I feel boyfriend is distant because of my deepening religious faith

[Egychick]

I feel sad. I am trying to do the right thing. I'm trying to get closer to God. Actually, he is the one who encouraged me to do so...and once I did...and am taking it very seriously for the first time in my life...I feel he is pullng away.

 

I'm a Christian...I'm trying to live by the way my faith tells me to live as much as possible. I have made many mistakes in my life...but for once I'm trying to turn things around and live life God's way and not just my way.

 

So since then, I don't allow my boyfriend to sleep in the same bed with me, we don't have sex anymore, and we try not to commit any sins before marriage. He is someone who calls himself a preacher and leads Bible studies and we go to Church together. But since I am doing what he encouraged me to do a while ago (even so much as telling me to read my Bible and getting mad at me when I didn't - Now I do!)...now he acts like I'm doing something wrong. I don't get it. One minute he is happy, and the next he is mad or upset about something. One minute he says he needs a break for a month -months...and then that very same day he is calling me and telling me how beautiful I am. One minute he says he hates me and doesn't know if he is happy with me, the next he is saying he will never find another girl like me. Now he won't even give me a hug. I'm confused...What does he want? What is in his mind? What do you all think?

Edited March 21, 2012 by Egychick

[Yamaha]

The only way you will know the answers you seek is to talk to him. Ask him what he is looking for.

When you follow a serious life with God it might require making changes in your friends and even boyfriends.

[OpenBook]

Whatever you do - Don't marry him!!!

[gaius]

What do you all think?

I think he wants you to be Christian in every area except the bedroom.

[somedude81]

Yeah, I'm pretty sure when he told you he wants you to get closer to God. I don't think he meant, "stop having sex with me."

[CC12]

What does he want? What is in his mind? What do you all think?

 

You're going to have to ask him. He's the only one who knows what he wants and what's going on in his mind.

 

You're saying your relationship problems are due to you being more religious. Are you sure that's why? You said he acts like you're doing something wrong - do you think that's directly due to you being more actively faithful? As "someone who calls himself a preacher," you'd think he'd be happy about your new-found devotion. That was a weird choice of words, by the way. "Someone who calls himself a preacher." Why wouldn't you just say "He's a preacher."

 

Regardless of the religious aspect, I see a relationship that is seriously malfunctioning. This see-saw, love/hate thing he's doing is emotional manipulation and it's very damaging for you. So don't allow him to do it anymore. If he says he hates you or needs a break, then give him lots and lots of space by not communicating with him anymore and blocking him from contacting you. Then move on forever. Seriously, you don't deserve that treatment.

[TaraMaiden]

I'm confused...What does he want? What is in his mind? What do you all think?

 

He wants you to devote yourself to god, and his son jesus christ - but his way, not yours.

He wants you to be Christian - but to his standards, not yours.

so now, withholding sex from him, whereas presumably before, you were a willing participant - and so, naturally, was he - is not what he sees as the kind of Christian devotion he's happy with.

 

It comes down to this.

you're a true Christian girl - he just 'calls himself a Preacher'.

He's the one with the flawed view, not you.

now, i used to be a practising RCatholic, but now, I'm not a Christian and i don't believe in god, but if you're going to do something - then you do it.

 

You're doing it - he's not.

 

In my view, there is much in the bible (particularly the OT) which is just screwy and frankly, prejudiced and wrong.

But if you stick with the basics, and what you believe to be sound advice, counsel and teaching (which also needs to logical and applicable) and you have a sound, personal reason for following what you follow - and you are true to your word - then you're doing the right thing.

No matter where you go with your faith, have the confidence to keep going.

 

But don't 'go there' with him - because this will end in tears, and much confusion, anxiety, and self-doubt.

 

And that would be a shame.

[Lauriebell82]

I agree with the others who have said that he wanted you to be more religious and Christian, however he didn't mean for you to stop having sex with him.

 

You need to set some boundaries. Tell him you will not stand for the emotional abuse anymore. This hot/cold behavior is upsetting to you and you do not want to be subjected to it anymore. Stand up for yourself! If he isn't understanding and reverts to his old behavior then he isn't the right man for you. You deserve better then that!

 

And for the record, if he were "truley" Christian/reglious, then he would not be treating you this way. I think he is just controlling and uses the religious angle as a way of manipulating you.