Unloveable Posted March 21, 2012 Posted March 21, 2012 SORRY FOR THE EXTRA LONG POST DOWN HERE So,hello,i'm new here,i'm 20,i'm from cro,i just had really so much questions stuck in my head and all i get from people is "we didn't expect that" well..neither did i ,so here's the story,i hope i'll get some honest answers here :/ I've been talking to my boyfriend,whom i met through facebook for 4 years,he lives in the neighbouring state,and we spent a lot of time talking together online(often from when we wake up till we go to sleep),i was interested in him,i went to highschool then and he was a year older so he was starting college,to make the very long story shorter we were a great team,great in everything,we were like lovers and soulmates without the relationships,i got him through hard times,he got me,we had fun,we communicated a lot and we made plans on meeting.i told him one new years eve when i got drunk that i loved him,i really did,he grew into something big over the years and i just had to admit it...he was a bit shy at the start but quickly told me he loved me back and how he was waiting all these years for me to say it we started a relationship...it was going like a dream,that was in 4.th month last year,he packed his bags and traveled 12 hours to get to me,we spend 2 and a half weeks together,he met my parents,it was inevitable ,they liked him,i liked him,everything was perfect,we couldn't get along more.I thought i could die from happiness because i haven't been in a serious relationship ever,whilst most of my friends were.i used to get rejections from guys ,and the guys i attracted were not my type,so i was always in a loop,till then He told me he loved me,he made big plans,i was scared of those plans at first,but he assured me that we could make it together great,and it was accomplishable with a grain of persistence,told me we would move in together,he would live with me ,and then after a few years we would move to another country(btw i'm far far far from America)but we planned He went home not long after,he cried when we were parting,i cried a lot and all... he went back to college and had to manage some exams not to flunk cause he was being lazy before...i told him to go and fix it,i supported him,i told him i won't talk to him for a week till he does it,he said that we should still talk and that he'll fix it,he didn't make it,and dropped out because he thought that the college wasn't right thing for him,that college in particular.he said he will move to a college in my state by getting a citizenship he could have got but was to lazy to do and procrastinated,i was ok with that,i thought there's still time and all.so i moved into a city in my state much closer to him(there was an 8 hour drive but not 12)in an apartment to college(i'm a year younger) and wanted no roomates because he said he was going to move in...it was great,we talked like obsessed(mostly because he was pausing a year and i didn't have much to do at college)played online games and stuff,i have gotten a bit lonely there so we picked up some money(me paying for his trip back and he paying when i come to his house a few months later)i loved him like no other,he came,it was perfect,new things,both going out together(he doesn't like to go out and i do,that was the only problem then and i didn't went out because i got comfortable with being only with him)he stayed a month,i got used to him sleeping in the same bed and all,i got a bit sad when he left,i always do,but it was ok,after a month and a half we made a plan of him coming to me and me going back with him,when he came we lived a month at my flat,and it was still grat,we had some disagreements,but petty ones,nothing serious so we handled it all and moved on,i went with him back for christmas ,met his mother,his sister and mother were always asking for me,because i was the only girl he ever brought home to meet his mom. after his series of short relationships in which he didn't even love(they were like 2-3 months tops,but ussually for a week at the most)we had a great time,i met his friends,his friends were great towards me,they said they never seen him happier. so i went back,i was so strung because of the ride and departure that i had a minor nervous breakdown from insomnia and went back to my folks,so we could find a more normal apartment(mine had 1 room),he said he was going to come in 2 weeks and i managed to find an apartment where we lived together for 2 months,we had no net,we still don't,but everything was going great till those last few weeks... we didn't have a lot of money so he transfered it from his mother's pay,he did it a lot,i told him not to because my folks will send some and i don't want him getting broke because we should save up some for later(i always saved money) things went a bit sour because he couldn't get a citizenship and move here at the time but we had more choices,and him saying he couldn't pay for his education here and started being sorry for himself and what's he gonna do with his life,he hated the fact that i was trying to help because he though he has to do everything by himself,i tried to push him a bit to move,i tried to tell him a bit more,he wouldn't listen,he argued with me about things,sometimes things were great but when i brought up future he would isolate himself..he made me feel really insecure and i asked him what is he gonna do with his life to which he replied,i don't know he started slowly to drift away he had less sex with me and less interest and mostly watched shows and played video games...i was always there,i made him food,tried to make him feel better but it was tearing me apart when we were lying in bed he started pushing me away saying he doesn't like when i hold him while we sleep,he stopped saying i love you by himself and kisses and snuggling were rarer and rarer because he told he isn't for too much of it,then i left him alone for 2 days or so,eased it,but felt guilty,every time we had a fight he said he wanted to go home and that i was driving him mad,told me how he gets stomach aches and when i asked him does he like living here he replied no and answered me it wasnt because of me but the place we are in and the enviroment...i said ok we agreed that he should go on sunday in 2 weeks,we fought over the fact that he didn't even pay attention to me anymore but just did things to please me and do a quick fix,so he said he was going this sunday,which at that time,was tommorow.i got sad and asked him why,and instead of answering he said he's going to stay,i told him that i'm leaving at thursday to my folks and that we can go together...the week was ok and he said he's gonna go on friday,by the looks of how things were going bad and that he needed some space i agreed but i was confused to why now friday,and not thursday,but ok,he was making plans to meet his best friend when he comes back and all... on thursday he packed EVERYTHING,he left me one book,he usually left me his t shirt but had an excuse that his mother was checking if he has them all,i tried to hide one just to see the reaction but he took it,i told him to leave one tooth brush cause he had two,in which he replied "what are you gonna do with it anyways" although i said it's gonna be for when he comes back,he got news that he spent a lot of money from his mom,which wasn't a lot in this country but was there,i was prepared to help and gave him for his ticket back so he wouldn't spend more,he even took the towels he brought me because i have maybe three of them there...so,we woke up at 5 am and went to the station,my bus was at 14:30 nd his 8 am we waited,we laughed,i felt the end was near so i told him that i feel afraid because of the fact he might go there now and break up with me over the web.. he told me everything was ok and how he loves me ,we kissed for the last time and he told me to go home and not to cry and wait for the bus to leave,i listened to him,he turned around to see if i was gone and that was the last time i seen him live,he told me 2 weeks before to come at easter and later after a fight that i should spend more time with my parents,i said ok,im gonna come after easter and he was ok with that...he got a big ticket for crossing the border and being in the state too much so he got angry and said he's never returning,at least not for now,i said i'll visit him no problem i have money. now,we talked ove the internet a bit ,it seemed ok,i appologized for the fights multiple times,he didnt want to use skype to see me or hear me,just facebook,he said we should hear each other a bit less,i gave him space,although he went back to talking to random chicks liek long long before,i didn't mind that before,but seeing how he did mind everything about me and didn't let me to talk to guys i had for friends and didn't like my friends at all,i told him not to worry but he did before,so i told him i mind his move a bit... he got angry,told me i'm a lot of drama,that he wasn't flirting or anything,and that his friend is coming to see him and that he'll talk later and i should relax and said he loves me after a while,when we needed to talk he said he's gonna stay over at his friends house because he needs to sort something out in that part of the city and it was easier to do it like that,i was ok,he never cheated,and he didn't ever so i knew it was ok... i felt bad but he contacted me later to see if i was ok,i told him i was sorry for all that and wanted to ask him if all is ok now and before that he spewed that i was a drama,started talking how i should grow up,how he ****ed up college,tried to get to my state but couldn't ,tried everything,that his mother is sick,that when she's gone it's all up to him,that he has to get a job and go on with education,i said ok but it doesn't make sense breaking up when i fully support him and that i'd do anything to help him, it went wrong,he said he didn't know what to do when i asked him what now,i thought he could stay positive,but he just seems to give up on everything that goes wrong...it made me the stronger one in the relationship. we wrote to each other,i called,spent a lot of money on roaming,told him that cutting me off won't solve anything,he said i do that only for my use,that i only say sorry and self pity and that i never change,I never change?what was up with that,sure i had complexes like every other woman has,but it's just normal,and he has some unresolved issues with himself me thinks... i cried on the telephone,all of that broke me,had hours long convo about him changing his mind,he wouldn't,he thought i was having him on a leash,i changed for him,i became a better person,i did all the things for him and he was bothered with that too.he started blaming me,the next day he apologized,we talked over skype,i asked what about all of my things in his house that were mine,he asked me do i wanted them back i said no,i asked him what about the things he forgot,he said i could keep them or throw them,i told him i'm gonna keep them because he still means so much to me and i'll always love him,told him what he will do with that ankh i gave him on his birthday when we met for the first time,he said he's gonna have it forever,i asked him does he love me as a friend and soulmate,he said friend the night before,and now he said he loves me,i was devastated,i cried like an idiot over webcam,he was wiping his tears off,i told him he was always gonna be my favourite person,he said he wants to stay friends,i told his i can talk to him but i won't ever consider him just a friend,he told me he'll contact me in a month,i asked him why a month,maybe earlier if he wants to talk so bad,he said it's like we never broke off,but ok 3 weeks,well,if he insists on talking it would be like we didn't but i'm really devastated,,i don't know if he loves me and if he's suffering as much as i do,but i do think he makes in his head that i made his life a hell,and i just wanted to help and support my love,that was it... i think he blocked me from everything but facebook now he deleted all our mutual friends on facebook,i told him i wont delete his cause i like them and they are great...he said whatever. he posted some song and from all the things i heard it sounds like he does really blame me,but i don't know for what i feel really bad and guilty and i love him so much,asked him and what if we give it a break and all goes back to well,would we ever had a chance,he said maybe,but he can't promise. i know it's been tough on him,but so was it on me,he hurt me really bad,he says he still loves me but that all the odds are against us,i can't believe it... from what i can see he is doing more then fine... i haven't ate for four days,i shake even when i sleep,i cry all the time and i've lost probably 6 or seven pounds from it all,i can't enjoy things i did before,i smile when i'm hurt and i'm broken...i check his pages all the time,from long conversations to none,i'm just waiting for a word from him...he just picked up his stuff and left me...and i want him back,i really do... and now i have to go back to that apartment from my folks where everything smells of him,everything he's forgotten there and left and gifted me,every memory...sleeping alone in a double bed at night feeling all alone and miserable,just because he was the one true love i've ever had the pleasure to experience... all the memories are like dust in the wind now,can't reach the answer
Kaotic Posted March 21, 2012 Posted March 21, 2012 I'm really sorry :-( I just got out of a long distance relationship and we had planned everything. We talke about having kids, what to name them, we got a puppy and made all kinds of plans. Then he started acting distant in January and on march 1st broke up with me. I was the same way that you are. I didt eat anything for 3 days and was crying all the time and couldn't sleep and couldn't concentrate on my school work :-( I know exactly how you feel right now. As a few weeks pass you will slowly feel better and fewer things will upset you. Try to stay busy and distract yourself with friends, working out, movies etc. being with people and talking has been the most helpful for me. What is Cro? Is it Croatia? If so, I am Bosnian. Feel free to message me "na naš" if you'd like
Author Unloveable Posted March 21, 2012 Author Posted March 21, 2012 pa čuješ,mene je eto netko stvarno ostavio sjebanu takoreći,i ono,drži me na faceu da bi mi nabijao na nos kako me ne može više smisliti i kako je sretniji bez mene,što će mu to,zašto je takav,ja sam mislila da smo se minimalno rastali u dobrim odnosima,ako ništa više....s tim me samo još više deprimira.ali neka,nek se veseli...
Kaotic Posted March 21, 2012 Posted March 21, 2012 Muški rod je stvarno nenormalan nekad :-/ a šta ćes?! On ti je pokazo kakvi je. Ako te sad sjebo tako, opet će ako se sastanite opet :-( Look for someone that is better than that you deserve someone who has ambition and who is going to achieve things in life and who won't blame you or others for his own problems and short comings!
Author Unloveable Posted March 21, 2012 Author Posted March 21, 2012 Thanks,and somebody actually read all this,i needed that,sadly,for now i'm still very much hurt about those things,i couldn't believe how he could just change his mind by a year over a week of fights,i will get through it,eventually,but until then i'm stuck feeling bad.it feels surreal,i had a gut feeling constantly but wanted to fix it all,but i couldn't fix it alone :/ thanks for the encouraging me and all,mislim da smo se rastali posteno nebi bio problem nekako bi u miru,ali ovako ne znam šta hoće postići ovime svime nažalost...thanks,i might
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