Pyro Posted March 21, 2012 Posted March 21, 2012 The only effect that it had on me was that it taught me to be patient and picky when looking for someone. Paid off well may I add.
ThaWholigan Posted March 21, 2012 Posted March 21, 2012 Really!? I feel like my friends think it's cute too. Whenever a guy approaches me and he seems nervous, we talk about it later and they're like "Oh, yeah he was cute. Completely your type. Did you see how nervous he looked?" And it's cute, because he's nervous to talk to you. Because you're sooo pretty or something, haha. Totally charming. Other girls are crazy if they don't think so! Definitely not common
dasein Posted March 21, 2012 Posted March 21, 2012 (edited) What level of caution has your previous experiences caused you to have? Lies and glaring inconsistencies that pop up don't get ignored. "I love to read." No books in the house (or far worse, shelves full of unread ones), no knowledge of any literature other than tabloids. "I'm very 'green'." Wrote a $20 check to Greenpeace, uses 2 rolls of toilet paper daily, takes half hour showers, doesn't recycle, drives a big Mercedes. "I went to XYZ college." Dropped out after a year, never went back and finished. "I do lots of charity work." Went to a ball last year, some dude bought the tickets. "I'm the low maintenance type." Goes to tanning bed twice a week, spends $300 month on hair, $500 shoes in closet. "I'm into music." Listens to top 40 only in the car, no music in the house, doesn't play any instruments. Oh forgot some giant self-explanatory ones "I usually don't do this," "I've only been with three guys in my life," "I feel like I have to marry every man I sleep with." Edited March 21, 2012 by dasein
sweetsmmr91 Posted March 21, 2012 Posted March 21, 2012 Lies and glaring inconsistencies that pop up don't get ignored. "I love to read." No books in the house (or far worse, shelves full of unread ones), no knowledge of any literature other than tabloids. "I'm very 'green'." Wrote a $20 check to Greenpeace, uses 2 rolls of toilet paper daily, takes half hour showers, doesn't recycle, drives a big Mercedes. "I went to XYZ college." Dropped out after a year, never went back and finished. "I do lots of charity work." Went to a ball last year, some dude bought the tickets. "I'm the low maintenance type." Goes to tanning bed twice a week, spends $300 month on hair, $500 shoes in closet. "I'm into music." Listens to top 40 only in the car, no music in the house, doesn't play any instruments. Oh forgot some giant self-explanatory ones "I usually don't do this," "I've only been with three guys in my life," "I feel like I have to marry every man I sleep with." Wait so do you expect these inconsistencies from other women now that you've had bad experiences? Because I've noticed when I tell guys I like certain music, they seem to quiz me about it. It drives me insane. Then if they come by they see all my old albums and my record player, and they're like "oh wow, nice" and are genuinely surprised. I'm always like, "well, yes, I told you I like this music." It's always been confusing to me. I mean, I'm no musical expert but my dad has thousands of albums and I get whatever I want to keep for myself, so I've taken a good number of them. And I'm obsessed with old records... because it's like magic, haha. But I HATE when guys ask me questions about bands, and seem to be really quizzing me to see if I really like music. As for being low maintenance, what makes a woman high maintenance? This has always been something I'm curious about! Guys always ask me, "so are you pretty high maintenance?" And I'm never sure how to respond. And what about women who do say "I usually don't do this". Do guys really not believe that? Because I genuinely don't jump into bed with just anyone, and the most recent guy I did anything with (not sex), I was really nervous and told him that I don't do this with guys I'm not dating, haha. I was being honest! Maybe I should just keep my mouth shut. And as for saying she feels like she has to marry every man she sleeps with, what an awful thing to say! Haha.
zengirl Posted March 21, 2012 Posted March 21, 2012 I'm married now, but no, players never impacted my dating life much. I figured out how to spot them in my teens/early 20s and avoided them. I was more hurt by perfectly nice men who were just afraid to assert their feelings early on in the relationship in away that didn't allow us to easily admit obvious incompatibilities than I was by players. Once I figured out men were doing this (not lying, so much as not expressing what they needed) and isolated myself from my particular man-issue, I met hubby, who NEVER glosses over things and always tells me straight up if something is bothering him (partially because I was making it clear that's what I needed by the time I met him and he felt safe to do so). I don't think most of the deepest dating pain out there actually comes from players and drama queens. I think it comes from mainly good people just clashing with each other. But YMMV. I don't think one can learn how to be a player. It just happens. Sure I can try to copy some of the tricks they use, but it would most likely blow up in my face. Being a player isn't just about tricks, but I do think people "learn" it. They have to have some innate draw anyway (something to get people in -- attraction, money, etc) but they also have to be good at manipulating, which is a learned skill, and so on. So, like most things, it's both. Lies and glaring inconsistencies that pop up don't get ignored. "I love to read." No books in the house (or far worse, shelves full of unread ones), no knowledge of any literature other than tabloids. The shelves thing made me laugh. I love reading and have very few books. I hate books nowadays -- it's all on the Kindle, even my textbooks. But that doesn't undermine your point, just made me laugh. I think if you're really looking at someone, it's very easy to see if they're sincere and honest or not. It's not just about tell-tale signs (which will differ in the content of the inconsistency); it's basic common sense and just spotting inconsistencies, as you say. When what people say aligns to what they do, it's a powerful thing, and those are the people I've always chosen to associate with. It keeps drama down.
BETTERFLIRT Posted March 21, 2012 Posted March 21, 2012 How has players, attention whores, liars, drama queens/kings, or any unsavory male/female affected your current pursuit of a partner? PLEASE!!! Only sometimes it makes you feel very unsecured in the theme of knowing whether or not to adventuring yourself again nonetheless being fisiologically demanded we human being can not let pass life without connecting our existence lovely to someone we deserve to to be our sexual partner.
dasein Posted March 21, 2012 Posted March 21, 2012 Wait so do you expect these inconsistencies from other women now that you've had bad experiences? No, but I do spend some more time paying attention to the actuality of their lives compared to what they say about themselves than I did in the past. And yeah, I do expect women to be more inconsistent than men. They are generally. Because I've noticed when I tell guys I like certain music, they seem to quiz me about it. It drives me insane. Then if they come by they see all my old albums and my record player, and they're like "oh wow, nice" and are genuinely surprised. I'm always like, "well, yes, I told you I like this music." It's always been confusing to me. In all likelihood, they are trying to -bond- with you when they do that, it's exactly how we bond with each other. When we drop into guyspeak it can sound almost like interrogation, but just try to think of it as more downloading info to each other. It's meant to be a back and forth, so jump in yourself. It's a good sign generally, but if you get too much cross-examination feeling, it could be a bad one sure. Qualify that though with the fact that there are lots of women out there who are "chameleons" (maybe men too, no experience), and who parrot stuff learned from past BFs in an attempt to impress the new guy, despite not giving a rat about whether "Harold of the Rocks" or "John the Fisherman" is better on an particular album. We see right through this, or rather do once we have dated enough chameleons. They tend to spout out lots of terminology with no understanding. As for being low maintenance, what makes a woman high maintenance? This has always been something I'm curious about! Guys always ask me, "so are you pretty high maintenance?" And I'm never sure how to respond. Only a schmo asks that directly, not good form, here are some examples of hm behavior I have experienced, all from at least several different women over the years. "I haven't been out all week." She's been out with friends three nights already this week and doesn't consider she is "out" unless she is dressed to the nines and I am spending lots of money on her... high maintenance (and inconsistent). "You seem distant, what are you thinking?" She needs constant affirmation, and will waste my time with 3 hour "feelings" conversations often. "I can only use this brand of XYZ." She will only allow $9 a bar "pure honey" soap or $100 LaMer to touch her skin. She will need special "just so" accommodations everywhere we go, my house, trips, restaurants, high maintenance. And what about women who do say "I usually don't do this". Do guys really not believe that? Because I genuinely don't jump into bed with just anyone, and the most recent guy I did anything with (not sex), I was really nervous and told him that I don't do this with guys I'm not dating, haha. I was being honest! Maybe I should just keep my mouth shut. Yes, best to not say anything, we have heard it all before from women who really don't do that (10%) and women who do that constantly (90%) so even if truthful it makes you look dishonest and inconsistent. Own your behavior and accept accountability for it good and bad (without making a big deal of it), we find that very refreshing and attractive.
zengirl Posted March 21, 2012 Posted March 21, 2012 Qualify that though with the fact that there are lots of women out there who are "chameleons" (maybe men too, no experience), and who parrot stuff learned from past BFs in an attempt to impress the new guy, despite not giving a rat about whether "Harold of the Rocks" or "John the Fisherman" is better on an particular album. We see right through this, or rather do once we have dated enough chameleons. They tend to spout out lots of terminology with no understanding. Men do this too. Before I met hubby, I had this problem a lot -- and not with guys who were bad guys per se. They just thought that was what women expected. Sad, really.
sweetsmmr91 Posted March 21, 2012 Posted March 21, 2012 No, but I do spend some more time paying attention to the actuality of their lives compared to what they say about themselves than I did in the past. And yeah, I do expect women to be more inconsistent than men. They are generally. In all likelihood, they are trying to -bond- with you when they do that, it's exactly how we bond with each other. When we drop into guyspeak it can sound almost like interrogation, but just try to think of it as more downloading info to each other. It's meant to be a back and forth, so jump in yourself. It's a good sign generally, but if you get too much cross-examination feeling, it could be a bad one sure. Qualify that though with the fact that there are lots of women out there who are "chameleons" (maybe men too, no experience), and who parrot stuff learned from past BFs in an attempt to impress the new guy, despite not giving a rat about whether "Harold of the Rocks" or "John the Fisherman" is better on an particular album. We see right through this, or rather do once we have dated enough chameleons. They tend to spout out lots of terminology with no understanding. Only a schmo asks that directly, not good form, here are some examples of hm behavior I have experienced, all from at least several different women over the years. "I haven't been out all week." She's been out with friends three nights already this week and doesn't consider she is "out" unless she is dressed to the nines and I am spending lots of money on her... high maintenance (and inconsistent). "You seem distant, what are you thinking?" She needs constant affirmation, and will waste my time with 3 hour "feelings" conversations often. "I can only use this brand of XYZ." She will only allow $9 a bar "pure honey" soap or $100 LaMer to touch her skin. She will need special "just so" accommodations everywhere we go, my house, trips, restaurants, high maintenance. Yes, best to not say anything, we have heard it all before from women who really don't do that (10%) and women who do that constantly (90%) so even if truthful it makes you look dishonest and inconsistent. Own your behavior and accept accountability for it good and bad (without making a big deal of it), we find that very refreshing and attractive. Well, I guess I should try to be less annoyed if they're just trying to bond, haha. I try to jump in too, but a lot of times it feels like the guy is just trying to see if I actually know what I'm talking about or if I am just a "chameleon" apparently. I never really thought of it until now - but I can see why it'd be a problem, kind of like in Runaway Bride when Julia Roberts didn't know what kind of eggs she likes, because she always likes the kind of eggs whoever she's dating got. I don't like to prove myself.. If I say something, I mean it. Anyways, yes I get asked if I'm high maintenance.. it is kind of a schmo thing to ask! But maybe it's because I do dress well and wear makeup, and have my hair colored every month? Or talk about my adorable dog (really need to stop doing that!) To be fair, I might be a little high maintenance but it's "Nebraska high maintenance", so idk why any guy would be complaining! Our high maintenance is apparently MUCH lower maintenance than girls from wherever you're dating Mouth zipped from now on about how often I'm sexual! Yikes. I think we do it because we don't want the guy to get the wrong idea about us. But if I don't want him to get the wrong idea I guess I shouldn't be giving him any reason to! Lesson learned!
dasein Posted March 21, 2012 Posted March 21, 2012 Anyways, yes I get asked if I'm high maintenance.. it is kind of a schmo thing to ask! But maybe it's because I do dress well and wear makeup, and have my hair colored every month? Or talk about my adorable dog (really need to stop doing that!) To be fair, I might be a little high maintenance but it's "Nebraska high maintenance", so idk why any guy would be complaining! Our high maintenance is apparently MUCH lower maintenance than girls from wherever you're dating Well, "high maintenance" is also one of those overused terms to the point of meaninglessness that can be a catchall insult, used by either gender. You don't sound hm at all. Having hair colored every month and doting on pets is totally normal in the U.S.
Crusoe Posted March 21, 2012 Posted March 21, 2012 How has players, attention whores, liars, drama queens/kings, or any unsavory male/female affected your current pursuit of a partner? PLEASE!!! Use some men/women instead of men or women. We live in the real world and not all men/women are bad. I watch my back nowadays, move slower, take more time. In the past I never knew how destructive some women can be. My ex's lies and false accustions changed my life forever so I am now very wary of spiteful women. I also now have no tolerance for (as Steadfast wrote a while back) kindness misinterpreted as manipulation. A woman that sees controlling, manipulative or harmful behavior in the most innocent of actions can also be dangerous to a fella if he becomes too involved with her. Basically, some things I used to have patience and understanding for are now one strike and out. No benefit of doubt given. A broken heart, loss of money, being cheated on.... childs play, you can recover from that easy enough, but when a woman starts crying "wolf" at you, that's the one that can ruin your life.
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