chelle21689 Posted March 21, 2012 Posted March 21, 2012 My cousin is friends with his group of friends. She asked me if I wanted to go to Chicago with them in a couple weeks for the weekend. My boyfriend can't go because of work. My boyfriend said he would feel uncomfortable if I went without him because those are HIS friends. His friends are loyal and are like brothers to him. I think they're really cool so it's not about cheating or affairs. He just think it's weird if I went without him even if it's because I go for my cousin. I asked what if the guys' had their girlfriends go. He said he'd be fine. this bothered me so I attempted to try to understand his side and ask why it would bother him if I go. He said it'd just be weird that it's mostly his friends O.o I was like, "So if my cousin hung out with the group for a nightand I decided to go...but you couldn't go then how would you feel?" he said "I'd be okay with it." I said "What's the difference?" he said "Weekend in Chicago is longer" It frustrated me right there because it didn't make sense! We just ended the conversation because it was late. I upset him because he told me he was mad at himself now and we'd talk about it later Because he had to go sleep.
silvermercy Posted March 21, 2012 Posted March 21, 2012 I can see it from both sides. On one hand, you're right. You can go just for your cousin. On the other hand, he may see it as not the "proper" thing to do when it's his own friends that are involved and who will not bring girlfriends. Instead, you, being a girlfriend will go with them (even though they will have no girlfriends there). So yeah, I can see why this would bother him. Of course, you should reassure him that it shouldn't and see if you can reach a compromise.
Author chelle21689 Posted March 21, 2012 Author Posted March 21, 2012 Well, it depends on if their girlfriends are able to go or not. But shouldn't it be about TRUST? I'm not going if my cousin isn't going. I just feel I shouldn't stop having fun just because he says so. He never said "You can't go" but obviously he wants me to not go by voicing his opinion.
sweetsmmr91 Posted March 21, 2012 Posted March 21, 2012 Ehh, maybe it's less about you and more about his friends. He probably figures that if it was a guys trip, and you went they might not be able to completely enjoy themselves. I wouldn't like a boyfriend of mine going on a trip with all my girl friends without me, just because it'd be weird, and then what if something happened and my friends decided they didn't like my boyfriend? Or he decided he didn't like them? Or he decided they were too wild, and it worried him about allll future trips I may take with them? No, I can see where he's coming from. 1
silvermercy Posted March 21, 2012 Posted March 21, 2012 Well, it depends on if their girlfriends are able to go or not. But shouldn't it be about TRUST? I'm not going if my cousin isn't going. I just feel I shouldn't stop having fun just because he says so. He never said "You can't go" but obviously he wants me to not go by voicing his opinion. I don't think it's about trust. It's just an... unwritten rule that such travel situation is not ideal. I can see where he's coming from. I wouldn't want my boyfriend doing the same with one of his male cousins while there are women without their boyfriends there. It just... doesn't sound right.
TigerCub Posted March 21, 2012 Posted March 21, 2012 yeah OP, I know what you're saying. But honestly, if my girls were having a trip like that an my bf wanted to go hang out with them, I'd be thinking "that's pretty lame, get your own friends" its not even a matter of trust , its just weird. Even if he had a relative that was going, its still weird. 1
Author chelle21689 Posted March 21, 2012 Author Posted March 21, 2012 (edited) I've hung around his friends before and we get along really well. I have a feeling it's not about that...I know it's not about that. I feel like it's more of a insecurity type thing. I don't know, it's not the first time he brought up something he didn't like because of his insecurities. He blames it on being cheated on a couple years ago. I shouldn't have to deal with that and him not trusting me when I haven't given him anything to not trust me by. Again, like I said my cousin is FRIENDS with his friends. She invited me! Their gfs could be going but not sure yet. It's not supposed to be a "MAN" trip. Edited March 21, 2012 by chelle21689
Author chelle21689 Posted March 21, 2012 Author Posted March 21, 2012 (edited) yeah OP, I know what you're saying. But honestly, if my girls were having a trip like that an my bf wanted to go hang out with them, I'd be thinking "that's pretty lame, get your own friends" its not even a matter of trust , its just weird. like I said...my cousin is friends with his friends. I'm really close to my cousin. It's about her not them. I wouldn't een be going if she wasn't. Edited March 21, 2012 by chelle21689
TigerCub Posted March 21, 2012 Posted March 21, 2012 like I said...my cousin is friends with his friends. I'm really close to my cousin. It's about her not them. I wouldn't een be going if she wasn't. If he sees it as weird, like I described, then just respect where his thought process is coming from, and just hang out with your cousin some other time. You can still enjoy a trip with your cousin, it doesn't have to be this one.
TheSingleGuy Posted March 21, 2012 Posted March 21, 2012 Some of us guys know what the out-of-town-girl is truly like. It's weird. I go to vegas, I get laid. I come home to the metroplex, I can't get a date. I would never trust the out of town girlfriend. Period. Women must be paranoid about bumping into a guy they hooked up with, but when they're out of town, those concerns vanish.
zengirl Posted March 21, 2012 Posted March 21, 2012 I don't know your BF, but I think it sounds like he's just jealous he can't go and doesn't want you to go as such or something similar. If your cousin and his friends are there, I cannot see how "wild girl out of town" would be the issue. It sounds like he just doesn't want to be the odd man out. Doesn't seem fair to me, no.
silvermercy Posted March 21, 2012 Posted March 21, 2012 (edited) Some of us guys know what the out-of-town-girl is truly like. It's weird. I go to vegas, I get laid. I come home to the metroplex, I can't get a date. I would never trust the out of town girlfriend. Period. Women must be paranoid about bumping into a guy they hooked up with, but when they're out of town, those concerns vanish. But you're doing the same, more or less, going to Vegas and all... OP, I agree that it just... 'weird'. You may not be the wild girl, but it does strike odd (regardless if he has trust and jealousy issues). I agree you should arrange another time with your cousin. Edited March 21, 2012 by silvermercy
dasein Posted March 21, 2012 Posted March 21, 2012 I don't like my GFs going on any trips at all, even with me. They can go get the mail and newspaper, not down the street though. It's funny they think I can't see where they have tried to chew through the rope. Seriously, I don't like it when GFs go on trips without me, especially with single GFs or "badgirl" GFs, and especially especially with single guys in the group. I realize it's irrational, and just grin and bear it. When women get in different environments, unless they are seasoned travelers, their inhibitions go downdowndown and their impressionability goes upupup. Have been the beneficiary of this many times and so am wary about it. 1
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