me, asking people if they are still friends with me and if so, why. It just plain aches. I am not sure if it is the bitterness talking, but I don't think they change--they are one way underneath and act a certain way on the surface, but one cannot always hold up the act for too long; the real true self is going to come out one way or another. In your case, Not sure why it took all those years for him to act this way---were there any red flags? 1
mymission Posted March 21, 2012 Posted March 21, 2012 Yeah mine wasnt as long as that either. We were together for 18months. The first 10 months he was amazing. Then it felt like he slowly became disinterested, couldn't be bothered with the effort. And in the last 2 months he was miserable and snappy. But I'm holding onto the amazing person he was in those 10 months! I love that person so much.
Me...IamMe Posted March 21, 2012 Posted March 21, 2012 Read up on personality disorders. I would say your ex is a narcissist. Scary! 1
BewitchedandBothered Posted March 22, 2012 Posted March 22, 2012 Yeah mine wasnt as long as that either. We were together for 18months. The first 10 months he was amazing. Then it felt like he slowly became disinterested, couldn't be bothered with the effort. And in the last 2 months he was miserable and snappy. But I'm holding onto the amazing person he was in those 10 months! I love that person so much. MyMission, that sweet person was a fictitious character; we were lured in by the charm and then were faced with the real deal months later. 1
nature Posted March 22, 2012 Posted March 22, 2012 Read through this whole thread http://www.loveshack.org/forums/breaking-up-reconciliation-coping/breaks-breaking-up/318097-how-does-ex-feel-during-gigs It sounds like your ex has GIGS (Grass is Greener Syndrome). Seriously read all the posts in this thread and you won't believe how it explains exactly what you are talking about! I went thru the same thing with my ex a few years ago! Feel better. Just know, it's not you. The thread will explain it to you. Helps to know you are not alone. 1
Author loveydove Posted March 22, 2012 Author Posted March 22, 2012 Thanks guys, this is all really helpful - BewitchedAndBothered - There weren't really many signs. We have had a couple of breakups when we were 19 and 20, but I always felt respected and cherished in those years. Me...IAmME - I think you could be right. He has become very self-involved. I just didn't see it coming. I feel like those 6 years were not a charade -at all- I feel like, he has just changed, and his music career has really taken off. He is in the limelight alot. Hes just been different ever since he moved to Hollywood.
Author loveydove Posted March 22, 2012 Author Posted March 22, 2012 oh my gosh, I just read those threads...it is GIGS.....it just is. wow. And what's weirder is I did this to him in college! I had GiGs...this is weird
gotye Posted March 22, 2012 Posted March 22, 2012 my ex was loveydovey, mushy cutesy up until like... the very end I still don't get it but when I talked to him on phone 3 days ago... he changed in how he viewed us he wasn't the sweet man who talked to me gently and passionately and so I view this as him not being the same man
gibson Posted March 22, 2012 Posted March 22, 2012 (edited) oh my gosh, I just read those threads...it is GIGS.....it just is. wow. And what's weirder is I did this to him in college! I had GiGs...this is weird I am very sorry to hear about your break up. For the benefit of the rest of the G.I.G.S. victims, you should share your story about when you had G.I.G.S. What it was like, what you felt (or didn't more like it), what you were thinking, how you tortured your Ex, etc. Most of the people here are victims of G.I.G.S. and aside from me (gibson a.k.a Homebrew) and a few select others, there are not many people that had G.I.G.S. on LS. PS - Just because you had G.I.G.S. at one point in time, still doesn't make what you are going through any easier. Edited March 22, 2012 by gibson
Frank13 Posted March 22, 2012 Posted March 22, 2012 After 6 years it is possible the love died. If that happens people may want out of the relationship but guilt about hurting the other person keeps them stuck so they drink or sometimes become abusive. Sometimes it is to get the other person to break up and sometimes it is just how they handle their unhappiness.
Author loveydove Posted March 22, 2012 Author Posted March 22, 2012 Gibson - I will share my experience, but you are right, I snapped out of GIGS really quickly after breaking up with my boyfriend, and missed him terribly and it doesnt make this break up any easier. : (
robkris8079 Posted March 22, 2012 Posted March 22, 2012 After 6 years it is possible the love died. If that happens people may want out of the relationship but guilt about hurting the other person keeps them stuck so they drink or sometimes become abusive. Sometimes it is to get the other person to break up and sometimes it is just how they handle their unhappiness. think this is what happened in my situation. After 5 years my love grew, hers faded. I was putting more effort in and she was putting in less. The only thing that gets me is she is like a switch though. So in it and lovey then bam she went distant and was unhappy. I'll never have the answer to that. But that's ok.
wilsonx Posted March 22, 2012 Posted March 22, 2012 Gibson - I will share my experience, but you are right, I snapped out of GIGS really quickly after breaking up with my boyfriend, and missed him terribly and it doesnt make this break up any easier. : ( No it doesnt. So what are your plans now loveydove?
Author loveydove Posted March 22, 2012 Author Posted March 22, 2012 I guess I just keep breathing...and trying new things, and facing fears, investing time in myself that rebuilds my confidence. Go after the things I love, and stick close to those I love and hope it all turns out in the end. It's been a month, the pain has already begun to subside some. I keep trying to remember that pain is a sign of healing.
robkris8079 Posted March 22, 2012 Posted March 22, 2012 I guess I just keep breathing...and trying new things, and facing fears, investing time in myself that rebuilds my confidence. Go after the things I love, and stick close to those I love and hope it all turns out in the end. It's been a month, the pain has already begun to subside some. I keep trying to remember that pain is a sign of healing. good plan! How in the world did you stick that out for 9 months? I let her know after 2 weeks of her distancing herself and giving me the feeling that she doesn't want to be around me. That's all I could take of it. 1
Author loveydove Posted March 22, 2012 Author Posted March 22, 2012 I don't know! It would go up and down and we were long distance, so I just tried to focus on making things better because I knew in my heart I didn't want to give it up easy. But as I read in one of those GIGS readings someone posted here for me, nothing I ever did would have ever changed the outcome. This was just out of my hands, and a small part of me feels free, and atleast I don't have big regrets about giving up. But 9 months or 2 weeks...it sucks the same I'm sorry you are going through the same thing.
robertmathis1026 Posted March 23, 2012 Posted March 23, 2012 3 years ago I feel the same just like you and it happened to me. What I do is simply give my girl space for 1 week and star the contact again, yeah my girl really misses me, at that period I start some make over with myself and my girl like that. Are you SUFFERING THE PAIN, because your ex DUMP you? Can You imagine, if you can make your ex BEGGING TO BACK WITH YOU? click here to make it HAPPEN!!
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