I think she might have finally come back, six months later.

[MIK1000]

Ex of a year in a half broke my heart while away in another country for the summer and started going out with another guy almost straight after, then arrived home and remained in a LD relationship with him.

 

Now six months on, she approaches me in a night club weekend before last. Starts conversation, I am friendly but not acting interested, she apologises for what she did (for the first time) and acknowledges it was a bad thing (for the first time also). After this I stayed out her way for the rest of the night, I also assumed she was still with the LD guy.

 

Now another week goes by and I get a text from her on sunday there. I can hardly believe my eyes when I see it.

 

Her -"Hey can I ask you a favour? Also do you want to meet up at some point this week, I think we need to talk, long over due I know, it's alright if you don't x"

 

I asked my friend to check her Facebook page (i deleted her) and apparently she's no longer listed as in a relationship.

I waited until the next day to reply, not really knowing to say or if I was going to reply at all.

 

Me - Hi, what's the favour? Em I guess we can if you want to x

 

Her - Do you still have my health check I scanned on your computer? x (This is some document that I can't even remember her scanning, I'm guessing she could have easily got it from somewhere else)

 

Me - Eh no idea I'll check later as I'm in work until 10 tonight. When do you need it by? x

 

Her - Just as soon as you can would be good x

 

I got in from work at 10 that night but didn't bother checking for her document until the next day at about 12, then texted her as I couldn't find it.

 

Me - Hey. Sorry don't seem to have the health check any more on the computer. When/where do you want to meet up? x

 

Her - Ahh that's so annoying. Thanks for checking. I don't mind, when are you free?

 

Me - Em I'm free this afternoon or after 9 o clock tonight or tomorrow afternoon, can't do thursday though x

 

Me - Actually can't do this afternoon either soz x (my buddy just phoned and said he was popping round)

 

Her - Yeah I'm going climbing tonight so won't be home till late and I'm not sure how long I will be in uni tomorrow because I have a presentation on thursday.."

 

Me - Cool. Well can either do today before half six or before 7 on friday.

 

She didn't reply to that and it's almost been 24 hours. I don't know if she decided she doesn't want to meet anymore or what or once I agreed to meet she had satisfied her curiosity. I hardly acted overly eager or available though did I?

 

I don't think I want her back, certainly not just now but I would like the meeting.

[Kaotic]

Don't stress I know that is much easier said than done but you seem like you've been doing a good job of getting over this so don't let this text conversation ruin that for you whatever happens, you will be ok in the end! That's the important thing to remember. Worst case scenario she gets cold feet and doesn't wanna talk and you continue with life just like you have been.

[smudge21]

Sounds like she wanted your help (so sweet talked you - and I love the use of the line "if you don't want to, that's okay" - that is such a great line to make people feel guilty and put the pressure on them), you couldn't give her it, and now she's going again.

 

I could be wrong, but that all seems a bit to common. Her texts are clearly keen at first, but then drift off very quickly.

 

I'd go quiet on her now too - don't chase her up (you'll come across as eager, which will fee her ego and make her think she's got control of you). If she responds, ignore the first one and wait for the second one. You want to show her that once again, you're not bothered and she really has to earn your attention.. if she really does want it.

[Cmac]

I agree with Smudge, as soon as she realises you can't help her her interest seems to fade off..

[MIK1000]

Sounds like she wanted your help (so sweet talked you - and I love the use of the line "if you don't want to, that's okay" - that is such a great line to make people feel guilty and put the pressure on them), you couldn't give her it, and now she's going again.

 

I could be wrong, but that all seems a bit to common. Her texts are clearly keen at first, but then drift off very quickly.

 

I'd go quiet on her now too - don't chase her up (you'll come across as eager, which will fee her ego and make her think she's got control of you). If she responds, ignore the first one and wait for the second one. You want to show her that once again, you're not bothered and she really has to earn your attention.. if she really does want it.

 

I thought the whole asking for the favour thing at first was just a ploy to get me to text back or be curious. I mean there's other ways to get a hold of the document, so why go out your way to text an ex that you have barely spoke to since the break up, plus the fact that she could have texted requesting that , and not asked for the meeting and she knows that I would have got the document for her anyway. The "it's okay if you don't want to" line was talking about the meeting, not the favour remember.

 

I'm guessing she maybe was feeling lonely on sunday when she text me. Then two days on when it come to actually arranging the meeting she was feeling less lonely. Plus the fact that she appears to have just broken up with the guy.

 

I also noticed she was putting in details about her plans, e.g the climbing and the presentation at uni (both uni and the climbing aren't things she did while we were going out), maybe trying to get me to ask about them and start a text conversation? Or am I just grasping at straws.

I'll definitely follow the other advice though. I thought i was being crafty last time by taking so long to reply, maybe that pissed her off, i don't know.

 

Thanks

[MIK1000]

Don't stress I know that is much easier said than done but you seem like you've been doing a good job of getting over this so don't let this text conversation ruin that for you whatever happens, you will be ok in the end! That's the important thing to remember. Worst case scenario she gets cold feet and doesn't wanna talk and you continue with life just like you have been.

 

Thanks. Yeah I will be alright. It's funny, it was just the other week I was thinking about how i finally felt i was almost over her but then I said to myself that I could almost guarantee that she would do something to put herself back in my head. Then two days later she approaches me in the night club.

[Kaotic]

Thanks. Yeah I will be alright. It's funny, it was just the other week I was thinking about how i finally felt i was almost over her but then I said to myself that I could almost guarantee that she would do something to put herself back in my head. Then two days later she approaches me in the night club.

 

Life lives to throw curve balls at as that's for sure!!

 

To address what you wrote in your other post, I don't think you're grasping at straws. It's natural to try and read into things and try to make sense of people's motivations. I think you know her better than we do obviously and you will understand her actions better. To me it sounds spot on what you said that perhaps she was feeling lonely and reached out to you but when that feeling passed she withdrew. I think people do that a lot and they try to go back to something comforting when times are rough but are not genuine about it. Either way though, it is not worth you stressing about it best of luck!

[MIK1000]

Life lives to throw curve balls at as that's for sure!!

 

To address what you wrote in your other post, I don't think you're grasping at straws. It's natural to try and read into things and try to make sense of people's motivations. I think you know her better than we do obviously and you will understand her actions better. To me it sounds spot on what you said that perhaps she was feeling lonely and reached out to you but when that feeling passed she withdrew. I think people do that a lot and they try to go back to something comforting when times are rough but are not genuine about it. Either way though, it is not worth you stressing about it best of luck!

 

Thanks, I know her very well, but sometimes I forget that when I'm analysing her words and actions and look at them as if they are anyone's.

 

It's pretty cruel if she doesn't message me back about meeting up this week. The thought that she would be that inconsiderate of my feelings is what is really bothering me.

[Chi townD]

If she hasn't contacted you, go back to NC and treat it as a bad dream. Personally, even if you met up with her it would have been for an ego stroke and breadcrumbs.

 

If she was TRUELY interested in working on things or clearing the board with you, she would have remained in contact until a time and place was established.

[MIK1000]

If she hasn't contacted you, go back to NC and treat it as a bad dream. Personally, even if you met up with her it would have been for an ego stroke and breadcrumbs.

 

If she was TRUELY interested in working on things or clearing the board with you, she would have remained in contact until a time and place was established.

 

Yeah. Pretty shameful. She's so immature and cowardly that I can't even believe I went out with her for all this time.

 

If she hasn't replied to me by the weekend, she isn't getting a reply to anything she sends from now on. Can't be caught up in these games. I tried to do the mature thing and the benefit of the doubt by agreeing to meet her, i should have listened to my mate who told me to just stay NC.

[Frank13]

She didn't reply to that and it's almost been 24 hours. I don't know if she decided she doesn't want to meet anymore or what or once I agreed to meet she had satisfied her curiosity. I hardly acted overly eager or available though did I?

 

I think it is what is in bold above and you are pretty sharp to consider that possibility.

 

You didn't leave it open like saying "we will figure something out" or "I'll get back to you". You gave her two choices and common courtesy would have been to answer, even if it was to say she couldn't make either time.

 

I am really getting to wonder if people are in love with their ex or if it is just a bruised ego. I see post after post here where person A wants person B back. When person B finally comes around and wants to get back with person A (thereby stroking A's ego), person A refuses. Then person B goes away (with a bruised ego) and person A decides they want them back so asks to get back with person B and now person B refuses.

[smudge21]

I thought the whole asking for the favour thing at first was just a ploy to get me to text back or be curious. I mean there's other ways to get a hold of the document, so why go out your way to text an ex that you have barely spoke to since the break up, plus the fact that she could have texted requesting that , and not asked for the meeting and she knows that I would have got the document for her anyway. The "it's okay if you don't want to" line was talking about the meeting, not the favour remember.

 

I'm guessing she maybe was feeling lonely on sunday when she text me. Then two days on when it come to actually arranging the meeting she was feeling less lonely. Plus the fact that she appears to have just broken up with the guy.

 

I also noticed she was putting in details about her plans, e.g the climbing and the presentation at uni (both uni and the climbing aren't things she did while we were going out), maybe trying to get me to ask about them and start a text conversation? Or am I just grasping at straws.

I'll definitely follow the other advice though. I thought i was being crafty last time by taking so long to reply, maybe that pissed her off, i don't know.

 

Thanks

 

You are grasping at straws there sadly - you'll looking for the positives in everything she said and counteracting what I've put forth so that it makes her seem better. Don't worry, we all do that. Despite whatever advice we get, we turn it round to make it more appealing. It's always hard to see negatives in someone who means so much to us.

 

My ex would contact occasionally all last year, tell me important personal stuff, confide in me, look for advice and support. This would happen every month or two. There would always be talk of catching up for a drink, nothing special, but it never happened. I came to realise that all her contacts were just to test the water, a little ego boost for her, nothing more. I stopped mentioning meeting up and when she would suggest I'd leave the ball in her court rather than showing interest. I knew it would never happen. Once I got my head around what was going on, the contact became less as it was clear her little breadcrumbs weren't having the desired effect - I was no longer the one to send the last text message and get no reply. In fact, if her texts didn't ask a question, she'd barely get a response, and if they did, it was usually a simple yes or no, no detail.

 

It's hard when this happens as the good side of you wants to see the good in them and you hate the idea that they may be using you just for their own ends. I don't personally believe ex's do stuff like this with the intention of hurting us (some do), but more that they do, deep down, miss us and just like to know we're still around. Sadly that often leads to more hurt for us.

[robertmathis1026]

Hmmm. What I see is, maybe she still loves you. If you want your ex back then be gratefull, because there is lot of people in this world who are waiting for a moment like that

 

Are you SUFFERING THE PAIN, because your ex DUMP you? Can You imagine, if you can make your ex BEGGING TO BACK WITH YOU? click here to make it HAPPEN!!

[MIK1000]

I think it is what is in bold above and you are pretty sharp to consider that possibility.

 

You didn't leave it open like saying "we will figure something out" or "I'll get back to you". You gave her two choices and common courtesy would have been to answer, even if it was to say she couldn't make either time.

 

I am really getting to wonder if people are in love with their ex or if it is just a bruised ego. I see post after post here where person A wants person B back. When person B finally comes around and wants to get back with person A (thereby stroking A's ego), person A refuses. Then person B goes away (with a bruised ego) and person A decides they want them back so asks to get back with person B and now person B refuses.

 

I'm in love with her, plus have a bruised ego. But don't want her back, even though I would love to get back with her, if that makes sense.

 

I should have left it open, you're right. I just wanted to get down to dates and times and get the meeting over with ASAP so it wasn't on my mind all week. I thought that would be simple enough, apparently not though.

[MIK1000]

You are grasping at straws there sadly - you'll looking for the positives in everything she said and counteracting what I've put forth so that it makes her seem better. Don't worry, we all do that. Despite whatever advice we get, we turn it round to make it more appealing. It's always hard to see negatives in someone who means so much to us.

 

My ex would contact occasionally all last year, tell me important personal stuff, confide in me, look for advice and support. This would happen every month or two. There would always be talk of catching up for a drink, nothing special, but it never happened. I came to realise that all her contacts were just to test the water, a little ego boost for her, nothing more. I stopped mentioning meeting up and when she would suggest I'd leave the ball in her court rather than showing interest. I knew it would never happen. Once I got my head around what was going on, the contact became less as it was clear her little breadcrumbs weren't having the desired effect - I was no longer the one to send the last text message and get no reply. In fact, if her texts didn't ask a question, she'd barely get a response, and if they did, it was usually a simple yes or no, no detail.

 

It's hard when this happens as the good side of you wants to see the good in them and you hate the idea that they may be using you just for their own ends. I don't personally believe ex's do stuff like this with the intention of hurting us (some do), but more that they do, deep down, miss us and just like to know we're still around. Sadly that often leads to more hurt for us.

 

Yeah I can see that i'm grasping at straws, but sometimes I feel like I'm being overly pessimistic about things and so try to do the opposite.

 

You're right in my opinion that they don't do it to deliberately hurt us and they will be missing us. I mean she is an extremely attractive girl who gets constant guy attention, so she doesn't need me to stroke her ego.

 

I'm guessing she started to miss me a bit on sunday after a long day of doing nothing much, then the week started again and the feeling past. It will no doubt come over her again, I just need to not get myself excited about it like i did this time. I never would have thought when I got that text on sunday that I'd be sitting here now feeling like she was in the driving seat again.

 

God I love this girl and I wish to god she had never done what she did so we could give it another go sometime.

[Chi townD]

Bad dream, dude. Write it off as a bad dream...

[smudge21]

I reckon even though she gets enough ego stroking from others, it's the fact you're no longer stroking her ego that gets her attention. She had it, now doesn't anymore.

 

I used to wonder the same over my ex as she too definitely gets enough male attention, so why come to me, repeatedly? I always just believed that it was simply that I'd made the decision to say goodbye and I'd been the one to no longer be her friend and feed that ego of hers. That simply damaged her pride and therefore stuck in her mind.

 

Like your ex, she may simply be so used to people kissing her ass and feeding that ego, and then being the one who is always in control, that when someone else takes charge it shocks them to the point where they have to make the effort and reach out, to get that ego fix. In many ways, it's stronger too - to receive an ego boost from an ex than a stranger; it's like "he's gone, but look, I can have him back anytime I want".

 

Sadly you have to weather this storm and avoid contact. Eventually it will pass and she'll move on completely as mine has, but feeding her ego and responding will only prolong it all.

 

I know what you mean to about being so in love that you so want that second chance, but eventually all that will pass. The rose tinted glasses will be removed and she'll be off that pedestal and you'll start to recognize the negatives in her that we all have. It will take time but it will happen. Just try to think back before you knew her, before you felt any of this. She was just a stranger in a crowd if that. Another pretty girl out of many millions. The only thing that has changed is that you've created an emotional bond and it's hard to break it.

[MIK1000]

I reckon even though she gets enough ego stroking from others, it's the fact you're no longer stroking her ego that gets her attention. She had it, now doesn't anymore.

 

I used to wonder the same over my ex as she too definitely gets enough male attention, so why come to me, repeatedly? I always just believed that it was simply that I'd made the decision to say goodbye and I'd been the one to no longer be her friend and feed that ego of hers. That simply damaged her pride and therefore stuck in her mind.

 

Like your ex, she may simply be so used to people kissing her ass and feeding that ego, and then being the one who is always in control, that when someone else takes charge it shocks them to the point where they have to make the effort and reach out, to get that ego fix. In many ways, it's stronger too - to receive an ego boost from an ex than a stranger; it's like "he's gone, but look, I can have him back anytime I want".

 

Sadly you have to weather this storm and avoid contact. Eventually it will pass and she'll move on completely as mine has, but feeding her ego and responding will only prolong it all.

 

I know what you mean to about being so in love that you so want that second chance, but eventually all that will pass. The rose tinted glasses will be removed and she'll be off that pedestal and you'll start to recognize the negatives in her that we all have. It will take time but it will happen. Just try to think back before you knew her, before you felt any of this. She was just a stranger in a crowd if that. Another pretty girl out of many millions. The only thing that has changed is that you've created an emotional bond and it's hard to break it.

 

Yeah that's a fair way of looking at it. They crave the attention of us specifically because they are used to having it. Maybe the fact that I went NC with her after the break up and didn't appear to pine for her after the initial stage shocked her. The last guy she broke the heart of, pined over her and tried to talk to her for a couple of years after the break up.

 

The thing with my situation is that we have so much unfinished business. If she hadn't gone away for four months I don't think she would have fallen out of love with me. I was away on holiday with her family the week before she went away and nothing had changed, I was still the guy she talked about marrying one day. Then she appeared to turn into a different person while away and didn't seem to miss me at all. I guess her love for me was immature and didn't have any real depth. But because of this I'll always wonder what could have become of us as a couple if she hadn't gone away, and she does to I think.

 

I totally agree though, I need to wether the next storm and not reply to the next phase which could come at any moment.

 

Man I feel sorry for myself for falling so bad for a heartbreaker.

[Nextlane]

 

I totally agree though, I need to wether the next storm and not reply to the next phase which could come at any moment.

 

Man I feel sorry for myself for falling so bad for a heartbreaker.

 

Just keep staying strong.

 

I had a similar story happy to myself, 4 years relationship and my gf fell in love with her old ex boyfriend overseas after 10 years of no contact within 5 weeks. I even showed my friends the picture of the guy who was the complete opposite to me (looks, success, lifestyle..) and friends even asking "What was she even thinking" "I can't be true, I don't really think so..."

 

Acceptance is the key and be happy for her. Infedelity was likely to eventually happen, luckily happened recently as opposed to marriage and with children involved. Just leave her alone - "Once a cheater, always a cheater."

 

You will have a good laugh later down the track in life. You deserve better and don't bother with these sorts of women. They will only want to control men for their selfish needs. Work on your life and one day she will be so jealous and devasted on what she has lost if it were meant to be.