joystickd Posted March 21, 2012 Posted March 21, 2012 How has players, attention whores, liars, drama queens/kings, or any unsavory male/female affected your current pursuit of a partner? PLEASE!!! Use some men/women instead of men or women. We live in the real world and not all men/women are bad.
FitChick Posted March 21, 2012 Posted March 21, 2012 It hasn't really affected me other than to make me pay attention more and try not to jump in so enthusiastically. I don't assume all men are alike. However, if I seem to keep attracting a certain negative type of man, I question my own beliefs that cause that and eliminate them using the Lefkoe Method. Keeps me centered.
Philosoraptor Posted March 21, 2012 Posted March 21, 2012 You adjust your people picker and start to date mature adults. It's much simpler than people make it out to be. 5
Emilia Posted March 21, 2012 Posted March 21, 2012 You adjust your people picker and start to date mature adults. It's much simpler than people make it out to be. Pretty much. If I wouldn't have someone as a friend, sure as hell I wouldn't date them either.
ditzchic Posted March 21, 2012 Posted March 21, 2012 I try and give every new person a clean slate when I meet them. My mantra has always been "Unpack your own baggage before you start on the next leg of the trip." I really don't want to blame someone for something someone else did to me that is ancient history. But my bad experiences in dating have definitely made me smarter when it comes to seeing the warning signs. I'll give them the bene of the doubt once, maybe twice that we don't know each other that well and are working out the kinks of where each others boundaries lie. But if I see a pattern, I'm out. And my bad experiences have taught me it isn't a race. There's no shame in going slow and getting to know the person before jumping into exclusivity or something serious. If we are right for each other we will both find sticking around to be worth it. My only absolute one chance only deal breaker when it comes to the behavior of someone I'm dating is when they lie to me. I have a much easier time digesting something I don't really want to hear than I do realizing I've been duped. It just feels like they took the choice of reacting like a rational, thoughtful and sane human being away from me and that makes me recoil.
dasein Posted March 21, 2012 Posted March 21, 2012 Has made me more selective and wary of fast track relationships. I used to be a "benefit of the doubt" guy where women are concerned, "that makes me uncomfortable but she's into me and we have fun, so all is well." I'm not like that any more. So to answer, my experience with bad partners in the past has been beneficial and made me more discerning.
Els Posted March 21, 2012 Posted March 21, 2012 They haven't, because I had the sense to avoid them. I suppose in a way, they've made me more grateful for the relationships I've had.
sweetsmmr91 Posted March 21, 2012 Posted March 21, 2012 Um, well... you just have to be really careful who you date. And look out for the signs that someone is a liar, cheater, drama king/queen, or just not a good person from the start. If this were a nice perfect world you wouldn't have to worry about these things. Now I'm just less likely to believe a nice guy when he says sweet things, because I'll have to wonder if he's a bad guy who's saying sweet things for an ulterior motive. I'd say that's what screws things up for nice guys, too. A guy on here just told me to keep dating jerks because if I date a nice guy I'll just dump him to go back to the jerks, and that I should save the nice guy for a nice girl. This bothered me because it felt so untrue to me. I've had a string of not nice guys, and it's kind of soured me on men. So now I'm doubtful when any guy comes into the picture, and I always think this guy is out for something when he's being nice. I'd say that's the number one way that these kinds of people affect my current pursuit of a partner. As for attention whores, for girls like me, who are pretty but happy living under the radar, attention whores seem to suck up all attention in a room. Which is kind of strange and even helpful in a way. I have a best friend who looks like a barbie and needs all men to be interested in her and only her, and gets weirded out when they seem to be paying attention to me, as the quieter one. This could be because she's used to me just being her fat sidekick, and now that I'm thin it's messing up her fun time? I don't know. (We've been best friends since preschool, and she's genuinely a good person, just kind of superficial at this age.. it will pass). Anyways that's made things confusing too. Because when it's me and her at a bar, and she's gorgeous in her tiny dress, high heels and sexy hair.. and I'm sitting there in my skinny jeans, ballet flats, and slightly dismantled hair... it makes me think this guy made a distinct choice between the hot sexy girl, and the girl next door. Which makes me wonder if he isn't interested in all the flash, didn't think he had a chance with all the flash, or just thought I'd be easier to get to. I guess with all of these kinds of people out there.. it just screws with your mind, always having to question everyone's motives. I like to think that I give everyone the benefit of a clean slate, but when you have some experience with bad men, it's kind of hard not to question things with the next man.
WoMann Posted March 21, 2012 Posted March 21, 2012 I think we all should love each other and be honest with our selves.
Author joystickd Posted March 21, 2012 Author Posted March 21, 2012 What level of caution has your previous experiences caused you to have?
somedude81 Posted March 21, 2012 Posted March 21, 2012 IMO, players have affected my dating market far more than anything else. Bascially ruining women for the rest of us. Yes that is a huge sweeping generalization but still not completely inaccurate. 1
kiss_andmakeup Posted March 21, 2012 Posted March 21, 2012 I've never been romantically involved with a man I would consider to be any of the things you listed. Simply having friends and acquaintances that have been involved with those types was all the learning experience I needed. 1
Taramere Posted March 21, 2012 Posted March 21, 2012 How has players, attention whores, liars, drama queens/kings, or any unsavory male/female affected your current pursuit of a partner? PLEASE!!! Use some men/women instead of men or women. We live in the real world and not all men/women are bad. I'm less concerned about a partner hurting me as I have confidence in my ability to pick people who are generally good for me. Certainly more confidence than I had maybe 10 years ago. I am more concerned about having to deal with a whole new set of people who would suddenly know all kinds of things about me that I might prefer to keep private. I don't see myself getting involved with a player or drama king....but that's not to say their circle of friends won't feature players, drama-royalty and other assorted pains-in-the-ass. I can put on an act for the sake of being sociable with people I'd rather not socialise with...but I find it stressful and unpleasant. Liking the person's friends and relatives would be really important for me. I've been in the situation before where I didn't gel with some of the guy's close friends. It's not a good situation to be in. His oldest friends and his mother were really supportive of the relationship and thought I was good for him. Other friends he'd made at university, and afterwards, saw it differently. So when he'd been spending time with older friends and relatives, things between us would be great. When he was spending time with the other bunch of friends there was a significant difference in his attitude towards me. People's friends can exert a great deal of influence over a relationship. I don't like the idea of a bunch of people I didn't choose to have in my life exerting that kind of control over an important area of it....and that is probably my number one issue about relationships.
Author joystickd Posted March 21, 2012 Author Posted March 21, 2012 IMO, players have affected my dating market far more than anything else. Bascially ruining women for the rest of us. Yes that is a huge sweeping generalization but still not completely inaccurate. A guy like you the best thing for you would be to learn from players. The have a lot to offer in terms of meeting women. That doesn't mean doing the same things they do.
Emilia Posted March 21, 2012 Posted March 21, 2012 It's true about influence but I do believe that there are strong, good, decent men out there who know what their friends are like and who are not easily influenced like that.
somedude81 Posted March 21, 2012 Posted March 21, 2012 A guy like you the best thing for you would be to learn from players. The have a lot to offer in terms of meeting women. That doesn't mean doing the same things they do. I don't think one can learn how to be a player. It just happens. Sure I can try to copy some of the tricks they use, but it would most likely blow up in my face.
Taramere Posted March 21, 2012 Posted March 21, 2012 It's true about influence but I do believe that there are strong, good, decent men out there who know what their friends are like and who are not easily influenced like that. Yes, and that's the only kind of man I could get seriously involved with. My concern is that I would be bringing that issue (which is probably never going to vanish completely) into somebody else's life. Logically I know it isn't realistic to expect anybody to not have issues, but that doesn't stop me from having this feeling that I shouldn't step into such a major role in somebody else's life with any kind of baggage. In that sense, I suppose things I read here can exacerbate the problems. In the real world, I think people are far more tolerant of eachothers insecurities, trust issues, baggage etc than they are on Loveshack.
sweetsmmr91 Posted March 21, 2012 Posted March 21, 2012 A guy like you the best thing for you would be to learn from players. The have a lot to offer in terms of meeting women. That doesn't mean doing the same things they do. No. Please do not learn from the players. Now that I've dealt with the over-confident players.. the seemingly nice guys who approach me and are genuine... are way more effective than the players. Sure, the confidence thing is attractive and players have "techniques and skills" but there's something about a nervous or sweet guy approaching me that has me way more curious than a guy who seems to be great at approaching women.
Author joystickd Posted March 21, 2012 Author Posted March 21, 2012 No. Please do not learn from the players. Now that I've dealt with the over-confident players.. the seemingly nice guys who approach me and are genuine... are way more effective than the players. Sure, the confidence thing is attractive and players have "techniques and skills" but there's something about a nervous or sweet guy approaching me that has me way more curious than a guy who seems to be great at approaching women. I say yes because some of the players have positive qualities they could learn to aid in the pursuit of a relationship
sweetsmmr91 Posted March 21, 2012 Posted March 21, 2012 I say yes because some of the players have positive qualities they could learn to aid in the pursuit of a relationship I would say that the positive qualities a player has in the beginning of a relationship are that he isn't clingy (probably because he's got a million other girls), isn't expecting too much too fast- relationship-wise (because he doesn't want anything but sex), and knows the right things to say (because he's said it/is saying it to a million other girls). But other than that what qualities of a player should guys learn? I'm curious now.
ThaWholigan Posted March 21, 2012 Posted March 21, 2012 I would say that the positive qualities a player has in the beginning of a relationship are that he isn't clingy (probably because he's got a million other girls), isn't expecting too much too fast- relationship-wise (because he doesn't want anything but sex), and knows the right things to say (because he's said it/is saying it to a million other girls). But other than that what qualities of a player should guys learn? I'm curious now. How to be confident, how to be self-assured and comfortable with their own masculinity, know how to be attractive to women instinctively. There's usually a reason why they are players and it's because of those attributes I listed above.
Author joystickd Posted March 21, 2012 Author Posted March 21, 2012 I would say that the positive qualities a player has in the beginning of a relationship are that he isn't clingy (probably because he's got a million other girls), isn't expecting too much too fast- relationship-wise (because he doesn't want anything but sex), and knows the right things to say (because he's said it/is saying it to a million other girls). But other than that what qualities of a player should guys learn? I'm curious now. That attitude and mindset is the main thing. The aspect about being interesting. Most of these guys that have trouble with women probably have either boring lifestyles or have great things going on or qualities but don't know how to let them shine. Sometime a player can help you learn make those best qualities shine 2
sweetsmmr91 Posted March 21, 2012 Posted March 21, 2012 I can see that, good point. I just think that girls can tell when a guy is a player.. or at least have an idea. Once they've got some experience. That's why I find a less out-right confident guy more charming than a guy who comes and seems to be charming the pants off of me. I suppose you can learn a few things from them, I just don't like their complete in your face confidence. And don't learn TOO much from them!
ThaWholigan Posted March 21, 2012 Posted March 21, 2012 I can see that, good point. I just think that girls can tell when a guy is a player.. or at least have an idea. Once they've got some experience. That's why I find a less out-right confident guy more charming than a guy who comes and seems to be charming the pants off of me. I suppose you can learn a few things from them, I just don't like their complete in your face confidence. And don't learn TOO much from them! Well I feel you may be one of very few who finds it charming. A significant amount of girls think it's a turnoff
sweetsmmr91 Posted March 21, 2012 Posted March 21, 2012 Well I feel you may be one of very few who finds it charming. A significant amount of girls think it's a turnoff Really!? I feel like my friends think it's cute too. Whenever a guy approaches me and he seems nervous, we talk about it later and they're like "Oh, yeah he was cute. Completely your type. Did you see how nervous he looked?" And it's cute, because he's nervous to talk to you. Because you're sooo pretty or something, haha. Totally charming. Other girls are crazy if they don't think so!
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