fortyninethousand322 Posted March 21, 2012 Share Posted March 21, 2012 op, i dont like it at all im a virgin girl, trying to find a guy whos also as a virgin but its so difficult. i hate that we are told to be ashamed of, especially to guys i feel so bad for them! Are you waiting until marriage for sex, or just the right person? Link to post Share on other sites
Author ThaWholigan Posted March 21, 2012 Author Share Posted March 21, 2012 op, i dont like it at all im a virgin girl, trying to find a guy whos also as a virgin but its so difficult. i hate that we are told to be ashamed of, especially to guys i feel so bad for them! Well, I'm a virgin myself and I'm certainly not holding out for another virgin, simply because I'm unlikely to find one I'm very open about who I'm going to date admittedly... Link to post Share on other sites
fortyninethousand322 Posted March 21, 2012 Share Posted March 21, 2012 It can come out. A simple question of, "are you attracted to me", and a careless answer can make everything clear. Some girls, probably most, can tell when a guy isn't fully into her and she'll do things to test him. Also a girl will be suspicious when a guy who should be out of her league is into her. One thing I clearly remember about the overweight girl I dated way back when, is that she kept asking me what I thought about other girls. I didn't get why she was doing it back then, but I understand now. But that would happen after 2 dates? I'm talking about "practice dates" not "practice relationships". Link to post Share on other sites
dasein Posted March 21, 2012 Share Posted March 21, 2012 Also factor in the likelihood that those girls may want a relationship with said man. Raises the question, if he doesn't want a relationship with her, is having sex with her really the wisest thing to do? Sex is sex, relationships are relationships. Apples and oranges. The two used to be inextricably culturally connected, but are no longer. If a person, regardless of gender, expects sex to equate to a relationship, it's on them to express such clearly before having sex, or any resulting disappointment is on them completely. People who expect relationships to proceed naturally from sex should either make sure their partner is on the same page beforehand or not have sex. Today it's thoroughly dishonest to have casual sex with someone and then complain that one "got played" when more doesn't result unless one was lied to. Link to post Share on other sites
somedude81 Posted March 21, 2012 Share Posted March 21, 2012 But that would happen after 2 dates? I'm talking about "practice dates" not "practice relationships". All dates are practice. Either way, I thought this thread was about practice relationships. Link to post Share on other sites
fortyninethousand322 Posted March 21, 2012 Share Posted March 21, 2012 All dates are practice. Either way, I thought this thread was about practice relationships. Well the OP made it sound like it was more about sex, but he was kind of vague. I guess I thought "practice" meant practice with all manner of things, including dates. Link to post Share on other sites
Author ThaWholigan Posted March 21, 2012 Author Share Posted March 21, 2012 Sex is sex, relationships are relationships. Apples and oranges. The two used to be inextricably culturally connected, but are no longer. If a person, regardless of gender, expects sex to equate to a relationship, it's on them to express such clearly before having sex, or any resulting disappointment is on them completely. People who expect relationships to proceed naturally from sex should either make sure their partner is on the same page beforehand or not have sex. Today it's thoroughly dishonest to have casual sex with someone and then complain that one "got played" when more doesn't result unless one was lied to. I fully agree with you there. I think everything from that point is simple trial and error, which is not new ground for me, given that I have had to acclimatize to having a wide social circle despite being autistic . I can't vouch for others like me though, I wish they had a mentality like mine... -------------------------------------------------- BTW, I meant sex mainly. Link to post Share on other sites
zengirl Posted March 21, 2012 Share Posted March 21, 2012 Taking someone out you have no interest in (sexually or romantically) for practice and pretending you do seems like a bad thing to me, as does pretending you have LTR interest when you KNOW all you'd like from a gal is a fling. These things are lying. But as SD said, ALL dates are practice. Really. Taking someone out when you're not sure if you're interested or not, dating someone you'd sleep with but don't see yourself falling for, and so forth . . . these are generally not immoral or wrong IMO (unless you sleep with a girl who you know really likes you and then never call her again or something that's generally rude or breaks a basic moral code). It's just dating. One reason I never slept with anyone without exclusivity is I didn't see dating as a big deal, personally. A date guarantees someone my attention and focus for the period of time I have agreed to, at best. That's a very small commitment. Anyone who's willing to have sex under those terms (I never was) should understand the terms well enough. Now, granted don't go painting some big picture of a future that you know you don't want -- that's not cool -- but date who you want for whatever reasons you have. Just don't pretend to have reasons you don't have or have reasons you feel the need to hide. Any time you feel the need to hide something, you're probably doing something wrong. That was always my rule of thumb. Link to post Share on other sites
fortyninethousand322 Posted March 21, 2012 Share Posted March 21, 2012 BTW, I meant sex mainly. Well in that case I think you should only have sex with people you want to have sex with. Not for "practice". If it's practice you want then see a professional. I do think it's best to hide details (like one's own inexperience or virginity) that aren't entirely pertinent. Unless she asks, she doesn't really want or need to know. Link to post Share on other sites
Author ThaWholigan Posted March 21, 2012 Author Share Posted March 21, 2012 Well in that case I think you should only have sex with people you want to have sex with. Not for "practice". If it's practice you want then see a professional. I do think it's best to hide details (like one's own inexperience or virginity) that aren't entirely pertinent. Unless she asks, she doesn't really want or need to know. Yes, basically. I don't really advocate the whole "practice" thing anyway. I just feel that one shouldn't focus on ones inexperience so much. Link to post Share on other sites
betterdeal Posted March 21, 2012 Share Posted March 21, 2012 In Italy, older women (normally married) who have an affair with a younger man are called "learning ships", which sort of touches on this subject. One of the less harmful approaches to practising before making a punt at someone you think's a keeper, if you ask me. Link to post Share on other sites
jerbear Posted March 21, 2012 Share Posted March 21, 2012 BTW, I meant sex mainly. A FWB would be better then. I don't like the ideas of FWB's but sometimes it gets put upon you without you knowing it. Link to post Share on other sites
Author ThaWholigan Posted March 21, 2012 Author Share Posted March 21, 2012 A FWB would be better then. I don't like the ideas of FWB's but sometimes it gets put upon you without you knowing it. FWB would be better. However, men who don't get any action tend not to get FWBs, or anyone for that matter. One would think an FWB would be hard to get for such a man, better off looking for an LTR. I place no such restrictions at the moment, I'm open to whatever. Link to post Share on other sites
udolipixie Posted March 21, 2012 Share Posted March 21, 2012 (edited) What is your feeling about the "practice girl" theory that is sometimes given to virgins/inexperienced guys? If the practice girl is not an escort or prostitute than to me it's the same as a woman going on a date with a guy to kill time get a free meal or entertainment and having him pay entirely for it. Or a woman who have after running through guys she's attracted to not committing to her decides to go for a nice guy she's not attracted to for marriage to take care of her. Edited March 21, 2012 by udolipixie Link to post Share on other sites
Author ThaWholigan Posted March 21, 2012 Author Share Posted March 21, 2012 If the practice girl is not an escort or prostitute than to me it's the same as a woman going on a date with a guy to kill time get a free meal or entertainment and having him pay entirely for it. Or a woman who have after running through guys she's attracted to not committing to her decides to go for a nice guy she's not attracted to for marriage to take care of her. Or as Scot McKay put it, the JBS zone (Just Be Sex). I hear you Do you think that it's a good idea that male virgins should see an escort if they cannot get a woman interested in them normally? I've toyed with the idea myself but don't think I need to do it. Link to post Share on other sites
Taramere Posted March 21, 2012 Share Posted March 21, 2012 If the practice girl is not an escort or prostitute than to me it's the same as a woman going on a date with a guy to kill time get a free meal or entertainment and having him pay entirely for it. The same as in coming from a mentality that regards it as okay to use people, or the same in terms of the effect it has on the "used" person? If it were the former, I'd agree. The latter...well, I suppose you have to look at things on a case by case basis. I can see that in both situations the person might feel upset about being used. Whether they set themselves up for that feeling through the choices they make would probably only increase the anger or distress. Where I think there's a difference is in terms of the emotional investment the "used" person has put in. I think the act of sex will increase emotional attachment very significantly. I'm not sure that the act of paying for another person's meal has that same "increasing emotional attachment" impact. Link to post Share on other sites
udolipixie Posted March 21, 2012 Share Posted March 21, 2012 The same as in coming from a mentality that regards it as okay to use people, or the same in terms of the effect it has on the "used" person? Mentality. Link to post Share on other sites
Dust Posted March 21, 2012 Share Posted March 21, 2012 Practice dating is like practice eating. If you're eating baby food its not practice for the real thing its because thats all they are feeding you. Simply put date girls you are into because dating some one you arn't isn't practice for dating some one you do like. I do realize many guys out of insecurity have this belief but it is totaly false. Sure its easier to handle rejection from some one you arn't into but theirs no point... I mean the reason it hurst less or not at all is because you didn't want to date her. Date some one you like and let that be the "practice." Really though its all the real thing don't think of it as "practice." 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author ThaWholigan Posted March 21, 2012 Author Share Posted March 21, 2012 Practice dating is like practice eating. If you're eating baby food its not practice for the real thing its because thats all they are feeding you. Simply put date girls you are into because dating some one you arn't isn't practice for dating some one you do like. I do realize many guys out of insecurity have this belief but it is totaly false. Sure its easier to handle rejection from some one you arn't into but theirs no point... I mean the reason it hurst less or not at all is because you didn't want to date her. Date some one you like and let that be the "practice." Really though its all the real thing don't think of it as "practice." I feel I shall have this covered very soon Good to see you back, comrade 1 Link to post Share on other sites
jerbear Posted March 21, 2012 Share Posted March 21, 2012 FWB would be better. However, men who don't get any action tend not to get FWBs, or anyone for that matter. One would think an FWB would be hard to get for such a man, better off looking for an LTR. I place no such restrictions at the moment, I'm open to whatever. You're right about FWB's, if a man is not getting any, he won't get any FWB offers. Still a guy has to put himself out there and find a LTR or FWB. Sometimes when one aims for the LTR, they end up short with a FWB and vice versa. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
waiting4u Posted March 21, 2012 Share Posted March 21, 2012 Practice? Is this a tennis game? Jesus. First of all, sexual inexperience is not that big a deal. As long as you are able to get it up and find the place where it goes, it's sort of instinctual from there. Any woman worth keeping is going to show you what she likes and you will learn how to please a woman over time. As far as dating goes - the more you date, the more you learn, yes. But I wouldn't date people just to "practice" on them. What the heck? This is absurd, in my opinion. Date people you are interested in. Sleep with someone you care about. Everything else will fall into place. If you have rejection issues, then maybe seek some therapy. Rejection has nothing to do with you or how good / bad you are. It has to do with the other person's preferences. I don't mean to sound harsh here. I hope I'm not. Best of luck to you. Link to post Share on other sites
ptp Posted March 21, 2012 Share Posted March 21, 2012 I don't agree with this at all. Maybe I am weird, but from my view if there is a guy who has had trouble with women, he probably has a pretty battered sense of self worth. If you feel you aren't desirable to the opposite sex you are naturally going to feel that way. Paying for sex your first time is only going to exacerbate those feelings not alleviate them. That blow to one's self esteem will be a greater determent than any benefit gained from boning up (pun intended ) your skills in the bedroom. Link to post Share on other sites
Sanman Posted March 22, 2012 Share Posted March 22, 2012 IMO semantic nullity. Like talking about how many unicorns can fit in my back yard. A man with little experience who "takes what he can get" in the form of a woman who wouldn't be his top choice otherwise is not "practicing" anything, just two people having voluntary sex and satisfying their sexual desires. This is the condition of the average sex seeking man, and nothing wrong with it in the least. Now of course if he lied to her to get the sex that's a different matter entirely. Women have sex with men they would never enter a relationship with CONSTANTLY today, and know it from the outset, so trying to tag men with yet another derogatory term and construct suggesting the use and abuse of women is not equitable. The term "practice girl" is a needlessly negatively charged one, coined to either provoke female readers or amuse teenage boys. In all likelihood it originated in a HS locker room somewhere during a dick-measuring contest. Agree with this. What is the practical difference between a practice girl and a guy giving a girl he is not attracted to a chance? Maybe they go on a few dates, maybe they have sex, maybe they do not. Saying that you should only do this with a FWB is silly too. It is not as if women walk up to average men and offer up a fwb. The ones I have had I fell into when one of both of us realized that a relationship was not working, but the sex was good. I still had to date/get to know them first. In the end, there is no 'practice girl', there is only go on a date with this person or do not, have sex or do not, yes or no. The only real lie comes in if you promise exclusivity and do not mean it. However, many people (male and female) do this all the time in relationships and wait for something better to come along. Link to post Share on other sites
Jeremy87 Posted March 22, 2012 Share Posted March 22, 2012 Well, we've had this conversation before, but I'll just say that I think men do take their sexual inexperience too seriously, and there are many women out there that would not hold that against you, and would rather you be the kind of man who is selective about who you sleep with, rather than some guy that is going to use women. The type of women who would reject you because you didn't sleep around is not the kind of woman worth having anyway. There are a lot of women on LS who have said they wouldn't mind dating a guy with little to no sexual experience, and some of them even have and are in a satisfying relationship with them now. If men are willing to put themselves out there and approach women, have realistic standards based on what they have to offer, and not be afraid of some rejection, they will eventually be successful. Plenty of women out there who would appreciate the male attention and interest, but most of these guys are too afraid to even approach women, or they do so so infrequently, and take any rejection to heart, that they defeat themselves from ever getting to the stage of dating. You're clueless. I have lots of experience. Bad girls go for me. Good girls go for me. Tall, short, thin or fat go for me. Girls like a man who knows what hes doing! Link to post Share on other sites
Jeremy87 Posted March 22, 2012 Share Posted March 22, 2012 When I find out a guy is dating me out of desperation/for practice, I spread the word far and wide that the guy is a jerk. Even in small cities, reputations spread. Girls after are always going to wonder if you're dating them cause you like them, or just for more "practice." This is it. You nailed it. Inexperienced guys are by nature DESPERATE. Girls don't do desperate and they'll let their friends know. Reputations spread. Me, I've been around the block many times. Girls like it. Even ones who have called me disgusting later have had sex with me. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
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