TheJiltedGeneration Posted March 21, 2012 Posted March 21, 2012 (edited) oh so I had a pretty emotionally charged kind of dream last night, over something that seemed pretty mundane but bear with me.. there is one big freudian association in all this (no d/w not in the sexual kind of sence... I guess..) so basically my dream begins me casually browsing the web and looking up typical things on you tube , ebay, ect. then for some strange reason ( the expected part for most people reading) I stumble accross a link to my ex's facebook, still using the same megaman Met drawing as a avatar, ect. everything seems typical, her likes and interests are all the same, her lack of any updates are the same, ect, and for the most part, as it's a private account there is nothing out of the ordinary to make me feel anxious. but then I noticed she has over 147 friends on her account now, and rather incongruously, she has her own photo album on there. This is odd because she does not quite like posting her photos online or having any visual representation that depicts her person anywhere at all on social sites. I, obviously being a retard, click the photo album labled "memories" and peruse through them. then feelings started to seep through. The photos seemed generic I guess, pictures of friends moments when she had the most fun or when she bought or was playing something she really liked, ect, but the photos never had her actual person in them, but where shot at a perspective that would be convincingly her own. then as I went through them, people I know personally started to show up, my friends who she's never met, people I know in uni, from the area I live in,ect... seemed weird but w/e... but then the last few photos had my actual family, my mother my step dad, my little brother, even my distant relatives she has never met, and even my deceased father who died a year before I even met my ex.. what the hell does she want with pictures of my late dad for? what kind of memoribellia is she collecting here... at first i thought she maybe missed me and just wanted mementos of association.. so I emailed her asking rather bluntly "why the F**K do you have pictures of my folks for?". ofc.. I got no responce..I kept at it over and over, no responce... I got very irate at that point, I looked through some of the comments on each photo while waiting for a responce and they where from the people in each photo, including my father , my mother and my step father... I felt betrayed, they know what has happened between me and her and yet they are speaking to her online, on these comments in a fraternising way.... rather chumy with language and casualness that suggested they were close with her, almost like family. in fact my family even talked about her coming over my house tomorrow, which really caught me off guard. Why bring someone who has been the root of my unhappiness and emotional distraught for over two years, to the one place where I need her to be the least... literally in my personal space. I was livid, I emailed her again to say stay the **** out of my life, but no responce. I kept emailing her over and over again, each time my ire building up at increments to each missed chance of responce. 20 minutes had passed and I felt that sence of hopelessness again and tried to just ignore it, but instead was drawn to look through her pictures again. I even started to read the little subtitles for each picture underneath each one which began to denote the level of happiness and rejoyce she felt from having to revist these memories and people again. (this is where things start to get weird again) so I look at the comments again and one of my friends on the comments puts it in perspective (not talking directly to me mind just from what I read) that the reason she's doing this is a tribute to all of the most happiest moments in her life.. (can you all see where this is going...) The happiest moments of her life... did that mean me too? I mean I know we had a fueled conniption online but she did say once or twise that she had never been close with any of her friends as much as we where during one of our meet ups, so surely that must have meant something to her, even if it wer'nt neccersarily love... but then I realised, I was'nt angry because she practically "boggarted" the people who mean everything to me... those images of her "happiest moments"... I was not in any of them..... this has pretty much left me alittle shellshocked right now, as I don't know why my subconcious would move to such a vivid dream. ( sorry if it seemed abit corny, but that was litterally what happened,) the most my dreams have ever surmount to is me chasing rabbit trails where I was looking for her but never physically saw her, except for hearing about her through mentions ( or having her back turned to me: talk about dream world 101). but this seems pretty totemic in it's delivery... I donno maybe I am aggrandizing something thats pretty standard in terms of longing and i am probably just still in alittle bit of a shock as I was in this dream like a hour and twenty minutes ago, but .. after all this time.. why would I be dreaming about her now in this fashion?... Edited March 21, 2012 by TheJiltedGeneration
TaraMaiden Posted March 21, 2012 Posted March 21, 2012 all you will get is opinion. and it will be mixed. you either need to find an authority on interpreting dreams (risky, unaccredited, total guesswork based on pseudo-psycho-Freudian analysis) - or you just need to know that the complete jumble that is your relationship memory-bank has thrown up a few facts with a hefty mix of subconscious assumptions and given you a screwy scenario. I think you need to just accept it for what it is - a dream heavily influenced by recent experience. Forget it. 2
Author TheJiltedGeneration Posted March 21, 2012 Author Posted March 21, 2012 yea sorry I think it just took me off guard alittle as I havent been dreaming about **** like this until last night... I donno maybe it just means that I've finally accepted that she never really cared about me.. but yea just a little shock I guess that I couldnt get out of my head and thought writing it down might calm me down alittle, and it has... I will leave it at that =)
immitable Posted March 22, 2012 Posted March 22, 2012 your dreams are a product of your subconscious mind and are usually mirrored consious thoughts you had that day. I think your subconscious mind was trying to suggest the option of seeing your mistakes in the relationship and not blaming her exclusively for the breakup, maybe even forgiving her (hence no happy moments you provided her in your dream etc).
Author TheJiltedGeneration Posted March 23, 2012 Author Posted March 23, 2012 dont get me wrong I know part of the relationship bu was my fault, my part of the break up was pretty much because I was too clingy.. and a bit maudlin at times when I could have kept level headed....but tbh one of the reasons I was so pissed off with her is she could not admit once NOT once she was in the wrong ... and was rather sanctimonious at times, even when I buckled and try to appologise and explain why I was the way I was.... she never seemed to meet me half way... you guys think I am blaming her too much?.. it's kind of hard not to vilivy her when she pretty much abandoned me when I needed her the most.. I am leavng her alone putting distance away from her and working on forgetting she was ever in my life.., but I am sorry the way she treated me you wouldnt even treat your worst enemy.. I can;t forgive her for that.. hell I aint distant to the thought that the dream meant I literally meant nothing to her.. and that is that .. cie la vie.. so I should shut up, forget about her and move on...
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