BMZMJ Posted March 21, 2012 Posted March 21, 2012 Hi There, I have posted here before about my ex wanting space and time, and wanting to feel like she misses me, needs me, and waiting for a 'sign'... Now my ex met up with my mom yesterday (her initiative) to catch up since they were close during our 5 year relationship. Needless to say, I had no idea. my mom didnt bring me up at all until my ex did. then my mom straight up asked her if she had met someone else then I should know about it so that I can start moving on, etc...apparently she answered with a "what? are you kidding me? you know me. Im not thinking about that at all. that's never crossed my mind...I love XXX, I adore him.." she also told my mom that during the first few weeks of the break up (about 3 weeks ago) it was very raw still and since we saw each other a couple of times it was like it hadn't hit her yet. But that now since we havent spoken for a little over a week she felt that her stomach is starting to turn and is starting to miss me a lot!!! She said she felt more calm now but she says she still feels some pain (re: reasons of the break up) and is waiting for the dust to settle before reaching out to me... My mom only told me about this meeting after it had happened because she had no idea what she would find out and didnt want to give me any false hopes... What have I learned so far? If you really love somebody and they ask for space and time, then respect them and give it to them, as hard as it may be, you cannot be selfish...If they come back the love is true, if they don't then it wasn't real love!
Author BMZMJ Posted March 21, 2012 Author Posted March 21, 2012 I also should mention the power of 'NC' and time and space apart. Somebody cannot miss you if you are always around, and calling them, and texting soon after a break up. You need to give that person the time to miss what they had... 1
Author BMZMJ Posted March 21, 2012 Author Posted March 21, 2012 Any comments? Should I continue with NC until she comes to? that is my plan so far LOL
Chi townD Posted March 21, 2012 Posted March 21, 2012 Do not do NC with the hopes that someone will come back to you. MOST of the time, that never works. You do NC as a tool to help you recover and move on. To help you heal. It's not a punishment to the Ex's. It's a way for the dumpee to cope. You can read thread after thread of people that have been NC for a long time and then they break NC thinking they can handle it only to come back here a complete mess and back to square one. And how do you know she wasn't lying to your mom? I mean, she's your mother afterall. She doesn't think that anything she would have said to her wouldn't get back to you? I mean...come on. You (and your mom) didn't expect her to to tell her, " Oh yeah. I've been with three guys since your son and I have to tell you the sex was incredible!" I would still remain in NC. If she wants to talk to you, she knows where you live.
Author BMZMJ Posted March 21, 2012 Author Posted March 21, 2012 1) I did not mention I was doing NC with the hope of getting her back. I went NC because she asked for space. What I said was the NC actually provides the dumper space and time to miss and realize what was lost... 2) what you said doesnt make sense. She asked to meet up with my mom, and told her she loves me, misses me, etc but would lie about being with other guys? hmm...seems like you are still very bitter about what your ex did to you... 3)I agree with remaining in NC and I wont contact her at all. In fact, I made up my mind to even avoid her initial calls, texts. In fact, I havent responded to her last texts from last week...There are still some personal issues I want to fix for myself, and I wouldn't take her back until I feel ready to start something fresh and be sure that my old issues wont come up again.
Chi townD Posted March 21, 2012 Posted March 21, 2012 2) what you said doesnt make sense. She asked to meet up with my mom, and told her she loves me, misses me, etc but would lie about being with other guys? hmm...seems like you are still very bitter about what your ex did to you... LOL! What my Ex did to me was years and years ago. Probably when you were a kid. I think I've adjusted. All I'm saying is that she probably respects your mother so, she COULD be protecting her feelings. Hell, the majority of people on this forum have been lied to about what really ended their relationship. Ex's making them believe that the marriage or the relationship ended because of what the dumpee did wrong, only to find out different. Look, All I'm trying to do is open your eyes to other possibilities. Didn't mean to be a buzz kill for ya!
LogicallyIllogical Posted March 21, 2012 Posted March 21, 2012 Any comments? Should I continue with NC until she comes to? that is my plan so far LOL Absolutely. Continue with NC. She burned her bridges when she dumped you, so it's up to her to mend them.
Jono85 Posted March 21, 2012 Posted March 21, 2012 1) I did not mention I was doing NC with the hope of getting her back. I went NC because she asked for space. What I said was the NC actually provides the dumper space and time to miss and realize what was lost... 2) what you said doesnt make sense. She asked to meet up with my mom, and told her she loves me, misses me, etc but would lie about being with other guys? hmm...seems like you are still very bitter about what your ex did to you... 3)I agree with remaining in NC and I wont contact her at all. In fact, I made up my mind to even avoid her initial calls, texts. In fact, I havent responded to her last texts from last week...There are still some personal issues I want to fix for myself, and I wouldn't take her back until I feel ready to start something fresh and be sure that my old issues wont come up again. I think you should listen to Chitown as you seem to be very naive. It isn't a bad or negative sign what happened, but don't discount what Chitown said. Do you REALLY think she would tell your mother, who she's very close with and a woman that has great respect for your ex, that she's gone on a date with a guy or two, etc??? Really??? Don't be silly. She would tell your mom what she/and you could tolerate, and nothing more. Again, I'm not saying that's what happened. But please take nothing positive from this meet up b/c there is a real chance that it doesn't mean she will want to be with you.
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