Have you ever thought that men upfront and honest about desire also sets boundaries?

[joystickd]

Think about it. Men deal with a woman that is an "attention whore". When he simply asks are we having sex or not kind of serves as a way to get this woman that has been performing teasing behavior to decide to either

1. have sex with this male she is teasing.

2. not have sex and end teasing male.

 

teasing is not flirtatious conversation, but when it gets to a point where the woman is trying to get a rise out of the man

[Eddie Edirol]

Asking that doesnt set boundaries, it helps to kill her attraction to you. If you can't get a read on her that she is really sexually attracted to you, so that you know its coming and you dont have to ask, then you shouldnt be with her, and she knows that, and doesnt make her want to jump you. You should be able to tease her, at the same time not need sex from her, and that is enticing. "So are we having sex?" is a killer.

 

If she is just using you for attention, you should learn how to pick up on that too and bail.

[joystickd]

Asking that doesnt set boundaries, it helps to kill her attraction to you. If you can't get a read on her that she is really sexually attracted to you, so that you know its coming and you dont have to ask, then you shouldnt be with her, and she knows that, and doesnt make her want to jump you. You should be able to tease her, at the same time not need sex from her, and that is enticing. "So are we having sex?" is a killer.

 

If she is just using you for attention, you should learn how to pick up on that too and bail.

If she is attracted to you then she won't be afraid to say yes. I myself don't like my time wasted and am not flirting in a lengthy and repeated manner. After a certain point its lets cut to the chase.

[dasein]

Oh yeah, absolutely. It cuts out TONS of noise and BS, and sets the tone of the relationship straight from the get-go.

 

If you take a woman out on the dance floor and don't lead, she will think you are inept more often than not. Same with sexual advance and expressing sexual interest.

 

BTW I prefer "you want to spend the night with me?" to "are we having sex?"

[Eddie Edirol]

If she is attracted to you then she won't be afraid to say yes. I myself don't like my time wasted and am not flirting in a lengthy and repeated manner. After a certain point its lets cut to the chase.

 

If she was attracted to you, in the beginning of a relationship, she wont be anymore. You dont ask for sex, you just do it. Its hotter that way. If you feel like you cant just do it because youre not sure that she would want to, then the relationship is in trouble. Asking for it wont fix this, asking for it makes you look like you dont know what youre doing. If youre in a LTR and the sex has declined, then that warrants a discussion.

[sweetsmmr91]

I wouldn't want the guy to ask. He should just enjoy my teasing him, because it's obvious that I'm wanting him and it's teasing myself too. And it'd kind of throw me off, because I'd like to let things naturally get to where they're going. Don't mean to "waste your time" but if you're willing to have sex with me, spending time with me shouldn't be a waste of time.

[joystickd]

I wouldn't want the guy to ask. He should just enjoy my teasing him, because it's obvious that I'm wanting him and it's teasing myself too. And it'd kind of throw me off, because I'd like to let things naturally get to where they're going. Don't mean to "waste your time" but if you're willing to have sex with me, spending time with me shouldn't be a waste of time.

Well there are women that do some extreme teasing with the intentions of not having sex. If its clearcut that something will happen then its cool. The not cool thing is the deception of something happening and its not and you are worked up because you got teased to the point of arousal to validate her. This is not all women but at some point women should be also straight forward about their desires and that doesn't necessarily mean sex

[dasein]

He should just enjoy my teasing him, because it's obvious that I'm wanting him and it's teasing myself too.

 

Yeah, no. As Js says, there's no way to know which teasing will lead to sex and which will lead us to blueballs and annoyance. Save the teasing for established relationships.

[Eddie Edirol]

This is not all women but at some point women should be also straight forward about their desires and that doesn't necessarily mean sex

 

Women whos agenda is to lead you on, when they arent attracted to you, with no intention of a sexual relationship will not tell you that is their agenda. You have to learn to see through it, and learn not to build up your expectations just to be disappointed. You only build up your expectations when you know its in the bag.

[joystickd]

Women whos agenda is to lead you on, when they arent attracted to you, with no intention of a sexual relationship will not tell you that is their agenda. You have to learn to see through it, and learn not to build up your expectations just to be disappointed. You only build up your expectations when you know its in the bag.

 

Sometimes you have to see through it and shut it down by asking that question. I remember when I was younger I got teased by this woman to the point where I got aroused. One day I just looked at her and said well if you going to get my d**k hard you might as well f**k me. She was shocked I said that and stopped. Sometimes when they do that you got to set it up to where they either put up or shut up. Its simple as that. It wastes my time and shows you have no respect for me if you play games like that.

[sweetsmmr91]

I think it shows the guy has no respect for me if he tells me to put up or shut up.. Or asks if I'm going to "**** him or not". A lot more disrespectful than "teasing" a guy. When maybe I'm just getting comfortable enough with the guy to sleep with him.

[Eddie Edirol]

Sometimes you have to see through it and shut it down by asking that question. I remember when I was younger I got teased by this woman to the point where I got aroused. One day I just looked at her and said well if you going to get my d**k hard you might as well f**k me. She was shocked I said that and stopped. Sometimes when they do that you got to set it up to where they either put up or shut up. Its simple as that. It wastes my time and shows you have no respect for me if you play games like that.

 

Youre still putting all the blame on the woman, but none on yourself when youre not using the skills to avoid getting into this situation in the first place. Youre supposed to be able to tell if she is using you for attention, so that you dont have to ask. If you are asking her, when you havent had sex with her yet, they will never say yes! Means you failed to figure out that she isnt really attracted to you, thats your bad, not hers!