futuredentist Posted March 21, 2012 Posted March 21, 2012 This is long, so I thank the people who actuallyread this and give me some good advice.. Here is my relationship story.... My boyfriend is amazing. Very mellow, yet outgoing.But I have been for the last month off and on wondering if this relationshipwill really work. Here is why... PROS 1. Smart- he is very intelligent 2. Respectful- towards everyone 3. Gentlemen- opens car door for me95% of the time 4. Funny- makes me laugh 5. Attractive- He is a cutie andwith a tan whewwwww HOT 6. Overall Good Person- pretty goodmorals, good head on his shoulders 7. 90% Considerate 8. Parents are nice 9. Good job- good pay 10. Going to school- to excel in thecareer field he is in 11. Sex is good- nice package, notlazy, adventurous 12. Tries to cook- he doesn’t cookanything on the stove, yet he’s been doing it lately because he knows I don’tlike men who only cook on the grill 13. Clean- hygiene 14. Assertive- has a back bone, we actuallyequal out in dominance thank god. So sick of being with a man who can’t stickup for himself or do things on his own 15. Things in Common 16. Affectionate- most affectionateperson I have been with- love it 17. Doesn't Believe in POLITICSwoohooo 18. No Children 19. No Criminal History 20. Communication- when it comes todisagreements or how we feel 21. Dresses nice 22. Doesn't have a sailors mouth 23. Sociable 24. Good Relationship with family 25. In to Holidays 26. Has dreams/goals 27. Positive/good attitude- supportsme a lot through rough times with school and he puts up with my ****(especially during PMS- very lucky to have him) 28. Not selfish 29. Somewhat romantic 30. Somewhat Spontaneous 31. Somewhat creative CONS 1. Don't know if I can trust him- Ijust started checking his phone 2 weeks ago because a dilemma that happenedregarding a possible STD. The STD scenario is down below past the CONS. ---He’stoo nice to people. I mean he has a “girl friend” at work that he treats tolunch all the time. He’s not even her boss. He feels bad because she gets paid$6 less than him and she does things for him at work. She’s married to theopposite race w/children but he calls her his “other wife” because he loves her(as a friend), she has a great personality, but opposite race of my bf. My bfis also friends with her husband but heremy bf is trying to save money and he’s paying for her lunch once or twice aweek. Why can’t her husband give her lunch money. Her husband has a good job. *----Alsohe told me he went to some work happy hour thing and gave some waitress hiscard because he remembered seeing her in high school and he felt bad she wasbeing his waitress and here he was in a suit. I actually think they have beentalking. (Scenario regarding possible cheating and STD situation down below) Ican’t remember if he told me it was Ruby Tuesday’s or Chili’s where thishappened. -Healso is friends with this girl he had friends with benefits with. They werereally good friends for 7 years off and on. Supposedly only had sex 2x (yeahfricken right) and spent the night at each other’s house a lot. In the beginninghe told me they were in a relationship but then after questioning him about itthey were only friends. He did admit he absolutely loved her. He still talks toher but she lives in a different state. What happened is he loved her and sheended up choosing his best friend over him. She then cheated on his best friendwith him and then ended back up with his best friend and they married. She thengot divorced and remarried someone else. Who the hell is friends with someonelike that. I noticed my bf’s mom and sister is friends with her too. Totally donot agree with the situation and I don’t know if just this, will make or breakour relationship because I feel SO Strongly about men not being able to befriends with woman. I know for a fact if the girl moves back to the area, therewill be absolutely NO trust. ----Hetold me (we were drinking so I don’t remember) about some girl, forget whatmost of the conversation was about, but he said “I’m a guy of course I’d wanthave sex with her” and the girl is on his facebook (she’s not even pretty) ----On a random night we decided to go to a strip club and he said “It’s funny, Iusually or my type of woman are petite but a little more hips like thesestrippers, yet I’m so fascinated with your body” So I’m like what? So yeah, allhis previous girlfriends are I guess petite and here I am with some meat. Imean I’m thin, I look damn good in a bikini, I have some muscle tone, but thattotally made me feel like ****. Found out she was single but 15 years olderthan him. ----Isaw a text from a coworker of his saying how she loved him for all his help andasked if he wanted to go to happy hour with her like last week. This was acouple months back the text was dated. -Supposedlyhe’s only slept with 8 people. How quick he got a hard on, when we first kissedon our first date makes me hardly believe that. We didn’t have sex, we partedways after we kissed but he got a hard on and was a little embarrassed. We didn’thave sex till 3/4/5wks after meeting and dating ----He told me once he let a stripper give him a blow job, that he use to go tostrip clubs for a drink after work by himself.. and I’m just like, I think Ican do better than this guy. He has kinda ****ty morals and values but hetreats me good other than that. Very communicative and honest. 2. Unhealthy Eater- He eats so crappy,I’m a health fanatic and love working out 3. Not that active- he likes to belazy when he gets home. I like to go to the park. 4. Smokes 5. Started me smoking 6. Constant drinker meaning a glassor two of wine a night 7. 90% doesn't clean or pick upafter himself - the trash and laundry basket is RIGHT THERE 8. 95% doesn't do laundry 9. Babied by mother, and supposedlyexpects me to do the same just because he leaves his **** everywhere like hedoes to his mom 10. Friends w/exes (SO NOT OKAY WITHTHIS)- Already explained in #1 11. Doesn't have his **** together(house being sold, moving back in with mom for 6 months then finding his ownplace again with me once money is saved) 12. Teeth (needs to go to the damndentist and get a check up- I'm going to be a dentist- hell fricken lo) 13. Height (can't wear my awesomeheels) 14. Too nice of a guy (gives womanwrong impressions because he's too nice, I mean I’d get the wrong impression ifhe gave me his business card) 15. Aggressive when driving (yellingout the window or doing stupid **** when one makes a mistake on the roaddriving) 16. Sometimes I don't like theperson I have become - mostly when I smoke is when I feel this 17. Likes Strip Clubs/has messed aroundwith a stripper once 18. Communication- I always tell himwhat I am doing all day. He doesn’t tell me what he does. Doesn’t tell me as inwhere he goes to lunch or who he’s going with, yet when I bring a bag home fromsomewhere I went he’s like “oh you didn’t tell me you were going there” welpyou don’t tell me where you’re going during the day or errands you do, or lunchdates you have. 19. Not open about how his day wentor stress he's going through 20. Can't do cats 21. Not very religious 22. Doesn't care that drinking,smoking, not eating right, not working out is really bad for you 23. Procrastinator I know no one is perfect. But latelyI don’t know what to think, don’t know if I’m just being a nit picker, maybebecause I am PMSing could be part of it. I mean I am a total bitch when I’m onbirthcontrol and PMSing. I’ve had to change birthcontrols like 5 times becausethey all effect me in different ways that I can’t stand or my bf hates orprevious bf’s hate. When I’m off birthcontrol I am totally sane. So here’s the Scenerio from above…. 2 weeks ago aflesh colored bump arose on his penis head. He thought that he had cut himselfsomehow. Then last Monday a bunch of smaller flesh colored bumps arose. AND hegoes and pops the first one that arose 2 weeks ago. He thought it was aningrown hair or pimple or something. He thinks these bumps are from the newlaundry detergent I used 3/4 weeks ago and again this past weekend (when moreof the bumps arose) or it could be from dry sex or new KY. What do I believe??I don't know. He doesn't have the time to cheat with a demanding fulltime joband part time classes at school. I DON'T cheat; neither have I EVER had an STDof some sort. I have always been healthy and clean, so I don't know what to door think. He went for an STD test last week (urine sample) and the doctorlooked at his penis and said it's nothing. The test results came back yesterdayas negative. The doctor also said we can't have sex until the bumps heal, butto take his sex advice with a grain of salt. It still freaks me out though. Idon't know how to support him, how did he get these bumps that he never hadbefore? We've had dry sex before, and if it was laundry detergent why arn't thebumps other places? I beleive we've used the KY before as well. I trust him butwhen it comes to something like this, it gives me second thoughts. We've talkedabout our future together and started looking at places to move into togetherso, I don't know. What do I do? On another note, here I'm the one freaking out about it and he is totally calm,not stressed.. Maybe it is trust issues??? I mean I had an STD scare a longtime ago (it ended up being an ingrown hair lol) and I was freaking out likecrazy. Why wasn't he freaking out? Anyone would freak out if they were diseasefree and something shows up like that right? One more thing on top of it all. Here comes thesuspicion part of cheating. My boyfriend is a SUPER nice guy, too nice, but isassertive as well. When his first bump arose I felt suspicious. I have neverlooked into his phone, I never wanted to, never wanted to start that crap, Irespect his privacy, until that day. I looked in his phone and noticed somegirl... Lets call her Jane, he had send her a text saying something about"How are things going, sorry it took me so long to get back to you"Her name logged into his phone was Jane(Ruby Tueday's). Okay first off, youhave to put where you met the person in your phone so you can remember who theyare. So, I deleted the number out of his phone and I think I might of deletedthe text message. Welp, I look in his phone after he had showed me more of theflesh colored bumps that had risen a day or two after, and her name is back inhis phone. I tried to delete it again and accidently called the number. Ihurried and hung up, deleted the number but didn't know how to delete the call.So then I deleted all of his call history and all of his text messages becauseI got scared he would find out somehow. Ofcoarse he wondered how that happenedbut didn't accuse me. I know from experience men and woman can't be friends. Ihave mail friends that I've had sex with before that are "myfriends". I have male friends that I haven't had sex with that I wouldjust like as friends and they want more. Men and woman can't be friends. Itmakes me want to check his phone again in a couple days to see if the girl isback into his phone. I HATE THIS! This is why I never ever want to look ordisrespect someones privacy because once you find something your suspicions ofit turns to an addiction to find out the truth or the things your loved oneisn't telling you. So it's like what do I do with all of this? I mean am I just being paranoid, psycho, nit picking, a bitch, too shallow or could it be because I am afraid of divorce and don't want to end up in a situation where I could get hurt so I rather remove the problem before it happens. I really don't know what's wrong with me. I need some peace of mind. I know noones perfect and so far this is the best boyfriend (i've had A LOT of boyfriends) I have had that has treated me so well and has done so many sweet things for me, too many to list. I need advice. I see a therapist regularly once a month for anger issues I have towards my father who was never there for me. Sooo, I know most of my anger and distrust comes from the whole father bullcrap I had to go through. Anways, thank you for whoever was able to sit through and read this entire thing. I really appreciate any and all comments whether good or bad.
Philosoraptor Posted March 21, 2012 Posted March 21, 2012 If it comes down to making a list and asking a forum to decide then you need to just cut ties. There are plenty of people out there whom you would be much more compatible with.
WoMann Posted March 21, 2012 Posted March 21, 2012 You are just not compatible, don't wait another minute with this person.
TigerCub Posted March 21, 2012 Posted March 21, 2012 Look Nothing on your pros/cons lists matters if you can't trust the guy. Follow your gut feeling. Don't be in a relationship where you're gonna turn into a suspicious snooping nut job. If you can't trust the guy - nothing else really matters.
Author futuredentist Posted March 21, 2012 Author Posted March 21, 2012 I have trusted him and just thought he was a nice guy till this whole STD thing came about (even though the results were negative and the bumps are going away). Now I have suspicion ever since I checked his damn phone.
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